med school and depression :(

[gotdoc]

hey guys, has anyone experienced depression in med school?
I'm a first year who has never had problems in the past with anxiety, depression and things like that. For some reason as the semester has progressed I've found myself unhappy, sad, anxious.

I do well on my exams, I have friends here. I dont know what it is. I've sought counseling, although I'm not on any anti-depressants. I made a point not to take them since I can still function for the most part.

Any advice? Stories to share? I'd appreciate it.

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[DrMidlife]

Forgive a premed for speaking up: you are so not alone. One of the links below cites 1 in 4 med students at UCSF suffer from depression.

http://content.nejm.org/cgi/content/full/353/11/1085

http://query.nytimes.com/gst/fullpage.html?sec=health&res=940DE5D91539F936A25752C1A96E948260

In the last 20 years I've seen coworkers and friends flounder and flail during long and short depressions, I've seen suicides, recoveries, inpatient treatment, etc. I've been through it as well. It's everywhere. For some people antidepressants work wonders. For me, it's all about exercise and service.

Please keep talking to people about it. You're only as sick as your secrets. Hang in there.

 

[worc2433]

you are not alone! for me this whole lifestyle change has been very stressful and hence it has played tricks with my mood and they way i perceive the situation. personally it's just the whole thing of too many things to do and not enough time to do it. life in general is much more hectic, and this has its influence on the mental state.
just hang in there mate, and remember that you are not alone!

 

[Yachtclub]

For Real- I think this must be some unavoidable consequence of med school

My story is a lot like yours- tons of friends, good tests, active social/EC life, but there was almost a month where I couldn't sleep, was convinced I had diabetes/brain cancer/you name it...

The important thing is that you recognize that you're depressed/not yourself. People that truly have depression issues think everything's okay when it's not. It sounds hard, but you really've got to just convince yourself that nothing's wrong with you, and that it's something you're gonna get over. It also helps to look forward to something (Brazil for spring break!)

Good Luck my (wo)man

 

[MystikBliss]

Like they said...you are sooooooo not alone!
I had problems with depression in the past, tho I've never sought counseling or taken any medications. But I did have a couple of suicide attempts during highschool (which no one close to me ever found out about). So I'm going to guess that was my most depressed time.

Anyway, when I entered med school this fall, I fell back into depression. There were lots of things that contributed to this: family problems, moving to a new city, not really knowing anyone, money, the workload from school, and of course the fact that I was thrown into a room with 150 other intelligent people and I was no longer the star (this was my biggest problem).

So as we entered winter break (if that's what you want to call it, it wasn't much of a break if you ask me), I found myself extremely depressed. And then something clicked, flipped, or snapped in my brain and I said to myself "I've had about-e-damn-nough of this crap and it's time to change." So that same night, I went to the Barnes & Noble down the street and bought a self help book "Depression for Dummies." It helped me a lot. I've felt better since. I now have a more positive attitude toward school (even tho I still hate it) and I know it won't last forever.

It's good you're getting help and I suggest trying the book that I read. Keep your head up...if you got this far, you're a champ!

 

[MystikBliss]

My story is a lot like yours- tons of friends, good tests, active social/EC life, but there was almost a month where I couldn't sleep, was convinced I had diabetes/brain cancer/you name it...

That's so freakin weird!!!!! I just knew that I had a brain tumor and swore up and down I had developed diabetes!!!! I thought it was just me

 

[gotdoc]

Thanks guys, please keep these comments rolling, I'm feeling better knowing that I'm not alone.

I guess you enter med school feeling like you've done your job in college and now its time to be a doctor but med school seems like another undergrad, just more intense.

Thanks guys. It means alot to know you're not alone.

 

[turkleton]

Depression might as well be another course in med school. Everyone goes through it and it manifests itself in different ways. I had great friends and was doing fine in school, just like everyone else. But that polished result was the product of more hours in the library than I care to recall. It's tough and I still tell everyone first 6 months of med school were the hardest of my life so far- I know, a picnic compared to what some people have had to deal with in their lives, but man was it tough.

As for tumors, I went as far as going to the doctor for a bump on my body I swore was cancer- it was a subdermal cyst.

