Name change for female medical students getting married

[GeneGoddess]

My husband and I each kept our last names legally, but socially (when we remember), we BOTH hyphenate. So I'm either Gene Mylast or Gene Hislast-Mylast and he's either James Hislast or James Hislast-Mylast. And together (as of May), we will both in the Doctors Hislast-Mylast. Any kiddos will have a hyphenated last name. It works well for us, especially since the hyphenated name is three syllables TOTAL. Plus, it SOUNDS like a normal name (like McMahon).

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[irlandesa]

My dad's cousin's husband changed his name to her middle name because he absolutely hated his own last name; from what I hear, he actually brought up the idea. I plan to keep my name if I ever get married b/c it's been my name throughout my whole life and the one that will be on my degree. Unless my husband's last name was absolutely awful or something that people would make fun of at the drop of a hat, I'd be fine with the kids having his last name. of course, this is pure speculation at this point

 

[CoffeeMug]

You've taken away our ability to control you financially. You've taken away our right to slap you around. You've set up a legal precedent that doesn't allow us to take avantage of your sexually when you specifically ask for it by dressing in explicit manner. And now you won't take our last names. You are doing your best to stop us from being men and turn the entire male population into N'Sync. Achilles must be turning in his grave.

 

[jennie 21]

Troll.

To answer the question, my husband and I are both entering our second year of medical school and I am taking his last name. Just got married this summer so still in the process of changing it. I would've considered hyphenating but it's just too long and doesn't sound good. I want us to share a last name because we're family, and I want to have the same name as our kids one day. I want to be recognized as a married couple without having to explain. And, it's easy to change since I'm still in med school and don't have my M.D. yet. Socially and professionally, I will be Dr. HisLastName. I have to admit that I've found myself feeling surprisingly ambivalent and resistant to actually going ahead and changing my name, even though I made the decision a long time ago. I just feel kind of sad about "losing" my name. But, I'll get over it. I really want us to share a name, and I think it's the best decision overall for me.

 

[QuietSylph]

If i legally change my name to MyName MyLast HisLast, can i be licensed as Dr. MyLast, or must i be licensed as Dr. HisLast?

I just spoke to Social Security about this last week and was told that the IRS, DMV, and Social Security now all require you to use the exact same full name with all three agencies. You cannot have a Social Security card saying MyName MyLast HisLast and then use MyName MyLast on IRS forms or your Driver's License or employment paperwork. For consistency's sake, they insist you use HisLast as the only acceptable last name in those circumstances. I would think that the hospitals that employ you would want your name to be consistent with your Social Security/IRS paperwork, and would therefore also call you Dr. HisLast. It's possible that they might make exceptions, but I am guessing that would result in a lot of confusion and slipups on the part of the personnel department.

So, since I want to use my maiden name professionally and my husband's last name socially, I'm not going to change my name with Social Security. On paper, I won't have my husband's name in any way, but socially no one will know any different.

Whole thing is sure a pain.

 

[WyldeWolf1]

I find it interesting that most of these posts have had a theme of "I have a rich family tradition/sentimental value/etc associated with my last name and don't want to change it, and my spouse feels the same way about his/her name". Only a few have made the observation that they are starting a unique family which will establish its own traditions, sentiments, etc. I'm not saying one way is right or wrong, but I'm struck by the fact that most of us (myself included) tend to look to the past rather than the future when making this choice. It's as though we perceive ourselves as two ambassadors from separate clans in a tentative partnership rather than the founders of a new one.

I think we all ought to pick new last names when we get married. That way, I could be Dr. Salt and startle people with my sudden rants about my old nemesis who stole my soda formula. I'll get you, Dr. Pepper!

 

[jazger]

I think we all ought to pick new last names when we get married.

I wish my husband felt that way. I'm Italian and love that my last name reflects that. SO I thought we could combine our names to a new one with the first two letters of his name and the last four letters of mine. I thought it was great! He said no way. Butthead.

