Ladies: How did you approach the balancing family and medicine question?

[Exalya]

This isn't a question about how to balance family and medicine. This is about the interview question. I've seen that it is sometimes asked, and I'm curious about how to handle it.

I would personally like to give my honest answer: I don't want kids, so kids won't be an issue. However, I have given that answer to people in conversation before and they jump all over me for it because I'm a married woman, and I should want babies. I don't know if that would happen in the interview, and I really don't want it to. Would it just be safer for me to make up an answer as if I might have children someday? I know honesty is generally best in interviews... but I have gotten nothing but trouble for my "I don't want kids and my husband is 100% supportive of my career" answer.

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[TopSecret]

This isn't a question about how to balance family and medicine. This is about the interview question. I've seen that it is sometimes asked, and I'm curious about how to handle it.

I would personally like to give my honest answer: I don't want kids, so kids won't be an issue. However, I have given that answer to people in conversation before and they jump all over me for it because I'm a married woman, and I should want babies. I don't know if that would happen in the interview, and I really don't want it to. Would it just be safer for me to make up an answer as if I might have children someday? I know honesty is generally best in interviews... but I have gotten nothing but trouble for my "I don't want kids and my husband is 100% supportive of my career" answer.

You could still have children in medical school or residency.

I know someone who gave birth during medical school (during summer break) and two who gave birth during residency. They used up all of their vacation days, sick leave, etc. to do this, and they had to take more overnight calls when they were on duty to make up for the lost time.

PS-I'm not a woman.

 

[Exalya]

You could still have children in medical school or residency.

I know someone who gave birth during medical school (during summer break) and two who gave birth during residency. They used up all of their vacation days, sick leave, etc. to do this, and they had to take more overnight calls when they were on duty to make up for the lost time.

PS-I'm not a woman.

I could... but I don't want to. Regardless of whether I get into medical school. I have no plans for having children, because I never want to. Answering a "how to you balance kids/medicine" is awkward when you have 0 interest in contemplating the children you'll never create. I'm asking about answering the question and the best way to do so tactfully.

 

[DeadliestSnatch]

Hey, high five! I'm childfree, too.

Honestly, I think it depends on the school. At the more conversative schools, you'll probably want to leave the possibility for kids open. At the more liberal ones, I'm sure they'd be receptive. Plenty of people are deciding not to have kids.

 

[MDtobe31311]

I think the best way to answer that question would be to say something about having nearby family (mother, grandmothers, someone maternal and caring) as a support system

 

[lstone13]

I think that honesty, yes, is the best answer, but also, it would be a good idea to insert the "what if" answer too. So, you could say, I don't intend on having kids, but in case my husband and I do change our plans, this is how I would balance family and my career. And then you insert your best possible answer here for the "what if" scenario.

 

[sunset823]

Wow, it's news to me that adcoms would even ask this to a woman...I never heard it, thankfully, otherwise I would have probably been enflamed into a soapbox speech that gave me a guaranteed rejection (namely, I don't want to get married or have kids and what business is it of yours anyway?)...haha

It's even more disturbing they would only ask this to women - if it was really such an important question, they should ask it to both genders.

 

[ziggyd0c]

basically that i know that plenty of people have done it, and that the father of my hypothetical kid would take time off work and i'd take time off work to make time for babby. i'll take an extra year to finish residency if i have to.

 

[Engineer2MD]

Sunset - I'm with you. It makes me furious that they would even ask that question. When you are interviewing job applicants, questions like that are inappropriate and are virtually never asked - in some instances they may be illegal. You can't hire/fire based on age, family status, etc. So how can they ask that for school?

I'm applying this year, and if I get asked I'll just leave it at "Well, it's certainly not a problem now, but if it ever becomes one, my husband and I will cross that bridge when we come to it. What a lovely sweater you have on....."

or something like that.

 

[lstone13]

I feel like this is a legitimate question, so long as it is asked to both men AND women. I think not only does it reflect your ability to manage time well in order to obtain your goals, but it also demonstrates forethought in considering your future. Regardless, it is a question we must be prepared to answer.