 

[Arctic Char]

yep, not alone.

i don't know what to say really, other than i was very surprised when i realized i was in a bona fide state of depression several months back. i never thought i'd be a candidate for the condition. i've always been pretty solid, happy, and strong. but it can hit anyone, just like a virus.

so issues aside - and there were some very significant events that contributed - its all about understanding the nature of the condition and how to proceed. personally, i made some big mistakes that exacerbated my depression. thankfully, i listened to the smarter devil on my right shoulder and i hit the gym, laid off the booze, and read some books about anyting OTHER than medicine. now i can see it coming if i fall back again, and i know what helps me and i know what NOT to do.

med school is tough. not the material so much, but i think a lot of the **** is years 1 & 2 is due to idle hands of intelligent people. we don't really have much responsibility, much productivity, or means of personal development thats sufficiently unique for our tastes - i mean we all have to read the same dense books. and these conditions do not jive necessarily with the typical med student characteristics of being driven, creative, ambitious, and assertive. it is my humble belief, and sincere hope, that 3rd year will welcome our talents with open arms, and we will remember why medicine drawed us in in the first place.

if nothing else, i await a new challenge! i think we've all proven by now - to others' or even to ourselves - that we can handle the challenge of reading books and retaining information. i would venture to say that new challenges ahead, in combination with advancement toward "the light at the end of the tunnel", will help anyone feeling stagnant and bored - thing that could lead to a depressed state.

anyway, i hope you feel better. and i am always a bit impressed and inspired to see the amount of concern and compassion thats here on SDN. cheers to you all

 

[LuckyBambooGirl]

Last year I experienced all of what you described. It started getting better toward the end of first year as I learned to cope better with the demanding lifestyle of medical school. Things that helped me are exercise, eating healthy, making a point to do things that have nothing to do with medicine, talking with my husband and my family, hanging out with non-medical friends, reading some nonmedical books. I have also gotting used to being 8 lectures behind and not letting it drag me down, because I have refined my study methods to the point where I am a straight B student and I know that I can catch up before the test. Now I am back to feeling like a regular person instead of an overworked girl who lives in the library!

 

[twofish]

One book might help depression/anxiety is " The Power of Now". I found it very enlightening.

Best wishes,

 

[Steel3407]

You really aren't alone, and for me anyway, it really helps to hear that.

I have suffered from depression on and off since high school and I am also a recovering alcoholic. I thought I had a pretty good handle on things when I started med school in a new city i didn't really want to be in, away from all my friends and family, but about a month into the semester one of my best friends back home died in a car accident. He was going to come visit me that month.

I went home for the funeral and missed most of a week of school which I was able to catch up from but I wasn't able to stay sober and I slipped back into my old habits of drinking to excessive extremes on the weekends to dampen the grief, loneliness and depression that had taken hold of me. Despite this, I managed to do pretty well that semester by containing my drinking to just a couple drunken binges per month. But when winter break came I let loose completely and drank pretty much every night I was home. It was too much to be home without my friend there. I would awake quite often, not remembering what had happened the night before, on the couch at a friends house, or on the floor, and thoughts of suicide became more and more frequent. I had never known depression like that. But for me anyway, alcohol makes depression many times worse.

I sobered up this semester and started attending AA meetings daily, which is hard with the demands of medical school, but its absolutely necessary. And I am soooo much happier and more productive sober than drunk. I think exercise helps too, and service to others, however you decide to do it.

Just know that you are not alone, there are many people out there you can reach out to. For me they happen to be alcoholics, but for you that could be friends or family or a counselor too. I hope the best for you. We are all stonger together than apart. I may not know a lot of what they teach us but I know that for sure.

 

[The Walrus]

you said you tried counselling.. did this mean psychiatrist? are you completely against trying out meds? best of luck!

 

[Ypo.]

I would say its abnormal to not be depressed in medical school. In fact I would say that if you are not depressed from time to time while in medical school there might be something wrong with you. You can't live any semblance of a normal life, can't work out when you want to, have to spend a ton of time and energy devoted to learning factoids. It's not what we thought we would be doing when we decided to go into medicine and even though you know practicing medicine is different, sometimes its hard to remember that when you've just pulled two all-nighters in a row, didn't get the grade you wanted, and when you go out to the bar with your friends, you realize its difficult to not talk about the citric acid cycle or some $hit because that's what you just spent the last 2 weeks of your life doing.

I'm not trying to complain, either, but I'm just saying you might find it comforting to think that you are having is a normal reaction to living a crappy life that will get better in a few years.

If it gets out of hand, go see your doctor and talk to him about it.

 

[Teejay]

Depression is something most med-students encounter. They are extremely stressed because of the work-load and deviation from a normal lifestyle. I had the guts to ask one resident what med-students should do to alleviate this and he simply said-"have sex, lots of sex and you''ll be ok".
So who among you think this could be a solution? cuz from what i know from other people, it actually works. What are your thoughts?

 

[gotdoc]

I bet sex helps...something along the lines of working out, I guess. I am seeing a psychiatrist and he suggested meds to prevent a "crisis" but I'm way too afraid to take them. I can study, socialize, just fine...but I'm def. not completely myself and Id rather be that then be myself on medicine. I know, sounds stupid.

