I normally don't bring my opinion to bear on issues like the one presented above, but this time, I feel that I need to contribute the discussion taking place. There a couple points that are at the center of this discussion that directly reflect on the way most people perceive the military those who serve in its various components. For that reason, allow me to present a few ideas.
First of all, let me give you my background so you can better understand where it is I'm coming from. I am an Infantry Captain currently on active duty in the Army. I have served in various locations including Korea and most recently Iraq, where I was awarded a Bronze Star for Valor. I led a Scout/Sniper platoon in nearly 12 months of combat in places like Sadr City, Taji, and Baghdad. Seven of my soldiers were awarded Purple Hearts and six were awarded various medals for acts of bravery. I have seen more violence and death than anyone at my age (26) should have witnessed. I have my own opinions about this war, but I like so many thousands of other soldiers, did volunteer to go to Iraq. Most nights, I have trouble sleeping as I relive the scenes over and over in my head. I am very much opposed to the use of force in any situation, especially war. I do not take pride in having "pulled the trigger," but I do hold my head high knowing that I brought all of my soldiers home alive. I won't tell you that it was all because of me, in fact, I'll be the first to tell you that my soldiers did more than I could ever ask, but I like to think that all my work was an effort to save my soldiers' lives rather than taking the lives of the enemy.
With that said, let me address a few points. I will try to be as constructive as possible. First, I don't understand how the death of a friend in Iraq has any effect upon the decision not to be a "trigger puller." It doesn't make any sense. If you're friend had written you and told you about the horrors close quarters battle and the revuting mental reaction to killing another human being, then I might understand your decision. However, the death of a friend would be the more logical cause of you worrying more about your own death. Does that make sense? The death of a friend is a serious event, I lost 11 in Iraq, but it makes you question your own safety, your own mortality, not your views about fighting. I think you should tread carefully in your statements. The logic doesn't make sense.
Second, I think you will have to address the fact that the good majority of the army does not directly engage the enemy. I believe the last ratio I heard was that it takes nearly 15 support soldiers for every combatant. The army has doctors, lawyers, even Chaplains. In fact, the Geneva Convention directly prohibits medics from taking part in offensive operations. You could easily have served as a medical service corps officer, leading a platoon of medics. You'd never leave the base. By saying that you didn't want to be a killer so you abandoned the Army as a whole is basically an accusation that everyone in the army is a killer. Nothing could be further from the truth. There is no greater pacifist than the soldier that is ultimately on the receiving end of enemy fire. Those who have experienced the battle are those that are most admament about preventing it in the future. I know that my one wish is that my children will never see the things I have seen. Plus, it is the men and women in Congress that are the ones that decide how the military is used. It is the civilian population, the electorate that is sending us off to war. The military is simply the active extension of foreign policy created by the government. We don't go about picking out countries to attack. If you want to call someone killers or whatever, look first in the mirror, then at your elected officials. If you don't vote, you have no excuse at all.
Third, I don't argue that leaving WP was the wrong decision for you. I don't know you. I was accepted to WP, but I decided not to attend, so trust me, I do understand the environment there. However, I think that leaving WP creates a huge question mark regarding your ability to commit. As others have mentioned, the rigorous selection process certainly gave you the time and opportunity so that you should have known what you were getting into. Did you really think it would be fun? So you weren't happy there? Is personal happiness what this is all about? The fact of the matter is that you turned your back on a committment. Do you think the soldiers in Iraq are happy? Do you think medical residents are happy? Concepts like integrity and honor entail the ability to stick through difficult times. Granted our society has lost sight of the idea of giving of oneself for the greater good, but it doesn't make everything ok. Look, you said you left for moral reasons, but as I stated above, that doesn't really make sense given the situation you described. I think this is the greatest issue you will have to address. All you can do is be honest and be absolutely certain of your new direction in life. Everyone makes mistakes, but at the same time, we have to be prepared to accept the consequences of our decisions. This situation is really about you, not your friend. Address it as such. Everything has a background and context, but simply using the death of your friend does not fully explain everything that must have gone through your mind leading up to your decision to leave.
I think that you situation is unique, however, I do not think that it is something that you use to your advantage. Rather, I think this is something that you have to explain because it does put you on the defensive upon the initial look. You must tread carefully between explaining your actions and using this as a means to advance yourself. If you try and play this as a "pity me" situation, I think people will see right through you. Additionally, by trying to gain advantage of the situation, you are essentially, insulting those that have served. I think this was brought up before. I'm not saying put yourself down, you just need to moderate how you present this.
Finally, you do need to change the name. Even if you hadn't left WP, you just don't claim to be something you're not. Even many of those who have been to Ranger School, such as myself, do not consider ourselves Rangers. I never served in one of the battalions and would never claim to have done so. It goes back to the integrity issue. The experience I shared with my soldiers in Iraq is unlike any other I will ever find again. There is an unspoken bond, a closeness of having survived many days we certainly should not have lived through. My closest friends and family can and will never understand. When you use a name like that, you intrude upon that. Granted, it may seem slight, but for many of us, it's one of the few wonderful things to come out of such a horrible situation. It's what we hold on to and in many ways, it's all we've got. I don't think you want to dishonor that.
Thanks to all the other vets that have come out here. It's good to see everyone standing side by side.
Good Luck.
