No friends in medical school - is it OK to be a loner?

[CarlosKleiber]

I'm a first year medical student - and basically have not made any (meaningful) friends thus far and it doesn't seem like there are any classmates that is interested in becoming my friend either. My class size is about 110 - and I just haven't met anyone that has enough in common with me to be a close friend.

Some reasons for this are obvious -

1) I am an Asian immigrant (Korean), and almost everyone else in my class is white - so there is this cultural difference. Even the few other Asians (non-Korean) in my class don't have much in common with me. We get along, but don't establish rapport very well.

2) I HATE the bar/drinking/loud music party scene - which is what all my med school social events has all been. I stopped going after the first week. I rather stay at home and play computer games late into the night (Nerdy - I know).

3) I simply don't have much free time. Med school has been intense - and my schedule is basically school ==> few hours of gaming ==> studying ===> sleep. Also - I very much prefer studying by myself - other people simply distracts me and I get nothing done.

4) Finally, there are very few student groups I can join on campus with whatever little free time I have. I won't disclose my school, but it is a southern state school with a small campus and a small student body. Not much really going on...

Back in undergrad (which had a HUGE and diverse student body) - I had a small group of very close friends and they had a lot in common with me. We did everything together. In med school there doesn't seem to be these kind of people that would click with me.

Considering how busy and intense med school is, I actually don't mind being a loner. But does anyone else feel the same way as I do? That one night after exam where everyone goes out to the bar and gets drunk, I just stay at home and play computer games until late into the night. I would certainly like to make friends with classmates and meet more people, especially girls for dates, but my lack of friends and even potential friends is kind of making the med school experience a bit unpleasant.

Thanks for y'all's advice in advance.

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[tantacles]

I'm a first year medical student - and basically have not made any (meaningful) friends thus far and it doesn't seem like there are any classmates that is interested in becoming my friend either. My class size is about 110 - and I just haven't met anyone that has enough in common with me to be a close friend.

Some reasons for this are obvious -

1) I am an Asian immigrant (Korean), and almost everyone else in my class is white - so there is this cultural difference. Even the few other Asians (non-Korean) in my class don't have much in common with me. We get along, but don't establish rapport very well.

2) I HATE the bar/drinking/loud music party scene - which is what all my med school social events has all been. I stopped going after the first week. I rather stay at home and play computer games late into the night (Nerdy - I know).

3) I simply don't have much free time. Med school has been intense - and my schedule is basically school ==> few hours of gaming ==> studying ===> sleep. Also - I very much prefer studying by myself - other people simply distracts me and I get nothing done.

4) Finally, there are very few student groups I can join on campus with whatever little free time I have. I won't disclose my school, but it is a southern state school with a small campus and a small student body. Not much really going on...

Back in undergrad (which had a HUGE and diverse student body) - I had a small group of very close friends and they had a lot in common with me. We did everything together. In med school there doesn't seem to be these kind of people that would click with me.

Considering how busy and intense med school is, I actually don't mind being a loner. But does anyone else feel the same way as I do? That one night after exam where everyone goes out to the bar and gets drunk, I just stay at home and play computer games until late into the night. I would certainly like to make friends with classmates and meet more people, especially girls for dates, but my lack of friends and even potential friends is kind of making the med school experience a bit unpleasant.

Thanks for y'all's advice in advance.

Figure out things you like to do and INVITE OTHER PEOPLE TO DO THEM instead of waiting around to be invited somewhere. This is sound advice for ANYONE in med school who finds him/herself friendless.

Ok. So let's put this into practical terms. Who's more fun to hang out with?

Student 1: Hates going to bars and stays home and plays computer games whenever his classmates go to them, wishes he had a girlfriend and friends in med school, never invites anyone else to do anything with him.

Student 2: Hates going to bars and stays home and plays computer games whenever his classmates go to them, wishes he had a girlfriend and friends in med school, occasionally invites a few people over for a board game or something he cooked or for a beer or two.

Try to be student 2. If being student 2 doesn't work right away, KEEP TRYING.

 

[Anastomoses]

I'm a first year medical student - and basically have not made any (meaningful) friends thus far and it doesn't seem like there are any classmates that is interested in becoming my friend either. My class size is about 110 - and I just haven't met anyone that has enough in common with me to be a close friend.