At this point, we have no kids so I'm keeping my name. Maybe when we have kids I'll feel more family-like.

 

[blondarb]

We were married over a year ago and I, like many on this thread, had many many discussions with family and friends about the name change decision. In the end I decided to keep my last name - for all of the above reasons mentioned. I was lazy, I like my name, I'm the first dr in the family, his name is difficult to spell/pronounce, I like the telemarketing screen, etc, etc.

However, we have an unusual situation that is going to arise when we have children. My husband was born by a single mother who gave him a different last name than her maiden name. It is a long story, but basically he is not related by blood to anyone that has his same last name.

He does not want to pass his last name on to our children. He has thought of changing his name previously, but has not, and probably will not change it. He is also in medicine and changing it legally seems like a huge hassle.

Should we then pass my maiden name onto our children? Do we create a new last name for them? Are we going to have kids with huge identity crises because of this? You get my drift. Any comments would be appreciated.

 

[Old MD]

*Love* this thread. This is a hot topic in our house, as we're getting married in the fall. I want to keep my last name, as I love my last name, identify with my last name and am lazy. Also, my father was Dr. MyLastName, so the name has sentimental value. Also, his mother and I have nearly the same first name, and there's something creepy about that.

He and his family want me to change to their last name, supposedly because of the children and tradition and blah blah blah. However, a drunkle (drunk uncle) let it slip that want they really want is a doctor with the family last name.

Now that just seems like cheating to me. If they want a Dr. HisLastName so badly, why don't they raise one?! Cheaters! My parents put all this work into raising a late-blooming overacheiver and his family gets the doctor? Uh-uh. NO way.

And you guys are getting married

 

[monchi]

Hey - I'm coming to this thread a little late, and it was fun to read the posts.
Akimbo: I liked your drunkle story.

I'm planning on marrying soon, and my reason for not changing wasn't listed, so I thought I'd post.
It's MY name. Maybe I feel that way b/c I'll have had it for 31yrs when I do get married. I don't know. But I can't imagine being called anything else.

PS: Coffee mug - I see teen boys wearing nail-polish all the time. Soon to be added to your list: make-up, high heels, and bulemia (not just for wrestlers anymore) But not to worry, the gap in life expectancy is closing.

 

[CoffeeMug]

Teenagers are expected to rebel against traditions just for the sake of rebelling. Adults are not. Personally I wouldn't marry a girl who's so drunk with her newfound freedom (are you reading this? ) that she's willing to dismiss centuries of customs established by her ancestors. When you're not honoring a tradition established by your ancestors you're taking the first step toward multicultural utopia america attempts to be. A utopia where everyone has the same brownish skin color, is a hundred pounds overweight, eats burgers and drinks soft drinks and can't find any continent on the world map except north america.

 

[gwyn779]

He does not want to pass his last name on to our children. He has thought of changing his name previously, but has not, and probably will not change it. He is also in medicine and changing it legally seems like a huge hassle.

Should we then pass my maiden name onto our children? Do we create a new last name for them? Are we going to have kids with huge identity crises because of this? You get my drift. Any comments would be appreciated.

I think it makes the most sense for any kids to have your last name. Having 2 names in a family is getting to be more common, but I think 3 different names would get confusing. One of my friends from high school had a baby when she was single, so her daughter got her last name.

 

[monchi]

Teenagers are expected to rebel against traditions just for the sake of rebelling. Adults are not. Personally I wouldn't marry a girl who's so drunk with her newfound freedom (are you reading this? ) that she's willing to dismiss centuries of customs established by her ancestors. When you're not honoring a tradition established by your ancestors you're taking the first step toward multicultural utopia america attempts to be. A utopia where everyone has the same brownish skin color, is a hundred pounds overweight, eats burgers and drinks soft drinks and can't find any continent on the world map except north america.