 

[Arctic Char]

whether to try meds is a tough choice, but aided by the counsel of professionals who may have an idea of what will work for you. and a 2 - 3 week trial period may prove to change you in a positive direction, and it may teach you what doesn't work for you. both are progress if you still are suffering from symptoms.

Sex . . . if only that were a frigin choice. talk about easier said than done. being single on med school is a bitch. its hard to meet people.

 

[Sondra]

I started med school taking one antidepressent and within 8 weeks, I was taking two antidepressents just to keep my emotions in check. My advice, if you go on medications, just keep trying different meds until you find one that works for you. Good Luck!

 

[cfdavid]

there's a lot of stigma associated with depression/anxiety. people that have never experienced it, simply have no point of reference to understand how terrible it can be. obviously, there are degrees of depression/anxiety (often, one precedes the other etc. or is present concurrently), but if it's something that persists for a long period of time, and you can't "snap out of it", i'd highly recommend talking to a psychiatrist.

you need to realize that if this is something that is persisting, it's chemical. no amount of self-help book reading (thinking positive etc.) is going to help very much, if it's true depression/anxiety. i'm sure certain therapies could be effective over the long term, but i'd strongly consider medication if it's negatively effecting your life. it's a sign of strength, not weakness to seek help when you need it. it's also a sign of intelligence and self-awareness. good luck, but keep an open mind, and don't fool yourself. if it's the real deal, you need to get professional assistance.

 

[MartianOddity]

Depression. It happens almost every student in my med school during first year. I think it's based on all changes, the increased amount of time you study, new people, new system etc.

Hang in there strong, talk to people about how you feel.

And most importantly: You're not alone.

 

[MystikBliss]

I bet sex helps...something along the lines of working out, I guess. I am seeing a psychiatrist and he suggested meds to prevent a "crisis" but I'm way too afraid to take them. I can study, socialize, just fine...but I'm def. not completely myself and Id rather be that then be myself on medicine. I know, sounds stupid.

I'm sure sex helps. One of the biggest pieces of advices that I hear over and over is to find the things that make you 100 happy (on a scale of 1-100) and do them frequently, as long as you're not hurting yourself or anyone else. For me sex, watching cartoons, and reading fall into that category

 

[PoorMD]

I'm sure sex helps. One of the biggest pieces of advices that I hear over and over is to find the things that make you 100 happy (on a scale of 1-100) and do them frequently, as long as you're not hurting yourself or anyone else. For me sex, watching cartoons, and reading fall into that category

Ya, because most depressed people have a sexual relationship to fall back on...

 

[PoorMD]

there's a lot of stigma associated with depression/anxiety. people that have never experienced it, simply have no point of reference to understand how terrible it can be. obviously, there are degrees of depression/anxiety (often, one precedes the other etc. or is present concurrently), but if it's something that persists for a long period of time, and you can't "snap out of it", i'd highly recommend talking to a psychiatrist.

you need to realize that if this is something that is persisting, it's chemical. no amount of self-help book reading (thinking positive etc.) is going to help very much, if it's true depression/anxiety. i'm sure certain therapies could be effective over the long term, but i'd strongly consider medication if it's negatively effecting your life. it's a sign of strength, not weakness to seek help when you need it. it's also a sign of intelligence and self-awareness. good luck, but keep an open mind, and don't fool yourself. if it's the real deal, you need to get professional assistance.

this is the best advice I have read. I really agree about the sign of strength..

What I find hard to believe is that so many folks have chimed in with their advice about "Hey, cartoons and ice cream worked for me! Should work for you too" .... I think if you have truly had depression or anxiety, you know it doesn't go away over night. These things take months, even years to resolve.. It's about changing approach and perceptions of life, which is next to impossible if you are always in a bad mood (i.e. chemical imbalance favoring norepi and lacking serotonin or something along those lines). It's not like every depressed person goes home and cries themselves to sleep, no.. A lot of times the depressed person just loses interest in their studies, or stops calling home to talk with the parents as often, or just doesn't approach new potential girlfriends/boyfriends.. there are varying degrees

For me.. depression is longstanding, it revolves around major perceptions (or misperceptions) of my life, such as a lack of true friends, no one to talk to about problems (unless I am paying for it at the student health), and a real grim outlook on my potential to find an honest loving partner in life.. so.. I agree that sex would help, it always does.. but not every depressed person is so fortunate to just have that kind of relationship there as a sort of safety net, i.e. ok i got REALLY depressed today but im gonna lay out Sarah and at least half of this bad mood will go away..

