Intern's Excuse List

[unk_fxn]

With July fast approaching, I thought it would be helpful to those of us starting the intern year to compile a list of tried and true excuses for those less than glorious moments.

Examples would be:

"The airway is very anterior"
"Technically difficult study - too much bowel gas"
"I am waiting on radiology"
"waiting for the labs"
"The consultant won't return my page"
"Patient eloped from the department"
"In and Out Burger was closed"
"The vein rolled"

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[NeuroSync]

How 'bout:
I forgot my stethoscope.
Oh, the nurse did that, not me.
Sorry, I was outside. I thought we got a lunch break.
I was at the library studying Rosen's. Did I miss something?
I think I hear my mother calling.

 

[Febrifuge]

I heard that the cafeteria closes at 3:30 in the afternoon, so I was running for food.
I was trying to clean up my lac tray myself... and got lost in the utility room.
A patient asked me to bring her a pillow, and no bed from here to the Cath Lab has one.
Did you know you need a security code to come back inside from the ambulance bay?
Did you know that medics will just drive away, without checking to see if anyone is huddling in the fetal position - for warmth! - in the back of their truck?
I was distracted by the tech's sweet sweet booty.

 

[NinerNiner999]

"I'm waiting for the consultant/PMD to call back"
"Unable to pass PO challenge"
"That was NOT on his allergy med list"
"Yeah, but there wasnt a good wave form on that pulseox"
"The triage thermometer needs calibration"
"She was in too puch pain for the rectal/pelvic"

 

[Febrifuge]

"Yeah, but there wasnt a good wave form on that pulseox"

"It's funny, because it's true."

 

[docB]

Did you know you need a security code to come back inside from the ambulance bay?

LOL!!

How about- "Did I say vecuronium? I meant Tylenol. My bad."

 

[EPA7X1]

Not quite a 'tern yet, but these are still tried and true . . .

"He was already dead when I got there. I swear, I did not touch him."
"My pager must be malfunctioning."
"I have Heart Dropsy." (when you drop on your butt, and don't have the heart to get back up)
"He was moving around too much. I normally have very steady hands."

 

[Doczilla]

Um, because I was told to do it this way by the senior/attending/department head/surgeon general.
We do it a little differently down south.
Yes, of course I saw it, sir. I just called the lab back to have that potassium of 6.9 verified. They drew a new sample to run it again.
Tube system is down. I sent the medical student to the lab with the sample, but he got lost and was eaten by wolves.
Damn batteries on this laryngoscope are dying. Who's responsible for checking this stuff anyway? (dodge, parry, redirect...)
I thought I had seen some recent data which refuted the use of oxygen for respiratory distress (nothing like an evidence-based excuse).
I was calming an irate family member/patient/nurse manager.
I stopped at a vehicle rollover on my way to work to render aid to the sick and injured.
I was taking a giant sh&t. You should have seen it. It was as long as my arm. (NOBODY can argue with that.) I'm still bleeding a little. (nobody would WANT to argue with that)


'zilla

 

[NeuroSync]

Did you know you need a security code to come back inside from the ambulance bay?

Here's one attesting to my superior powers of observation:

"I didn't know that the door between the house and the garage would swing shut, hit me in the a*$, and rudely lock behind me!"

It was one of those days during moving hell. Fortunately, I had my car key with me, so I jumped in the car for a 45 minute drive to my husband's office for
the extra key. Just as I was pulling up to his building (to maximize my driving pleasure), he returned my call and said that because they were changing the locks later (MUCH later) that day, he didn't have a key either. I hate moving...

 

[colforbinMD]

I was taking a giant sh&t. You should have seen it. It was as long as my arm. (NOBODY can argue with that.) I'm still bleeding a little. (nobody would WANT to argue with that)


STOP! It hurts!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[unk_fxn]

"I have Heart Dropsy." (when you drop on your butt, and don't have the heart to get back up)

I believe that is in the same family of diseases as Gluteal Blindness.

Gluteal Blindness - when you can't see your ass coming into work.

 

[USAF MD '05]

I was taking a giant sh&t. You should have seen it. It was as long as my arm. (NOBODY can argue with that.) I'm still bleeding a little. (nobody would WANT to argue with that)

'zilla

Dude- I almost fell the hell out of my chair!!
Though my chief resident right now would probably ask for a + hemoccult.

 

[docB]

Once when I was an MS 3 on surgery the chief resident was storming around looking for me because I wasn't answering my pager. I was in the ED with one of the junior residents when he storms in yelling about where the Hell I am. The junior points toward the room I'm in so he comes over and throws open the curtain yelling my name. There I am fully gowned, covered in feces doing the most grueling and extensive manual disimpaction in the history of medicine. I look up and say, "What?"
He looks me up and down and says very resolutely, "Never mind."
So all in all being covered in s**t is a pretty good excuse.

 

[roja]

We do it a little differently down south.

I'm using this next time. And being in NYC, I think they might actually by almost anything.

 

[DrQuinn]

"Its the medical student's fault."

I use this, even when there's no medical student in the entire ED.

Q

 

[Jeff698]

"Its the medical student's fault."

I use this, even when there's no medical student in the entire ED.

Q

So THAT's why I got blammed for things that happened even when I wasn't in the building! I always wondered about that.

Take care,
Jeff