Medicine is not for me, what do I do now

[deleted943944]

I'm a second year student. During first year I had my struggles, but I generally enjoyed what I was learning and felt excited for the future. Slowly over the second semester things started changing for me and by the end of second semester I could barely read two sentences in my textbooks before having a full blown panic attack. I barely passed my classes. I always had the optimistic outlook that medicine would be my job (one I really enjoy and would be good at) but not let it consume my entire life. I could have picked another health care profession, finished school sooner, and I don't think I would have been unhappy in a different healthcare role. The thought of continuing three more years of this and three years of residency sickens me. Third semester has just started for me, I don't enjoy any of my classes and I am really unhappy being here. At this point I don't care about my student loans, my concern is that there's nothing I can do with a BS in biology and one year of medical school on my resume. Not sure if I would even consider going to another health program either as I am genuinely sick of academia.

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[DrStephenStrange]

You need to look at the bigger picture. Things usually get better during clinical years.

 

[ciestar]

You need to look at the bigger picture. Things usually get better during clinical years.

My first two years were truly awful. I seriously considered dropping out after how bad it got. Starting third year made the difference honestly.

OP, it sounds like you have some underlying mental health stuff possibly clouding your thoughts here. Maybe look into getting help for that. Med school is a long grind.

 

[Goro]

I'm a second year student. During first year I had my struggles, but I generally enjoyed what I was learning and felt excited for the future. Slowly over the second semester things started changing for me and by the end of second semester I could barely read two sentences in my textbooks before having a full blown panic attack. I barely passed my classes. I went into medical school wanting to do family med and after residency locum tenens work. I always had the optimistic outlook that medicine would be my job (one I really enjoy and would be good at) but not let it consume my entire life. I could have picked another health care profession, finished school sooner, and still have had the option to do locum work. And I don't think I would have been unhappy in a different healthcare role. The thought of continuing three more years of this and three years of residency sickens me. Third semester has just started for me, I don't enjoy any of my classes and I am really unhappy being here. At this point I don't care about my student loans, my concern is that there's nothing I can do with a BS in biology and one year of medical school on my resume. Not sure if I would even consider going to another health program either as I am genuinely sick of academia.

I suggest that you seek our your school's counseling center and seek advice; also talk to trusted Faculty mentors. This is NOT giving medical advice.

Also consider taking a LOA.

 

[YoungDrummer]

I'm a second year student. During first year I had my struggles, but I generally enjoyed what I was learning and felt excited for the future. Slowly over the second semester things started changing for me and by the end of second semester I could barely read two sentences in my textbooks before having a full blown panic attack. I barely passed my classes. I went into medical school wanting to do family med and after residency locum tenens work. I always had the optimistic outlook that medicine would be my job (one I really enjoy and would be good at) but not let it consume my entire life. I could have picked another health care profession, finished school sooner, and still have had the option to do locum work. And I don't think I would have been unhappy in a different healthcare role. The thought of continuing three more years of this and three years of residency sickens me. Third semester has just started for me, I don't enjoy any of my classes and I am really unhappy being here. At this point I don't care about my student loans, my concern is that there's nothing I can do with a BS in biology and one year of medical school on my resume. Not sure if I would even consider going to another health program either as I am genuinely sick of academia.

The bolded portion is what stuck out to me. It sounds like it is more nervousness than a dislike of the profession. This is were it would be a good idea to get counseling.

As far as liking medicine, you'll get a much better idea of what medicine is like when you reach clinicals.

 

[Alkaidius]

I couldn’t have survived as far as I have without a support network and hobbies. I haven’t seen you mention one. If you don’t have it, get it. If you have one, use it. First two years are the most grueling mind-numbing grinds. After that, it’s a grind but of a different type, likely much closer to what you’re expecting/hoping for. Just from what I read, I suspect that you can get what you want if you continue. If it were me, I’d do what I can to just survive what is most commonly considered the worst year of med school.