 

[subi]

For me.. depression is longstanding, it revolves around major perceptions (or misperceptions) of my life, such as a lack of true friends, no one to talk to about problems (unless I am paying for it at the student health), and a real grim outlook on my potential to find an honest loving partner in life.. so.. I agree that sex would help, it always does.. but not every depressed person is so fortunate to just have that kind of relationship there as a sort of safety net, i.e. ok i got REALLY depressed today but im gonna lay out Sarah and at least half of this bad mood will go away..

same here.. i do have a group around me but i feel out of the group .

i am a listening person and dont talk unless someone asks me about my opinion.. i feel iam being left out.... i also sometimes note that everyone around me are walking in groups and iam all alone walking

and recently i ve had certain health problems

its really troubling me... like sometimes during my study i keep thinking about this and i cant concentrate on the subject and i feel its all my fault that i need to get out and talk out like a chatterbox.. and i dont have anyone to listen to me...................

and i tell to myself "it doesnt matter; that med school is important and just study is all what i have to do" and try to go back to studies. i have been doing well on tests and thats the only thing that i stand out from the my friends - i score quite well than them

its only after i read this thread i am really confused about whether i am depressed or not.........

i am really concerned about whether or not it will affect my studies.. someone plz help!!!!

 

[tulane06]

same here.. i do have a group around me but i feel out of the group .

i am a listening person and dont talk unless someone asks me about my opinion.. i feel iam being left out.... i also sometimes note that everyone around me are walking in groups and iam all alone walking

and recently i ve had certain health problems

its really troubling me... like sometimes during my study i keep thinking about this and i cant concentrate on the subject and i feel its all my fault that i need to get out and talk out like a chatterbox.. and i dont have anyone to listen to me...................

and i tell to myself "it doesnt matter; that med school is important and just study is all what i have to do" and try to go back to studies. i have been doing well on tests and thats the only thing that i stand out from the my friends - i score quite well than them

its only after i read this thread i am really confused about whether i am depressed or not.........

i am really concerned about whether or not it will affect my studies.. someone plz help!!!!

Subi, you need to see a trained professional for an evaluation. We can't diagnose you on SDN.

 

[Doctor Bagel]

Ya, because most depressed people have a sexual relationship to fall back on...

Yep, that's a problem. The other problem is that depression can lower your libido, and SSRIs can make that problem even worse. As a married person, I still don't find the frequent sex suggestion that useful.

About the medication issue, some studies have shown that cognitive/behavioral therapy can work as well as medication in some people, so you don't necessarily need meds even if you're suffering from real depression or anxiety. However, getting good therapy is a pretty hard thing to do, especially when you're poor like most of us. Of course, meds aren't that bad.

About the suggestions about cartoons/exercise/doing fun stuff, I think that's useful even for those of us who have real clinical depression. I know that as a person who's prone to depression and who's been through some major bouts, I have to do basic self care, which includes putting some happy time into my life. If my mood starts to go south, I make sure I'm seeing people, reading good books, watching movies, etc., and it does help. Of course, I also take an SSRI.

 

[njaqua]

Bupropion (Wellbutrin) has less sexual side effects than other antidepressants. In fact, it may even help in that department with some people reporting increased erection duration and intensity and increased intensity of orgasms.

Yep, that's a problem. The other problem is that depression can lower your libido, and SSRIs can make that problem even worse. As a married person, I still don't find the frequent sex suggestion that useful.

About the medication issue, some studies have shown that cognitive/behavioral therapy can work as well as medication in some people, so you don't necessarily need meds even if you're suffering from real depression or anxiety. However, getting good therapy is a pretty hard thing to do, especially when you're poor like most of us. Of course, meds aren't that bad.

About the suggestions about cartoons/exercise/doing fun stuff, I think that's useful even for those of us who have real clinical depression. I know that as a person who's prone to depression and who's been through some major bouts, I have to do basic self care, which includes putting some happy time into my life. If my mood starts to go south, I make sure I'm seeing people, reading good books, watching movies, etc., and it does help. Of course, I also take an SSRI.

 

[cfdavid]

Bupropion (Wellbutrin) has less sexual side effects than other antidepressants. In fact, it may even help in that department with some people reporting increased erection duration and intensity and increased intensity of orgasms.

yeah, you could combine the Wellbutrin with the SSRI to offset any libido issues.

 

[MystikBliss]

Ya, because most depressed people have a sexual relationship to fall back on...

ummm there goes that stereotype that depressed people are losers! depressed people couldn't possible live normal lives could they? ...did you not read any of the posts?? dumba$$

 

[MystikBliss]

this is the best advice I have read. I really agree about the sign of strength..

