Is it ever a good idea to tell a woman you're a virgin?

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NeedToStudy

NeedToStudy

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We briefly touched on this on the thread about sexual history but I figured I'd make a separate thread about it to discuss it a bit more. I wanted to ask if it's ever a good idea to tell a woman that you're a virgin, especially one that you're dating? Would opening up about this be a good idea or is it better to just do it without any big reveal?
 
Keep in mind that I'm in my late 20's. I'm thinking that might makes things different than if I was still in high school.
 
NeedToStudy said:
Keep in mind that I'm in my late 20's. I'm thinking that might makes things different than if I was still in high school.
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My fiancé was 26 and I deflowered him. Lol. He didn't tell me... But I pretty much knew. It's all up to you. Didn't bother me when he finally fessed up... I found it kind of funny.

And hey, now we are engaged. If you feel like disclosing this info turns your potential relationship into a make or break situation... Then they aren't worth it.
 
TallPreMed said:
My fiancé was 26 and I deflowered him. Lol. He didn't tell me... But I pretty much knew. It's all up to you. Didn't bother me when he finally fessed up... I found it kind of funny.

And hey, now we are engaged. If you feel like disclosing this info turns your potential relationship into a make or break situation... Then they aren't worth it.
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How exactly did you just know?
 
Keep your v-card as long as humanly possibly. Once you lose that, it's not like you can put it back in the deck.

I keeps lots of cards in my deck, but that's one I wish I still had to wave around.
 
And actually, I was browsing the craigslist forums out of boredom and some random anonymous medical student posted about his virginity - and wanting to lose it.

I was sorely tempted. Except it was craigslist. And virginity is special. Or it should be.

So...no, don't tell the woman. If she's a modern woman who wasn't raised by a Quiverfull family like the Duggars, she will notice it immediately and not comment on it, but will think it's adorable.

And if that was you on the internet, don't lose it to a stranger. Just don't. Not a good look.
 
The way I always saw it with my fiancé was that he could be taught those things. What he couldn't be taught was how to be the kind, thoughtful, and loving man that he already was. Focus on being a better man (not saying you aren't already a good guy) and the right one will find you eventually.
 
DoctorDrewOutsidetheLines said:
And actually, I was browsing the craigslist forums out of boredom and some random anonymous medical student posted about his virginity - and wanting to lose it.

I was sorely tempted. Except it was craigslist. And virginity is special. Or it should be.

So...no, don't tell the woman. If she's a modern woman who wasn't raised by a Quiverfull family like the Duggars, she will notice it immediately and not comment on it, but will think it's adorable.

And if that was you on the internet, don't lose it to a stranger. Just don't. Not a good look.
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DoctorDrewOutsidetheLines said:
Keep your v-card as long as humanly possibly. Once you lose that, it's not like you can put it back in the deck.

I keeps lots of cards in my deck, but that's one I wish I still had to wave around.
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Unless it is for religious reasons, which I can respect depending on the individual even though I don't agree with it.....this type of pedestaling breeds a shameful attitude about sex. That is, the insinuation that people who have sex have somehow "lost" something and people that still have that "card" in the "deck" are superior.
 
I'm not going into details of our first time 😕 If you're with a girl who has any experience she'll know. Same if the roles were flipped.
 
DoctorDrewOutsidetheLines said:
Keep your v-card as long as humanly possibly.
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TallPreMed said:
I'm not going into details of our first time 😕 If you're with a girl who has any experience she'll know. Same if the roles were flipped.
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You misunderstood me. I wasn't expecting you to go through the details of your first time. You said you could tell he was a virgin because of his interactions with you which I took to mean non-sexual interactions. So I was curious what behavior made you realize he was a virgin. If you don't want to talk about it that's fine. For some reason I seem to have a lot of unnecessary misunderstanding with people on this forum.
 
WhtsThFrequency said:
Unless it is for religious reasons, which I can respect depending on the individual even though I don't agree with it.....this type of pedestaling breeds a shameful attitude about sex. That is, the insinuation that people who have sex have somehow "lost" something and people that still have that "card" in the "deck" are superior.
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That sounds like a personal problem because nowhere in my post did I mean or directly say that. That sounds like a shameful attitude YOU have towards sex and power. Superiority, wtf?! I have a very healthy attitude towards sex and I am also a Christian. I'm great in bed, but I wish I had waited. And that's MY personal problem. I don't envy anyone their life choices, I simply stated once you lose your virginity you cannot get it back. And if your first time isn't special or with someone special, oh well, sol.
 