 

[Candidate2017]

You need to look at the bigger picture. Things usually get better during clinical years.

Actually it all kinda sucks. Pre-clinicals suck, clinicals suck, internship sucks, residency sucks. Some parts suck less than others. Some parts suck equally, but suck differently. But 4th yr of med school is great for most people.

Actual practice of medicine is not bad though, depending on specialty.

 

[giguerex35]

I'm a second year student. During first year I had my struggles, but I generally enjoyed what I was learning and felt excited for the future. Slowly over the second semester things started changing for me and by the end of second semester I could barely read two sentences in my textbooks before having a full blown panic attack. I barely passed my classes. I went into medical school wanting to do family med and after residency locum tenens work. I always had the optimistic outlook that medicine would be my job (one I really enjoy and would be good at) but not let it consume my entire life. I could have picked another health care profession, finished school sooner, and still have had the option to do locum work. And I don't think I would have been unhappy in a different healthcare role. The thought of continuing three more years of this and three years of residency sickens me. Third semester has just started for me, I don't enjoy any of my classes and I am really unhappy being here. At this point I don't care about my student loans, my concern is that there's nothing I can do with a BS in biology and one year of medical school on my resume. Not sure if I would even consider going to another health program either as I am genuinely sick of academia.

some of the other posters above have more experience but as a second year med student too ill share my 2 cents. my first year i had focused on memorizing everything for every exam and got so worked up over exams and missing questions. basically all the little things really start to bother you and make you want to just walk away. Once i started to shift my focus more to learning the material for boards prep instead of memorizing every little detail and worry about getting As on every exam life starts to get better for some reason, maybe its apathy or maybe you realize most of what PhDs tell you ya dont actually need to know. I would urge you to try everything you can before officially walking away becasue once you do that theres no going back. Talk to someone, take a LOA, try what i mentioned above, sleep, go do whatever it is that would be fun for you, do whatever but make sure its what you want before you draw that line and leave for good becasue what happens if you leave and realize the grass is brown on the other side of the fence too. best of luck

 

[MLNS]

Residency is more time consuming but way way way better then med school (sans that M4 lyfe lol)

I absolutely hated the first year of med school. Almost withdrew because I thought medicine wasn’t for me: it was an awful awful experience. IMO, it is by far the hardest and MOST boring year of med school. But, I stuck with it, and now, if it wasn’t for the debt, I’d be pretty happy overall and glad I stuck it out

 

[Osteosaur]

You put a lot of work in to get here and you won't be a medical student forever. Its just not fun being a glorified college student for 2 more years (people yammering about study space in the library, passing around notes from previous star students, all that cringy garbage). The pressure of boards is just awful.

And don't read textbooks. Use outside resources like boards and beyond, and try Zanki. I really like it because you know your day ends when the cards end. Your schedule is figured out and the night is YOURS. That was big for me.

Also remember third year is different. You'll be able to talk with actual patients and come up with plans to help them. You might really enjoy that part and that will be your career.

Good luck finding someone to talk to.

 

[Sleepingdoc]

thanks for the advice everyone...i did talk to a counselor and fyi for those med students out there you may not be protected under HIPAA laws if you talk to your school counselor...it was explicitly written in the appointment request...so i went elsewhere. i still might quit but this semester is already paid for so i'll try my best and work on my decision.

I encourage you to talk to your school/ dean about possibly taking a year off just to regroup after you have talked to the counselor, which may be an option rather than plain quitting, again that depends on if you have had difficult time as far as grades/exams/coursework, Clinicals are different from first two years, so encourage you to give it a try ... again it really is an individual decision not really for us to give advise on.

 

[scoopdaboop]

Sounds like you burnt yourself out a LOT. I mean, you enjoyed school, then slowly you couldn't read stuff in the book. Happens to me as I study almost everyday where I get to the point where I get frustrated if I read anymore. Also, you once had grandeurs of practicing medicine, which can still be achieved if you don't burn yourself out. At least IMO, this is what seems to be happening.