What I find hard to believe is that so many folks have chimed in with their advice about "Hey, cartoons and ice cream worked for me! Should work for you too" .... I think if you have truly had depression or anxiety, you know it doesn't go away over night. These things take months, even years to resolve.. It's about changing approach and perceptions of life, which is next to impossible if you are always in a bad mood (i.e. chemical imbalance favoring norepi and lacking serotonin or something along those lines). It's not like every depressed person goes home and cries themselves to sleep, no.. A lot of times the depressed person just loses interest in their studies, or stops calling home to talk with the parents as often, or just doesn't approach new potential girlfriends/boyfriends.. there are varying degrees

For me.. depression is longstanding, it revolves around major perceptions (or misperceptions) of my life, such as a lack of true friends, no one to talk to about problems (unless I am paying for it at the student health), and a real grim outlook on my potential to find an honest loving partner in life.. so.. I agree that sex would help, it always does.. but not every depressed person is so fortunate to just have that kind of relationship there as a sort of safety net, i.e. ok i got REALLY depressed today but im gonna lay out Sarah and at least half of this bad mood will go away..

i apologize for my previous post, it's pretty obvious that your response stems from your own problems and i should have been more mature. that being said, i would expect that if you are a person dealing with depression that you would understand how it takes different forms in different people. I found you first couple of sentences really disrespectful. just because ice cream and cartoons don't help you doesn't mean you should shoot them down (and i didn't say anything about ice cream anyway). but if you read my first post, you would see that I've battled with depression for years and only recently have a learned to pull myself back and indulge in things that make me happy. I still have my days, but not nearly as bad. Though then again, you sound depressed right now so I guess what I really need to be saying is that I hope that you find something that works for you and i wish you the best of luck...

 

[Doctor Bagel]

ummm there goes that stereotype that depressed people are losers! depressed people couldn't possible live normal lives could they? ...did you not read any of the posts?? dumba$$

I don't think he was implying that. Sure, depressed people have partners, good jobs, can be well-educated, etc. However, if you're currently depressed and partnerless, the depression makes starting romantic relationships a little harder.

 

[Doctor Bagel]

Bupropion (Wellbutrin) has less sexual side effects than other antidepressants. In fact, it may even help in that department with some people reporting increased erection duration and intensity and increased intensity of orgasms.

Too bad it makes me miserable. I thought SSRIs were the ones that helped with increased orgasm duration/intensity. From my understanding, it seems to benefit males sometimes (especially ones with problems with premature ejaculation), but it doesn't do much for us females.

 

[njaqua]

SSRIs are better than tricyclics, but sexual side effects are still pretty common. Bupropion works on dopamine (and norepinephrine), so as you would expect this wouldn't have the same problem in terms of libido and erection.
I did read once that SSRIs can help with premature ejaculation, but this is only if it doesn't make you (temporarily) impotent or decrease the libido first.

As for combining bup. with an SSRI, it is done with fluoxetine (prozac) often with great success. Prozac also tends to take the edge off of the stimulatory/anxiogenic effect of bupropion.

Too bad it makes me miserable. I thought SSRIs were the ones that helped with increased orgasm duration/intensity. From my understanding, it seems to benefit males sometimes (especially ones with problems with premature ejaculation), but it doesn't do much for us females.

 

[jane70]

please don't think you're alone! i think alot of medical students experience depression and/or anxiety, esp the first year. medical school is hard (that's like the understatement of the year)....not only is the amount we have to learn, not just memorize, tremendous, but the stress we are under is huge. add to that moving to a new city for some of us, perhaps the first time away from our home city, new people, money issues, and an entirely new set of responsibilites it is no wonder that some depression/anxiety will pop up.
i also read about how one of the understated goals of anatomy is to learn to distance yourself emotionally from patients. I believe that's true but we're really not given much emotional support for that. just an incredible amount of stress!

I can say that every year really does indeed get better. I'm in 3rd year now, and 2nd year was a world better than 1st (you're in the groove now of how to study and have found your own space), starting 3rd year was tough b/c it was kinda like starting med school all over again but then it becomes so much nicer than the first two years. And I hear 4th year is great.

Just hang in there, it really does get better and better! I wasn't quite sure about that in year one, but now I totally know it's true.

 

[gotdoc]

Abv---Just what I needed to hear from a seasoned pro.

 

[burlypie]

I think I wanted to cry every day in January during first and second year -- getting back to my cold dark school-city after holiday time with good friends and family was horrible. THe let-down, the cold dark days, the endless studying, and yes, the basic adjustment, really got to me. It was awful.

Planning something for February, even a weekend away, helped. It was always good for me to have something to look forward to.

 

[gotdoc]

Things always get bad when I come back from a break...the anxiety/sleeplessness/depression kicks in really fast.