Ummmm, maybe it's that I'm dense, or, maybe my sense of humor is too warped, but I think I'm not quite on the same page. Or maybe I was, but I'm blowing it now. Whatever. I just wanted to let people know that my comments earlier were tongue-in-cheek.
And I think it's a little late for tradition, for me anyway. My marriage isn't arranged, I "should" have been married a long time ago, I wasn't born male despite my place in birth-order, and my husband and I will be contributing to the "brownish skin color of multicolor utopia america." The name thing isn't too big of a leap for me. I guess I'm pretty offensive. and drunk.

 

[Fed Meat]

You should take his last name. You're just being selfish otherwise. It's what is expected, it's what marriage has entailed for ages, and you're not better than that. Why cheapen your marriage by forcing your own terms?

 

[CoffeeMug]

my husband and I will be contributing to the "brownish skin color of multicolor utopia america."

Ah, I meant to say "unicolor". Sorry. Anyway, my point was that in a society where traditions have very little value different cultures will merge to the point where everyone is practically the same. This is an inevitable process and is the price to pay for multiculturalism but there is no need to speed it up by ignoring some fairly simple but (at least IMO) very important customs.

 

[Febrifuge]

There is absolutely no evidence to back up your hypothesis that cultures get more boring and people become more the "same" as ethnic integration continues to progress. It's a little naive at best, and offensive at worst, to suggest that multiculturalism is some insideous creeping thing that saps the life and energy out of culture. Traditions don't lose their value just because it gets harder to tell "them" from "us." Society changes over time; get used to it.

Look at Brazil, a nation where people are proud of the long national history of mixing. Everyone is not the same there, and they seem to be doing okay in terms of art, music, literature, and drunken public festival nudity. These are things any civilized society should aspire to, and support wholeheartedly.

(Sorry if this seems flippant, but I'm giving this discussion exactly as much respect as I feel it deserves here.)

 

[Febrifuge]

You should take his last name. You're just being selfish otherwise. It's what is expected, it's what marriage has entailed for ages, and you're not better than that. Why cheapen your marriage by forcing your own terms?

Only 8:30 in the morning, and I don't think I'm going to see anything dumber than that today.

The OP should talk it over with her spouse-to-be, and they should decide on something they both are satisfied with. Any tradition that can't stand up to thoughtful consideration is one that they're going to have a hard time living with. And one that they've adopted because tehy have thought it over and decided it's right for them is one that they can carry on with honor and clarity.

Doing things for half-assed reasons just because "that's the way it is" does nobody any good. Talk about "cheapening" things...

 

[CoffeeMug]

There is absolutely no evidence to back up your hypothesis that cultures get more boring and people become more the "same" as ethnic integration continues to progress.

Cultures don't get more boring. They disappear. There's plenty of evidence. Just look at children of immigrants or multicultural couples. Or look at cultural differences between U.S. and Europe.

It's a little naive at best

Why? Because it's different from what you've been preached your entire life? Socialist countries tend to preach socialism, despotic countries tend to preach despotism, multicultural countries tend to preach multiculturalism. An opposing view is not naive simply because it's opposing. Sit back for a moment and actually give it some thought.

and offensive at worst

Nowhere in the U.S. constitution is there a clause about freedom from being offended.

Traditions don't lose their value just because it gets harder to tell "them" from "us."

Traditions simply get lost when it becomes harder to tell "them" from "us". It is impossible for a child of a multicultural couple to retain both sets of traditions. What you end up doing in a multicultural society is trading multiple rich cultures for one. I won't argue that the resultant culture has less value than any one of the originals (although it is my firm belief) because it's not possible to compare overall cultural value in objective manner. Loss of cultural diversity, however, is simply self evident.

Look at Brazil, a nation where people are proud of the long national history of mixing. Everyone is not the same there, and they seem to be doing okay in terms of art, music, literature, and drunken public festival nudity. These are things any civilized society should aspire to, and support wholeheartedly.

