Medical Student Father - AMA

[medicalpoet]

Hey all! Soon to be graduating fourth year medical student here. My wife and I got married about a month before starting medical school, and we had our first child while I was a third year (he’s 1 now). Recently matched into psychiatry in the Midwest. Ask me anything!

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[Matthew9Thirtyfive]

Was having your kiddo a big influence for picking psychiatry?

 

[DrZoster]

Are you keeping it

Sent from my VS501 using SDN mobile

 

[MedNole1]

My wife and I are thinking about kids in the near future. I am starting med school in July/August. We were discussing maybe around year 3/4 trying for kids. How did you balance studying/school priorities/boards with your family? I imaging your wife had to take much more time caring for your newborn to give you time for school. Also, did you feel like you were missing out on any valuable time or first experiences with your child?

 

[YeaJeets2]

My wife and I are thinking about kids in the near future. I am starting med school in July/August. We were discussing maybe around year 3/4 trying for kids. How did you balance studying/school priorities/boards with your family? I imaging your wife had to take much more time caring for your newborn to give you time for school. Also, did you feel like you were missing out on any valuable time or first experiences with your child?

Same exact situation here. I am also thinking end of year 3/year 4 is probably the best time in med school to have a kid, would you agree with that?

 

[curiousneuro]

So we had our first kid during 3rd-year med school. It was definitely a challenge, but amazing. At that time, I already did the rotation in the specialty I hoped to match into, and I structured my third year to have some of the "easier" rotations towards the end of the year (didn't have much flexibility but did get a little leeway). I also took a couple weeks for paternity leave, which was absolutely necessary.

It also didn't hurt that the first rotation I did after coming back after paternity leave was outpatient pediatrics....I got so much free formula samples from that office, we didn't know what to do with it all.

 

[Redpancreas]

At first, I thought this was an AMA of some helicopter Dad on SDN looking to give back to the community lolz.

OP, hope your son’s doing well and Good Luck with residency !

 

[Prometheus123]

@medicalpoet and @curiousneuro, were your wives working or in school at the time? Did you have family nearby who could help out?

 

[curiousneuro]

@medicalpoet and @curiousneuro, were your wives working or in school at the time? Did you have family nearby who could help out?

Yes, my wife was working as a teacher at the time. We did have some family relatively nearby (within a couple hours drive), but not right next-door.

 

[ButterButter]

For reference, had our first kid in the fall of 4th year. Timed it perfectly so I was done with away rotations and was just about to start residency interview travel. It worked well for us but we had the luxury of having our parents nearby to help.

 

[medicalpoet]

Was having your kiddo a big influence for picking psychiatry?

Yes and no. I’m drawn to psychiatry for a lot of reasons that I think would have persisted even without kids. That being said, I think psychiatry meshes well with having a family, due to (generally) more structured hours and (on average) less hours. It certainly is a factor I considered, though.

 

[medicalpoet]

My wife and I are thinking about kids in the near future. I am starting med school in July/August. We were discussing maybe around year 3/4 trying for kids. How did you balance studying/school priorities/boards with your family? I imaging your wife had to take much more time caring for your newborn to give you time for school. Also, did you feel like you were missing out on any valuable time or first experiences with your child?

Good questions. Of course, as you’ll hear often, in medicine there’s never a perfect time for a family, so you’ll make it work no matter when it happens. My wife’s willingness to pick up my slack when needed and her flexibility (she works part-time) has made a big difference. It’s all about communication - I tried to be clear about what rotations were upcoming and when/how often I would be free, and also about the times when I knew I’d need to be focused on something. We understand it as an ebb and flow. Thankfully, most of fourth year has been an easy time to balance it. We’ve both learned to rely on help when needed - asking friends or family when I’m otherwise unavailable has really helped, too.

 

[medicalpoet]

Same exact situation here. I am also thinking end of year 3/year 4 is probably the best time in med school to have a kid, would you agree with that?

As I said above, anyone could deter you by saying there is no perfect time. That said, fourth year has been marvelous in terms of my flexibility, and I’ve had a lot more time home with my family.

 

[medicalpoet]

At first, I thought this was an AMA of some helicopter Dad on SDN looking to give back to the community lolz.

