Love/Dating/Romance/Relationships

[LooKing4Ward]

I'm 29, male, single, 2.5 overall (2.17 BCPM) gpa, BS in Biology. I'm thinking of doing a post-bac. That combine with med school, residency, and practice it looks like it'll take 10 years.

I don't want to be 40 and single. But it seems like that is what is going to happen (or needs to happen). With a last chance to shine in post-bac and wanting to do well in med school I would say I have no time/chance to be distracted by anything else (and knowing myself I tend to fall hard/emotional in love and that can be distracting). Additionally, there's relocation to consider, you can't really build a relationship with somebody if you have to move.

The only time I see anything becoming real or fruitful (where dating/relationships lead to marriage) is towards residency or practice. Even then you're scarificed for time and commitment towards your career.

So, how does anybody do it? Manage to date or have a relationship throughout this process, especially if you're an older student (and/or a women) feeling the biological clock ticking. I'm a guy and I feel it, especially when I see others/friends married, have a house, and having kids. I know I probably shouldn't be comparing myself to others. But at times I can't help but think that I don't want to be a 40 nearing 50 year old first time dad chasing after a kid.

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[medworm]

If we get into the same med school and hit it off, you won't be single.

That said, there are lots of online dating sites specifically for doctors. Once you're in med school, I would imagine that you're instantly considered a hottie b/c of the status and all the babes would flock to you at parties. The first two years aren't so bad. Many med students have blogs -- I mean, really, if you've got time to report dubious encounters from the clinic on a daily basis, chances are, you should have free time to attend socials and make babies.

Good Luck!

 

[nontrad314]

So, how does anybody do it?

Dude, with all due respect, I've got to say: Don't sweat this man...just get after it already!

Look, if you're feeling like you want to start a family then BY ALL MEANS DO!!!! Don't let your 'schedule' interfere with something as important as your family for GOD's SAKE! Family...that's big man. Real big!

Sure, you'll have obligations on both sides and you'll be forced to find the right balance and it'll be hard.

But look: Many have done the same before and many will do the same in the future. You're neither the first nor the last. If they could pull if off .... then so can you!

So, go find that special someone already 'cause you know she's looking for you!

 

[Jens927]

Marriage is a serious commitment and not something to jump into and doesn't necessarily have a time limit. According to a pre-med friend of mine, the divorce rate for doctors is high. Personally, I would rather marry in my 40s and invest the time into it when I can instead of struggling with marital problems plus med school.
Theoretically you could find an incredible person today or years from now. She might be willing to move with you and provide love and support through the med school process. You'll be in med school, but you'll still have a life (friends, other interests, potential wife/girlfriend). It's a matter of balance and priorities.

 

[dr.z]

Women like older men. So I think you'll be fine when you go through this path.

 

[blee]

Love happens when it happens. Most importantly, if you're not happy with yourself and where you're headed, you will be attractive to no one worth keeping. Focus on yourself and let the chips fall where they may; doing anything specifically for the purpose of finding a partner is generally not a good idea (although it can work).

 

[primadonna22274]

Heh. I'm a 31 y/o woman once again in love with my now 46 y/o on-again off-again old flame (going on 8 years now). I don't pursue it cuz there's no future...his kids are half-grown, I haven't had kids yet. But oh man, he revs my motor....

Women like older men. So I think you'll be fine when you go through this path.

 

[Sainttpk]

Marriage is a serious commitment and not something to jump into and doesn't necessarily have a time limit. According to a pre-med friend of mine, the divorce rate for doctors is high. Personally, I would rather marry in my 40s and invest the time into it when I can instead of struggling with marital problems plus med school.
Theoretically you could find an incredible person today or years from now. She might be willing to move with you and provide love and support through the med school process. You'll be in med school, but you'll still have a life (friends, other interests, potential wife/girlfriend). It's a matter of balance and priorities.

The person you marry is the most important decision you will EVER make in life. With that being said I would not worry about finding this person or that person. Just go with the flow and you will meet the right person when you are ready.

Personally I am tired of hearing about all the broken relationships among professionals, the reality is that these people probably would have ended up divorced, professional or not. Don't make the pathetic excuse of blaming all your life circumstances on external factors, like some people do =)

T

 

[Beau Geste]

The person you marry is the most important decision you will EVER make in life. With that being said I would not worry about finding this person or that person. Just go with the flow and you will meet the right person when you are ready.

