MSIII asking out chief resident?
Started by notsittinpretty
I would definitely wait until the rotation is over and the grades have been handed in, and then I guess sort of get to know them better. I think that good chiefs can be really friendly with the students and it easy to get a good feel after the pressure and pretenses of the rotation have faded away.
I really liked my chief resident for one rotation as an MS III, she was the sort of person that I wished I could have gotten to know better, and I think she liked me too, but it was hard to know for sure because I think I sort of put her up on a pedestal. We were very close in age, I think about a year apart, I seriously thought that everything she said was wickedly funny. I wanted to ask alot of questions about her outside life, but that did not seem appropriate, but she did talk about past-boyfriend, family etc. . . and I just sort of soaked it up. It is a huge-power differential though, and I was sort of intimidated because she was soon-to-leave residency (and really happy to be done too), and with me still a student it was just too different worlds I guess.
I'd wait until after your evaluation comes in.
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Blade28
Be careful with this. Everyone will know (gossip travels fast in med school/residency), and DEFINITELY wait until after the rotation and evals are done.
But be careful.
I've seen this happen a few times (both in med school and now, during residency), and it doesn't usually end well.
But be careful.
I've seen this happen a few times (both in med school and now, during residency), and it doesn't usually end well.
Go for it. Too many people are caught up in the heirarchy of medicine. Also in my experience single career women liked to be asked out because they don't get asked out very often for some reason.
Yeah... I look at it as a bold move... but one that you should go for. However, with that said... you should definately wait until after the rotation is over for several weeks. So what if people talk - you mean they'll think that your a normal guy who actually approaches the women he finds interesting. Not worthy of much more than a causal mention - and props! Be bold!
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Blade28
Uh...OK. I'm just saying, be careful with this one.
Until you've seen what can happen, it might not seem like a bad idea.
I vote very strong yes. After the rotation, there is little chance that anyone could retaliate against you, even if they wanted to, which they probably wouldn't. Do it simply and respectfully, and even if he/she says no, anyone who hears the story will be impressed with your brass.
More power to you.
I would do it very discretly, i.e. not in front of other students and residents or even in a private place in a hospital, who knows who she might talk to after this, as this will make the eventual rumor spread like wild-fire. I would try the phone maybe after work-hours or even email just to meet, and then meet at a place off-campus, i.e. away from the hospital. I would be very respectful and make it clear that this isn't a joke and that you have romantic feelings versus just wanting to be with someone you happened to work with for a casual relationship. Ultimately, it is between you and her and I wouldn't talk to any of her resident friends, or any other friends in the hospital, if she says no to a sincere gesture then you know that she probably won't spread any rumors. I bet it might take her a while to adjust to the concept of you and her romantically, (if she isn't already thinking along those lines already herself), so I think a mild do you want to catch a movie or I'm really tired after that last rotation, what did you do as a student? Could you give me a tour of a local museum you know about? Instead of "I think we should make those little people together, you know like in the nursery on third floor".
I have a gut feeling that a male MS III asking out a female chief resident is like playing with dynamite, I think it is very easy to insult the lady in this case because the guy is supposed to be more progressed in career and a couple years older normally, but when biology takes hold on a younger guy lower down on the totem-pole it is hard, whereas I have heard of several female MS dating and marrying their one time resident crushes, obviously others may have a different experience.
I have a gut feeling that a male MS III asking out a female chief resident is like playing with dynamite, I think it is very easy to insult the lady in this case because the guy is supposed to be more progressed in career and a couple years older normally, but when biology takes hold on a younger guy lower down on the totem-pole it is hard, whereas I have heard of several female MS dating and marrying their one time resident crushes, obviously others may have a different experience.
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This seems utterly crazy to even think about. On the one hand it seems like a completely *****ic thing to do. On the other hand I really like her. At least I think I do - I'm not sure if it's because ( like the previous poster said) i put her on this petastool (sp?) or if it's because I think there is really something there. That's why I really want to ask her out. It could definitely end badly though. She's just so awesome! And yes - she's pretty hot
On second thought, maybe you shouldn't ask her out. 😉
Shut up and do it. And let us know how it goes.
Bonus points if you dump her after a couple of horizontal dates. 😀
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Blade28
Was this one of your first real rotations? Sometimes people develop crushes on their residents because they're role models.
I think I'm going to do it - just needed some motivation I guess. Most of my friends @ school have said to do it as well. I promise to give you guys some updates (hopefully more than one!) in a few weeks once my evals. come back.
Oh yeah, and i never claimed to be a good speller. But my spelling was way off. For those of you who are curious it is spelled "pedastal", which you have to admit is spelled nothing like how it sounds.
Oh yeah, and i never claimed to be a good speller. But my spelling was way off. For those of you who are curious it is spelled "pedastal", which you have to admit is spelled nothing like how it sounds.