 

[psipsina]

I struggled with depression in high school. I tried taking antidepressants and have horrible reactions to every single one, so I had to figure out how to cope without them. I definitely reccomend talking to someone if you feel like you are depressed, it helps alot and your school probably provides someone for free for you. I also reccomend forcing yourself to excersize. . . I know its the last thing in the world you think you can make yourself do when you are truely depressed, but you have to treat it like taking some nasty taking medicine or having a painful procedure, you do it even though it sux because you know it will work, and it really will help alot. There have been studies that have show that it is one of the most effective treatments for depression, far better than the pharms on the market. Whenever I feel myself slipping down that path I usually realize that I haven't been working out, I make myself go a few times and I feel better and its easier to keep going each time. Find something you like, I personally like yoga and pilates classes alot, the breathwork is also great to relive stress, and I run on an elliptical. My hubby recently bought me "dance dance revolution" which is a video game with a mat that you dance on with sensors and I seriously get all sweaty and stuff doing it, even if its something silly like this getting off your butt from studying constantly and doing something active can really really help.

 

[stoic]

hey guys, has anyone experienced depression in med school?
I'm a first year who has never had problems in the past with anxiety, depression and things like that. For some reason as the semester has progressed I've found myself unhappy, sad, anxious.

I do well on my exams, I have friends here. I dont know what it is. I've sought counseling, although I'm not on any anti-depressants. I made a point not to take them since I can still function for the most part.

Any advice? Stories to share? I'd appreciate it.

what we go through during medical training is not "normal." as such i think it's only natural to expect a significant chunk of students to go through emtionally difficult times. especially considering that as a generalization (and in my experience) medical school doesn't attract the most "stable" personality types. not to mention that sometimes life will throw a curveball in there and really knock things off balance.

so i say SSRI's to the rescue. yes probably we use them too much, but the thing is, they work. and they are really pretty safe. it's not like the MOAI's of old. if counseling didn't work, then you know where you stand in terms of accepted depression treatment protocols. many med students i know are on SSRI's, myself included. if they could help, and you're having enough trouble to post on a forum about it, why not talk to your doc about giving them a try?

 

[Hurricane95]

It can happen to just about anyone...even people who swear that could never be them.

I started medical school last august in the pits because my long term relationship ended the week right before. Lots of my friends were like "nah man, don't worry, there are tons of girls out there, you'll get someone else easy." It's easy for outsiders to make those observations...and then again they were probably just trying to cheer me up, but the truth is it's impossible to understand unless you're going through it. I was devastated. I loved this girl so much, and it was one of those (probably stupid and delirious) things where I swore this was the girl I was going to end up marrying in the future. Worst part was that I KNOW i am to blame for the breakup and am well aware of all the things I screwed up in. Needless to say I was not very into school. I started off doing alright, but soon enough my grades started slipping. I had zero focus and the attention span of a five year old. For a while I actually wondered whether I really even gave a $***. As my grades started sinking, my morale dropped even lower. I went from being at the absolute top of my undergrad class (during those wonderful times when I was very happy) to being in the lower half of the class during anatomy at the end of fall semester. I came close to not passing anatomy, had I not pulled a Peyton Manning comeback (for you NFL fans out there...) on the last exam. To top that off I started having major problems with my parents around the time of the breakup and only recently has that eased up a bit.
So what did I do? Very intelligent me decided to hook with the first good-looking girl I could get my hands on in hopes of getting over my ex...supposedly for a quick two-week fling or something. Somehow that blew up and here I am, dating this girl I don't even like into our fourth month. Why? Comfort of knowing there's someone there I guess. Has it helped? Not really. Sex gets old real fast if you don't feel anything for the other person...at least to me. We don't get along, argue a lot, I find that she's selfish, doesn't respect me all that much, etc. On top of that, I think all the time I've blown on her has detracted from my study time and contributed even more to my grades being sub-par. Oh and let's not forget the alcohol. I used to drink in moderation in undergard....somehow since this all started happening I've like quadrupled my EtOH intake. Seriously there were nights when I was so down, I'd put myself to sleep with 4-5 shots of rum or absolut or else go to class sleep deprived again. It all became one big viscious cycle.

I don't even know where I'm going with this. I guess sharing helps...and no, you guys aren't alone. I spent the last almost six months in a very unhappy state. I am determined however to improve this nonsense little by little. Things are looking up and I wish you all the best too.

 

[Hurricane95]

Oh and I guess the moral of my story is also: find HEALTHY outlets for your feelings. Nothing in my post above serves as a good example of what to do when you have problems to deal with.

 

[thewebthsp]

This is really (no pun intended) eye opening... A lot of med students drink to relieve stress. I wonder if alcoholism has been studied in the med student/physician population. Is it more prevalent than in the general public...?

Yeah, and exercise helps a lot... not to mention you just might meet your next girlfriend/boyfriend in the gym...

 

[georgia_md]

Ya, because most depressed people have a sexual relationship to fall back on...

no wonder porn star would always have a big smile on their faces

 

[english muffin]

I know this isn't in response to the OP's question, but I have a follow up question of my own, on a similar note... Maybe someone has ideas?

