Moving without your SO for med school

This forum made possible through the generous support of SDN members, donors, and sponsors. Thank you.
Members do not see this ad.
danib2k15 said:
I'm sure I can't be the only person who is moving while their SO remains where they are and I guess I thought it might be nice to have a support thread.
Click to expand...

Thanks for making this thread. I'm in the same boat. My husband has a career that he can only pursue in a couple of cities in the US, and it doesn't look like I will be admitted to a med school in one of those cities. It sucks, but we're going to try our hardest to make it work by visiting on the weekends when possible and skyping a lot. He's very supportive of my desire to go to med school, fortunately, and has been spinning the situation as "you'll have even more time to study without distractions".

My fear of living apart for med school has now morphed into a fear of what will happen if I can't match into a residency in a city where he can work. Four years will be tough enough, but any longer... ugh, something would have to give.
 
Yeaa I (we?) decided to end our relationship since we had already been going on 4 years of LD during undergrad and putting that on top of another 4 years of me being in med school in the midwest and her being in graduate school on the east coast for 5-7 years would have strained our lives to the max. Even if I wanted to go to another school in the area around her, it would have cost me close to double what I would pay instate and I didn't even get interviews out there regardless. 🙁 It sucked.
 
Strong thread OP!

I just got engaged in October. Future hubby is a union electrician and will be promoted to foreman in the next 3 years (making 6 figures). He is pretty much stuck in southwestern PA with his job until I start making that type of money. (Electrical unions don't take well to people moving, they are called "tramps" and are often placed at the bottom of the book and get laid off a lot). So my application list will have Pitt and LECOM as my top schools, WVU, every Pennsylvania school and Ohio school (originally from Ohio).

Thank god I'm pretty low maintenance in relationships... He wants to buy a house though and I'm only agreeing to it because we will get a puppy when we buy this summer. At least Pittsburgh has a pretty populous healthcare system.

He's also pushed me to do this and has been my biggest supporter. And he understands the time constraints and long distance we will most likely have to endure.
 
I just started dating this girl last week who is for sure not going to move with me for school. Honestly, I think we're just going to break up after I leave. It is a very fortunate and unfortunate situation.
 
what's worse is when you get into two different schools -_-
 
Ugh, I'm not in med school (yet, hopefully will be this upcoming cycle), but I've been talking to my bf about it and it seems as though we are probably going to break up. I cry with every thought because I fell head over heels for him, but he's in his PhD program in plastic engineering and it's not like he can pick up and leave with me. I was hoping he would be the end game but seeing how arbitrary this process can be, I can't put stock into that idea anymore.
 
So do you guys think its easier if your SO is also in an MD/DO/PharmD/DPM/DVM etc... program as well?
Upon first inspection, it would appear that sharing similar struggles and having similarly limited time would help ease the strain of long-distance.
 
I haven't been accepted (yet) this cycle but this has definitely been a stressor for me as well. We've been together for almost 6 years so it's hard to imagine life without him as a positive support, but I'm not unrealistic about what the likely outcome will be.
 
My husband of 16+ years didn't move with me. He couldn't. It's been absolutely horrible and stressful to not have a support system.
 
This has also been on my mind, and I'm in the boat with everyone else who's stuck waiting for final decisions so that we can actually start planning our future lives!
 
J Senpai said:
My GF and I've been together for almost a year, and we're contemplating marriage and I would absolutely spend my life with her and she with me. We currently live in the same town, but she's moving to PT school this summer and I could be one of two places -- 6 hours away in a different time zone, or 2.5 hours away in an adjacent city. I'm hoping for the latter.

We're going to long distance and try to see one another as often as possible, watch Netflix over Skype, etc.

It's scary though. We love each other but I'm so afraid of growing apart.
Click to expand...

This x1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000.

Congrats on your acceptance @J Senpai , and my hope is that it is near your SO.
 
TallPreMed said:
Strong thread OP!

I just got engaged in October. Future hubby is a union electrician and will be promoted to foreman in the next 3 years (making 6 figures). He is pretty much stuck in southwestern PA with his job until I start making that type of money. (Electrical unions don't take well to people moving, they are called "tramps" and are often placed at the bottom of the book and get laid off a lot). So my application list will have Pitt and LECOM as my top schools, WVU, every Pennsylvania school and Ohio school (originally from Ohio).

