Mental Health in Personal Statement

[SeniorPreMed7]

Hey y’all, so I’m a 30 year old Senior PreMed about to apply to Med. School. I am considering how to write my personal statement as I was out of college from 2009-2017. The gap from 2009-2016 I suffered from severe ocd, labeled as the worst case of OCD many of my Doctors ever saw. I finished 3 semesters of college from 2008-2009 and withdrew due to this OCD which spiraled out of control. For 7 years, I slowly declined, stopped eating, stopped talking to people, stopped doing everything a normal person would do. Even wore the same t-shirt for 2 years (washed it daily). I had tons of rules I imposed on me that I thought I must keep to avoid eternal punishment by God. Anyways, 2016 I developed an extremely rare vascular condition, I was weeks from death, and decided to stop all these crazy ocd rules I imposed on myself.
Doctors saved my life from the vascular condition during a 2 hour procedure. I decided to not go back to the ocd and live life. I began back to college fall 2017 and have been full of more life and personality than ever before. I went from not saying a word for 2 years to winning 3rd place in our college’s Mr. _______ college name competition out of a large college. I have made a 4.0 every semester besides 1 B, in Evolutionary Biology. I am involved on campus etc etc.
So I must explain my 7 year gap from college. It’s not pleasant, I didn’t work, I stayed in my house for 2/7 years not walking even outside due to my rules from ocd. It was extremely severe mental anguish. I overcame it. I know what it is like to battle anxiety disorders and feel humiliated and alone. I am scared to put any of this in a personal statement due to stigma associated with mental illness but for 3.5 years I’ve been free of ocd and my school/friends/extracurriculars shows my success and freedom from OCD bondage. I also can’t leave it out, 7 year gap is extreme, I could say I had a chronic autoimmune illness and leave it at that (Docs wondered if AI caused OCD). But my ocd battle was such a big part of my life, 7 years wasted to a mental disorder. I know what psych patients go through, I sympathize with them. My Vascular Condition is what really got me to return to college as a premed. I saw 10 docs in 9 weeks, misdiagnosed several times,
Some docs said it may be my ocd (my symptoms in my head otherwords). And when one doc heard me out, he ordered a scan that determined my issue and found out I as weeks from death, and a Doc in town fixed it after many declined due to complexity of issue and risk of intervention.
-So any suggestions on wording my Personal Statement given my situation, large gap spent bound to OCD, overcoming it and going through the vascular condition would be much appreciated y’all!!
Thanks!!

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[DNAJB6]

The adcom consensus is don't mention mental health issues to anyone at any stage of the process.

 

[DNAJB6]

For 7 years, I slowly declined, stopped eating, stopped talking to people, stopped doing everything a normal person would do. Even wore the same t-shirt for 2 years (washed it daily). I had tons of rules I imposed on me that I thought I must keep to avoid eternal punishment by God.... It’s not pleasant, I didn’t work, I stayed in my house for 2/7 years not walking even outside due to my rules from ocd. It was extremely severe mental anguish. I overcame it. I know what it is like to battle anxiety disorders and feel humiliated and alone.

This sounds like more than just OCD FWIW.

So I must explain my 7 year gap from college.... I could say I had a chronic autoimmune illness and leave it at that (Docs wondered if AI caused OCD).

That's the best slant, but then again, how severe is the autoimmune disease? Bad enough to merely be a pain in the butt or bad enough to kill you? If severe, I would worry about revealing that information as well.

 

[LizzyM]

You could say that you acquired a chronic condition that caused you to become disabled and homebound. The development of a life threatening vascular condition resulted in a flurry of medical appointments and, ultimately, in a surgical procedure that saved your life and helped reverse the long slide that your chronic condition had precipitated.

Your medical record is private and you will not be required to disclose it. Some people may be curious about your chronic condition and some may read between the lines but some schools may just take the statement at face value.