Some reasons for this are obvious -

1) I am an Asian immigrant (Korean), and almost everyone else in my class is white - so there is this cultural difference. Even the few other Asians (non-Korean) in my class don't have much in common with me. We get along, but don't establish rapport very well.

2) I HATE the bar/drinking/loud music party scene - which is what all my med school social events has all been. I stopped going after the first week. I rather stay at home and play computer games late into the night (Nerdy - I know).

3) I simply don't have much free time. Med school has been intense - and my schedule is basically school ==> few hours of gaming ==> studying ===> sleep. Also - I very much prefer studying by myself - other people simply distracts me and I get nothing done.

4) Finally, there are very few student groups I can join on campus with whatever little free time I have. I won't disclose my school, but it is a southern state school with a small campus and a small student body. Not much really going on...

Back in undergrad (which had a HUGE and diverse student body) - I had a small group of very close friends and they had a lot in common with me. We did everything together. In med school there doesn't seem to be these kind of people that would click with me.

Considering how busy and intense med school is, I actually don't mind being a loner. But does anyone else feel the same way as I do? That one night after exam where everyone goes out to the bar and gets drunk, I just stay at home and play computer games until late into the night. I would certainly like to make friends with classmates and meet more people, especially girls for dates, but my lack of friends and even potential friends is kind of making the med school experience a bit unpleasant.

Thanks for y'all's advice in advance.

Absolutely nothing wrong with that. My first month I wasn't really friends with anyone except one girl and only because she was bookish...then she turned out be a religious nut and criticized me for making a tawdry medical analogy so I dumped her (despite apologetic texts). And then I was alone.

It took another 3 months to figure out who was smart and 2 more months to make friends with the two other smartest people in our class...because I pursued them...and now we're all 3 very happy together. And when I don't know something, one of them does!

Do what is best for you. Plenty of people you don't want anyway. Plus there's always SDN!

Edit: Stop thinking about your ethnicity as a reason you're not connecting with others. It's not a reason. Lots of people love differences of culture and learning about others.

 

[Jas1360]

Don't expect to be close friends right away. Instead, try to find people with one thing in common and eventually you will know many people in your class that have something in common. You are likely to end up with at least one or two close friends. It may take all four years but if you seclude yourself you will never find those people you want to hang out with.

 

[coffeesnob]

I don't know how anyone would go through medical school without close friends. It's really tough mentally. Make white friends. White people are cool.

But if you are managing medical school life fine without friends, then that's fine. I guess it will give you more time to study.

 

[madchemist89]

No, it's not OK to be a loner. You've already answered that question by what you have posted. It is not possible to go through life without the support of other people. There are times when you are going to need your classmates. Just as there will be times when they need you. Go to class. Talk to your classmates. You need to show other people that you are interested in their lives and that you care about them. They will open up to you and friendships will build. You need to entirely change your outlook. A few tips is not what you need. You need to make radical changes.

 

[CarlosKleiber]

Thanks for the advice...my main 2 obstacles are this

1: Since I have no friends in class - how can I get anyone to join my activities? I will look so pathetic

2: The med school social events all revolve things like drinking/bars/dancing - which I HATE and gets really uncomfortable in such surroundings.

I do sometimes go to lecture and talk to classmates - but that only forms a very superficial level of friendship

 

[cbrons]

I don't know how anyone would go through medical school without close friends. It's really tough mentally.

yeah, I can speak to this. Since I split my M1 year into two years (half the curriculum one year, half the next), I can say that my overall happiness and performance was better the second year of M1 when I made an effort to develop relationships with classmates versus the year I didn't make any effort (1 because I was newly married so I just hung out at home and 2 because I didn't really care for the class I knew I wasn't going to graduate with).

I really recommend you quit gaming or set it aside and find some friends. For what its worth, Shawn Achor, a positive psychology researcher, wrote that having close social relationships has been shown in countless studies to increase happiness, stress amelioration, health, and work success (the book is the Happiness Advantage).

 

[thefritz]

I would suggest getting a girlfriend. Or a cat.

