Is this a fair proposal??

[brains]

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I feel so awful. Yesterday when my my boyfriend and our families were opening gifts, he gave me a huge box. This box was pretty heavy, so I assumed it was filled with clothes and shoes or something. When I opened it, there was a diamond ring and some diamond earrings. I was soo stoked, and I thanked him and kissed him, but when he saw that I wasn't jumping up and down and bouncing off the walls, he got disappointed. 😕

Since the box was so heavy, I thought there might be more stuff at the bottom. There wasn't, and I said "Is that it?" but I didn't mean it like that. I simply wanted to know if there were anymore items inside the box that I should be aware of. 😳

He and his family were so mad at me because I didn't give the right Rxn. But my b/f didn't say "will you marry me", so I didn't want to assume anything. Is it right that I didn't act hysterical over just a ring? I mean if he wants to give a ring that's wonderful, but if it means we're now engaged, then THAT is something to go crazy over

Thanks for any help

 

[shivalrous]

I feel so awful. Yesterday when my my boyfriend and our families were opening gifts, he gave me a huge box. This box was pretty heavy, so I assumed it was filled with clothes and shoes or something. When I opened it, there was a diamond ring and some diamond earrings. I was soo stoked, and I thanked him and kissed him, but when he saw that I wasn't jumping up and down and bouncing off the walls, he got disappointed. 😕

Since the box was so heavy, I thought there might be more stuff at the bottom. There wasn't, and I said "Is that it?" but I didn't mean it like that. I simply wanted to know if there were anymore items inside the box that I should be aware of. 😳

He and his family were so mad at me because I didn't give the right Rxn. But my b/f didn't say "will you marry me", so I didn't want to assume anything. Is it right that I didn't act hysterical over just a ring? I mean if he wants to give a ring that's wonderful, but if it means we're now engaged, then THAT is something to go crazy over

Thanks for any help

Maybe it might be best to sit down and talk to him privately about it. Initial reactions aren't always rational. And you were right in wondering if he was proposing or not. If I were you, I would explain myself and say, "Was that a marriage proposal?" (That would be alright if you're probably willing to say 'yes', otherwise it may or may not be. Remind him that you loved the jewelry and be honest, tell him that the box was big and you were thinking that you had more gifts hidden in there. I'm sure he will understand...if not, well his loss...wouldn't you agree? 😉 Good luck. 👍

 

[brains]

thanks shivalrous. I did exactly that and he said that he was proposing, but when he saw that I wasn't excited ( which I was) he didn't want to ask me anymore. I think that a lot of guys who are about to propose probably feel that way. Like every second is critical and that any slight misjudgement can throw the whole thing off. Well we took my ring in to Zales last night to get it sized for me. The girl helping us said "Did you guys just get engaged?" , and he told her yes! So now that we are, I'd like him to ask me the right way. Seem fair?

 

[!dr_nick!]

Uh, i think the guy was a bit foolish not to announce his proposal. Esp when he includes earrings with the ring, which seems atypical for a proposal.

 

[captbadass]

this guy seems to have poor communication skills. how the heck were you supposed to know this was a proposal if he did not say anything? it's not like he gave you any other cues that this was a proposal; ie, down on one knee. i feel bad for you. i think he is the one who ruined this special moment. a proposal is something that cant really be recreated. it's almost like you have been cheated of one of the most momentous occasions in a young woman's life becuase your boyfriend, or rather fiancee now, cannot adequately express himself and his actions. i hope everything turns out ok. good luck.

 

[brains]

Thanks every one. I really felt terrible about the whole situation. I mean I felt like he didn't even want me to have the ring after that. I'm still unsure about the whole thing. I don't know exactly where we stand. I tell people he's my fiancee, but does he think the same?? I guess It'd be better to talk to him about it. However, I still want the proposal to be done the way it should be. Maybe when we go pick up my ring on Friday he'll have some sort of clue. I'm hoping....

 

[1hotaartichoke]

i think you shouldn't be so caught up in the "right" proposal. if you truely want to marry this guy, then what matters most should be that you are marrying the guy of your dreams and that his fam may be pissed at you, and you may have messed up with the miscommunication. yeah maybe he should have asked "do you want to marry me" but he was prolly nervous as hell, and then when you weren't excited, who wants to propose to someone only to get rejected and in front of their family. don't make a big deal about the official proposal. i think most guys would realize on their own that it wasn't quite the proposal you dreamed of, and would try to fix it. but even if he doesn't figure it out...isn't it enough that he bought you the ring and earing and taht he does want to marry you?

 

[delchrys]

Jenny:

I don't know you or him, so this could be totally wrong, but I'll jump in and give it a shot...

He's hurt. He got all excited and wanted you to react by getting all pumped and jumping into his arms. You didn't. His fault? partially. your fault? partially. fault--WHO CARES ABOUT FAULT HERE? he's not being a dick, he's just a guy who feels like he made himself vulnerable to you and instead of making him feel warm and fuzzy you made him, totally not on purpose!, feel hurt and he withdrew a bit.

talk to him and consider this idea: have him propose to you in private, just the two of you, as kind of a "pretend" proposal. get really worked up, though not fake, and let your emotions show through.

like i said, i don't know you or him, and i could be speaking to the wall for all i know, but i wanted to at least throw out my thoughts here.

take care,
jason

 

[commymommy]

Jenny

Another fun idea.....take him out to a fancy restaurant and come up with a cool way to 'propose' back to him. This could all end up being a funny story that you guys tell for years to come: "he gave me this really heavy box and I was totally perplexed, so when I pulled out the ring I just sort of looked..stunned....so then I took him out to dinner and he choked on the ring that I put in his champagne glass (let's hope not! 😀 )....

 

[brains]

I know. We're better now though ( even though he still teases me about it in front of his friends 🙄 ) Oh well, that's what I get for making him feel like crap. We are definitely getting married now; we just haven't set a date yet. 🙂 It probably won't be for a couple years ( I still have to get my braces off).

I did ask him to re-propose and he flat out said no, which is understandable. I know if he did and I got excited he'd just think I was putting on an act. (I would too).

But that is a good idea to take him out to dinner and me propose instead. Thanks!! 😀