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LupaCupcake

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I need an opinion on this that is not bias. I figured I should ask here because well...why not. This has nothing to do with medical school or being a doctor so stop reading now if that bothers you.

I run an in home daycare as I have mentioned before. I have a baby that is here fulltime. His mother has primary custody and the father tries to help out from what I hear, but they are not married or living together. They are both military as well. I have an open door policy for parents to visit because I have to, my regulations are set by CYS and I have to use the same rules that they do even though it is my home and those rules are designed for a large building with many employees. So it is not my rules and regulations.

The father of this baby stated that during lunch hours he wanted to come by and hang out with his baby. His lunch hours are also nap time which is inconvenient for me, but he can't help that. My husband did not react well to this. This baby is new which means I don't know the parents very well yet. I don't know this man except for knowing he is the father. My husband is not comfortable with the idea of a man that we don't know being alone in the house with me and the kids. It doesn't help that this guy is really big. Their is a high rate of sexual harassment around here which is also causing a little more worry for him. He does not feel that it is safe since we don't know this guy.

I talked to my director and by regulation this guy is allowed to come here at 0900 in the morning, lunch time or the afternoon. It does not matter. He is the father, he is listed as being allowed to pick up his child which means he is not supposed to be kept away from him so although it is my home I am not allowed to say "no, I am not comfortable being alone with you".

My husband then asked can he declare to his command group that he wants to be at my home during some days and have them sign it so at least he is accountable and knows that other people have a paper trail on him already. The idea being that since he would be on paper as being in my home he is less likely to do anything "wrong" because he can't claim he was not here.

My director said I can't do that because it could be taken as discrimination or offensive.

My husband basically feels like "so they don't change the regulations for in home daycares until someone gets attacked, harassed or raped. THEN they will realize it is not safe to have complete strangers alone with you without proper accountability"

If this was you...or if this was your wife and daughter...would you be comfortable with this? I understand both sides of the coin here. That is his son...this is a daycare business...but this is also my home and I don't have cameras and employees next to me. I do live in military housing, but it is off post housing. I am about 15 minutes from the military post. I was not that worried until my husband started talking and asked questions like what if this guy has a temper or looks down on women? You have no idea what he is like, you don't know this family yet. What if he attacked you?
 

theseeker4

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I need an opinion on this that is not bias. I figured I should ask here because well...why not. This has nothing to do with medical school or being a doctor so stop reading now if that bothers you.

I run an in home daycare as I have mentioned before. I have a baby that is here fulltime. His mother has primary custody and the father tries to help out from what I hear, but they are not married or living together. They are both military as well. I have an open door policy for parents to visit because I have to, my regulations are set by CYS and I have to use the same rules that they do even though it is my home and those rules are designed for a large building with many employees. So it is not my rules and regulations.

The father of this baby stated that during lunch hours he wanted to come by and hang out with his baby. His lunch hours are also nap time which is inconvenient for me, but he can't help that. My husband did not react well to this. This baby is new which means I don't know the parents very well yet. I don't know this man except for knowing he is the father. My husband is not comfortable with the idea of a man that we don't know being alone in the house with me and the kids. It doesn't help that this guy is really big. Their is a high rate of sexual harassment around here which is also causing a little more worry for him. He does not feel that it is safe since we don't know this guy.

I talked to my director and by regulation this guy is allowed to come here at 0900 in the morning, lunch time or the afternoon. It does not matter. He is the father, he is listed as being allowed to pick up his child which means he is not supposed to be kept away from him so although it is my home I am not allowed to say "no, I am not comfortable being alone with you".

My husband then asked can he declare to his command group that he wants to be at my home during some days and have them sign it so at least he is accountable and knows that other people have a paper trail on him already. The idea being that since he would be on paper as being in my home he is less likely to do anything "wrong" because he can't claim he was not here.

My director said I can't do that because it could be taken as discrimination or offensive.

My husband basically feels like "so they don't change the regulations for in home daycares until someone gets attacked, harassed or raped. THEN they will realize it is not safe to have complete strangers alone with you without proper accountability"

If this was you...or if this was your wife and daughter...would you be comfortable with this? I understand both sides of the coin here. That is his son...this is a daycare business...but this is also my home and I don't have cameras and employees next to me. I do live in military housing, but it is off post housing. I am about 15 minutes from the military post. I was not that worried until my husband started talking and asked questions like what if this guy has a temper or looks down on women? You have no idea what he is like, you don't know this family yet. What if he attacked you?
Short of "firing" the baby from your day care, do you have any other options? You could get a cheap set of cameras hooked up to your computer, and have them in conspicuous places. Even if they are not recording at another site away from your house, no one else would know that so they could still deter any bad behavior, by this parent or anyone else.