 

[thefritz]

No, it's not OK to be a loner. .

b.s. it's fine. people are different. some people don't like being around other people the same way that extroverts become really sad when they can't find anybody to go out with them.

read the book "quiet."

 

[thefritz]

Thanks for the advice...my main 2 obstacles are this

1: Since I have no friends in class - how can I get anyone to join my activities? I will look so pathetic

2: The med school social events all revolve things like drinking/bars/dancing - which I HATE and gets really uncomfortable in such surroundings.

I do sometimes go to lecture and talk to classmates - but that only forms a very superficial level of friendship

OP, I suggest you find people interested in the same things you are: video games and such. Find somebody who wants to play portal 2 or halo or gtaV or whatever with you. If you don't like drinking and loud music, then don't do that. People are different, don't think that only the 'cool' kids know how to have fun. You know what's fun for you and I'm sure there are other people who think the same things are fun

Some people like to drink, some people like to dance, some people like to go hiking, some people like to run marathons, some people like to go to the movies, some people like to go bowling, some people like to ride horses, some people like skydiving, some people like shooting guns, some people like to go to church and pray 15 times a day, some people like to do drugs and buy prostitutes.

What one person thinks is boring/lame/horrifying, another may think is awesome. People are different. Find people who like the same things you do and be willing to explore outside of your comfort zone to find other things you like.

 

[ruralsurg4now]

Yeah, it's fine to be alone. In fact, in my medical school class we had a bunch of people who literally never showed up other than to take tests. (Some of them were smart and studied a lot on their own, others were losers and ended up dropping out.) People didn't even know who they were. By the way, the bar scene is really fake. It's basically a bunch of people who get together and think they're cool because "I'm soooo wasted!" Or worse, it's people who actually do get wasted and stumble home vomiting all over each other. Makes for great stories, I guess, but it didn't really make me respect someone more in class when they were telling me about how they passed out the other night in a bar.

 

[JediZero]

Thanks for the advice...my main 2 obstacles are this

1: Since I have no friends in class - how can I get anyone to join my activities? I will look so pathetic

2: The med school social events all revolve things like drinking/bars/dancing - which I HATE and gets really uncomfortable in such surroundings.

I do sometimes go to lecture and talk to classmates - but that only forms a very superficial level of friendship

The assumption that others will find you pathetic is self-defeating, so knock that off for starters. You say you lack "real" friends- do you have acquaintances? If so, try doing things with them. Invite them to do stuff- watch a sports game or a TV show you both like, play a board game or video game, work out together, road trip to a conference, make dinner, go to a local play or festival... Lots of things out there. Don't use the excuse that you don't have time- if you're up late on the computer, you can do things during the day and study at night.

I'm not good at making friends, either. But the things I did that helped me make friends in med school were:

1) find the other people standing in the corner at the drinking-centric events.
2) joined a group of classmates who decided to train for a half-marathon.
3) attended class events (Powderpuff/flag football or whatever you guys do).
4) get involved in a club or two- it's worth it, especially if it includes something you're passionate about and/or could be good volunteer experience for your resume.
5) the old med school standby: STUDY BUDDIES!

As for the bar scene... Yeah, it gets old and it turns a lot of people off. Our class had a lot of Christians/Mormons/married people who had no interest in such things, and never attended the post-exam shenanigans. I actually talked to the class officers in charge of organizing those, and suggested we mix in some family-friendly events like bowling or whatever so they wouldn't be automatically left out. You should definitely try to do the same if that's a possibility.

Being an introvert means you need alone time, so don't feel like you have to give it all up. But friends make life better, so try some new strategies so you can at least make a couple of good ones. Good luck to you!

 

[Brain Bucket]

I think people confuse friends with aquaintances. You'd be lucky to have a handful of good friends in your life. Acquaintances are easily come by and discarded.

As people have already mentioned, there are plenty of people who enjoy video games, invite them over to play games, but try and overlook their other shortcomings. Rinse and repeat with other interests. Eventually you'll find find a few people you genuinely like. If you're lucky, you'll become friends.

Edit: just realized it's all been said.

Sent from my GT-N7100 using Tapatalk 4

 

[20000Leagues]

I think its important to have friends. Medical is tough and you need social support. Also, talking to other students will give you a leg up on academic performance. Other people can give you a new perspective on difficult subjects (sometimes you think you know a concept, but then after talking to someone you find out your thinking was wrong or you left something out).