 

[searun]

OP, I would answer the question honestly: your focus is your career and you have no interest in having children. Your candor is refreshing. There are so many crummy parents who decide to have children by default and then do not have time or take the time to raise them properly. So if you have neither the interest or the aptitude for raising children, don't have them. So just state your decision bluntly. No one should criticize you for it.

 

[futile]

I would dodge the question as much as I could and file a claim or at least a complaint against the school because this sort of question is illegal and inappropriate, regardless of the gender of the applicant.

http://www.usatoday.com/careers/resources/interviewillegal.htm

Subject: Marital/Family status
Illegal: What's your marital status?; Who do you live with?; Do you plan to have a family?; When?; How many kids do you have?; What are your child care arrangements?
Legal:Would you be willing to relocate if necessary?; Travel is an important part of the job. Would you be willing to travel as needed by the job (This question is okay, as long as all applicants for the job are asked it.); This job requires overtime occasionally. Would you be able and willing to work overtime as necessary? (Again, this question okay as long as all applicants for the job are asked it.)

 

[zayka]

This isn't a question about how to balance family and medicine. This is about the interview question. I've seen that it is sometimes asked, and I'm curious about how to handle it.

I would personally like to give my honest answer: I don't want kids, so kids won't be an issue. However, I have given that answer to people in conversation before and they jump all over me for it because I'm a married woman, and I should want babies. I don't know if that would happen in the interview, and I really don't want it to. Would it just be safer for me to make up an answer as if I might have children someday? I know honesty is generally best in interviews... but I have gotten nothing but trouble for my "I don't want kids and my husband is 100% supportive of my career" answer.

Instead of saying just "I don't want kids" you can soften it by saying "I don't see children in my proximal future. I currently want to focus on my career."

 

[teddy bear doc]

I'm actually worried about getting this question myself, especially because I already have kids. I am really worried about being judged based on that. And yes, I know that it isn't legal to reject someone because they have kids or whatever, but it can certainly influence their opinion of you to such a degree that when the adcom is discussing you, it could come out as, "I think this applicant is not good at time management" or "I don't think he/she is really dedicated to the idea of practicing medicine" Interviews are entirely subjective, so they don't really need to back it up as to why they have that opinion...

 

[MonsterMike]

I'm with you--I don't plan on having kids--ever. When I tell people this, their reply is "oh you'll change your mind when you get older, get married, find the right person" whatever. While it is an illegal question, I've had it asked of me both in medicine and outside of medicine. In medical school interviews though they sometimes ask things slightly out of bounds just to see how you will react. In that regard, I'd have an answer prepared along the lines of 'I/We don't plan to have children, but if something happens, we will cross that bridge when it happens." That's what I do.

 

[adeline]

It's none of their business what your family status is/might be and you can tell them to stuff it.

They're not allowed to ask and they know it.

 

[kappa09]

I feel like this is a legitimate question, so long as it is asked to both men AND women. I think not only does it reflect your ability to manage time well in order to obtain your goals, but it also demonstrates forethought in considering your future. Regardless, it is a question we must be prepared to answer.

Not only is it legitimate, but I was asked similar questions at both schools I interviewed at. I believe that the question exists for them to gauge how thoroughly you have considered the implications of choosing this career path on any personal life goals of yours (having kids, getting married, etc.). Definitely be prepared to answer this, male or female.

 

[Engineer2MD]

I am just so surprised at the number of my fellow women who are ok with this line of questioning and are even WORRIED about whether or not they will "say the right thing". I don't mean to sound like a femi-nazi, but this is not the 1950's.

Your family status IS NOT a legitmate question. Nor is it legal. It is not relevant to your ability to study medicine. Virtually everyone who has ever applied for a job or interviewed at a school eventually has a family. Virtually every doctor has a family. Your personal family life is in no way relevant and is an entirely inappropriate question.

If they want to know the implications of medical school on your life goals, they may ask "What are the implcations of medical school on your life goals?" Then if you wish to discuss family, you may do so.

You may answer it if you want, but I will be politely ending that line of discussion.

 

[kappa09]

I am just so surprised at the number of my fellow women who are ok with this line of questioning and are even WORRIED about whether or not they will "say the right thing". I don't mean to sound like a femi-nazi, but this is not the 1950's.

