Is he still interested?

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FallenCurls

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I'm fairly new to this but I've read some of the previous threads and find that they are pretty helpful... So I was hoping somebody would help me out in this pickle I've found myself in.

Started dating my bf 2 years ago (undergrad) and we obviously love(d) each other very much. I've always tried to be a solid support for him whenever possible and fortunately for him, that resulted (along with his grades of course) in him getting accepted to medical school. He's now about 1500 miles away and starting med school, with all new friends and in a completely different area, people, etc... The past few weeks I've started to feel this sudden change about him. It's only natural that ppl change.. but before he left, he would've never cared what others think of him... now his priorities seem to be mixed up and being the face of parties and events seems to be somewhere near the top.

In addition to all this - we haven't spoken in about 2 weeks (because he's constantly studying). There's a text here and there, a 10 minute phone call while driving - but not like an actual real conversation that should be taking place between a bf and gf... I even tried setting up an online journal where we could respond to each other (penzu.com) and that way it would be according to his own time, but even that lasted less than 2 days. And whenever he does talk to me, it's not nice things that I'd hope he'd say. Rather, it's rude/obnoxious one-lined, sometimes hurtful, comments that makes me feel like he's just taking anger out on me. I know he still loves me and that he cares for me... but sometimes I just feel like giving up and ending it.

I know the idea of taking a 'break' has been on both our minds lately. On his because he feels he wouldn't be doing me justice by keeping me 'waiting' for 4 years; and on mine because I feel like maybe - just maybe - if he sees that all he has is medicine, he might miss me and really value/appreciate the efforts I put into keeping our LDR going (penzu, care packages, e-cards, etc...). But then I'd be afraid that he'd enjoy being on this 'break' and then we'd never get back together. Also the possibility that one of us will be interested in someone else during this indeterminate 'break'.

He's always against the idea of taking a break because he 1 doesn't believe in them and 2 doesn't want to "lose" me... so idk wat to do? just suck it up and speak to him every 1-2 weeks until we get engaged (hopefully 2-2.5 yrs), and take the risk of committing to a completely different person than I started dating 2 years ago. Or end it and just move on? I don't want to end it, but I also don't want to constantly hurt myself by always being there for him, and never having somebody in turn there for me.

Any advice/opinions?

Also - moving with him until we're married is out of the question as it's culturally unacceptable.

Greatly appreciate any responses :oops:
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Agreed. He's being selfish by keeping you on hold while it's obvious he's moved on. Make no mistake, med school turns some people into total jerks (including women, I might add). The same thing happens during residency. I don't mean to be pessimistic, but it sounds like you guys gambled and lost in the LDR game. It's tough and there are so many things going against LDR's, so try not to feel too bad. It definitely sucks, but I've seen gf/bf's, fiancee's, and even spouses pick up and move with the medical student only to be dumped within months, so at least you don't have that to contend with. It seems like it might worth it to just go ahead and break it off, but you could tell him your concerns and see if that changes anything. Communication is always a big key in LDR's and it sounds like he's not putting in his fair share.

-X
 
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Who cares if he is interested if he is treating you like cr@p?

I mean, if he were interested, would you be willing to put up with this stuff?

It doesn't look too optimistic.
 
I have to agree with everyone else. While med school is intense, it's not so intense that you can't talk on the phone for a few minutes every day.
He's gone. Keep your chin up.
 
Why don't you tell him how you feel. The transition to medical school is hard, especially for the other partner who may feel like he/she is being left behind. If he still loves you, he will make the effort to communicate and hopefully visit you more often.
 
I think the best thing you can do is end it yourself. It may not be that he wants to be done with you, but that he does not know how to keep it going. Regardless, the fact that you're in distress over it and he isn't means that the LDR needs to end, either by eliminating the distance or ending the relationship all together. I personally am a supporter of getting out there and discovering yourself as an independent person after college. To me it seems that 4 years waiting for him are only going to cripple you at this point in your life.

If you truly love him and want to be with him more than anything, the best you can hope for is that ending it causes him to see what he lost an grow up. The only thing is that could take years... making it even more important that you move on with your own life. I had a long distance relationship during college and it didn't work out. I thought I loved her more than anything and was crushed when it ended. I still go out to dinner with her occasionally as friends, and the strange thing is that, years later, I see that she isn't what I'm looking for after all. It's funny how these things work out, and like someone said before, keep your chin up and move on!
 