I absolutely hate the bar / drinking scene. It's a pain in the ass because the majority of people seem to like this scene, and once they find out that you don't enjoy it, they won't invite you to any events. However, you will be more miserable if you pretend to like it.

SO the solution is to become involved in SOMETHING that has a social aspect, or get a hobby that allows you to meet people. For example, join the surgery club if you are interested in surgery, or join the photography club if you like photography. You may not meet someone right away, but it's your best option.

IMHO, you need to drop the video games. Medical school doesn't leave enough time for these. If you can find a few friends to get together and play COD4 or whatever on a saturday night, sure. But don't play anything single player.

Also, work hard in your studies so you can become the sort of person that people WANT to study with because they will learn from you. If you're not the party dude, be the smart guy.

Do not be discouraged if you don't see results right away. All you are doing is increasing the probability that you'll meet someone and have a conversation that starts a friendship. It's not a guaranteed thing.

 

[Jas1360]

Thanks for the advice...my main 2 obstacles are this

1: Since I have no friends in class - how can I get anyone to join my activities? I will look so pathetic

2: The med school social events all revolve things like drinking/bars/dancing - which I HATE and gets really uncomfortable in such surroundings.

I do sometimes go to lecture and talk to classmates - but that only forms a very superficial level of friendship

As for the drinking/dancing/bar scene, you really don't need to participate to make friends. I don't go to those activities either. I talk to people at school about anything and I have slowly found lots of different people that share common interests.

You have to remember that all of the first years are still fairly new to each other so everyone is still trying to make friends. Some people have made friends already but most people are open to making more friends. They will probably be glad when you start talking to them because if you were quiet and kept to yourself they were probably intimidated by you. They would rather get to know you than think you are stuck up.

 

[alpinism]

Join or form a study group, participate in student government, go to student org meetings that interest you, help out with volunteering opportunities, etc...

Put yourself out there and meet people. Also, as others have said, once you meet people and get to know them you can start inviting them to hang out (and don't be surprised if they start inviting you to hang out with them as well).

 

[KnuxNole]

That's the thing I never, ever understood. That being quiet = stuck up. I've heard that elsewhere that people have this assumption, and I can't fathom a reason how that can be possible.

 

[Jas1360]

That's the thing I never, ever understood. That being quiet = stuck up. I've heard that elsewhere that people have this assumption, and I can't fathom a reason how that can be possible.

Yeah, I'm a quiet person but I've realized that people make assumptions like that which are usually very inaccurate.

I'm still fairly quiet but just making eye contact and smiling even when you have nothing to say makes a huge difference. People see that you are friendly and quiet instead of standoffish.

 

[Brain Bucket]

lol yep. you gotta learn to smile when you make eye contact bro.

 

[thefritz]

IMHO, you need to drop the video games. Medical school doesn't leave enough time for these. If you can find a few friends to get together and play COD4 or whatever on a saturday night, sure. But don't play anything single player.

**** that ****. Play your games. If you want to be around people and are using MMPORG or whatever the acronymn as a crutch, that's one thing, but if you really enjoy being alone most of the time, then that's your personality and THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT. They may label you as schizoid or whatever. Who cares. Do what you want. Your life belongs to you. Don't let other people tell you what you have to do to be happy.

Play the **** out of some GTA V. One day you will be a doctor and some hot girl will literally throw herself at you, or worst case you get a hot mail order bride 15 years younger than you are, and she won't let you play video games anymore because she will be demanding your presence in the bedroom.

Enjoy your life now, kick the **** out of med school, and know that you got it made OP.

 

[thefritz]

lol yep. you gotta learn to smile when you make eye contact bro.

No, that is creepy. OP needs to be confident. He needs to know that he's the man and he's not trying to beg for other people's time but rather they should be begging for his.

If you want to make a case study of this, look at George Clooney. That guy is the man of all men. Extremely intelligent, classy, well-read, polite, and probably the most confident human being on earth. He doesn't care what you think about him. Would George Clooney ever post stuff like this or worry about whether or not people like him or not? No. Watch some of his stuff and try to be like him. If you can learn to be secure and carry yourself even 1% as well as he does, you will go far and be satisfied with life.