OP, hope your son’s doing well and Good Luck with residency !

Maybe someday!

 

[medicalpoet]

@medicalpoet and @curiousneuro, were your wives working or in school at the time? Did you have family nearby who could help out?

We have a lot of family in the area, and additional friends (some medical and some not) as well as a supportive church which really makes a big difference. My wife works part-time.

 

[wanderingorion]

We have a 3 week old, and I'm just about to finish M1 year. Any tips moving forward?

 

[Prometheus123]

We have a 3 week old, and I'm just about to finish M1 year. Any tips moving forward?

I second that question. Also, any tips for those of us who may find ourselves in a similar situation to yours due to age or other factors?

 

[medicalpoet]

We have a 3 week old, and I'm just about to finish M1 year. Any tips moving forward?

Congrats! For now, you’re learning to adjust to the new role and it might feel overwhelming, but it gets easier. If you have a summer break, use that time to be with your family, or if you have work/research to do, make it as minimal as possible. When second year starts, remember to communicate your needs and expectations - get a calendar for home with important exam dates. Create space for your partner to talk too!

 

[curiousneuro]

Congratulations!! Would definitely agree with the above poster. Would also add the following: your life has changed now, in a big way. You're going to see that your life choices may change drastically after having a child (including specialty choice) - I know mine did. Most of all, keep communication going with your significant other all the time, especially when things get busier during the end of M2 year and with Step 1 studying.

 

[MasterOfTheSelfie]

Thank you for this thread! My wife is due in about 4 weeks, and I start M1 in August. Reading these posts give me confidence that we'll be able to make it work. However my biggest worry at this point is finances, and my school won't reveal my financial aid packet until early June. We have family close by too so we're definitely at an advantage in that department, but as a student how did you make sure that your loans could cover living expenses for a family of 3? Is working part time even a possibility given all of the new responsibilities of school, research, and being a new dad?

 

[MedNole1]

but as a student how did you make sure that your loans could cover living expenses for a family of 3?

Yeah I was wondering this too. My wife may be working at least part time when I start school but not sure about work if we have a kid.

 

[MasterOfTheSelfie]

Yeah I was wondering this too. My wife may be working at least part time when I start school but not sure about work if we have a kid.

For what its worth, I called my school's financial aid office, and they offer an additional $3,000 annually per child on top of CoA, provided they get a copy of the birth certificate. Give your school a call, they may offer something similar.

 

[Treebeard]

I thought OP was some bored helicopter parent whose kid goes to medical school

 

[PapaSmurphy777]

1 kiddo (2yo son) and a baby due in May. M1 begins in July. Any advice for what my study schedule should look like?

 

[libertyyne]

For what its worth, I called my school's financial aid office, and they offer an additional $3,000 annually per child on top of CoA, provided they get a copy of the birth certificate. Give your school a call, they may offer something similar.

This is untrue. Not all schools provide this.
The biggest financial hurdle of having a family in medical school is being able to afford health insurance.

What is odd is that they will provide day care expenses up to a certain point but only with proof that your spouse is working.

 

[username456789]

This is untrue. Not all schools provide this.
The biggest financial hurdle of having a family in medical school is being able to afford health insurance.

What is odd is that they will provide day care expenses up to a certain point but only with proof that your spouse is working.

Nothing you said made the quoted poster’s statements untrue.

Do you have evidence his school is lying to him?

 

[libertyyne]

Nothing you said made the quoted poster’s statements untrue.

Do you have evidence his school is lying to him?

You are right, I misread the post. However, all the schools I contacted and every financial aid office I spoke to indicated that COAs are not bumped up because you have children and that federal student loan money can only be used for certain things.
https://ifap.ed.gov/fsahandbook/attachments/1415FSAHbkVol3Ch2.pdf

 

[mehc012]

You are right, I misread the post. However, all the schools I contacted and every financial aid office I spoke to indicated that COAs are not bumped up because you have children and that federal student loan money can only be used for certain things.
https://ifap.ed.gov/fsahandbook/attachments/1415FSAHbkVol3Ch2.pdf

From that...

