MD vs. Family??

[justanotherjerseygirl]

Hello all- As a hopeful med student I am starting to ponder how my life will change once I begin the long journey ahead. As I sit and read all that you have to say, I start to question whether the saying "yes" to med school will mean saying "no" to relationships, marriage and a family for the next ten years. Can people do it all in med school, or is marriage a and family out of the question until residency is over? I guess that I am asking for the advice of all those Non-trad. out there. I've been out of school for awhile and my views on the marriage and family have changed considerably in the past few years. Anyone have any answers?

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[Future DOc]

Never say never!!! Family, relationship, etc.. are EXTREMELY important! You will need them for comfort & support when the grind of medical school begins.

The key is communication! Explain to your family what you have chosen to do & what it entails. Talk, Talk, Talk!!! Get their thoughts & give your thoughts !

Eventough you will become extremely busy & your family understands that b/c you all talked about it, a few minutes or a couple of hours of your time will still mean the world of difference. Whoever said that quality time has to be hours & hours of your time!! It worked for me!

Your career is very important, but it shouldn't dominate your entire life! Good luck to you!!

Rob
WesternU/COMP MS III

[This message has been edited by Future DOc (edited 05-31-2000).]

 

[---123]

I know many Med students who are married. It seems almost all the residents I know are married. Children, however, are another issue. While it seems male students/residents don't hesitate to start a family(often with a stay at home wife), female students/residents have a tougher choice. Most that I know defer children until after both residency and fellowship(at the very least until after residency). Everyone is different, however

 

[justanotherjerseygirl]

Future Doc..you bring up an interesting point.."Your career is very important, but it shouldn't dominate your entire life!"
I don't see how this is possible in med school. After all that I have heard...that is the problem..it does dominate every aspect of your life which results in ruin relationships (evidence can be seen on half of the topics here)...
I don't see how it is possible to separate yourself from this career...
sorry about the devil's advocate...it's just that I'm in the middle of making one of the most important decisions in my life and want to make sure that I explore all the consequences. After working for awhile, I know that I want to be a doctor, however, I also see what is happening around me. At 24 a disease starts spreading through your friends...it's called engagement

[This message has been edited by justanotherjerseygirl (edited 05-31-2000).]

 

[fiatslug]

Dear JerseyGirl,

At 28 another disease will start spreading among your girlfriends: end-of-their-first-marriage-itis. Hee hee hee. Seriously, if your life takes a different path than your early-married friends, so what? The nice thing about a career in medicine is you'll be able to support yourself, and choose a date or a mate from the perspective of a financially secure, independent, sexy woman. What could be better? =)

 

[Future DOc]

Jersey girl,

I am 26yrs old & have been in a realtionship for 10 years now. My fiance & I had many more arguments PRE-medical school b/c she too heard stories about how my free-time would be minuscule. Its true that medical school does eat up a lot of your time, but NOT ALL of your time. Like I said before, whoever said that qulaity time = the amount of time you spend together. She too is also very busy-->a post-cardiac care nurse! As small as our time is, we still make the most of it together!!

Again, communication is key & we talk about this all of the time so we know we are on the same page. As long as you understand your family's situation as they are of yours, things should be alright. If one side doesn't understand, then there is no balance & that's when problem arises. Each side has to give & take! It can't always be this is what I want (no ifs, ands, or buts) or what they want(no ifs, ands, or buts). There has to be a middle ground where both sides understand & are content with it!

I am now entering my third year of medical school & we will be getting married this october. I would say that my life has never been better. Medicine is a prosperous & promising lifestyle but don't let IT take over you especially concerning family! Little quality time spent together is better than nothing. Trust me! Good luck!!

Rob
WesternU/COMP MS III

[This message has been edited by Future DOc (edited 05-31-2000).]

 

[buttercup]

jerseygirl-

The way I see it, medical school is not a whole lot different than grad school, other professional schools or a job in a big company, with classes, labs, studying, it ends up being an 8 to 10 hour day, which is exactly the same type of day my girlfriends are having at Soloman Smith Barney, etc.

There is internship and residency, and yes, these do create problems. But they only last for a limited time, and after that, from what I've heard things get a lot better. Also, many of my friends have expressed the sentiment that, for all the pain of internship, if you really love medicine, it's all worthwhile in the end.
Good luck to you!

Oh and fiatslug- I think the condition you're talking about is already hitting some of my 25 year old friends- "end-of engagement-itis"

 

[Nanon]

Jerseygirl - at 32, it's second-marriagitis.

I'm 31, pre-med and I've been married for six years. And to tell you the truth, I don't see my husband all that much now. Not because of what I'm doing, but because he works in the internet biz and works about 60 to 70 hours a week. He's a busy guy. But over the years, we've worked out a nice system of communication, done a little therapy, and we're happy. I'm not all that worried about med school when it comes to our relationship - I figure it will be a lot like it is now, only the house work will never get done, unless we hire a maid.

As to kids, well, I don't have any and don't really intend to, but that doesn't have much to do with med school. And I know many women, both pre-med and med, who do have kids, but they're the most organized, level people I know. I think you should evaluate your personality before having kids - if your a scattered stress monkey like me, think about waiting, whether you go to med school or not.

Nanon

 

[NEM]

Although I have no real personal experience with any of this I would suggest two or three books which talk about some of these issues:
A Not Entirely Benign Procedure : Four Years As a Medical Student by Perri Klass

Learning to Play God by Robert Marion

Intern Blues also by Robert Marion

If I were to summarize what these books say about relationships and medical training I would only be reiterating what has already been discussed above.

 

[dance]

I work for a large consulting group now -- and am going to make the transition to medical school this fall. I am routinely expected to work 50 to 60 hour weeks if not more, not counting the travel time. I would make an assumption that most people who go to medical school are driven people -- people who naturally work hard at whatever they are doing. SO, don't think just because you are going to medical school you are going to have to deal with time issues with your S.O. . I think what will be more importance is your happiness. If you come home at night in a good mood from helping people or being challenged by medicine, it will mean much more to your relationship. Of course, you will also have to sacrifice and always put your S.O. ahead of your career. But that problem is definately not limited to medicine!!

 

[justanotherjerseygirl]

how ironic! I am in the same position...My SO and I are both working for a large consulting group(wonder if it's the same one) and are rontinuely working long hours.(my commute is 130mi a day!)
I agree that problems of balancing family and work are not limited to medicine...in fact, in this profession, it might be even harder. I think the differnet has to do with the length of time. In the working world, you can easy put in 60-70hr weeks, but usually for a limited amount of time(couple months at the most). In medicine, it seems like more of a lifestyle.