Thank god I'm pretty low maintenance in relationships... He wants to buy a house though and I'm only agreeing to it because we will get a puppy when we buy this summer. At least Pittsburgh has a pretty populous healthcare system.

He's also pushed me to do this and has been my biggest supporter. And he understands the time constraints and long distance we will most likely have to endure.
Click to expand...

I'm also lucky enough to have a guy like this 🙂 Nothing in the world like it.
 
frosted_flake said:
I'm also lucky enough to have a guy like this 🙂 Nothing in the world like it.
Click to expand...

I agree! I think the real motivation behind it is because he knows I'll be bored in any other career I pick which means I'll bother him more... Plus he's guaranteed at least 2 years of me being away from him which means some well deserved solitude and rest :hilarious:
 
TallPreMed said:
I agree! I think the real motivation behind it is because he knows I'll be bored in any other career I pick which means I'll bother him more... Plus he's guaranteed at least 2 years of me being away from him which means some well deserved solitude and rest :hilarious:
Click to expand...

Probably good to put a positive spin on things. I for one will have a year where my place is always clean and there will never be random clothes on the floor! Haha.
 
J Senpai said:
My GF and I've been together for almost a year, and we're contemplating marriage and I would absolutely spend my life with her and she with me. We currently live in the same town, but she's moving to PT school this summer and I could be one of two places -- 6 hours away in a different time zone, or 2.5 hours away in an adjacent city. I'm hoping for the latter.

We're going to long distance and try to see one another as often as possible, watch Netflix over Skype, etc.

It's scary though. We love each other but I'm so afraid of growing apart.
Click to expand...

fyi,

With https://rabb.it/ you can video chat with a person and have Netflix, Hulu, etc. streaming to both of you simultaneously.
 
You know from what I've seen In medical school, cheating on a SO is pretty rampant. Idk what it is but it seems to be a common trend amongst my friends med schools too... Lol


Sent from my iPhone using SDN mobile
 
If you're good looking, there will be always more options.
 
My significant Other and I only spent a total of 4 weeks together in a 3 year relationship so I guess she is used to the long distance so I hope she can handle this. The only difference is I wont have time to make as much phone calls as like I did in the past. But im determined to make it work, she love my farts and you dont find that everyday
 
Started seeing a guy (whom I am now engaged to) during my second year. It's certainly been hard at times, but I think the most important thing that we did was set realistic expectations. He works full-time, is a master's student, and also lives an hour and a half away. Needless to say, our schedules can often be very hectic. We have always set aside time for each other and make an active effort to talk every day. On the weekends, we alternate who travels. Fortunately, I have had a couple rotations out by where he's living, so I've been able to stay with him for those. Being back at my home institution now is definitely harder now that I'm not seeing him every day.
 
Im still in my undergrad for another year or so, but I will definitely have to move out of state since there is a very slim chance of getting into any CA schools. I've been with my SO for 6 years now, since freshman year in highschool. He says he will try to find work wherever I get in, especially since engineering positions are pretty available in all areas. However he probably won't graduate until after me since I'm a bit further in my units, so I will have to leave before he is even finished with his undergrad. I have high hopes that we could make it work, but we havent spent much time apart in these 6 years, we even go to the same undergrad, so I don't know what could happen.
 
I moved with my SO. In fact, we got married before. It was a huge leap of faith but have so far enjoyed every minute of both the good times and the struggles. Makes you a stronger couple at the end of the day imo.


Sent from my iPad using SDN mobile app
 
pageantry said:
My SO and I had to decide whether he was going back home to Australia or getting married and coming with me to med school.

We decided to break up.

It really really sucks but it was just too much pressure for either of us this early in the relationship. I'm glad he left last week so hopefully the sting will be gone by the time I have to decide where to go. And I'm glad I can decide what's best for me without having to consider anyone else's opinion.

But I'm still in the crying all the time stage. What can I say. BOO.

BOO HOO. 🙁
Click to expand...