Personally I am tired of hearing about all the broken relationships among professionals, the reality is that these people probably would have ended up divorced, professional or not. Don't make the pathetic excuse of blaming all your life circumstances on external factors, like some people do =)

T

I agree. When you marry, you put your spouse above all things, except God. If you put your job before your spouse, then you should be married to your job, not your spouse. Why else would we call it a "lifetime committment"? If you are a couple that is good at communication, you will work through call schedules, distance, and time management. Your spouse should understand you and support you, but should not be a doormat. You should respect your spouse and communicate as best as you can, but don't walk all over them or take them for granted.

Life will always have stressful moments, but if you have to force love, is it really worth it? If you are hell-bent on looking for someone to marry, then you might end up in a relationship just for the relationship's sake, and not for the person you are with. Take your time, and it will come to you.

Remember, marriage is a calling, and not everyone is meant for it. Let it work itself out.

 

[osli]

Well, I'm 29, got married last fall, and hope to enter med school next fall. If I do, I'll let you know if I have enough time or not.

 

[sanford_w/o_son]

Once you're in med school, I would imagine that you're instantly considered a hottie b/c of the status and all the babes would flock to you at parties.

But what about that episode of South Park, in which the teacher explains to her female elementary school students in "sex education" class that medical students aren't so good as marriage prospects, as it will be many years before they pull in the dough? Sure they may have the status, but law students get the money faster.

 

[thegenius]

I'm 29, male, single, 2.5 overall (2.17 BCPM) gpa, BS in Biology. I'm thinking of doing a post-bac. That combine with med school, residency, and practice it looks like it'll take 10 years.

I don't want to be 40 and single. But it seems like that is what is going to happen (or needs to happen). With a last chance to shine in post-bac and wanting to do well in med school I would say I have no time/chance to be distracted by anything else (and knowing myself I tend to fall hard/emotional in love and that can be distracting). Additionally, there's relocation to consider, you can't really build a relationship with somebody if you have to move.

The only time I see anything becoming real or fruitful (where dating/relationships lead to marriage) is towards residency or practice. Even then you're scarificed for time and commitment towards your career.

So, how does anybody do it? Manage to date or have a relationship throughout this process, especially if you're an older student (and/or a women) feeling the biological clock ticking. I'm a guy and I feel it, especially when I see others/friends married, have a house, and having kids. I know I probably shouldn't be comparing myself to others. But at times I can't help but think that I don't want to be a 40 nearing 50 year old first time dad chasing after a kid.

It can be tough. I'm married and my wife and I have fought more over the past 4 months than prior to this whole process. I have her unconditional support in my medical school endeavors but it doesn't necessarily make things easier. And we have a 9 month old son to boot.

One thing we have talked about more than anything else is family. She is afraid that there will be no time in the next 8 years for family matters and I say "bah" to that. Family is the most important life experience to me as well, so I will have to make time for it. I am 31 and I'm not going to wait 4-8 years to have more children, and my wife doesn't want to wait that long either. So family is my first priority, and career (medicine) will be my second priority. And that will never switch.

I believe you can have fruitful and meaningful relationships during med school and residency. You'll obviously need to juggle your intense school schedule around them, but it's possible. It will require, most definitely, excellent organizational and communcation skills. But it can be done if you are willing to make it so.

It all depends on what your priorities are. You'll have to be aware of your own tendencies (like you mention, you might fall head-over-heels for a woman and it might distract you from other goals). Understand your limitations and especially manage expectations, that is a huge key.

But imagine how rewarding it will be if you do find the right person who is willing to sacrifice their time to be with you during your medical school and residency? That will surely bring you closer together.

 

[thegenius]

Personally I am tired of hearing about all the broken relationships among professionals, the reality is that these people probably would have ended up divorced, professional or not. Don't make the pathetic excuse of blaming all your life circumstances on external factors, like some people do =)

I completely agree with this. You get from life what you put into it.

 

[medworm]

But what about that episode of South Park, in which the teacher explains to her female elementary school students in "sex education" class that medical students aren't so good as marriage prospects, as it will be many years before they pull in the dough? Sure they may have the status, but law students get the money faster.

It always comes back to the lawyers, doesn't it?