If you wanna smile when you look at people, do it. If you don't then don't. If you force it, you will be a creep.

 

[ruralsurg4now]

If you want to make a case study of this, look at George Clooney. That guy is the man of all men. Extremely intelligent, classy, well-read, polite, and probably the most confident human being on earth. He doesn't care what you think about him. Would George Clooney ever post stuff like this or worry about whether or not people like him or not? No. Watch some of his stuff and try to be like him. If you can learn to be secure and carry yourself even 1% as well as he does, you will go far and be satisfied with life.

That's a specious argument, since George Clooney is only perceived as how you characterize him based on your own personal biases. In other words, he's famous, so suddenly you make him into some intelligent and confident guy. Based on what? Nothing at all, other than you probably read it in People magazine or watched "The View" when they were gushing over him.

 

[Brain Bucket]

No, that is creepy. OP needs to be confident.

Wasn't responding to OP, I already gave OP my advice earlier. This was for knux in response to his post:

That's the thing I never, ever understood. That being quiet = stuck up. I've heard that elsewhere that people have this assumption, and I can't fathom a reason how that can be possible.

No, that is creepy. OP needs to be confident. He needs to know that he's the man and he's not trying to beg for other people's time but rather they should be begging for his.

You gotta have game to be confident. Confidence without backing it up? lol. Get game. Confidence will follow.

If you want to make a case study of this, look at George Clooney. That guy is the man of all men. Extremely intelligent, classy, well-read, polite, and probably the most confident human being on earth.

I don't follow celebrities. And he's an actor...he should be able to act however he likes.

He doesn't care what you think about him.

Wanna bet?

If you wanna smile when you look at people, do it. If you don't then don't. If you force it, you will be a creep.

If you give a creepy smile, you'll look like a creep. If you just give a genuine friendly smile, that's how you'll come off...friendly. A good smile is a skill most people practice. We've all tried different smiles (knowingly or subconsciously) and adapted to the smiles we use is various situations now based on the feedback we've received.

 

[tantacles]

Thanks for the advice...my main 2 obstacles are this

1: Since I have no friends in class - how can I get anyone to join my activities? I will look so pathetic

2: The med school social events all revolve things like drinking/bars/dancing - which I HATE and gets really uncomfortable in such surroundings.

I do sometimes go to lecture and talk to classmates - but that only forms a very superficial level of friendship

You need to get over your fear of looking pathetic. Other people invite friends out for drinks and other activities. Are they pathetic?

Then why would it be pathetic for you to pick something you might enjoy (board games or video games or just general eating at your place are always a cool idea) and invite people to enjoy that with you?

A girl in our class was a loner, very similar to you, until she started just inviting people to do things with her. She likes to bake cookies, so she invited people over for a cookie party. She likes to play board games, so she invited people to play board games. She likes to go to Six Flags, so she invited people to go to Six Flags. And listen to this: IT WORKED. I'm good friends with her along with several other people in our class.

When she decided she wanted to take a swing dance class and mentioned it, someone decided to go take it with her. Why? Because he was invited. Make it easier for people to hang out with you, and they probably will. It might take a while, and you might feel pathetic if people initially say no, but you have to actually put in an effort; you can't expect friendships to form out of vacuum.

 

[Anastomoses]

One day you will be a doctor and some hot girl will literally throw herself at you, or worst case you get a hot mail order bride 15 years younger than you are, and she won't let you play video games anymore because she will be demanding your presence in the bedroom.

More pathetic advice. Gotta bolster him by objectifying women as younger pliable sex toys?

 

[tantacles]

More pathetic advice. Gotta bolster him by objectifying women as younger pliable sex toys?

:troll::troll::troll:

 

[CarlosKleiber]

Thanks for the advice everyone - my class is hosting a party tonight at a disco club. I don't dance - but I will show up and try to talk to people. I will let you know how it goes.

 

[togaedere]

That's a good place to start!

Does your class have a facebook page? Our school is really big (class of 290) so we don't all know eachother, but sometimes people will post a "hey who is down to do ______" facebook post on the class list and people will respond usually in the positive.

