Looking for advice

[a166724]

Hi all,

Like many other bright-eyed and bushy tailed students, my girlfriend of four years has recently started med school. She attends a top 20 school and I am very proud of her for what she has accomplished.

Some background on myself- I'm a 25 year old hedge fund analyst who works 60-80 hours a week. I love what I do and I take great pleasure making institutions (including hospital systems) money. My job entails moving a lot of money around and meeting with some high profile corporate executives. It is very stressful at times. I live about an hour away from my girlfriend and will often commute to the city in which I work in the morning.

Since starting medical school, whenever I tell my girlfriend about a stressful day I've had she responds by saying, "how dare you make your job sound as stressful as a doctor's job," or "cool, not as hard of a day as a med student...," or "luckily for you there are no gunners where you work."

She tells me about how she had to spend 8 hours in class in a single day. 8 hours! I sometimes spend 14 hours at my desk pounding away at some cash flow model. Of course if I tell her this she gets angry.

I once made the mistake of telling her that being in school is nice- you have class 8-12pm and can go home and study for the rest of the day/work out if you want/relax if you want. She blew up and accused me of "belittling" the workload of the med school student.

I've been very accommodating of this attitude and I just let her do her thing. I assume most first year med students have this "I'm so baller" mentality for a little while and that it eventually goes away.

Anyone offer up any advice?

Thanks

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[J ROD]

We spend hrs in class and hrs studying but that does not give her the right to think she is the only person working hard.

When you are in the "environment" of med school, you become insulated from the world and only can see what you are doing and the others around you.

I would simply explain to her that you cant fully understand the pressures she is under but you can sympathize and ask that she can respect the fact you work hard as well. And please do not belittle what I do.

As a side point, her attitude made you get back at her so to speak by saying how nice it must be to get out at noon......

dont do that.....that getting back at her will make things worse not better.

Do you want to win or be in a relationship. You should not be trying to out do your mate.

Communication is key in a relationship. After you explain your feelings and she still acts like she is too great now since she is MD.....might be time to look around if you so feel like it or accept her attitude and see if it changes with time.

 

[poky]

I would simply explain to her that you cant fully understand the pressures she is under but you can sympathize and ask that she can respect the fact you work hard as well. And please do not belittle what I do.

As a side point, her attitude made you get back at her so to speak by saying how nice it must be to get out at noon......

dont do that.....that getting back at her will make things worse not better.

Do you want to win or be in a relationship. You should not be trying to out do your mate.

Communication is key in a relationship. After you explain your feelings and she still acts like she is too great now since she is MD.....might be time to look around if you so feel like it or accept her attitude and see if it changes with time.

Yup, this. From my old-married-fart perspective, you BOTH need to get over yourselves, and quit competing for "I've got it worst" points. You both CHOSE to do what you're doing. You knew what you were getting into. Respect each other, and sympathize when things are rough.

 

[Gpan]

I got good news and bad news for you.
The bad news is that medschools tend to bring out the true personality. Your girlfriend sounds like a bitch and she probably and truly is one.
The good news is that you're only 25 and in a good career path. Find someone better.
And like someone else already mentioned, no matter what you do in life or who you are do not look down on people. Good luck.

 

[StIGMA]

She is simply stressed out right now. She is figuring out her way to get through it, which includes being on edge/exploding at times. It should cool off a bit toward her baseline personality IF she finds a way to deal with her stress.

 

[trppo]

I got good news and bad news for you.
The bad news is that medschools tend to bring out the true personality. Your girlfriend sounds like a bitch and she probably and truly is one.
The good news is that you're only 25 and in a good career path. Find someone better.
And like someone else already mentioned, no matter what you do in life or who you are do not look down on people. Good luck.

I totally agree with this opinion here... You need to move on.... I think you guys need to do a seroius talk now and if no results, you need to move on in your own directions.

 

[nurse nancy]

Been married 16 years and supported spouse during med school....
trying to "one-up" each other won't get you anywhere.
Not respecting each other won't either.
You are both wrong and need learn to deal with the stresses of life before you even think about adding children etc to the mix. (not that you mentioned that)

With that said, I was 25 yrs old at one time and I understand that all of this is a learning process. Good luck to you both.

Happy relationship rule #1 is to wake up every day and think of a way to make the other person's day a little brighter. I promise this works.

 

[Ser Demetrius]

Hi all,

Like many other bright-eyed and bushy tailed students, my girlfriend of four years has recently started med school. She attends a top 20 school and I am very proud of her for what she has accomplished.

Some background on myself- I'm a 25 year old hedge fund analyst who works 60-80 hours a week. I love what I do and I take great pleasure making institutions (including hospital systems) money. My job entails moving a lot of money around and meeting with some high profile corporate executives. It is very stressful at times. I live about an hour away from my girlfriend and will often commute to the city in which I work in the morning.

Since starting medical school, whenever I tell my girlfriend about a stressful day I've had she responds by saying, "how dare you make your job sound as stressful as a doctor's job," or "cool, not as hard of a day as a med student...," or "luckily for you there are no gunners where you work."

She tells me about how she had to spend 8 hours in class in a single day. 8 hours! I sometimes spend 14 hours at my desk pounding away at some cash flow model. Of course if I tell her this she gets angry.

I once made the mistake of telling her that being in school is nice- you have class 8-12pm and can go home and study for the rest of the day/work out if you want/relax if you want. She blew up and accused me of "belittling" the workload of the med school student.

I've been very accommodating of this attitude and I just let her do her thing. I assume most first year med students have this "I'm so baller" mentality for a little while and that it eventually goes away.

Anyone offer up any advice?

Thanks

I'd bail. She sounds like a total turd of a gf.