I am not familiar with their history, I'll have to look it up. Regardless, if what you describe is accurate, Brazil has lost a great multitude of rich cultures in return for one.

 

[Febrifuge]

Hmm. We might be having one of those disagreements over definitions. I agree that the "Melting Pot" theory has its holes and in some key ways, it just plain doesn't work like it's purported to. I think there are some elements of culture that really don't disappear or get eroded. Maybe they become subculture, and don't get a lot of recognition in the larger, common culture. I still don't think that's always a bad thing. Granted, what I grew up with is not likely to be what I find out there in the wider world, but in a perfect world everybody would say that, because it would mean we all come from someplace unique and we interact out in a space that belongs to all of us equally and none of us totally.

I'm not advocating total homogenity, but I am disputing the idea that any culture has the perogative to express itself at the expense of others -- and that's where I suspect we probably agree. Sort of like people in groups have to get along, cultures do too. Some of it is making room for others to do their thing, and some of it is making sure others make room so you can do yours.

Anyway, back to the topic. Just because taking the man's name is "the" tradition (and by the way, speaking in terms of different traditions, that's not always how it works), that doesn't mean that choosing not to is automatically a rejection of culture. Culture does change over time; wedding rings used to be made of iron, Christmases were celebrated without trees, and there didn't used to be such a thing as adolescence. It's got to be fluid, or it's not relevant. And I stick by my most important point, which is something you said too: it's got to be thoughtful and considered, not just going through the motions.

An opposing view is not naive simply because it's opposing. Sit back for a moment and actually give it some thought.

 

[CoffeeMug]

And I stick by my most important point, which is something you said too: it's got to be thoughtful and considered, not just going through the motions.

The problem is that women reject their future husbands' last name without any thought or consideration, they simply do it because they can. At the very least, rejecting a peaceful custom by default is much more harmful than accepting it.

 

[Febrifuge]

I very much doubt that most couples that choose not to go with the husbands' names do so just for the hell of it; and I doubt too many marriages take place where the woman makes the decision on her own, without input from her spouse. In fact, precisely because it's still the norm for the couple to use the husband's name, wouldn't it be easier to just go with the flow-- especially for people who don't care?

There would at the very least be inevitable questions from surprised friends, maybe some hurt family members...and then the people who simply need to be told or reminded that the name situation is non-traditional. If people are really making the decision "just because they can," then at the very least they have more work to do than people who choose to use his name. If nothing else, they need to go around saying stuff like, "thanks, we got your invitation, but you addressed it to 'Mr. and Mrs. Smith,' and that's not what we're doing with the names." If this is something that means so little to them, why wouldn't they go the easy route?

I'm not buying this assertion. Could you give some examples of people who choose to reject this long-standing tradition just "because they can," with no reason and without consideration?

 

[kem]

The problem is that women reject their future husbands' last name without any thought or consideration, they simply do it because they can. At the very least, rejecting a peaceful custom by default is much more harmful than accepting it.

Exactly who is this "rejection" harmful to? The male's ego?

 

[jazger]

I very much doubt that most couples that choose not to go with the husbands' names do so just for the hell of it; and I doubt too many marriages take place where the woman makes the decision on her own, without input from her spouse. In fact, precisely because it's still the norm for the couple to use the husband's name, wouldn't it be easier to just go with the flow-- especially for people who don't care?

There would at the very least be inevitable questions from surprised friends, maybe some hurt family members...and then the people who simply need to be told or reminded that the name situation is non-traditional. If people are really making the decision "just because they can," then at the very least they have more work to do than people who choose to use his name. If nothing else, they need to go around saying stuff like, "thanks, we got your invitation, but you addressed it to 'Mr. and Mrs. Smith,' and that's not what we're doing with the names." If this is something that means so little to them, why wouldn't they go the easy route?

I'm not buying this assertion. Could you give some examples of people who choose to reject this long-standing tradition just "because they can," with no reason and without consideration?