This is assuming that you have a facebook profile. Fewer and fewer people I know in med school have one, although it's still the majority. I have a "ghost" facebook with no friends that I use just for the med school list so I can know what's going on.

Just an idea.

Thanks for the advice everyone - my class is hosting a party tonight at a disco club. I don't dance - but I will show up and try to talk to people. I will let you know how it goes.

 

[tantacles]

That's a good place to start!

Does your class have a facebook page? Our school is really big (class of 290) so we don't all know eachother, but sometimes people will post a "hey who is down to do ______" facebook post on the class list and people will respond usually in the positive.

This is assuming that you have a facebook profile. Fewer and fewer people I know in med school have one, although it's still the majority. I have a "ghost" facebook with no friends that I use just for the med school list so I can know what's going on.

Just an idea.

I can't believe I didn't think of this. People post things all the time, and usually, if the activity is appealing, they have takers. Sports tend to be particularly successful.

 

[KnuxNole]

Wasn't responding to OP, I already gave OP my advice earlier. This was for knux in response to his post:



You gotta have game to be confident. Confidence without backing it up? lol. Get game. Confidence will follow.

I don't follow celebrities. And he's an actor...he should be able to act however he likes.

Wanna bet?


If you give a creepy smile, you'll look like a creep. If you just give a genuine friendly smile, that's how you'll come off...friendly. A good smile is a skill most people practice. We've all tried different smiles (knowingly or subconsciously) and adapted to the smiles we use is various situations now based on the feedback we've received.

Wait, why was my sentence quoted

I get called quiet cause I frequently get lost in my thoughts, but not standoffish in any way shape or form. Which is why the assumption of quiet = standoffish is hard to come up with even one reason why anyone would even think that haha.


As far as inviting people to things, people are open to new things and fun events. I know that most people expect others to invite them, which makes sense. However, outside of college, for the first time, most people have to invite people on their own. This is something that people aren't used to, because before this, people don't have to make any effort to make friends. They get invited by default and don't need to do any "work". Thus, it can be a difficult shift for some.

 

[thefritz]

That's a specious argument, since George Clooney is only perceived as how you characterize him based on your own personal biases. In other words, he's famous, so suddenly you make him into some intelligent and confident guy. Based on what? Nothing at all, other than you probably read it in People magazine or watched "The View" when they were gushing over him.

Wow, someone really hates Clooney. I guess you know him personally. You know, because it goes both ways. Lived at Lake Como? Sat next to him on an airplane once?

Famous = confident? Hardly. Most are Tom Cruise-ish. Clooney is exception.

 

[JaneMarie23]

**** that ****. Play your games. If you want to be around people and are using MMPORG or whatever the acronymn as a crutch, that's one thing, but if you really enjoy being alone most of the time, then that's your personality and THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT. They may label you as schizoid or whatever. Who cares. Do what you want. Your life belongs to you. Don't let other people tell you what you have to do to be happy.

Play the **** out of some GTA V. One day you will be a doctor and some hot girl will literally throw herself at you, or worst case you get a hot mail order bride 15 years younger than you are, and she won't let you play video games anymore because she will be demanding your presence in the bedroom.

Enjoy your life now, kick the **** out of med school, and know that you got it made OP.

Rofl. This is so funny but true. Just do what makes you happy.
The friends will come, just don't forget to be yourself!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uUMmNB58Zig

 

[tantacles]

Wow, someone really hates Clooney. I guess you know him personally. You know, because it goes both ways. Lived at Lake Como? Sat next to him on an airplane once?

Famous = confident? Hardly. Most are Tom Cruise-ish. Clooney is exception.

I think the whole point is that you have no idea if he's an exception or not, nor does the other poster. The other poster didn't say anything negative about George Clooney other than that you have no real evidence on which to base your opinion.

 

[ruralsurg4now]

Wow, someone really hates Clooney. I guess you know him personally. You know, because it goes both ways. Lived at Lake Como? Sat next to him on an airplane once?

Famous = confident? Hardly. Most are Tom Cruise-ish. Clooney is exception.

I "hate" Clooney simply because I don't attribute a bunch of positive attributes to him without knowing him? Wow, you're terrible at critical thinking. Or did I accidentally insult the guy you have a crush on?