Your family status IS NOT a legitmate question. Nor is it legal. It is not relevant to your ability to study medicine. Virtually everyone who has ever applied for a job or interviewed at a school eventually has a family. Virtually every doctor has a family. Your personal family life is in no way relevant and is an entirely inappropriate question.

If they want to know the implications of medical school on your life goals, they may ask "What are the implcations of medical school on your life goals?" Then if you wish to discuss family, you may do so.

You may answer it if you want, but I will be politely ending that line of discussion.

I respectfully disagree. They're not making decisions based on whether or not you have/want to have a family, but whether you have thought about how your career is going to affect those decisions. If you choose not to answer, then good luck.

 

[adeline]

I respectfully disagree. They're not making decisions based on whether or not you have/want to have a family, but whether you have thought about how your career is going to affect those decisions. If you choose not to answer, then good luck.

THEY ARE NOT ALLOWED TO ASK YOU.

AND they do make decisions like that. A mom of three, regardless of her husband, is going to get looked at differently.

 

[futile]

I respectfully disagree. They're not making decisions based on whether or not you have/want to have a family, but whether you have thought about how your career is going to affect those decisions. If you choose not to answer, then good luck.

It really has nothing to do with their motivations or their interpretation of that question. It's still illegal. However, I think women do have to prepare for this question unfortunately because medical schools have so much clout with students they're practically (and definitely in this case) "above the law". Sucks, don't it?

I think a good way to answer it is to say "I don't feel that my family life would affect me differently from any other medical student." and refrain from answering specifically any child/whatever goals unless you really want to do so.

I went to a talk the Dean of Engineering at Michigan State University, and she told us a story in which the admissions committee at MSU asked her all sorts of inappropriate questions about her family life, whether she was married, etc. She told them the questions were illegal and she refused to answer them. They still hired her!

 

[Exalya]

ARE they not allowed to ask? I know that they can't for housing/jobs, but this is school... I get the idea that maybe it is legal. Reading interview feedback on SDN I saw this question come up numerous, numerous times.

And, by the way, I also think it's a ridiculous terrible question to ask. However, it is a question they ask, so having an idea of how to deal with it is a good idea. I appreciate all the various kinds of feedback. I'm still considering how I'm going to handle it.

 

[adeline]

They are not permitted to ask.

Asking = the answer has weight on the decision they are making about you...

therefore, it is prejudicial WRT to family status/religion/orientation.

 

[WaterBird]

They are not permitted to ask, but you still have to think about how you will reply. While you can (and should) write a complaint to the school afterward, chewing out your interviewer is probably not the best approach.

I think the answer (if true) "i'm not currently planning on having kids. my focus is on my career right now" is pretty safe. Adcoms are more worried about women dropping out (ie "wasting" the education) than anything else. You can even just say "My focus is on my career right now" which is true and reveals nothing that they don't need to know, as you dont know what they'll do with the extra info.

I also think that who the woman is influences whether or not she gets this question. I have a friend who is a bit meek, and also very interested in finding a husband in the near future, and she got this question at half of her 10 interviews. I got the question zero times in a similar number of interviews. Perhaps she was answering other questions or holding herself in a way that led her interviewers to wonder about either her plans or her time management.

 

[MaryLennox]

my honest answer would be 'i dont know.' i think it's impossible to predict how you're going to feel about having kids, like, ten years from now. and it would depend a lot on the circumstances- where i was living, what my husband did for a living, etc. i would say that i wouldn't have kids if i didn't have a plan that included me still being able to work.

 

[Engineer2MD]

I respectfully disagree. They're not making decisions based on whether or not you have/want to have a family, but whether you have thought about how your career is going to affect those decisions. If you choose not to answer, then good luck.

I think we can all agree if they were asking for your medical history, to see if you have thought about how that would affect your decisions - it would be wrong. "I see you are genetically pre-disposed to colon cancer. This might mean you would end up not being able to practice medicine. Have you thought about this?" See? wrong.

I'm not saying stage a hissy fit and don't answer. I'm saying a response such as "You know, I certainly believe that my decision to enter the medical field will impact some important life goals. I know my husband and I have discussed it privately - he is on board - and I am happy with my decision. Should an issue ever arise regarding a work/life balance - he and I will address it as a team. But I certainly do not doubt my ability to excel academically in medical school."

Done. Deflected.