 

[Moko]

I'm glad that you have gotten better and overcome these challenges, but this is not information that I would recommend volunteering. I would have significant reservations if I read that someone's mental health condition caused them to be functionally paralyzed for several years. Medical training is stressful and unfortunately has a tendency to reopen old wounds (and cause new ones to form). Just my thoughts

 

[LizzyM]

I'm glad that you have gotten better and overcome these challenges, but this is not information that I would recommend volunteering. I would have significant reservations if I read that someone's mental health condition caused them to be functionally paralyzed for several years. Medical training is stressful and unfortunately has a tendency to reopen old wounds (and cause new ones to form). Just my thoughts

How then does one address a 7 year gap in the resume? Claim to have been a religious hermit?

 

[SeniorPreMed7]

How then does one address a 7 year gap in the resume? Claim to have been a religious hermit?

I want to thank everyone for their responses so far. That’s my issue, how do I address the gap of 7-years. My story is my story and I feel it shouldn’t judge my future ability to do well as the 4 years since those trials have proven I’m able to do Med School and hopefully my MCAT score will be 515 ish and also prove that.
I understand the stigma and thoughts of potential liability if the student’s OCD flared again. I “know”’it won’t but they don’t. I know I’ve overcome it. Doctors thought I may of had strep induced OCD (PANS/PANDAS) / autoimmune-induced OCD but regardless it manifested in a severely crippling mental disorder. Then the life threatening vascular condition “woke-me up” and I quit all the OCD within a couple months and never went back. If I try to not mention it, and they press the issue and I end up stuttering, they will think I’m hiding something or if I reveal it, they will know I tried to hide it vs being upfront. So I’m not sure. I am really torn on it. I do feel going through mental illness will help me as a Doctor to work with mentally ill/anxious or psychotic patients that all Doctors, not just Psych has to deal with. I saw GASTRO when I gave up eating food due to the OCD; he considered G-tubing me and had to deal with my OCD as a GASTRO doc. So any field I go into, my experience will help me have that compassion and understanding for mentally distraught patients / individuals. Thanks again and more f/u thoughts are definitely welcome y’all!!

 

[SeniorPreMed7]

This sounds like more than just OCD FWIW.



That's the best slant, but then again, how severe is the autoimmune disease? Bad enough to merely be a pain in the butt or bad enough to kill you? If severe, I would worry about revealing that information as well.

I have no diagnosed autoimmune disease or physical issues, it was a theory my Rheumo had. The OCD was so severe and onset was spontaneous at 18 years old so he thought maybe it had an organic cause whether PANS/PANDAS/Strep induced or Autoimmune induced (I had a positive ANA titer and Thyroid antibodies high but no obvious autoimmune condition).

 

[Moko]

How then does one address a 7 year gap in the resume? Claim to have been a religious hermit?

I like what you recommended.

 

[studentdoctornetworque]

My personal statement explicitly focused on my relationship with anxiety, how I've dealt with it since 1st grade, and how it's led me to do neuroscience research and want to help others. I've had a couple of II, so it can't be completely shooting yourself in the foot. I debated whether or not to include anxiety in my PS, and I ultimately decided that it was an integral part of the story of how I came to want to be a doctor, and at the end of the day you only get to have one life -> one story -> one personal statement.

Because your story is so intertwined with mental illness and health issues, it's a topic that's impossible to avoid. You need to be able to show hard evidence of how you've overcome the challenges you've faced because of it, though.

In my opinion (comes with grain of salt), I think your story specifically gives you a tremendous advantage. But even so, it doesn't really matter. It's a huge chunk of your adult life, and no adcom is going to just breeze past that or be satisfied with "oh I was just taking a break." In fact, they could interpret this as you not wanting to talk about a weakness with no redeeming qualities. Being willing to talk about it shows that you've healed enough to have that introspective, objective point of view of yourself. It shows emotional and social maturity. You need to make sure you do some serious introspection though.

 

[keolu hills]

I have OCD that is severe and I have been treated for it. When I attended graduate school and later medical school, my symptoms were not as bad under medication and therapy. Did you get treated for it? It does not simply go away by will power. I am not trying to be mean. When they read your personal statement, and if you go for an interview, you will be sitting in front of professionals that know that OCD does not go away by will power.