I am sorry to hear that you two had to make this tough decision... Best of wishes!!!
 
danib2k15 said:
So my SO talked to me and told me that his plan is to move with me to med school 🙂 Not sure when that will be (if it will be when I go or if we'll wait it out a year or so) but I am so happy! Maybe we won't have to do distance?
Click to expand...
So happy for you! That is my dream! I've been planting the seeds lately so we'll see...
 
Communication is key. I hope you find and maintain that delicate balance if staying together is a priority for you.

Today is my 11th anniversary with my SO and we have ups and downs just like anyone else. I wouldn't be who I am today without them and I need them in my life until I die. I know that is a rarity for young people now days. Shouldering the day to day will be difficult but I think if both of your desires are true you will find the resolve to withstand this departure.
 
Syns said:
Communication is key. I hope you find and maintain that delicate balance if staying together is a priority for you.

Today is my 11th anniversary with my SO and we have ups and downs just like anyone else. I wouldn't be who I am today without them and I need them in my life until I die. I know that is a rarity for young people now days. Shouldering the day to day will be difficult but I think if both of your desires are true you will find the resolve to withstand this departure.
Click to expand...
Really loving the positivity in this thread from posts like these
 
Living w my gf now and we are in a great groove. Gonna suck moving apart! You guys should check out reddit r/longdistance. Great community.
 
For those attempting long distance, do you have a plan of when you will close the distance?
 
TallPreMed said:
Strong thread OP!

I just got engaged in October. Future hubby is a union electrician and will be promoted to foreman in the next 3 years (making 6 figures). He is pretty much stuck in southwestern PA with his job until I start making that type of money. (Electrical unions don't take well to people moving, they are called "tramps" and are often placed at the bottom of the book and get laid off a lot). So my application list will have Pitt and LECOM as my top schools, WVU, every Pennsylvania school and Ohio school (originally from Ohio).

Thank god I'm pretty low maintenance in relationships... He wants to buy a house though and I'm only agreeing to it because we will get a puppy when we buy this summer. At least Pittsburgh has a pretty populous healthcare system.

He's also pushed me to do this and has been my biggest supporter. And he understands the time constraints and long distance we will most likely have to endure.
Click to expand...

I got engaged in October as well, and my fiance is a union worker in Pittsburgh who also can't move! That's so funny.

I'm on the waitlist at my top choice which is also closest to him, which is terrible. I feel like all of our plans are on hold and I'd rather not spend our first two years of marriage apart. So I'm just trying to keep myself (and everyone else in the family) sane..
 
carcar.marie said:
I got engaged in October as well, and my fiance is a union worker in Pittsburgh who also can't move! That's so funny.

I'm on the waitlist at my top choice which is also closest to him, which is terrible. I feel like all of our plans are on hold and I'd rather not spend our first two years of marriage apart. So I'm just trying to keep myself (and everyone else in the family) sane..
Click to expand...

Whaaaat? Small world! I'll definitely be applying to Pitt and LECOM, even if Pitt will be a huge reach, I'm hoping my ECs might help me at least get an interview. It almost feels like we are at a stalemate at this point. Just waiting for me to apply in two years and figure out where I'm going to be and then work it out then. Ugh. So frustrating. I wish he could move more easily.
 
TallPreMed said:
Whaaaat? Small world! I'll definitely be applying to Pitt and LECOM, even if Pitt will be a huge reach, I'm hoping my ECs might help me at least get an interview. It almost feels like we are at a stalemate at this point. Just waiting for me to apply in two years and figure out where I'm going to be and then work it out then. Ugh. So frustrating. I wish he could move more easily.
Click to expand...


Ain't that the truth. Are you getting married before medical school? My very wise philosophy is that there is no good time so we're doing it after first year. :clap:
 
Remember please that relationships are not built on "meant to be" they are built on communication, trust, forgiveness of imperfections/bad days/your own guilt, and most important constant hard work. My husband of almost 6 years (together for 13 years) and I have done moves, long distance and dealt with major life trauma together. We didn't survive because of love, many people love, we survived because we are both all in and we fight for each other. We have had blowout fights, walked away from each other and gone to counseling. We have done distance (longest was 2 years, farthest away was 10 months on different continents) and lived together in cramped quarters (maybe worse sometimes than distance). We are always willing to find a way through in the end because it is what we want (that part is where love comes in). Best to not be naive about love being like a disney movie, it is not. It is them and you forgiving yourself and them for all our worst mistakes and worst decisions in life, and seeing the amazing person underneath it all. I absolutely love my husband, and we make the choice to love each other and not let life tear us apart every day.
 