I have been dealing with an issue lately where I would like to see a counselor of some kind. However, I have had terrible luck with the student health service at my school. I've met with the mental health director twice and I've left feeling upset, almost creeped out even, both times. He just rubs me the wrong way, which is bad when you're trying to discuss personal things! (My issue is not depression but more of anxiety and a PTSD kind of thing, due to a violent event I experienced last year.) The student health medical doctor told me the only psychiatrist HE could refer me to was, once again, the student mental health director. Yuck!

At this point I just want to find someone on my own. I'm just wondering if it's acceptable for me, as a medical student, to call and make an appointment with any of the psychiatrists at the hospital here. There's a list of them on the hospital website that says who they are and what insurance they take. The problem is that I've met some of them in passing who seemed really nice (not in any classes, just at random events). Naturally I'd tend to want to contact one of those people, rather than someone I've never even heard of. But I'm afraid that would seem very, very, very weird, to do that on my own. Aren't you supposed to have a referral from another doctor before you contact a psychiatrist? If you don't have a referral or you can't get one from student health that you're happy with, what do you do?

 

[Doctor Bagel]

At this point I just want to find someone on my own. I'm just wondering if it's acceptable for me, as a medical student, to call and make an appointment with any of the psychiatrists at the hospital here. There's a list of them on the hospital website that says who they are and what insurance they take. The problem is that I've met some of them in passing who seemed really nice (not in any classes, just at random events). Naturally I'd tend to want to contact one of those people, rather than someone I've never even heard of. But I'm afraid that would seem very, very, very weird, to do that on my own. Aren't you supposed to have a referral from another doctor before you contact a psychiatrist? If you don't have a referral or you can't get one from student health that you're happy with, what do you do?

Referrals are necessary for some insurance plans, but you don't technically need a referral to make an appointment. If it's okay with your insurance or if you can pay out of pocket, you can just call and see if they're taking new patients. From my experience that's the hard part -- lots of psychiatrists are not taking new patients. Personally I also wouldn't want to see someone who I might have a future professional relationship with -- it'd really suck if you had to work with your psychiatrist on your psychiatry rotation. I might just be paranoid, though.

 

[english muffin]

Referrals are necessary for some insurance plans, but you don't technically need a referral to make an appointment. If it's okay with your insurance or if you can pay out of pocket, you can just call and see if they're taking new patients. From my experience that's the hard part -- lots of psychiatrists are not taking new patients. Personally I also wouldn't want to see someone who I might have a future professional relationship with -- it'd really suck if you had to work with your psychiatrist on your psychiatry rotation. I might just be paranoid, though.

Thanks for the response... I too am pretty concerned about who I might later run into during a rotation--but we can choose between multiple sites where we rotate for psych, and I know I want to go to a place that's off campus. Although, if I had any outside contacts--I'd use them! My paranoia is in the other direction from yours--going to some unknown doctor and having a bad experience is what eeks me out. Oh well. Thanks again.

 

[lilzelda]

This may seem like a stupid question but I was wondering does anybody like daydream a lot, is it normal? Like when I'm studying its like every 20 mins I start daydreaming, is that a sign of depression?

Were doing psychiatry right now and I'm getting pretty paranoid, Thanks for the input.

 

[samenewme]

This may seem like a stupid question but I was wondering does anybody like daydream a lot, is it normal? Like when I'm studying its like every 20 mins I start daydreaming, is that a sign of depression? ...

Boy, I hope not! I just try to notice I'm doing it and get back on track. I'd say if you start daydreaming every 20 minutes and can't stop and hate yourself for it, then you're wandering into the realm of depression.

 

[koogles]

I get depressed too, I think it's the endless hours at the library with no people contact that does it. And then I started dating, which ended up making it worse at times because he would be stressed out/overly sensitive/ distracting, and overall more detrimental to my grades than helpful.
I think helps me is to keep in mind that everyone else is going through the same thing (studying long hours, etc), as well as eating well, exercising and taking a few breaks along the week to listen to music/watch normal TV shows and remind yourself that you're not just an endless studying machine.

 

[OncoCaP]

It can happen to just about anyone...even people who swear that could never be them.