Also, from what you described, it sounds like you were dealing with more than OCD.

 

[DNAJB6]

My personal statement explicitly focused on my relationship with anxiety, how I've dealt with it since 1st grade, and how it's led me to do neuroscience research and want to help others. I've had a couple of II, so it can't be completely shooting yourself in the foot. I debated whether or not to include anxiety in my PS, and I ultimately decided that it was an integral part of the story of how I came to want to be a doctor, and at the end of the day you only get to have one life -> one story -> one personal statement.

How far removed are you from the anxiety issues? There is also an issue of degree, severity, and complexity. Mild anxiety is not the same as a crippling disorder that leads to refusing contact with people or lacking basic self care.

 

[ciestar]

My slew of mental health stuff is heavily linked to childhood trauma (which i will talk about) but i chose not to mention it. I have bipolar II and things got really rough for me end of second year especially. There is a fine line with this stuff and it absolutely can push you into a relapse. If you choose to talk about it, you must prove you have the resources/support in place to ensure good mental health standing going forward. The number one way schools lose students is due to mental health issues.

 

[Bonne Nuit]

My slew of mental health stuff is heavily linked to childhood trauma (which i will talk about) but i chose not to mention it. I have bipolar II and things got really rough for me end of second year especially. There is a fine line with this stuff and it absolutely can push you into a relapse. If you choose to talk about it, you must prove you have the resources/support in place to ensure good mental health standing going forward. The number one way schools lose students is due to mental health issues.

I don't have anything specific to add, but thank you so much for sharing. I have a very close loved one who was out of school/the workforce for a long time due to their struggles. They now have a PhD but still feel they have to hide the fact that they couldn't graduate high school because of their illness.

I know they often feel alone. I am always looking for success stories from other people who are achieving at a very high level in their career despite (or, maybe, because of) their personal challenges. You're helping to break this stigma.

 

[studentdoctornetworque]

How far removed are you from the anxiety issues? There is also an issue of degree, severity, and complexity. Mild anxiety is not the same as a crippling disorder that leads to refusing contact with people or lacking basic self care.

I understand what you’re saying and agree with you. I think that it’s a nuanced issue depending on how severe the mental illness is. I would need to be picked up by my parents from school because I wouldn’t stop crying under my desk in elementary school and went on Zoloft in 4th grade. Anxiety isn’t “curable,” so it has still affected my life. I can share more details in a PM, but suffice to say that anxiety and depression have touched almost every day of my life.

In order to succeed in undergrad, MCAT, and other aspects of a successful app, you almost necessarily have to surmount your mental illness or improve your relationship with it in some way. I don’t think someone being actively affected by the symptoms you described would be able to even get to the point of applying to medical school. The fact that you make it to that point illustrates some control over the mental illness.

However, if there is something that is too indicative of instability that you don’t ~need~ to share, then there is no need to share it.

 

[chicandtoughness]

We're not in the business of dx'ing others on the internet, but I do agree. That does not sound like OCD to me; additionally, PANDAS is a pediatric dx specifically (and hence, would not be applicable to your age) and still harbors a lot of the "that's not a real thing" stigma. You mention "I decided to not go back to the OCD", but that's not really how OCD works.

I say this not to disparage or invalidate your experience - it is clear that you were struggling with something extremely challenging and crippling, and there should be no shame around taking time to recuperate and recover. However, I would be extra careful sharing any of those experiences if you do not have accurate dx's or names for your experiences. The last thing you want is for an interviewer to go, "Okay, so he's told me all these things, but his dx is so inaccurate that I think he's just making it all up." The best thing to do is make mention to it but don't go into detail. LizzyM's suggestion is exactly that.

 

[SeniorPreMed7]

I have OCD that is severe and I have been treated for it. When I attended graduate school and later medical school, my symptoms were not as bad under medication and therapy. Did you get treated for it? It does not simply go away by will power. I am not trying to be mean. When they read your personal statement, and if you go for an interview, you will be sitting in front of professionals that know that OCD does not go away by will power.

Also, from what you described, it sounds like you were dealing with more than OCD.