If you do drop out etc. I would recommend just learning to code python. Python developers make from what I've seen 85-150k a year. Decent. Or, if technology etc doesn't interest you, then just go to some community college learn to do finance/accounting. Can probably be done in 2 years if you have the same work ethic that got you in medical school. I mean the types of people I've seen in those fields are not the brightest.. I guess you could also go the NP/PA route, because that's also a field where I've seen people that are not the brightest. That is, if you're okay with the fact that you're going to be viewed as a second rate provider by people who were once your peers or would have been your peers (other medical students who will be physicians).

You should stick it out though. Learn to develop coping mechanisms all that yadi yada stuff. Or, maybe your expectations are too high for yourself. Be content with just passing etc. I mean, unless you become a quant trader or a genius at math and want to go through university to POTENTIALLY get hired by a hedge fund etc (because they mostly take IV league grads), then you won't make the same salary as a physician.

 

[NontradCA]

 

[Osminog]

Slowly over the second semester things started changing for me and by the end of second semester I could barely read two sentences in my textbooks before having a full blown panic attack.

If I had tried to read textbooks to learn material for my classes during first year, I would have failed everything and/or dropped out. That's not a joke. I'm an M2 like you, and I haven't touched, let alone opened, a textbook since I started my first year. For class, all I've done is watched the lectures at 1.5x speed while lightly annotating the slides on OneNote, gone through multiple passes of the slides (active reading), and then used Anki to hammer in some difficult-to-remember material (e.g., big tables of figures). I have a pretty weak memory and science background, but this approach has gotten me A's and B's in classes, as well as hours of free time every day.

It doesn't sound to me like you lost your passion to be a family medicine physician. It sounds like you're studying in a way that doesn't work for you, and that that's causing you to academically struggle during your pre-clinical years. This is, very understandably, causing you to hate medical school and dread the prospect of staying. But please know that it's not too late to readjust and improve. Have you talked to one of your school's academic advisors about study strategies? Have you tried alternative study techniques/resources? How do you currently study for class?

 

[deleted943944]

If I had tried to read textbooks to learn material for my classes during first year, I would have failed everything and/or dropped out. That's not a joke. I'm an M2 like you, and I haven't touched, let alone opened, a textbook since I started my first year. For class, all I've done is watched the lectures at 1.5x speed while lightly annotating the slides on OneNote, gone through multiple passes of the slides (active reading), and then used Anki to hammer in some difficult-to-remember material (e.g., big tables of figures). I have a pretty weak memory and science background, but this approach has gotten me A's and B's in classes, as well as hours of free time every day.

It doesn't sound to me like you lost your passion to be a family medicine physician. It sounds like you're studying in a way that doesn't work for you, and that that's causing you to academically struggle during your pre-clinical years. This is, very understandably, causing you to hate medical school and dread the prospect of staying. But please know that it's not too late to readjust and improve. Have you talked to one of your school's academic advisors about study strategies? Have you tried alternative study techniques/resources? How do you currently study for class?

My school doesn't have lectures so I have to read the textbooks :/ I did talk to an academic advisor whose advice I followed for a while and did not help me at all. I guess I should make another appointment with them. I read the textbooks, watch Boards and Beyond/ Pathoma/ Sketchy and i just started anki cards this semester. Probably gonna do some question banks eventually.

 

[Candidate2017]

I would echo the above and seek professional help and obtain a PhD therapist, at a minimum. To reiterate, when people say "I don't like medicine", most usually mean they don't like med school or residency. It's just a means to an end. No one in their right mind would want to make a lifelong career out of being a med student or resident. Actual medicine itself is diverse and wide open, and you are just a handful of years away from achieving your goal of a FM/locums career and crafting it into whatever you want.

