Medical school with a school aged child

[jsub]

Hi all,

I currently have my hat in the ring for this cycle, and, after what I feel was a successful round of interviews, think I have a good shot at matriculating in the summer. I have an early elementary school aged daughter and have so much anxiety thinking about how this is going to affect her.

I worry about moving from our phenomenal school system to mediocre ones in the cities that will be options for us (at least in the areas we can afford to live). I worry about the environments we may have to live in. I worry about instability with the strong possibility of having to move again in four years for residency, then again for fellowships, then again once I secure a real job. I worry that she's old enough to realize that I'm not around as much any more and the toll that might take on her long term. Long story short, I'm clearly just a bundle of worry.

I have a strong support system with my husband and extended family (though their support is more emotional than anything), so I know we'll all make it through this one way or another. I just can't rationalize how unscathed that might be. I feel so guilty and selfish for pursuing this sometimes... I'm sure other parents can relate.

Is there anyone out there who has experience with this? All of the people I have talked to had younger children as they were navigating these waters, so I can't completely relate to their anecdotes.

Thanks in advance, fellow non-trads. I appreciate your thoughts!

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[Goro]

You won't be the only mom in your class, so you can count on the support of your fellow parent students.

 

[ChopinLiszt]

I'll be matriculating (hopefully) with several school-aged kids. Here's my take:
- yes, I will be gone more
- yes, I will occasionally miss things and feel guilty
- it will be great for my kids to see me working hard toward an ambitious goal (and helping people along the way!)
- I plan to study with my kids sometimes - we can do homework together. I've already been doing this during my post-bacc. When I was studying for the mcat, my 6yo daughter would pull up a chair next to me and write "Emma MCAT science I love science" and stuff like that in a notebook - she told people she was studying for the mcat to go to medical school with mommy.
- I can be a support to other students who might be pregnant or have a toddler or two - I'm a little farther ahead in the parenting game, and support from someone who's been there can really help.
- if it's not medical school, you could always find something else to feel guilty about as a mom. The possibilities are endless.

Do what you love and take time to do nice things for/with your daughter on a regular basis. Snuggle her at bedtime, go for ice cream or make pancakes together. Any of those can take 10 minutes but help her feel secure and loved regardless of your location, etc.

Good luck - you are definitely not alone!

 

[jsub]

Thank you @Goro and @ChopinLiszt for the responses. You're both right. I think once I'm in the thick of it and bonding, and perhaps commiserating, with other moms I will definitely feel like I'm not alone in this and able to get through.

if it's not medical school, you could always find something else to feel guilty about as a mom. The possibilities are endless.

You are 100% correct there. I guess that's just the nature of being a mom, well for me at least. I love your take on things and will definitely do my best to take them forward with me! (And I love your MCAT story - too cute!) Best of luck to you in this adventure as well!!

 

[Darth Doc]

All of the people I have talked to had younger children as they were navigating these waters, so I can't completely relate to their anecdotes.

I have a number of kids in school and I'm getting the MD this spring! My two youngest were in elementary school when I started. I got lucky and the school I attend has a strong public school system and safe neighborhoods. The kids do their own laundry, help with dishes, keep their rooms clean, and have gained a lot of responsibility from this. I try to spend focused time with them, but really they just want me around. I can't do my good studying when I'm at home. My family is incredibly distracting - there's always someone who needs something, is emotionally distraught, or fighting (I have several teenagers - PUBERTY!!) Still, my kids are thriving and we're doing well.

Your daughter will be fine. You will feel guilty from time to time. That's okay and normal. There's a reason you're doing this and it's not because you're selfish.

 

[mk04447]

As Goro said you won't be alone. I have one in HS and another in college. It won't be possible to make every game or event, but you can manage most. Something will be lost as a parent or student for sure, there will need to be sacrifices; most often this will mean giving up sleep to make up the time you lost being a parent.

 

[jsub]

I have a number of kids in school and I'm getting the MD this spring! My two youngest were in elementary school when I started. I got lucky and the school I attend has a strong public school system and safe neighborhoods. The kids do their own laundry, help with dishes, keep their rooms clean, and have gained a lot of responsibility from this. I try to spend focused time with them, but really they just want me around. I can't do my good studying when I'm at home. My family is incredibly distracting - there's always someone who needs something, is emotionally distraught, or fighting (I have several teenagers - PUBERTY!!) Still, my kids are thriving and we're doing well.

Your daughter will be fine. You will feel guilty from time to time. That's okay and normal. There's a reason you're doing this and it's not because you're selfish.

I absolutely needed to hear all of this. I'm over here fretting about doing it with one and here you are with multiple and not just making it through, but all thriving. Just amazing! I honestly hadn't thought about the upside of the gained responsibility she will likely come through with. I don't think I'm giving her enough credit for her resiliency and flexibility.

Puberty. *shudder* Fingers crossed, I think I'll get to avoid that one until I'm a couple of years into residency. I remember my years around that age and I'm definitely not eager to relive them in my mini-me...

Again, thank each and every one of you for your input, advice and words of wisdom and kindness! My husband is always positive and supportive, but neither of us clearly has any experience with any of this. So being able to hear from people who have lived it or seen it happen first hand and realize that it will probably be ok after all is a huuuuuuuuuge relief and provides some much needed peace of mind and confidence.