I started medical school last august in the pits because my long term relationship ended the week right before. Lots of my friends were like "nah man, don't worry, there are tons of girls out there, you'll get someone else easy." It's easy for outsiders to make those observations...and then again they were probably just trying to cheer me up, but the truth is it's impossible to understand unless you're going through it. I was devastated. I loved this girl so much, and it was one of those (probably stupid and delirious) things where I swore this was the girl I was going to end up marrying in the future. Worst part was that I KNOW i am to blame for the breakup and am well aware of all the things I screwed up in. Needless to say I was not very into school. I started off doing alright, but soon enough my grades started slipping. I had zero focus and the attention span of a five year old. For a while I actually wondered whether I really even gave a $***. As my grades started sinking, my morale dropped even lower. I went from being at the absolute top of my undergrad class (during those wonderful times when I was very happy) to being in the lower half of the class during anatomy at the end of fall semester. I came close to not passing anatomy, had I not pulled a Peyton Manning comeback (for you NFL fans out there...) on the last exam. To top that off I started having major problems with my parents around the time of the breakup and only recently has that eased up a bit.
So what did I do? Very intelligent me decided to hook with the first good-looking girl I could get my hands on in hopes of getting over my ex...supposedly for a quick two-week fling or something. Somehow that blew up and here I am, dating this girl I don't even like into our fourth month. Why? Comfort of knowing there's someone there I guess. Has it helped? Not really. Sex gets old real fast if you don't feel anything for the other person...at least to me. We don't get along, argue a lot, I find that she's selfish, doesn't respect me all that much, etc. On top of that, I think all the time I've blown on her has detracted from my study time and contributed even more to my grades being sub-par. Oh and let's not forget the alcohol. I used to drink in moderation in undergard....somehow since this all started happening I've like quadrupled my EtOH intake. Seriously there were nights when I was so down, I'd put myself to sleep with 4-5 shots of rum or absolut or else go to class sleep deprived again. It all became one big viscious cycle.

I don't even know where I'm going with this. I guess sharing helps...and no, you guys aren't alone. I spent the last almost six months in a very unhappy state. I am determined however to improve this nonsense little by little. Things are looking up and I wish you all the best too.

Hurricane95. It does surprise me how your story has similarities to others who are depressed (relationship issues, impact on grades, vicious cycle). It's almost like a script that some people in med school live. Some schools have people (faculty, etc.) who help with this kind of issue .. does your school have that?

Anyway, I thought this was interesting and perhaps helpful:
http://www.helpguide.org/mental/depression_tips.htm

Here is a section that shows some of the barriers that must be overcome in dealing with this disease:

Top Ten Cognitive Distortions that Lead to Depression
All-or-nothing thinking
There's no middle ground. You're either a hero or a loser. The situation is either ideal or a disaster. If you make any mistakes at all, you look at yourself as a failure.

Overgeneralization
Generalizing from a single negative experience, expecting it to happen over and over again in all situations. If you got turned down for one job, no company will ever hire you.

The mental filter
Dwelling on the negatives while filtering out all the positives. For example, you got an A on a term paper, but all you can think about is the one small criticism your professor made.

Diminishing the positive
Coming up with reasons why positive events don't count. If you were praised at work for a great presentation, you tell yourself that you just got lucky or it was an easy job that anyone could have aced.

Jumping to conclusions
Despite any proof to back it up, you go straight to a negative interpretation of events. You act as either a mind reader (assuming that someone is reacting negatively to you) or a fortune teller (you "know" that things will turn out badly).

Magnification or minimization
Also known as the binocular trick. You either magnify problems, blowing them way out of proportion, or you minimize your own achievements and positive qualities until they seem insignificant.

Emotional reasoning
You buy into the idea that the way you feel reflects reality. If you feel like you're worthless, that means it's true.

'Should' and 'must' statements
You constantly beat yourself over the head with the things you should or shouldn't do. This rigid to-do list of "shoulds" and "musts" leads to guilt, shame, and stress.

Labeling and mislabeling
You label yourself according to what you do or don't do. If you make a mistake, you slap on a negative label (failure, idiot, loser). These labels stick, long after the negative event is forgotten.

Personalization
You assume guilt and responsibility for things that are outside your control. Whenever something goes wrong, you blame yourself.

Here are some of their suggestions in dealing with this. Again, I'm curious to hear if any of these are helpful ...

Ten Steps to Accomplishing a Depression Recovery Goal
State as clearly as possible in a positive manner what it is that you want to create in your life.
Be clear why you want this and how your life will be different once you achieve this goal.
Understand what you have going for you to help you achieve this goal.
Understand the challenges that exist.
Be especially aware of the negative self-talk that sabotages and undermines your attempts to succeed.
Be clear about what you need to achieve this goal in terms of skills, resources, support systems, etc.
List the 3-5 major actions that you need to take to start moving toward this goal.
Think of ways to care for yourself as you work to achieve this goal.
Stay focused on what you want to create, not on the difficulties you might be having.
Be easy on yourself! Have fun! Enjoy the journey!
Source: Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance

I used to think I could not worry to much too much about depression. I'm finding that the costs are rather signficiant and ignoring or downplaying the issue is not at all helpful to people I care about. Something like 19 million people suffer from depression. It's not just in med school ... it's a big problem.