It is hard but doable. GL to everyone in making it through this crazy time, and remember it is a choice and sometimes 100% worth it!
 
Thank God for this thread. I've been with my partner for almost 7 years, lived together for the last 4, and he's been incredibly supportive through my career change and pursuit of medicine. We're both 35 and are getting married in the next couple of months. His work is in a really demanding biomedical field, and he basically has received an offer he can't refuse (and that I wouldn't want him to) for a position in Chicago. I am so lucky I got into CCOM and was ready to start packing for the move, but now also have some unexpected acceptances at excellent MD schools in the NE. This decision has been weighing heavily on both of us. If we were younger, I don't think I would hesitate to go long distance and maximize my opportunities. But I really want to get our lives started, and am sick of moving around the country for grad school/post docs/etc which is what we have been doing for most of our relationship. On the waitlist at UIC too, and am considering just going with CCOM and hoping for some waitlist movement. It's a rough ride and I don't know what we're going to end up doing--thinking about options makes me really sad. Thanks for starting this supportive thread!
 
Is it wrong/selfish that I'm considering breaking up with my girlfriend before I leave for medical school because I want to worry about myself and focus on my future? She is not in the medical field and we've been together only 9 months or so. I don't think she wants to break up, but I also feel like she is unrealistic about the possibility of us going so long in a long-distance relationship. She also is unwilling to move from our current city and has said several times that I should just get a residency here even with me explaining to her it's not that easy. In her defense, she did just get her dream job here that is not able to move around to other cities and I could never ask her to leave that. This is frustrating and hard, but I sometimes selfishly feel that it would be easier for the both of us to just start fresh.

This thread has definitely helped me through some of my frustration and what not. Thanks for it!
 
jlh19 said:
Is it wrong/selfish that I'm considering breaking up with my girlfriend before I leave for medical school because I want to worry about myself and focus on my future? She is not in the medical field and we've been together only 9 months or so. I don't think she wants to break up, but I also feel like she is unrealistic about the possibility of us going so long in a long-distance relationship. She also is unwilling to move from our current city and has said several times that I should just get a residency here even with me explaining to her it's not that easy. In her defense, she did just get her dream job here that is not able to move around to other cities and I could never ask her to leave that. This is frustrating and hard, but I sometimes selfishly feel that it would be easier for the both of us to just start fresh.

This thread has definitely helped me through some of my frustration and what not. Thanks for it!
Click to expand...
Yeah I would break up if I were you and start clean. Seems pretty unlikely that it will work out without a clear definite thing to look forward to esp since you don't know where you will end up for residency.
 
jlh19 said:
Is it wrong/selfish that I'm considering breaking up with my girlfriend before I leave for medical school because I want to worry about myself and focus on my future? She is not in the medical field and we've been together only 9 months or so. I don't think she wants to break up, but I also feel like she is unrealistic about the possibility of us going so long in a long-distance relationship. She also is unwilling to move from our current city and has said several times that I should just get a residency here even with me explaining to her it's not that easy. In her defense, she did just get her dream job here that is not able to move around to other cities and I could never ask her to leave that. This is frustrating and hard, but I sometimes selfishly feel that it would be easier for the both of us to just start fresh.

This thread has definitely helped me through some of my frustration and what not. Thanks for it!
Click to expand...

It's not wrong. If you're both not on the same page, it'll be much harder.


Sent from my iPhone using SDN mobile
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

P
Are your chances at a top med school severely hindered without research productivity?
Replies
5
Views
1K
GoSpursGo
GoSpursGo
D
Advice on Next Steps for Med School
Replies
13
Views
1K
Hollow Knight
Hollow Knight
J
Choose your medical school
Replies
1
Views
1K
Mr.Smile12
Mr.Smile12
A
SDN Article: How to Write Your Medical School Interview
Replies
0
Views
301
Autumn Lockett
A
E
does psych stats count for stats req for texas med schools?
Replies
0
Views
241
Eliana7864
E
Top