Moving without your SO for med school

[catie_jane]

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My BF and I have been dating for about a year and a half, but we're friends for much longer. I will most like be attending school in CT (waiting on a few decisions) while he stays in MA for paramedic school (eventually wants to go to PA school).

In my ideal world, he would be able to find a job as a paramedic wherever I am in a year after he's done with school but I feel like that most likely won't happen.

As of now I think we are going to try to keep the relationship going and just kinda of see how it goes... 🤔

 

[pageantry]

My SO and I had to decide whether he was going back home to Australia or getting married and coming with me to med school.

We decided to break up.

It really really sucks but it was just too much pressure for either of us this early in the relationship. I'm glad he left last week so hopefully the sting will be gone by the time I have to decide where to go. And I'm glad I can decide what's best for me without having to consider anyone else's opinion.

But I'm still in the crying all the time stage. What can I say. BOO.

BOO HOO. 🙁

I just wanted to report that I'm a month out now from him leaving and I'm not crying anymore. I miss him, but I'm busy and doing fine.

Everything will be okay, y'all. Crying's okay too, sometimes.

 

[carcar.marie]

I just wanted to report that I'm a month out now from him leaving and I'm not crying anymore. I miss him, but I'm busy and doing fine.

Everything will be okay, y'all. Crying's okay too, sometimes.

My first breakup all I did was cry and eat panfuls of brownies. Looking back it was actually kind of fun. 🙂

 

[bee17]

I will be moving without my BF for medical school without a definitive end point to the long distance thing, as I'm doing MD/PhD. We haven't been together that long, but we were very close friends for years before dating. I want to at least try to make it work. We will get a taste of long distance this summer, as he is working at a summer camp where he basically never gets time off. Can we make this a support thread?

 

[Sage_Growth]

I will be moving without my BF for medical school without a definitive end point to the long distance thing, as I'm doing MD/PhD. We haven't been together that long, but we were very close friends for years before dating. I want to at least try to make it work. We will get a taste of long distance this summer, as he is working at a summer camp where he basically never gets time off. Can we make this a support thread?

Yup. I'm in the same boat. I don't know if we can stomach 8 years of long distance. I'm definitely going to have to move and spend part of M1 on my own, at least, since she can't just up and leave her job. When I get to revisit, I'll have to ask around to see if there are opportunities for her to continue her career. It's tough because her field is so specific and only concentrated in the big cities on the coasts. I've accepted the fact that even if she comes with me, she may decide to move to another job opening at some point, if it's what's best for her. In the end, I want the both of us to be happy and satisfied with our lives, even if we're apart. I'm just crossing my fingers and waiting for things to shake out.

 

[bee17]

Yup. I'm in the same boat. I don't know if we can stomach 8 years of long distance. I'm definitely going to have to move and spend part of M1 on my own, at least, since she can't just up and leave her job. When I get to revisit, I'll have to ask around to see if there are opportunities for her to continue her career. It's tough because her field is so specific and only concentrated in the big cities on the coasts. I've accepted the fact that even if she comes with me, she may decide to move to another job opening at some point, if it's what's best for her. In the end, I want the both of us to be happy and satisfied with our lives, even if we're apart. I'm just crossing my fingers and waiting for things to shake out.

I hope everything works out for you! My SO is starting medical school in a different state. The best situation would be for him to get a residency in the same city where I will be for MD/PhD, which would cut the long distance to 4 years. However, I feel like that's a conversation we'll have to wait a while to have, as we've only been dating for less than a year. I guess we'll just take it one day at a time and see if we can survive M1!

 

[doctorgrey623]

figured this was the best place for this- anyone bringing their SO to second look events/on the trip itself? Flights aren't too pricey and my SO wants a better idea of where I'll be living and to see the school. Not sure if I should have him wander the city all day or try to see what events he can come to

 

[Doctor Strange]

figured this was the best place for this- anyone bringing their SO to second look events/on the trip itself? Flights aren't too pricey and my SO wants a better idea of where I'll be living and to see the school. Not sure if I should have him wander the city all day or try to see what events he can come to

There's really no point dragging them along for what will inevitably be a rehash of what you got on your interview day. I'd say bring them along so that you can explore the city, but don't torture them with the details of the curriculum. You can tour the campus with your SO anytime.

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[doctorgrey623]

There's really no point dragging them along for what will inevitably be a rehash of what you got on your interview day. I'd say bring them along so that you can explore the city, but don't torture them with the details of the curriculum. You can tour the campus with your SO anytime.

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funny you replied- its your school! I figured the Friday info sessions would bore him to tears and wait to see if we can bring guests to the reception on Thursday

 

[Doctor Strange]

funny you replied- its your school! I figured the Friday info sessions would bore him to tears and wait to see if we can bring guests to the reception on Thursday

Oh, then definitely bring him. Philly is a city you need to experience first hand. PM me if you'd like any recs for food/places to hang out when you're not caught up in Jeff stuff.

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[madb0x]

I'm joining in on this wonderful support thread!!