This isn't really a place for you to ogle at people's misfortune, so let's try to keep snarky comments to a minimum and be supportive. It's not a rule or violation of TOS. It's just a plea to be nice to each other. A tall order for an internet forum, I full well realize... :rolleyes:

-X
 
xanthines said:
This isn't really a place for you to ogle at people's misfortune, so let's try to keep snarky comments to a minimum and be supportive. It's not a rule or violation of TOS. It's just a plea to be nice to each other. A tall order for an internet forum, I full well realize... :rolleyes:

-X
Click to expand...

Difference between olge and interested.....
 
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You shouldn't have to set your feelings aside for your significant other. Please don't confuse my response as being cold and harsh, I just want you to realize what's best for you. Your main concern shouldn't be him anymore because you're no longer his main concern. If you haven't tried talking to him about this, I would. If nothing changes or he doesn't seem to care then you need to worry about yourself and do what's best for you which would be to end the relationship. It's extremely hard to leave someone you still love and have been with for so long but it's even harder to stay in a relationship where you aren't happy. You can't break up with someone or go on a break in hopes of teaching you a lesson. That's not how relationships work. If you do break up and he doesn't miss you, want you back, or wants a relationship with someone else, then that obviously means he doesn't have the same feelings for you. Why want someone who doesn't want you anyway? With having said all of that, he's being extremely selfish, unfair and just flat out mean to you and from what I understand you don't deserve it. He should spend the little time he has to talk to you being nice, not putting you down and acting like he's better than you. It sounds like the relationship is no longer giving you what you need and deserve and instead it's just ruining your self-esteem. I wish you the best but always remember no relationship is worth feeling the way you're feeling.
 
My advice: Seriously consider moving in with him if you want the relationship to work. At least visit the boy. And see how he treats you in person. I'm curious about the "culturally unacceptable" thing. Not that there is anything wrong with waiting, etc. , of course, I just think people and relationships are more important than arbitrary cultural traditions. I was raised southern baptist, so I get it. Just have established boundaries in your living situation. There is a solution to every problem if you guys care about each other enough to find one.

Otherwise, in my opinion, this relationship is doomed. It seems he's moved on. However, they do come back. Sometimes two or three times. And sometimes you convince them to move to some random town with you where you trap them for all eternity! Okay, maybe that's just me.:love: :laugh:

Also, I'm curious to find out the rest of the story as well! :corny:
 
back in hometown we have saying "FHUTA".

doing that will probably get him back interested im not certain
 
Sounds like a break may be a good thing. A break is time do gather your thoughts alone though, not go out looking for a quickie. If the latter is the case for either of you, than the relationship was always going to be doomed. Take some serious time to think is my opinion.
 
"El Fin" was correct...

so what's next? not sure... do i still love him? hell yaaaaaa... does he still love me? let's just say "it's not the same" and i also got the "i want to live my life" line somewhere in between. sorry i wasn't aware i was tying u down to the ground:confused:

but oh well... i guess it's time to "live my life" too
 
FallenCurls said:
"El Fin" was correct...

so what's next? not sure... do i still love him? hell yaaaaaa... does he still love me? let's just say "it's not the same" and i also got the "i want to live my life" line somewhere in between. sorry i wasn't aware i was tying u down to the ground:confused:

but oh well... i guess it's time to "live my life" too
Click to expand...

Sorry...but I knew it......thanks for the update.

Carpe diem!
 
Yes, I'm afraid it's time to go live your life. I'm sorry, but it sounds like med school is either turning him into a jerk or revealing that he was one all along. All too common, I'm afraid. At least you have some closure now and can move on. :thumbup:

-X

FallenCurls said:
"El Fin" was correct...

so what's next? not sure... do i still love him? hell yaaaaaa... does he still love me? let's just say "it's not the same" and i also got the "i want to live my life" line somewhere in between. sorry i wasn't aware i was tying u down to the ground:confused:

but oh well... i guess it's time to "live my life" too
Click to expand...
 
you are better off.
you need a partner who can support you and run with the big dogs in the big show.
they aren't mutually exclusive.
if it didn't happen now it would happen when things get jacked up a notch in residency. There is no summer vacation in residency.

I would treat him like a dead dog. mourn for a little while and go get a new one.
 
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