I mean, I have been totally set free of that specific OCD hang up which lasted 7ish years. I’ve had no new hang ups the last 4 years and plan on never falling into OCD as I have overcome it, I know it’s traps now and the lies it tells oneself. So although the medical literature says one thing, I believe I am never going to deal with it again to any significant degree. I kinda cold turkey broke all my ocd rituals / rules all of a sudden after finding out I was weeks from potentially dying of the vascular condition I had (8by2 cm mass of vessels in my abdomen nearing rupture). But I see what you are saying, the medical professionals won’t buy that I am free of ocd based off literature. All I can say is look at my last 4-5 years and all I’ve accomplished in school/extracurricular/etc. and hope they buy that.

 

[SeniorPreMed7]

How far removed are you from the anxiety issues? There is also an issue of degree, severity, and complexity. Mild anxiety is not the same as a crippling disorder that leads to refusing contact with people or lacking basic self care.

I would say 100% free of the anxiety disorder I had, the ocd which became one of the worst cases my local docs and docs at the largest OCD clinic in the nation had seen (in Florida, Rothman Center at USF). Extremely crippling. Now I would say there is at best 2% of what I had remains but I know what to do now to not let it affect my life in any way. A thought or impulse may come but I can instantly reject it vs giving in to it. (For some it may be hand washing or checking a lock or door, for me it was giving up things I enjoyed doing, foods, sports, music, even talking and going outside, eventually everything practically was “off limits” from my OCD). I believed (or doubted) a lie for 7 years I had to do these things or avoid them, I made new rules for myself to keep daily that put me in a mental holocaust, a self-made prison. Thankfully I was set free from it.

 

[SeniorPreMed7]

I don't have anything specific to add, but thank you so much for sharing. I have a very close loved one who was out of school/the workforce for a long time due to their struggles. They now have a PhD but still feel they have to hide the fact that they couldn't graduate high school because of their illness.

I know they often feel alone. I am always looking for success stories from other people who are achieving at a very high level in their career despite (or, maybe, because of) their personal challenges. You're helping to break this stigma.

Appreciate it!! You’re right, we gotta help break the stigma, whatever the stigma may be, we can break it!

 

[SeniorPreMed7]

We're not in the business of dx'ing others on the internet, but I do agree. That does not sound like OCD to me; additionally, PANDAS is a pediatric dx specifically (and hence, would not be applicable to your age) and still harbors a lot of the "that's not a real thing" stigma. You mention "I decided to not go back to the OCD", but that's not really how OCD works.

I say this not to disparage or invalidate your experience - it is clear that you were struggling with something extremely challenging and crippling, and there should be no shame around taking time to recuperate and recover. However, I would be extra careful sharing any of those experiences if you do not have accurate dx's or names for your experiences. The last thing you want is for an interviewer to go, "Okay, so he's told me all these things, but his dx is so inaccurate that I think he's just making it all up." The best thing to do is make mention to it but don't go into detail. LizzyM's suggestion is exactly that.

Very true. As said, most doctors believe I was dealing with ocd, I may of not given enough info to reveal that but I went to the Rothman Center at USF, one of the biggest OCD centers in the nation and they confirmed it was OCD, although, not one drug helped me. Many doctors had their hypothesis of the cause of the OCD from autoimmune encephalopathy to PANS / PANDAS (both not agreed upon as real pathologies yet but decent evidence exists for both) to other causes. I looked back over my childhood when at 20 years old I was told my spiritual scrupulous thoughts/behavior were likely OCD and after studying OCD realized I likely had months of hang ups as a child which may be ocd (rereading lines in a summer reading book over and over until “it felt right to move to next line”. Little hang ups, I’d get over in a few months. So I possibly had ocd tendencies since childhood but none got me like the one from 19-26 years old. I had 9-10 strep throats in a year when I was 9 years old so that’s why they brought up PANDAS I guess. All I know is from 19-26 I was severely and progressively paralyzed by my mind, and now I’m 100% free of it which my academics/work/extracurriculars on my resume will / should hopefully prove to adcoms.