 

[Osminog]

My school doesn't have lectures so I have to read the textbooks :/ I did talk to an academic advisor whose advice I followed for a while and did not help me at all. I guess I should make another appointment with them. I read the textbooks, watch Boards and Beyond/ Pathoma/ Sketchy and i just started anki cards this semester. Probably gonna do some question banks eventually.

No lectures? That’s... very odd. Are you in a PBL program? Are there lecture slides posted, at least? Do the instructors give you lists of objectives that cover what is testable?

You need spaced repetition to remember everything you need to know for exams, and you’re not going to have time for spaced repetition if you’re trying to read dense textbook chapters full of low-yield, overly detailed information. Have you tried reading BRS books or the Kaplan Step 1 Lecture Notes books instead of textbooks?

If your school truly doesn’t have any lectures, then your best bet might be to, in order: read and annotate BRS and/or Kaplan Lecture Notes; watch the corresponding BnB videos while lightly annotating a PDF of the BnB slides (to ensure that you’re engaged); and then unsuspend the corresponding tags in the Lightyear Anki deck and do the cards for review. (The Lightyear deck was made specifically from BnB video content.) Then, in the few days leading up to an exam, you can try to fill in any gaps between what you’ve learned and what your professors want you to know; hopefully there would be a lot of overlap.

 

[Giovanotto]

No lectures? That’s... very odd. Are you in a PBL program? Are there lecture slides posted, at least? Do the instructors give you lists of objectives that cover what is testable?

You need spaced repetition to remember everything you need to know for exams, and you’re not going to have time for spaced repetition if you’re trying to read dense textbook chapters full of low-yield, overly detailed information. Have you tried reading BRS books or the Kaplan Step 1 Lecture Notes books instead of textbooks?

If your school truly doesn’t have any lectures, then your best bet might be to, in order: read and annotate BRS and/or Kaplan Lecture Notes; watch the corresponding BnB videos while lightly annotating a PDF of the BnB slides (to ensure that you’re engaged); and then unsuspend the corresponding tags in the Lightyear Anki deck and do the cards for review. (The Lightyear deck was made specifically from BnB video content.) Then, in the few days leading up to an exam, you can try to fill in any gaps between what you’ve learned and what your professors want you to know; hopefully there would be a lot of overlap.

lol what? No lectures? Are they charging you tuition? :S

 

[deleted943944]

No lectures? That’s... very odd. Are you in a PBL program? Are there lecture slides posted, at least? Do the instructors give you lists of objectives that cover what is testable?

You need spaced repetition to remember everything you need to know for exams, and you’re not going to have time for spaced repetition if you’re trying to read dense textbook chapters full of low-yield, overly detailed information. Have you tried reading BRS books or the Kaplan Step 1 Lecture Notes books instead of textbooks?

If your school truly doesn’t have any lectures, then your best bet might be to, in order: read and annotate BRS and/or Kaplan Lecture Notes; watch the corresponding BnB videos while lightly annotating a PDF of the BnB slides (to ensure that you’re engaged); and then unsuspend the corresponding tags in the Lightyear Anki deck and do the cards for review. (The Lightyear deck was made specifically from BnB video content.) Then, in the few days leading up to an exam, you can try to fill in any gaps between what you’ve learned and what your professors want you to know; hopefully there would be a lot of overlap.

We have a 100% PBL curriculum. Admins stress that the only way to pass is to read the textbooks but this isn't working for me anyway so I might give this a try.

 

[Tangerine123]

PBL is the worst. We boycotted it in our Uni so bad that they eventually gave up and went back to normal lectures.

As far as medicine not being for you. Maybe you will like the clinical years more. They are a totally different world as the preclinical years.

The burn-out does get worse (and again for your residency). Sadly it will probably consume most of your life. Spending 70+ hours/week at the Hospital deprived from a "normal" life.

I hated medical school and regret my career choice. If I would go back in time I would never re-do this. However, the power and flexibility that an MD dregee gives you is amazing. So that's a thing to consider I guess.

