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- Jun 27, 2017
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This is my first time posting here, so I apologize in advance for inevitably sounding ignorant. This might turn out to be a novel-length rant, but I would greatly appreciate any unbiased input I can get from anyone who has enough time to kill reading it.
I am currently teaching first grade at an international school in Shanghai, China. My contract will be completed in less than a week, at which point I will be returning to the U.S.
I have always felt very deeply that I need to have a career that will allow me to do more with my life than just pay bills (I’m sure you’re familiar with the whole rose-colored glasses, “I’m going to make a real difference in the world” spiel). I come from a relatively small town where it is the norm to spend your entire existence within the confines of a single zip code, doing nothing more than bagging groceries while you basically wait to die. I don’t have any issue with a simple life (I enjoy simple living, really), but even as a young child I felt what I can only describe as a type of claustrophobia from watching the complacency around me– just a complete lack of passion; lack of ambition; people who are not interested in seemingly anything. How/why do they get out of bed in the morning when they don’t have a goal they are aspiring to reach? I think I’m starting to admit to myself that I am depressed and plan on contacting a therapist when I return home. Now that I’m beginning to be honest with myself, this has been an issue that should have been addressed probably in junior high (even before that, maybe), but I’ve been in denial. I don’t feel as if this is something that could be alleviated with medication. I recently stumbled upon the terms “existential depression” and “existential dread”– their descriptions seem to articulate the way I feel perfectly.
My point (finally). I have been seriously considering medical school, but I am concerned that someone with a history of depression or melancholy would not be able to hack it.
As a first generation college student I didn’t have a clue what I was doing heading into my undergrad years. I kept leaning towards things in the medical field, but my family was very against it. Every time I tried to bring up doing something related to medicine, my mother would try to convince me that I should be a teacher. When I pressed her as to why she felt I should teach, she didn’t really have a solid answer for it. I had no experience with kids at all; speaking in front of groups of people is not my forte– (more of a nightmare for me, even if they are just kids…). Eventually I started to see education as a field that could allow me to do good things. There were several teachers who impacted my life and the thought of doing the same for my own students was appealing. I also considered that later going into educational policy could potentially lead to making a bigger impact. Shortly after I switched my major to Elementary Education, I realized that teaching did not suit my personality and did not align with my life goals. However, I felt that I had flip-flopped on my major too many times and stuck with it. I graduated in May 2016 and applied for this international teaching position not expecting anything to happen– something did, obviously. I hoped that my experience here might change my mind about teaching, but it just is not for me. Just I did during undergrad, I’ve found myself preoccupied with medicine. I feel that my time here has forced me to grow in ways that make me feel more confident in my ability to handle the academic and mental rigors of medical school, but still have doubts about the emotional side of it.
Do you think it is possible to succeed as a medical student and as a physician if you are prone to depression? I have also been interested in Epidemiology, specifically global epidemiology. I worry that I would ultimately feel limited if I did not go all of the way for MD, but do you think pursuing a Masters or PhD might be better suited for me?
I am currently teaching first grade at an international school in Shanghai, China. My contract will be completed in less than a week, at which point I will be returning to the U.S.
I have always felt very deeply that I need to have a career that will allow me to do more with my life than just pay bills (I’m sure you’re familiar with the whole rose-colored glasses, “I’m going to make a real difference in the world” spiel). I come from a relatively small town where it is the norm to spend your entire existence within the confines of a single zip code, doing nothing more than bagging groceries while you basically wait to die. I don’t have any issue with a simple life (I enjoy simple living, really), but even as a young child I felt what I can only describe as a type of claustrophobia from watching the complacency around me– just a complete lack of passion; lack of ambition; people who are not interested in seemingly anything. How/why do they get out of bed in the morning when they don’t have a goal they are aspiring to reach? I think I’m starting to admit to myself that I am depressed and plan on contacting a therapist when I return home. Now that I’m beginning to be honest with myself, this has been an issue that should have been addressed probably in junior high (even before that, maybe), but I’ve been in denial. I don’t feel as if this is something that could be alleviated with medication. I recently stumbled upon the terms “existential depression” and “existential dread”– their descriptions seem to articulate the way I feel perfectly.
My point (finally). I have been seriously considering medical school, but I am concerned that someone with a history of depression or melancholy would not be able to hack it.
As a first generation college student I didn’t have a clue what I was doing heading into my undergrad years. I kept leaning towards things in the medical field, but my family was very against it. Every time I tried to bring up doing something related to medicine, my mother would try to convince me that I should be a teacher. When I pressed her as to why she felt I should teach, she didn’t really have a solid answer for it. I had no experience with kids at all; speaking in front of groups of people is not my forte– (more of a nightmare for me, even if they are just kids…). Eventually I started to see education as a field that could allow me to do good things. There were several teachers who impacted my life and the thought of doing the same for my own students was appealing. I also considered that later going into educational policy could potentially lead to making a bigger impact. Shortly after I switched my major to Elementary Education, I realized that teaching did not suit my personality and did not align with my life goals. However, I felt that I had flip-flopped on my major too many times and stuck with it. I graduated in May 2016 and applied for this international teaching position not expecting anything to happen– something did, obviously. I hoped that my experience here might change my mind about teaching, but it just is not for me. Just I did during undergrad, I’ve found myself preoccupied with medicine. I feel that my time here has forced me to grow in ways that make me feel more confident in my ability to handle the academic and mental rigors of medical school, but still have doubts about the emotional side of it.
Do you think it is possible to succeed as a medical student and as a physician if you are prone to depression? I have also been interested in Epidemiology, specifically global epidemiology. I worry that I would ultimately feel limited if I did not go all of the way for MD, but do you think pursuing a Masters or PhD might be better suited for me?