• For a student with dependents, an allowance for costs expected to be incurred for dependent care. This covers care during periods that include but are not limited to class time, study time, field work, internships, and commuting time for the student. The amount of the allowance should be based on the number and age of such dependents and should not exceed reasonable cost in the community for the type of care provided.

So it's definitely allowable under loan guidelines. Whether or not schools will bother to increase your allowance is a different issue, though, and up to the individual institution.

 

[libertyyne]

From that...


So it's definitely allowable under loan guidelines. Whether or not schools will bother to increase your allowance is a different issue, though, and up to the individual institution.

Which is what my original comment stated. Dependent care is interpreted as daycare expenses. Most of the schools I was accepted to required proof that spouse was working and a daycare contract to disburse the money.

 

[mehc012]

Which is what my original comment stated. Dependent care is interpreted as daycare expenses. Most of the schools I was accepted to required proof that spouse was working and a daycare contract to disburse the money.

I was just clarifying, for those who didn't care to read through the document you posted. Your actual comments on it could have been interpreted to mean pretty much anything, as they were very vague.

 

[medicalpoet]

Thank you for this thread! My wife is due in about 4 weeks, and I start M1 in August. Reading these posts give me confidence that we'll be able to make it work. However my biggest worry at this point is finances, and my school won't reveal my financial aid packet until early June. We have family close by too so we're definitely at an advantage in that department, but as a student how did you make sure that your loans could cover living expenses for a family of 3? Is working part time even a possibility given all of the new responsibilities of school, research, and being a new dad?

As others have said you can usually get additional loans for family. I don’t think it’s crazy to consider working, as long as it’s something very flexible. Others may disagree with me but I definitely think it’d a possibility. Ideally, tutor or work as a lab assistant so you can double duty extracurriculars/income. I did freelance writing and editing and have made extra income that way. It’s all about priorities!

 

[medicalpoet]

I thought OP was some bored helicopter parent whose kid goes to medical school

That would be awesome, but son isn’t that gifted.

 

[medicalpoet]

1 kiddo (2yo son) and a baby due in May. M1 begins in July. Any advice for what my study schedule should look like?

It will change as you adjust to the pace. Early on, set aside the time you’ll need us cushion so you don’t fall behind; then you should be able to get comfortable balancing both. In general students often need to change habits from college to adapt to med school, so you’ll just have to figure that out as well. Blocking time off when possible will help, and of course if you can, study when baby is sleeping (naps, etc).

 

[OneInAMillion]

1 kiddo (2yo son) and a baby due in May. M1 begins in July. Any advice for what my study schedule should look like?

I am in this (almost) exact same boat! Can you share your experience thus far?

 

[nimbus]

I thought OP was some bored helicopter parent whose kid goes to medical school

Maybe one day.

 

[PapaSmurphy777]

I am in this (almost) exact same boat! Can you share your experience thus far?

It's so much better than working and going to school full time. I get to have breakfast with my family every morning before heading to 8AM lectures. First semester was front loaded and I would be at school until 5 every day. I would spend the next 3 hours doing the family thing. Then I would study for another 1-3 hours depending on quizzes and content.

Weekends I usually study during nap time 1-3PM and at night if I have more to do, sometimes I go to campus until lunch. It feels like there is always more. We are lucky that our older boy is still napping. I have some classmates whose kids are done with naps. He also goes to mothers day out twice a week to give my wife a bit of a break.

ANKI, ANKI, ANKI. I didn't use it for my first module and I did well in class but after I started incorporating it into my routine my grades got even better.

Second semester has been pretty cake so far compared to first in terms of hours spent studying but the content is harder. Usually leave school around 3. I think I should have just stayed until 5 anyways because my wife got a false sense of comfort and stopped taking her birth control. lol

My parents live about 2 miles away from us, so we have still been able to go on dates and do fun things. Go to a med school where you will have a good support system if you have the luxury. Be prepared to sleep less than most of your class mates, and to deal with the stress of having sick kids at home, etc.

You got this!

 

[Premed2295]

I saw a thread like that once a mom was asking for advice on her sons application.
The kid was a Senior in college with like a 3.2 GPA but mom was desperate to ensure her little boy got in.
It was a riot.

I thought OP was some bored helicopter parent whose kid goes to medical school