DoctorDrewOutsidetheLines said:
That sounds like a personal problem because nowhere in my post did I mean or directly say that. That sounds like a shameful attitude YOU have towards sex and power. Superiority, wtf?! I have a very healthy attitude towards sex and I am also a Christian. I'm great in bed, but I wish I had waited. And that's MY personal problem. I don't envy anyone their life choices, I simply stated once you lose your virginity you cannot get it back. And if your first time isn't special or with someone special, oh well, sol.
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:eyebrow: Defensive much? You seem to take things extremely personally for whatever reason, based on the fact you are immediately driven to qualifying yourself when someone disagrees with you. I was not talking about your personal regret. Your bedroom skills are not in question and aren't even relevant. You consider virginity to be something special. Great. Not everyone thinks like that, and you seemed to be stating it as a fact.

If we're talking shaming, your comment of "not a good look" in regards to someone who might want to use lose their virginity to a stranger for whatever reason, was pretty judgemental/shaming. Maybe someone doesn't consider it a big deal and just wants to get it out of the way to boost their self confidence? Its "not a good look" to whom? Why should people feel pressured to make it "special" ? If it is not "special" you seem to be insinuating that they have done something wrong.
 
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I would not disclose it. It is a problem with some girls, although that would indicate she's not worth your time.

Good luck
 
^ ignore that. Just do whatever you're comfortable with. It's a norm imposed by society that isn't relevant now unless you decide it to be based on values and/or faith.
 
You guys do realize that virginity is just a bull**** concept right? It only has the meaning that you chose to attach to it. You just have to do the best for yourself as an individual. It's your body, your life, and there's no universal right way to approach losing your virginity.
 
touchpause13 said:
You guys do realize that virginity is just a bull**** concept right? It only has the meaning that you chose to attach to it. You just have to do the best for yourself as an individual. It's your body, your life, and there's no universal right way to approach losing your virginity.
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It is not bull****, otherwise there wouldn't be entire religions in which it plays a key role (let's see, the Virgin Mary and the Virgin Birth, Athena the virgin goddess, the virgin priestesses of Vesta in Rome, etc.).

It's been valued for centuries to the point that in many cultures women were inspected for their virginity prior to the marriage (including princess Diana in the 1980s!).

Just because you chose to lose your virginity frivolously does not mean that it is meaningless or worthless to other people or in an absolute sense. It absolutely is of value - it is synonymous with sexual purity.

Sour grapes, my friend, do you no credit.
 
mercaptovizadeh said:
It is not bull****, otherwise there wouldn't be entire religions in which it plays a key role (let's see, the Virgin Mary and the Virgin Birth, Athena the virgin goddess, the virgin priestesses of Vesta in Rome, etc.).

It's been valued for centuries to the point that in many cultures women were inspected for their virginity prior to the marriage (including princess Diana in the 1980s!).

Just because you chose to lose your virginity frivolously does not mean that it is meaningless or worthless to other people or in an absolute sense. It absolutely is of value - it is synonymous with sexual purity.

Sour grapes, my friend, do you no credit.
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Way to completely miss my point and imply that I'm a slut 👍

I get that you care about purity, but not everyone does. I think that this entire system of virginity has been used to oppress women. And I find the "virginity check" thing barbaric.
You are just appealing to tradition here.
 
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touchpause13 said:
Way to completely miss my point and imply that I'm a slut 👍

I get that you care about purity, but not everyone does. I think that this entire system of virginity has been used to oppress women. And I find the "virginity check" thing barbaric.
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"Hymen reconstructions" are very popular in my family's home country.
For some reason many men view non-virgins as defiled, impure, etc. I can't tell you how many times I've heard guys refuse to date some other guy's ex because they don't want "sloppy seconds."
And don't even get me started on the obsession of some men to date younger and younger girls. Globally, the most religious countries tend to have the lowest ages of consent. Hell, in some parts of the bible belt it's 15.
:barf::barf::barf:
 
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NeedToStudy said:
You misunderstood me. I wasn't expecting you to go through the details of your first time. You said you could tell he was a virgin because of his interactions with you which I took to mean non-sexual interactions. So I was curious what behavior made you realize he was a virgin. If you don't want to talk about it that's fine. For some reason I seem to have a lot of unnecessary misunderstanding with people on this forum.
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I understood you (both times). I'm also curious about a specific answer but not holding my breath in getting one.
 
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