Great points...I chose to keep my name for the culture it carries with it. I am the granddaughter of immigrants and my name is very important to me. It has been a huge pain to do so, but keeping my name was a thoughtful and worthwhile decision to me. I don't expect everyone to understand or to always call me Mrs. Hisname, but where it counts I'm still "me".

 

[CoffeeMug]

I chose to keep my name for the culture it carries with it.

If you're worried about the culture, why not marry someone from your background?

 

[CoffeeMug]

Exactly who is this "rejection" harmful to? The male's ego?

A smart woman knows the most important rule of marriage: "if you think you've won the fight, you've already lost." A smart woman knows that one of the keys to a successful marriage is keeping the male ego healthy. It's a simple evolutionary fact. A male's ego is a very important part of his being. If you hurt his ego, the first thing you're really hurting is your marriage. Sometimes you need to let him think you've lost. Usually older women understand this very well. Younger ones suffer because they lack understanding of this simple principle.

 

[jazger]

If you're worried about the culture, why not marry someone from your background?

Because it's my culture that I care about, not his. I didn't keep my name to force my culture upon him. It's all about me.

 

[jazger]

A smart woman knows the most important rule of marriage: "if you think you've won the fight, you've already lost." A smart woman knows that one of the keys to a successful marriage is keeping the male ego healthy. It's a simple evolutionary fact. A male's ego is a very important part of his being. If you hurt his ego, the first thing you're really hurting is your marriage. Sometimes you need to let him think you've lost. Usually older women understand this very well. Younger ones suffer because they lack understanding of this simple principle.

A smart man doesn't need to have his ego stroked. A smart man can handle a smart woman, one with her own thoughts, feelings, and ideals.

 

[CoffeeMug]

A smart man doesn't need to have his ego stroked.

Any man needs his ego stroked. It's a simple biological necessity. I don't understand why this simple concept is so resistant to comprehension of younger women.

A smart man can handle a smart woman, one with her own thoughts, feelings, and ideals.

When did I ever say that this isn't the case?

 

[jazger]

Maybe you need your ego stroked, but that is not true for all men. Some men can actually handle losing a fight without this smart older woman you speak of pretending he won. You implied that a man cannot handle losing to a woman with independent ideals when you said "Sometimes you need to let him think you've lost." When it comes to the name change issue, there's really no way to let him think he won. You would just have to give up your ideals for his, if he wants you to take his name.

 

[Gut Shot]

Any man needs his ego stroked. It's a simple biological necessity.

You're absolutely right. There certainly are a lot of profoundly insecure guys in the world.

 

[Febrifuge]

Any man needs his ego stroked. It's a simple biological necessity. I don't understand why this simple concept is so resistant to comprehension of younger women.

Biology turns out to be a different field from psychology, actually. Best o' luck to you in your studies. 'Bye.

 

[CoffeeMug]

Biology turns out to be a different field from psychology, actually. Best o' luck to you in your studies. 'Bye.

I was referring to biology, not psychology. A male ego is an evolutionary tool that turns an otherwise compassionate, social being into an efficient fighter. Evidently the combination of compassion and egocentrism has improved reproduction rates, otherwise we wouldn't be here. Whether an ego is a useful construct today or pure cooperation is a better model is a question that remains unanswered. Bottom line is, male ego is here, there's no sense in denying it. Call it evolutionary psychology if you wish.

 

[Gut Shot]

Bottom line is, male ego is here, there's no sense in denying it.

Ego? Actually I'd say you're more likely a slave to your id, the type of guy who selects his spouse using criteria similar to those of choosing a prostitute or pet. "Unk, me man, me want woman to make me feel pretty and special and take last name, it custom, unk."

I consider my girlfriend to be my equal, and I respect her opinions. If she wants to keep the name she has had for the past 25 years rather than adopt some arcane paternalistic custom, fine by me. After all, women can vote now, and there are women motorists, why not let them keep their names if they want to?