Is this the only parent who wants to show up when you are alone? If so, you and/or your husband could have a discussion with him, telling him what your concerns are and that since you don't know him it is certainly nothing personal, but also because you don't know him you want to be sure you can trust him. Maybe it would just anger him (in which case you say you can't care for their child anymore) or he could react very well and ask you what he can do to quite your concerns. If you can't/don't want to confront him in any way, and can't/won't just stop caring for the baby, you could always just send a text to your husband whenever he arrives, so there is an actual record of him arriving. That record along with a deterrent such as the cameras I mentioned should be enough to make you both more comfortable.
 

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Maybe I'm just crabby this morning because I've a headache and didn't have my coffee yet, but this is irrelevant. In the allopathic forum they'd kick this out to the lounge.

I'm weighing in while it's here. Your position is the same as being a clerk in a gas station. Any customer has the right to come in whenever they want. If you're not comfortable with it fine, get a new job.

I also find your spelling of "ok" to be incredibly irritating.
 

FightinUruKai

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Is there a reason this is becoming an issue now? Has there been a string/occurrence of assaults?
The quick background you give on the guy doesn't make him seem particularly dangerous, besides the fact that he is military and large, which, while intimidating, doesn't seem actively threatening.

If you are concerned, why don't you ask him to first stop by during some time that you will have someone over, like the morning or evening? Say that you'd like to show him around when he won't be disturbing nap time so that he is less likely to cause a disturbance for the other children when he stops by during lunch. Or you could say "My husband is uncomfortable with you stopping by during lunch while I'm alone, would you mind stopping by and introducing yourself to put his mind at ease?"

If you do not feel comfortable with that, you could try talking to the baby's mother and asking if you should be concerned. She would be the best judge, in all likelihood.

If you do not feel comfortable with any of those, then it doesn't seem like there is much that you can do. This is a part of your job, unfortunately, and it seems like you have to deal with it. If you are worried, keep pepper spray in an accessible location, and keep law enforcement on speed dial for if you need it. I honestly don't think you would, but it does give you some sort of support just in case..
 

theseeker4

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Maybe I'm just crabby this morning because I've a headache and didn't have my coffee yet, but this is irrelevant. In the allopathic forum they'd kick this out to the lounge.

I'm weighing in while it's here. Your position is the same as being a clerk in a gas station. Any customer has the right to come in whenever they want. If you're not comfortable with it fine, get a new job.

I also find your spelling of "ok" to be incredibly irritating.
If you recognize before you post that you are crabby, maybe it would be best to stop there, and not post before you have your coffee and your headache subsides. Just a thought :)
 

LupaCupcake

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I should add I do not have a contract with him nor is his name anywhere on it. My contract and meeting was with the mother. She gave me a list of emergency contacts and he is one of them. She is the one to drop him off and pick him up and that is it. THEN it comes up that he wants to hang out at my house during the daytime after the paperwork was done. I have never had a 1 on 1 with him and no, none of my other parents stay here.

Whether he was large or skinny is irrelevant I just think it made it worse in my husband's eyes. I was not OMG about this, but my husband got worried because he has seen so many harassment cases on this post.

Im going to see if i can do some type of accountability procedure as a safety measure

ps i did have a typo, i meant okay not owkay :) since you mentioned it
 

LifeTake2

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You have a couple of options, and no you are not wrong to wish to avoid having a man in your home during the day.

1) I would strongly suggest you discuss with the mother. She can give you a better feel of the father and ideas.

2) speak w the father with your husband present. Dont accuse him of being a rapist, just express concern over having ANY man in the home while you are alone.

3) if neither of those result in a compromise then I would suggest strongly the parents find a new daycare.

You are likely 100% safe and assuming the worse, even if he might be an ass, the statistical odds of him being a risk to you are low. However, in your home YOUR comfort is paramount.

Be open minded and professional, but push to change this agreement so you are comfortable.
 

LupaCupcake

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I came up with something tha tmy boss is allowing. Right now we have a sign in sheet for visitors but it hangs on our wall and that is it....easy to rip down. So I said how about from now on the visitor sign in is submitted to you and you can keep it in my folder at the CYS office..

In addition to this from now on if a parent wants to visit or "hang out" they need to call first so I can call my boss and notify her of the visitors name, relationship to child and estimated time of visit so even before they sign in on my visitor list they are accounted for by the main office. This lets the parents know they are accounted for and it makes the daycare safer not only for me, but for the other children.