I got into a med school that will be 3 hours away from my BF's podiatry school. I am most nervous about how the time that we will be apart isn't set in stone. It could be 3 years, 4 years, or more :/

I guess I'm just really hoping to match in whatever city he matches in but that's a huge task on its own.

Has anyone matched in a city where their SO was?! I hope I am successful!!

 

[BigBear123]

If it gives anyone any perspective...

I'm a 3rd year med student now. When I was picking med schools, I was choosing between a med school in my home state and one across the country. I ended up going to the end across the country, which gave me a full scholarship while the one in my state gave me nothing (so I would have been $200-300k in debt by graduation). I had been with my ex boyfriend for 4 years at the time, and he remained where he was, we made some vague plans together about him joining me on the east coast. Well... that never happened. We broke up after 1.5 years of long distance.

However, I am now in a relationship, honestly with a much better and more compatible partner, and I am so, so happy that I did not choose to go to the school in my home state.

We are all young... Unless you are married or 100% sure that you are going to get married to this person, it might be more wise to make the right decision for YOURSELF at this point. This will likely be very painful to do... but keep perspective. This is the time to focus on your career. I have found that the older you get and the more people you date, you will likely meet increasingly more compatible and desirable partners, because you are more mature, know what you are looking for after learning from failed relationships, etc. You will likely meet someone else who is just as great... But you will never have the chance to go to med school again. And the relationship you have now could end at some point, anyway.

 

[Bones 2020]

Just wanted to update in this thread, we broke up this week. She never wants to move from her state, and I couldn't live there for at least another 8 years until finishing school+residency. Just couldn't do a long distance relationship for that long

 

[parachichi]

I broke up with mine too, but we have nothing but tenderness for each other and everything is fine. Maybe we'll meet again!

 

[frosted_flake]

This thread makes me want to cry 😢

 

[Doctor Strange]

I'm still together with my fiance! We met while I was an MS2 and have been holding it together for a year and a half now. There's hope!

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[breezy16]

I'm still together with my fiance! We met while I was an MS2 and have been holding it together for a year and a half now. There's hope!

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Fellow MS?

We are still busting ass to get jobs in order but its pretty unknown at this point if we'll get one in time. Can't just move with a house still on a mortgage and car payments.. I have multiple plans in order but who knows what will happen

 

[Pagan FutureDoc]

Update because this thread is getting bumped again.

This year my wife matched into her first choice speciality in our home city. So we won't have to spend time apart until at least my residency.

 

[rederza]

Update to this thread: My fiance and I got in the same school! 🙂

 

[OverlyRomantic]

Update: 7 months in, going strong. I start in July, so the real test hasn't started yet

 

[oOKawaiiOo]

Update: 7 months in, going strong. I start in July, so the real test hasn't started yet

Before or after you were accepted?

I would be wary about girls who have interests because of your potentials.

 

[OverlyRomantic]

Before or after you were accepted?

I would be wary about girls who have interests because of your potentials.

Before I was accepted. I don't think she is like that, but we'll see. I don't want to jinx it, but it's been good so far. Just going to take it one day at a time. Thanks man

 

[Doctor Strange]

Fellow MS?

We are still busting ass to get jobs in order but its pretty unknown at this point if we'll get one in time. Can't just move with a house still on a mortgage and car payments.. I have multiple plans in order but who knows what will happen

No, he's not.

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[bee17]

Just wanted to update in this thread, we broke up this week. She never wants to move from Alaska, and I couldn't live there for at least another 8 years until finishing school+residency. Just couldn't do a long distance relationship for that long

I'm sorry to hear about that! I sounds like it will be the best thing in the long run, but break-ups still suck.

 

[asquared]

Hey breakups really hurt, but remember "the one" isn't the only one.

 

[taylorloche]

My SO and I also just decided that we won't stay together after I move. It really, truly does suck.

 

[NoTownPreMed]

My SO is married to me. She's down to go wherever I go

Wife and I discussed about this matter. She really doesn't want to move away from family and friends when the time comes. Even teased the idea of staying home, while she helps pay for my housing/food expenses. Then I jokingly mentioned how easy of a target I am for some single ladies being that I am a married & father of two. Her response, "Make sure you find a decent size apartment, cus we're packing our S***" !!!

 

[TheRhymenocerous]

My SO and I also just decided that we won't stay together after I move. It really, truly does suck.

Same 🙁
Are you going to stay together until you leave? This limbo phase is really rough...

 

[taylorloche]

Same 🙁
Are you going to stay together until you leave? This limbo phase is really rough...

We are. We share the same group of friends so being around each other all the time without actually being together would be way too hard. I'll have a couple weeks at home in July before I actually move (I currently live in a different state than my parents) so I'm hoping that will be enough time to pull myself together before starting school. I feel you, though.

 

[TheRhymenocerous]

We are. We share the same group of friends so being around each other all the time without actually being together would be way too hard. I'll have a couple weeks at home in July before I actually move (I currently live in a different state than my parents) so I'm hoping that will be enough time to pull myself together before starting school. I feel you, though.

That makes sense. I had assumed we would also, but he's taking it harder than expected so now it's all up in the air again. Joy!