On second thought, any woman with more than six firing neurons would probably steer clear of you. Have fun playing with the intellectual detritus, I hope the bubblehead you settle down with keeps you adequately stroked.

Keep on trolling!

 

[CoffeeMug]

Actually I'd say you're more likely a slave to your id

We are all slaves of our instincts. There is no way in hell a few dozens of millenia can sugar coat millions of years of evolution.

the type of guy who selects his spouse using criteria similar to those of choosing a prostitute or pet. "Unk, me man, me want woman to make me feel pretty and special and take last name, it custom, unk."

Just out of curiosity, how did you go about making this conclusion?

I consider my girlfriend to be my equal, and I respect her opinions.

So do I. Again, what makes you jump to a conclusion that I don't?

On second thought, any woman with more than six firing neurons would probably steer clear of you. Have fun playing with the intellectual detritus, I hope the bubblehead you settle down with keeps you adequately stroked.

Actually my girlfriend is a rather intelligent person, so I don't know where (or why) you get these ideas.

P.S. Mmmmmmmmmm... Detritus..........

 

[GeneGoddess]

We were married over a year ago and I, like many on this thread, had many many discussions with family and friends about the name change decision. In the end I decided to keep my last name - for all of the above reasons mentioned. I was lazy, I like my name, I'm the first dr in the family, his name is difficult to spell/pronounce, I like the telemarketing screen, etc, etc.

However, we have an unusual situation that is going to arise when we have children. My husband was born by a single mother who gave him a different last name than her maiden name. It is a long story, but basically he is not related by blood to anyone that has his same last name.

He does not want to pass his last name on to our children. He has thought of changing his name previously, but has not, and probably will not change it. He is also in medicine and changing it legally seems like a huge hassle.

Should we then pass my maiden name onto our children? Do we create a new last name for them? Are we going to have kids with huge identity crises because of this? You get my drift. Any comments would be appreciated.

I'm always surprised that people assume that any kids would have the father's last name instead of the mother's (assuming two different names). My husband and I have two different last names and our kiddos will have a hyphenated last name (we hyphenate socially, and it is only 3 syllables). I've never had any friends who had "identity crisises" if they had different last names than one parent of the other. An example I like to use: I have an aunt and uncle in a biracial marriage (she's Chinese, he's white). My three cousins are GORGEOUS, but to most white Americans, they look full Asian. Should my uncle have surgery to look more like his kids so that everyone knows that they are family? Duh, obviously not! Love makes a family, not a name or a look. If you plan to keep your name and your husband plans to keep his, but does not want to pass the name down, I see no reason for not giving your kids your birth name.

 

[kem]

GeneGoddess-

I agree with you 100%.

Kids are smart - they will figure out quickly who their family is.
And as for everyone else - it doesn't really matter what they think.

kem

 

[sailorgirl]

How about both names?? Like for example, Pamela Anderson Lee (back when she was married to Tommy Lee... now she is back to being just Pamela Anderson).

In any case, you definitely need to have a nice little talk with your fiancee about this issue before getting married!!

I am a fourth year medical student and about to submit my ERAS. HOwever, I am getting married in 10 days (never let a medical student plan a wedding--very unorganized ) and am unsure about changing my name yet. I don't really want to change my name, although my fiance would love it. I would like to take his name socially but mine professionally. I think keeping both names legal makes the most sense. How do I do this?? Do I just apply for my license with my maiden name? What would my drivers license say? Can I sign all medical documents with just my maiden name or must I use both? I would appreciate any advice from those who did this--kept both names legal and only use one for medical.
Thanks!!

 

[GeneGoddess]

You can't have TWO legal names. Pick one or the other. And if you aren't sure about changing your name, do NOT do it. You can always change it later. My sis changed her name and really regrets it. If you want to use your birth name for professional purposes and your husband's name socially, keep your birth name legally.