 

[ADSigMel]

Just wanted you to know I'm with you. I have 3 kids in elementary school, and I worry about the same things. At this point, I'm just hoping to get into our local medical school, so we don't have to move/uproot the family. Between my husband and many school/church/volunteer friends, I have a good support system here that has been with me every step of the way. I agree with ChopinLiszt that it can be really great for your daughter to see you working to achieve what you want in life. Show her that moms have important dreams, too, and that being someone's parent doesn't mean that your life is over and you can't do things you want to do anymore. Show her that helping other people is important enough to warrant us making some personal sacrifices. I think she'll learn a lot from watching you, and she'll be proud to call you her mother. That's my hope for my own situation as well.

 

[austintr]

I don't have a ton to add here, since my kid is under a year. But if you have a strong support system, which it sounds like you do, it's definitely possible. I have a few classmates with babies, a few with toddlers, and a couple with (early) school-aged children. Including a single mother with a 4th-5th grader. There is plenty of support at our school and the families in our programs often get together for meals, activities, etc. I sought out the wisdom of someone who graduated from my school right before I entered and he recommended creating a mobile study strategy, which I thought sounded really helpful. He was able to make it to many plays, soccer games, etc. just toting his iPad with slides loaded on and all that jazz. You can do it! My mom (a single parent) went back to school when I was a toddler and her experience was HUGE for how my life panned out.

 

[holdthemayo]

My kids are younger, but I have some friends in my class with school aged kids. They have actually said that it may be easier with school aged kids than with babies.

Regardless, medical school will be harder for you than for the majority of your classmates. Your kids will get sick on the week of an important exam, you will decide to skip an afternoon of studying because of a birthday party, and you will decide to spend a random Saturday playing with your kids instead of studying. You also will probably pass all of your classes!

This path is harder with kids. You cannot be top of your class and be the worlds greatest parent, but you can be good enough at both. If you understand the sacrifices going in, and have a strong support network, you can do it.

My kids were a big reason why I finally took the plunge. I remember my mom taking classes and working full time when I was young. She gave us a better life and taught me to believe that hard work can pay off. I'm hoping that my kids will observe me and learn the same lessons.

 

[jsub]

I seriously wish I could just give everyone of you a hug.

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G935A using SDN mobile

 

[KoolKeith]

I don't have a ton to add here, since my kid is under a year. But if you have a strong support system, which it sounds like you do, it's definitely possible. I have a few classmates with babies, a few with toddlers, and a couple with (early) school-aged children. Including a single mother with a 4th-5th grader. There is plenty of support at our school and the families in our programs often get together for meals, activities, etc. I sought out the wisdom of someone who graduated from my school right before I entered and he recommended creating a mobile study strategy, which I thought sounded really helpful. He was able to make it to many plays, soccer games, etc. just toting his iPad with slides loaded on and all that jazz. You can do it! My mom (a single parent) went back to school when I was a toddler and her experience was HUGE for how my life panned out.

In a good way?

 

[austintr]

In a good way?

Definitely. Instead of having a single mom that painted airplane parts for a living, I got to see the challenges of small-town healthcare since she was an ER/ICU nurse at a critical-access hospital. Visiting her at work and getting to meet so many committed physicians, nurses, RT's, etc. are some of my fondest childhood memories.

 

[MarkDe]

My kids are younger, but I have some friends in my class with school aged kids. They have actually said that it may be easier with school aged kids than with babies.

Regardless, medical school will be harder for you than for the majority of your classmates. Your kids will get sick on the week of an important exam, you will decide to skip an afternoon of studying because of a birthday party, and you will decide to spend a random Saturday playing with your kids instead of studying. You also will probably pass all of your classes!

This path is harder with kids. You cannot be top of your class and be the worlds greatest parent, but you can be good enough at both. If you understand the sacrifices going in, and have a strong support network, you can do it. There is an essay about the stage of growing up ᐅ Essays on Transition From Childhood to Adulthood - Free argumentative, persuasive, descriptive and narrative samples and papers on a resource intended for students and school children.

My kids were a big reason why I finally took the plunge. I remember my mom taking classes and working full time when I was young. She gave us a better life and taught me to believe that hard work can pay off. I'm hoping that my kids will observe me and learn the same lessons.

I think just like you And in many ways you are right, but I think that it is more difficult with a child who is in puberty, and he is actively moving from a child to an adult. That's when such problems begin ... that it will be difficult to think about studying.

 

[esob]

I have 4 while in medical school and for me the key is to be there consistently when you say you will be there. Even if it's only for 30 minutes, if they can count on you being there it really helps their anxiety and yours.

 

[holdthemayo]

Since this thread got bumped, I'll give an update.

Med school was hard. Honestly, it was harder than I expected. It was much harder having kids than it would have been had I done it right after undergrad.

COVID made the last year crazier and harder than it would have otherwise been.

At the end of the day - My marriage is still doing well. My kids know me and love me. I just matched my #1 anesthesiology rank at a very good university program. It is incredibly hard, but you can be a good parent and succeed in medical school at the same time.