 

[monkeyMD]

Thanks for the advice...my main 2 obstacles are this

1: Since I have no friends in class - how can I get anyone to join my activities? I will look so pathetic

2: The med school social events all revolve things like drinking/bars/dancing - which I HATE and gets really uncomfortable in such surroundings.

I do sometimes go to lecture and talk to classmates - but that only forms a very superficial level of friendship

How can you be Korean and not like to drink? My Korean buds are all about drinking. And white people are cool. So go make friends with them. Talk to them and be nice.

And being a loner is ok sometimes but you seriously don't like going out after exams? You don't have to drink or dance necessarily. But being there = bonding time.

 

[astronautmd]

You just got to be part of the class and don't always act on your own. Talk out loud some of your ideas, help someone if they don't understand something, listen some of your classmates, etc. Connecting with people is really simple, you just have to be yourself socially and listen to them.

 

[monkeyMD]

Oh and one more thing OP. Anatomy lab is a good time to make buddies. Just sayin.

 

[studocplsignore]

I think I'm a pretty keep-to-myself to my guy. I'm not shy or anything, but I just never got into the habit of doing many things with other people. Like, a good afternoon for me, is just surfing the net or reading a book, or watching a movie. That being said, it wasn't too hard to make friends for me, off the time of my head, I sat with some people during lunch when everyone was still getting to know each other. I tried a few tables until I found a group I liked hanging out with. One guy I met while he was looking for scrubs, and we got assigned the same anatomy table...I mean, it's stuff like that.

I'm working on doing things with them, because it's kind of against my nature to do that. I like studying alone, doing stuff alone, but I'll show up for events and stuff. I think knowing people in med school can be pretty important, especially since you can keep touch even across long distances through Facebook. It'll be good knowing some future doctors too.

 

[organdonor]

I made the majority of my med school friends by eating in the med student commons at lunch. You can't help butto start at least small talk with people who you are sitting with. Ask people what they do outside of med school. I promise you at the very least somebody likes the same video games you do.

If there isn't a student commons where students eat, just before lunch ask somebody where they will be eating.I doubt they'd mind another joining them.

 

[Microshaft]

If you want to make a case study of this, look at George Clooney. That guy is the man of all men. Extremely intelligent, classy, well-read, polite, and probably the most confident human being on earth. He doesn't care what you think about him. Would George Clooney ever post stuff like this or worry about whether or not people like him or not? No. Watch some of his stuff and try to be like him. If you can learn to be secure and carry yourself even 1% as well as he does, you will go far and be satisfied with life.

Of all the confident people in this world, you picked george clooney.

really?
****ing really?

 

[thefritz]

Of all the confident people in this world, you picked george clooney.

really?
****ing really?

for these kind of things, people usually pick a celebrity or a sports player because that is a person everybody knows. I could tell you all about how my buddy lawrence is the most confident guy i know who does what he wants, but that doesn't really help because you don't know lawrence.

get off my back, geez.

 

[mcloaf]

As someone who streams lectures from home, prefers to study alone, and doesn't like going out to bars every night I sympathize with you, OP.

I'm definitely not in the group studying/bar hopping group of folks in my class, but I'm ok with that because it's no use trying to be something you're not to make friends.

I just try to make sure I either do something outside of my house that's social with classmates or invite some people over for dinner at least once a week. Also, most people who are in medical school like people; put yourself out there and the majority of them will meet you half way. As for the ones who don't, **** them, there will always be a few *******s who think they are too cool.

 

[Shjanzey]

I wish you were at my school. Games are so much more fun when you have someone to play with.

 

[Kahreek]

It took another 3 months to figure out who was smart and 2 more months to make friends with the two other smartest people in our class...because I pursued them...and now we're all 3 very happy together. And when I don't know something, one of them does!

wow, lol, quality posting.
Pro tip to make friends: talk to people, dont be afraid to say to them what you want. It is very easy to know lots of people specially in med school.


edit: by friends i mean acquaintances, i agree with brain bucket, making true friends is a really hard long marathon.

edit2: lol the more i read this thread, the more cynical it gets, meh, since 3rd year i just dont care, drink lots of coffee go into the hospital have good chats, talks to tons of people, have a laugh, by the end of the day you will have the same number of friends you started with, but it sure was a hell nicer way to pass the day.