 

[sailorgirl]

So I called Social Security Administration. They said you can have two legal last names--your drivers license, tax stuff and SS card all have to have both. HOwever, at least in Wisconsin, you can get licensed under any name. Therefore, I can legally have two last names (no hyphen) and only license my maiden name. The only bump is that whatever hospital you work at has to fill out your tax info with both names, not just what you practice under. If you hyphenate, then it is considered one word. A friend of mine did this with two last names and it worked great for her. Her husband can be happy since she took his name but at work she only goes by her maiden name and can legally sign medical documentation with only her maiden name.

 

[GeneGoddess]

So I called Social Security Administration. They said you can have two legal last names--your drivers license, tax stuff and SS card all have to have both. HOwever, at least in Wisconsin, you can get licensed under any name. Therefore, I can legally have two last names (no hyphen) and only license my maiden name. The only bump is that whatever hospital you work at has to fill out your tax info with both names, not just what you practice under. If you hyphenate, then it is considered one word. A friend of mine did this with two last names and it worked great for her. Her husband can be happy since she took his name but at work she only goes by her maiden name and can legally sign medical documentation with only her maiden name.

I didn't mean two words as the last name (Sarah Ellen Smith Brown), I meant TWO names (Sarah Ellen Smith AND Sarah Ellen Brown). You can have a two word last name without much problem.

 

[mshheaddoc]

So I called Social Security Administration. They said you can have two legal last names--your drivers license, tax stuff and SS card all have to have both. HOwever, at least in Wisconsin, you can get licensed under any name. Therefore, I can legally have two last names (no hyphen) and only license my maiden name. The only bump is that whatever hospital you work at has to fill out your tax info with both names, not just what you practice under. If you hyphenate, then it is considered one word. A friend of mine did this with two last names and it worked great for her. Her husband can be happy since she took his name but at work she only goes by her maiden name and can legally sign medical documentation with only her maiden name.

Do you know where you can find the information to find out about where you can determine what state regulations are?

 

[CatinaOU]

I went to school with a girl named Stuart-Koch and a guy named Laeird-Koch. They joked about getting married and going by all 4 names. But they could never agree on the order!

HAhahahah after all that you might think you were speaking with a law firm Stuart Laird Koch and Koch.

 

[CatinaOU]

I think we all ought to pick new last names when we get married. That way, I could be Dr. Salt and startle people with my sudden rants about my old nemesis who stole my soda formula. I'll get you, Dr. Pepper!

This is wonderful... Upon acceptance to medical school my husband comes up to me all serious like and says, "Would you mind if we changed our last name to Pepper?" Fits of laughter immedialy ensued!

 

[IKEBANA]

Hi,
I Myself Have Kept Both Surnames.
Dont Change Your Surname. Keep Your Paternal Surname & If Uor Husband Wants You To Keep His Family Surname Add It Too In Your Name.
So It Will Be Like Mrs. Name Patenal Surmane Husband Surname
Why Dont U Ask Your Husband To Change His And Take Your Paternal Surname For A Change

All The Best!!!!!

 

[iiiimonica]

i just came across this thread tonight and thought i'd share my story. i got married 7 years ago, while taking a break from school. at that point in my life i had no idea that i wanted to pursue a professional degree, i just knew that i loved being an optician and working with patients. (i have since decided to go to optometry school)

so i met my husband we had one of those whirlwind romances, got engaged and is start telling my friends that i'm going to take his name. half of them freaked out (i was the first to get married) i never even thought about not changing my name, i mean it's tradition right?

my best friend (who is male) starts asking me these really pointed questions about name change, the most important why? all i could come up with was tradtion. that's it -tradition. my bff, who is a lawyer, explains other traditions of marriage that aren't practiced today. he makes great points. but i am not swayed.