I think you should definitely ask her out, especially since based on your post it sounds like you would always wonder if you two could have had something special. I think that the rumors only start when one party is a jerk and the other party retaliates with rumors, really I've only mostly heard rumors about the male residents who have dated a ton of medical students. I would do it very respectfully and perhaps even very romantically, but realize that you just know her work personality now, she may be very different the few hours that she spends at home, I would definitely try to get to know her in a more social aspect. I.e. try to get yourself invited to maybe help her with a repair at her apartment (of course if she is a surgeon she could probably do a pretty good job, but maybe she could play along and humor you), or ask her what she does in her time off, maybe you two have a common interest, I think asking her out cold with knowing her well would backfire. Chief residents who like students will be very friendly with almost anybody, especially the ones with alot of energy. Also, remember, she may be making plans of her own with another guy that you don't know about, or may not be interested in you or just in dating right now, so it is good to make it easy for her to back out gracefully so that both parties don't get hurt. If she is that awesome and really "hot" then alot of guys probably regularly ask her out, probably some past medical students too that you don't know about. Did she give you any sign that she likes you or at least would consider you a frinedly so that she wouldn't do anything to knock you down? There are alot of MD-couples i.e. they invented the whole couples match for people who just happen to be the same class, so I think it is getting more and more common these days, and there isn't alot of stigma. If you are a really good-looking guy then you are in less danger as it is more of a compliment (hard for us guys to gauge as well basically all look the same to ourselves).
Sure whatever, I would just really assess your feelings for this person. There is this effect that occurs sometimes with subordinates and those who rule them. Respect leads to admiration admiration to love. Its what causes 16-yr-olds to have crushes on their 30-something teacher. There is a psychology with this (can't remember exactly what it is called). Anyhow, my point is...so that you don't get burned, be cool with the way that you ask and know the reasons you are asking.
If you feel that your affection is pure then another things...
Review the policy that their residency program has on this issue. Even if you school has no policy for you they may have one they need to follow. Being prepared with this will avoid the ackward situation of them feeling like they are between a rock and a hard place: Having to decide how not to hurt your feelings, dealing with their feelings, having to make ethical decisions. Just a thought.
We have a doc that married the program director of his/her program while they were a resident. So s**t happens...good luck.
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Blade28
Stockholm Syndrome?
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I think I actually spelled it right! pedestal - dictionary it can be defined as a position of high regard or esteem. My chief-resident object of affection did happen on my first real clinical rotation, but she was like the anti-chief resident i.e. talked about not studying at all for her boards, and let me go home early several times (I actually wanted to stay on - with her!🙄), maybe that is how a higher-up female lets a lower-down guy know that she likes him? Treats him more humanely? And she never pimped me! (Although I wish she did, guys love it when girls are picky with them a little bit about small things, hint to all girls out there😉).
"this thread is useless without pics"
I think a large part of third year "conditioning" of medical students is based on the Stockholm Syndrome:
Stockholm syndrome is a psychological response sometimes seen in an abducted hostage, in which the hostage shows signs of loyalty to the hostage-taker, regardless of the danger (or at least risk) in which the hostage has been placed. Stockholm syndrome is also sometimes discussed in reference to other situations with similar tensions, such as battered person syndrome, rape cases, child abuse cases and bride kidnapping. The syndrome is named after the Norrmalmstorg robbery of Kreditbanken at Norrmalmstorg, Stockholm, Sweden, in which the bank robbers held bank employees hostage from August 23 to August 28 in 1973. In this case, the victims became emotionally attached to their victimizers, and even defended their captors after they were freed from their six-day ordeal. The term Stockholm Syndrome was coined by the criminologist and psychiatrist Nils Bejerot, who assisted the police during the robbery, and referred to the syndrome in a news broadcast. (wikipedia.org)
We all want to become physicians, and the models we are given are chief residents, attendings, etc. . . still the basic human drive to reproduce, which has been refined over countless years, and many times older than the medical profession can't be trumped by taboos about dating between medical students and residents. It can't be all bad for society as some of their kids turn out to be pretty smart as well and serve in medicine too.
Well this is a good one...I was not thinking of something as extreme because unless you are on something crazy like internal medicine or a rotation in Iraq hopefully it has not been that traumatic... But you might be right.
I think I may have suffered from this during OB. There were several residents who I am sure spent post-call in hooker boots with a cat-o-nine. Of course I am sure that my emotional response was HATE! not love, no love, just a slow simmering hate. So guess it was not Stockholm I had.
I second that vote!
I've seen this happen couple times. Currently know an intern dating an attending (met when they were med student/resident) and a med student dating an attending (same age, one started med school a lot earlier). Go for it.
i vote for photo also.
Do you realize you are asking for dating advice on a medical student forum? It's kind of humorous if you think about it. I think SDN should start a new forum for this sort of thing (http://forums.studentdoctor.net/datingadvice).
Highly entertained
Do you realize you are asking for dating advice on a medical student forum? It's kind of humorous if you think about it. I think SDN should start a new forum for this sort of thing (http://forums.studentdoctor.net/datingadvice).
Highly entertained
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Know a med student who married her attending... 😱
The quintessential question whenever a young female is presented at x-ray/fracture rounds.
You know you're a doctor when you oogle the soft tissue outlines on a chest xray.
Or rule out the possibility of hotness based on the over abundance of soft tissue outlines on a lower extremity film.
You know how the shadow of the gluteal cleft extends way too inferiorly in pelvis xrays of morbidly obese people? I want that sign to be named after me.
Henceforth, everyone call that the "Tired Sign".
I'm going to use this on my radiology rotation. Seriously.
If I say it with a straight face, I'll probably get away with it.
I'm going to as well. Spread the word. I want to see this in Harrison's in the next five years people.
Better yet, just write a radiology book. Buy a set of Chinese x-ray images to include as illustrations for $0.25 and plagarize an existing text (you know, sort of like they do when the release a new improved edition of the Bible or a new anatomy text).
Include the new discovery.
...word will get out eventually.
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Only ask her out if her mother doesn't have Alzheimer's, her sister isn't her intern, she didn't try to drown herself, and she isn't already banging a Neurosurgeon. I hear girls with those problems have issues to work out...
