I am a prospective anesthesiology resident, about to end up at a big-name place. Here is my take on this.
I am the result of an MD/MD marriage and my own mother suggested that I do not date/marry another physician. I rubbished her advice, and dated another medical student for four years till we broke up. After that there was a steady stream of physicians and non-physicians. Most recently, I dated a nurse for two months.
I used to be a strong believer in dating other physicians/med students because they are the same mental level etc etc. I no longer believe that. There is no such thing as a 'mental level'. There are smart people in all occupations, and there are dumb-as-rocks people everywhere. Us folks in medical school and residency are great at passing exams and taking standardized tests. I doubt if they are any smarter in outside the hospital situations than, say, lawyers. We hold physicians in high esteem. But, you don't have to be a good person to be a physician, you just have to be academically bright. Good people are out there. Unfortunately, the standardized examination structure, costs, and pedigree required to break into the medical profession - which really is a rat race - throws out a LOT of the laid back, wonderful, self-sacrificing people. Not to say that nurses and social workers are all angels - I have known (and dated) some very psycho nurses - but a lot of these non-superstars end up in these ancillary professions. When you are looking for a spouse, you want someone nurturing, self-sacrificing, and supportive. Sadly, I have known very few physicians who are like that and those who are end up being the butt of jokes (What did you break at Michigan to end up in FM? Do you hate money??!?!?!!?).
I also believe that parents raise kids, daycare doesn't raise kids. If my mother had not given up her job as an anesthesiologist and become a stay-at-home mom, to give all her attention to my brother who was failing at school, he would have never been able to graduate from high school, let alone become the celebrated artist that he is today. So, I personally look for people who have the flexibility to be a stay at home spouse - your ophthalmology colleague is unlikely to make that sacrifice even though 300K/year that I am destined to make as an anesthesiologist will be more than enough to pay her loans (I don't have any) and have a secure future. I have never known anyone who complained that they, or someone they know, had a messed up life because their mother stayed at home to raise kids. On the flipside, I have known many, many families where both folks were physicians making money, building careers, and kids ended up as utter failures. Exceptions abound, though.
I am also deathly afraid of divorce. With no-fault divorces, men stand to lose way too much. In a relationship and marriage, **** will hit the fan some times. You will have to hang in there even though you are very, very angry at the other person. Hence, the self-sacrificing and nurturing nature. Besides, everyone seems normal only till you get to know them beyond the superficial persona. You have to deal with that. Marriage used to be an economic relationship even a century ago, and it worked. Women went out in the workforce during the world-wars and when the cost of living outstripped the one earner model. Now, nazi feminism has somehow convinced a lot of women that unless they control where they are going in life, their life is pointless. Or, they have to prove something to themselves and the world (I dated an ultra-feminist nurse for a while). That does not work with the concept of a family. You can choose either your career, or a family. But the career part also works. At some point of time, when the kids are going to school, it would be great if you can get back to a 9-5 easy going job, else you'd sit and home, have too much time to think, and drive yourself and me nuts.
My personal experience with residents is limited. I am an ethnic minority and I can recall three women, two ophtho residents, and one derm resident from my ethnic group who were looking for someone from the same group. All three were tall, attractive, and had the personality of a rocking chair. Moreover, their criteria for dating was that the guy should be a physician or a lawyer, and within physicians, someone from a macho specialty (in addition to being from their ethnic group, which is underrepresented in medicine). So, poor little me medical student had no chance (I am about 3 years older than the average med student so I was older than them). Now, that I am going into residency and have the dibs on medical students etc, I would most certainly not date these women.
That said, I am sure there are wonderful people out there. But, there can only be one alpha in a stable relationship and unfortunately that is me. You can't have two gods running one world. Simple as that. At the end of the day, you can hate me and the guys as much as you can, but at the age of 27+ you need us more than we need you. You have your criteria, we have ours. 🙂