my future husband starts in on "being a family" so i ask him to change his name to mine - he doesn't even think it's a funny suggestion! he argues for 1/2 an hour and i give in. so before we get married i agree to change my name - my best friend thinks i'm dense, other friends are not so kind;0

we get married, have a lovely wedding, everything is going grand, i order a name changing kit from the internet, fill it out (but can't seem to send it in). we luck into a great condo. here is were it gets interesting. becuase we were buying the condo together as a married couple, but my name had not been legally changed, every single place i signed for the mortgage (and there were sooooooo many lines to sign!) i had to sign my married name and right next to it, aka my maiden name. i just couldn't get over this! i felt like a fugative, like a spy, like a ...well like i did something i had to cover up.

soooo, 6 months after getting married i sit my new hubby down and explain all this to him- he accepts it, but vows that our children will have his last name. i agree...for now.

ps. 7 years later he is still bitter about my not changing my name and so is my family and his family - they send checks with my married name - even though i dont have bank account (yeah we have seperate accounts!) with my married name

pss. i am sooooooooooooooooo happy that i did not change my name, it's the best paranoid decision i ever made,. a family is not dictated by sharing last names, no one ever questions that we are married and a family.

 

[girldrbrasil]

I don't see any reason why a woman should ever change her name.... I think we are unique individuals and our name is part of our identity, including our values and ancestors. It's a blessing to find someone that deserve to share the rest or your life. This should be a path were we all walk in a parallel line. That's the beauty of having a "partner". Someone that will complement your life, not change it. Including names....
well.. hope this doesn't bother many people...

 

[ekydrd]

don't change your last name. you should keep your maiden name as your professional name for licensure purposes, it's a huge hassle to authenticate who you are for state licensing boards when you passed usmle's/graduated/did residencies under different names. plus 50%+ of medical marriages end in divorce.

Yeah! Luckily for me I managed to get my divorce finalized and my maiden name back legally before any board exams.

 

[piercj2]

Why are women so worried about being respected and having an assertive self identity now days. I have two women teachers in college right now who always correct me when I dont call them Dr. so an so. It is women who are so insecure with themselves nowdays that they need to hold on to thier name for personal self respect, or be addresed as doctor so an so. Women who are so uptight about these things are women who have no other joys and passions in life outside thier own accomplishments or self identity. Basically, unimaginative, passionless people who have to hold on to all means of perceived outside respect as a means to holding on thier own happiness. WOmen need to learn that it is still a mans world and being called Dr. or holding on to your last name does not make you any more of a respectable persaon. Respecting people, working fulltime year around for long periods of time***, being assertive and independent minded, thinking outside ones self, and not nagging and complaining about ones situation brings respect. Gaing true self identity and don't worry so much how people perceive you

 

[akaz]

I would keep it. Most of my papers were in my maiden name. To change my name would have been silly. It doesn't really matter.

 

[girldrbrasil]

Why are women so worried about being respected and having an assertive self identity now days. I have two women teachers in college right now who always correct me when I dont call them Dr. so an so. It is women who are so insecure with themselves nowdays that they need to hold on to thier name for personal self respect, or be addresed as doctor so an so. Women who are so uptight about these things are women who have no other joys and passions in life outside thier own accomplishments or self identity. Basically, unimaginative, passionless people who have to hold on to all means of perceived outside respect as a means to holding on thier own happiness. WOmen need to learn that it is still a mans world and being called Dr. or holding on to your last name does not make you any more of a respectable persaon. Respecting people, working fulltime year around for long periods of time***, being assertive and independent minded, thinking outside ones self, and not nagging and complaining about ones situation brings respect. Gaing true self identity and don't worry so much how people perceive you

You should never judge anyone. (specially based in 2 women??) Every medical doctor has the right to be called "Dr." It doesn't mean you are trying to prove your identity blah blah blah. It means you had earn a degree and you have chosen to use the prefix "Dr.". And where exactly is this "man's world" that you are talking about?