 

[foreveralone21]

I'm a first year medical student - and basically have not made any (meaningful) friends thus far and it doesn't seem like there are any classmates that is interested in becoming my friend either. My class size is about 110 - and I just haven't met anyone that has enough in common with me to be a close friend.

Some reasons for this are obvious -

1) I am an Asian immigrant (Korean), and almost everyone else in my class is white - so there is this cultural difference. Even the few other Asians (non-Korean) in my class don't have much in common with me. We get along, but don't establish rapport very well.

2) I HATE the bar/drinking/loud music party scene - which is what all my med school social events has all been. I stopped going after the first week. I rather stay at home and play computer games late into the night (Nerdy - I know).

3) I simply don't have much free time. Med school has been intense - and my schedule is basically school ==> few hours of gaming ==> studying ===> sleep. Also - I very much prefer studying by myself - other people simply distracts me and I get nothing done.

4) Finally, there are very few student groups I can join on campus with whatever little free time I have. I won't disclose my school, but it is a southern state school with a small campus and a small student body. Not much really going on...

Back in undergrad (which had a HUGE and diverse student body) - I had a small group of very close friends and they had a lot in common with me. We did everything together. In med school there doesn't seem to be these kind of people that would click with me.

Considering how busy and intense med school is, I actually don't mind being a loner. But does anyone else feel the same way as I do? That one night after exam where everyone goes out to the bar and gets drunk, I just stay at home and play computer games until late into the night. I would certainly like to make friends with classmates and meet more people, especially girls for dates, but my lack of friends and even potential friends is kind of making the med school experience a bit unpleasant.

Thanks for y'all's advice in advance.

Hi I have actually posted about the same problem a month ago and I totally feel the same exact way as you.
I am Chinese immigrant and I'm the only Chinese girl in my class. In undergrad I also had a big group of Chinese/Korean friends that I would always hang out with, but it doesn't seem to be possible here. Although there are some classmates here that I sit with during lecture, I certainly am still having a tough time making friends as well. Same thing with meeting boys... I'm quite shy so it is definitely hard to open up to people around me and I felt really lonely that I wanted to quit the first few weeks of school.
However, I realized that medical school is different from undergrad. People here are definitely a lot older and mature, so its alright to be by yourself at times. I have adjusted to it and accepted the fact that I won't be making close friends here. Just focus on your studies and get residency in California that's what I'm aiming for!

 

[yehhhboiii]

Hi I have actually posted about the same problem a month ago and I totally feel the same exact way as you.
I am Chinese immigrant and I'm the only Chinese girl in my class. In undergrad I also had a big group of Chinese/Korean friends that I would always hang out with, but it doesn't seem to be possible here. Although there are some classmates here that I sit with during lecture, I certainly am still having a tough time making friends as well. Same thing with meeting boys... I'm quite shy so it is definitely hard to open up to people around me and I felt really lonely that I wanted to quit the first few weeks of school.
However, I realized that medical school is different from undergrad. People here are definitely a lot older and mature, so its alright to be by yourself at times. I have adjusted to it and accepted the fact that I won't be making close friends here. Just focus on your studies and get residency in California that's what I'm aiming for!

asl

 

[coffeesnob]

asl

i am guessing 21, female, not california

 

[prometheus09]

Thanks for the advice...my main 2 obstacles are this

1: Since I have no friends in class - how can I get anyone to join my activities? I will look so pathetic

2: The med school social events all revolve things like drinking/bars/dancing - which I HATE and gets really uncomfortable in such surroundings.

I do sometimes go to lecture and talk to classmates - but that only forms a very superficial level of friendship

I'm sure not EVERYONE in your class enjoys the drinking/bars/dancing. I know I never did, and the friends I made in med school didn't either. I found them in lecture being loners, so I joined them and we all became an aggregate of close knit loner people and when you first start to get to know someone it will come off as forced at first, but give it time. Give people a chance. I know I would not have made it if not for my med-school friends. Good luck!

 

[studocplsignore]

I gave up video games (or at least in the process of it) for medical school. I played way too much throughout undergraduate and I love them, but I can't justify the time expenditure to myself.