 

[Osminog]

We have a 100% PBL curriculum. as a group we choose what chapters we're tested on and the only direction we get from our facilitators is "good chapter selection" or "bad chapter selection" and during PBL sessions they MAY emphasize certain information. Admins stress that the only way to pass is to read the textbooks but this isn't working for me anyway so I might give this a try.

PBL is one of those educational models that sounds great in theory but that sucks in practice for a lot of students. I think that the curriculum you’re in isn’t a great match for your learning style and that that’s strongly contributing to your dissatisfaction with medical school; you don’t want to have unfocused, disorganized small group sessions, and you don’t want to read dense textbook chapters all day—and I don’t blame you one bit for feeling that way. With all of that being said, I’m confident that you can successfully adapt if you take a bit of time to reflect and strategize.

When you have time, go through some BRS and/or Kaplan Lecture Notes chapters corresponding to topics that have been covered on past exams. Does this board prep content overlap with what your professors asked questions on, or do the professors tend to ask about super-detailed, technical minutia from the textbooks that’s absent from board prep material?

Also, have you talked to your PBL classmates about how they’re studying? Are they all just reading the textbooks? What additional resources are they finding helpful?

 

[Osteosaur]

I'd just remember that you won't be a MEDICAL STUDENT forever. No one wants to be that.

You might feel a lot better getting to see patients. Definitely get some therapy. But we had to do a mini-PBL my second year and I hated it.

 

[YeOleBoneWiz]

just do psych, you can literally ignore almost all responsilibty and still do well

 

[YoungDrummer]

just do psych, you can literally ignore almost all responsilibty and still do well

You do realize that getting a Ph.d in Clinical Psych is also a big commitment. You need to have taken prerequisite psych courses and already have experience doing research just to get in.

The program would take about 7 years to complete. After graduation, there is a year of internship (seeing patients) that you need to complete in order to sit for a licensing exam. If you do a fellowship, another year or two of training (depending on the specialty) is added.

To think you will be free from responsibility is nothing but a pipe dream.

 

[deleted987519]

You do realize that getting a Ph.d in Clinical Psych is also a big commitment. You need to have taken prerequisite psych courses and already have experience doing research just to get in.

The program would take about 7 years to complete. After graduation, there is a year of internship (seeing patients) that you need to complete in order to sit for a licensing exam. If you do a fellowship, another year or two of training (depending on the specialty) is added.

To think you will be free from responsibility is nothing but a pipe dream.

Bruh. They are referring to being a Psychiatrist

 

[DrStephenStrange]

You do realize that getting a Ph.d in Clinical Psych is also a big commitment. You need to have taken prerequisite psych courses and already have experience doing research just to get in.

The program would take about 7 years to complete. After graduation, there is a year of internship (seeing patients) that you need to complete in order to sit for a licensing exam. If you do a fellowship, another year or two of training (depending on the specialty) is added.

To think you will be free from responsibility is nothing but a pipe dream.

Lol they're talking about psychiatric residency. Not getting whole other degree in Psychology.

 

[YoungDrummer]

Lol they're talking about psychiatric residency. Not getting whole other degree in Psychology.

LOL oh okay. I see.

 

[Damson]

I recommend getting some attention from not only the school counselor but also an external therapist. Preferably a psychologist (PsyD or PhD). They really do help. With everything.

If there's one takeaway from everything people have said so far

You will make it. Keep on keeping on.

 

[hallowmann]

PBL works well in some situations. It doesn't really work as an adjunct to an already established medical education program, but as a standalone system it can work pretty well for a lot of people. It wouldn't work if you're so anxious or depressed that you struggle to read a sentence though. I would probably argue that any studying in that state wouldn't work.

The bigger issue here is what OP is going through and the need to get help. I'm happy they're doing that.

I do want to point out though that there's nothing wrong with leaving med school if it's truly not what will make you happy. That's just not a decision you can make when you are not thinking clearly or are in crisis.