If he wants to be a part of this...I am not against that, but I need to ensure we are safe. I do conferences periodically (we operate like teachers with curriculums, conferences, child reports etc) so he should attend the conference so I am able to sit down with him.

The mom grilled me before they chose me, the grandma not only grilled me she requested to inspect my house which I let her do and I had multiple sit downs with the mother and grandmother. I would prefer a sit down with him as well or he can come with the mother when she picks him up one day and stay for a little bit to talk. (my husband will be here then)
 

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I totally understand your concerns and am glad you are finding a workable solution to address them. That said, I commend this guy for wanting to spend some time with his baby and taking any opportunity he can to do so. Lots of single fathers wouldn't.

I think you should give this guy the benefit of the doubt and discuss your concerns with him. He's more than likely a nice guy who will be understanding of the situation and willing work with you to help make everyone comfortable.
 

ObLaDi

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Overreact much? Sheesh, let the man see his kid.
 

QofQuimica

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Maybe I'm just crabby this morning because I've a headache and didn't have my coffee yet, but this is irrelevant. In the allopathic forum they'd kick this out to the lounge.

I'm weighing in while it's here. Your position is the same as being a clerk in a gas station. Any customer has the right to come in whenever they want. If you're not comfortable with it fine, get a new job.

I also find your spelling of "ok" to be incredibly irritating.
This may come as a surprise to some of you, but I have a day job that is also an evening/night/weekend/holiday job. In accordance with the basic physics principles that many of you are currently learning about in your premed classes, it is not possible for me to sit here 24-7 and monitor SDN at the same time that I am in the hospital taking care of sick people. I also swear that the next person to complain about headache is going to get a lumbar puncture personally delivered by me so that I can rule out meningitis. What can I say, except that I'm behind schedule on my some of my procedure logs, and there is apparently a nation-wide shortage of pharmaceutical grade caffeine. :shrug: :smuggrin:

All kidding aside, I don't think this thread is all that off-topic, and it's also not appropriate for the Lounge. However, I've received several complaints from users who would like it removed. So I'm going to implement a compromise, because other people would like to socialize and discuss off-topic subjects with fellow nontrads. There are also plenty of precedents for off-topic threads in other forums, but I don't want this forum inundated with them. So, we will expand this thread into a general off-topic advice thread. In other words, people wanting to ask for or give advice about anything not related to health professions topics can post their questions and answers here. Please note, however, that this is not the Lounge. This thread will be monitored like all the others are, and the SDN Terms of Service will be enforced here as usual.

Please also play nice. If you don't want to read posts that are off-topic, it's only this one thread, and you don't have to read it. On the flip side, since I do have to read it, those of you who decide you want to participate should please at least post interesting questions and answers. :p
 
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ShoTyme

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Please also play nice. If you don't want to read posts that are off-topic, it's only this one thread, and you don't have to read it. On the flip side, since I do have to read it, those of you who decide you want to participate should please at least post interesting questions and answers. :p

You have to read every post? Wow. Do they pay you well?
 

ShoTyme

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Also, as an aside, since this is apparently the place for such triviality, I finally figured out how to add a picture to my profile! Woohoo! I'm very excited about that. [/triviality]
 

QofQuimica

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You have to read every post? Wow. Do they pay you well?
I get paid by the post count. So the more you folks post, the more they pay me.* :nod:











*For those who don't know, SDN is staffed entirely by volunteers. That includes me. In the interest of avoiding the appearance of undue influence by corporate entities, here is a full disclosure of everything I can remember having received from the SDN brass in recompense for my work as a mod:
  • one SDN refrigerator magnet
  • one SDN mod mug (actually two, but I gave away the second one to the Admissions Dean)
  • one SDN pen
  • one SDN portfolio (the kind with a legal pad and a pen in it)
I also have an SDN t-shirt, but my mom bought it for me, so that doesn't count. And I got a free pharmacology textbook in return for writing a review of it. I don't count that either since it didn't actually come from SDN.

Finally, on top of having donated a few thousand hours of my time to SDN over the past six and a half years that I've been a mod, I have donated money to this site as well. To make a long story short, I ain't exactly coming out ahead financially through my affiliation with SDN. So the least you all can do is entertain me. :p
 

ShoTyme

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I get paid by the post count. So the more you folks post, the more they pay me.* :nod:











*For those who don't know, SDN is staffed entirely by volunteers. That includes me. In the interest of avoiding the appearance of undue influence by corporate entities, here is a full disclosure of everything I can remember having received from the SDN brass in recompense for my work as a mod:
  • one SDN refrigerator magnet
  • one SDN mod mug (actually two, but I gave away the second one to the Admissions Dean)
  • one SDN pen
  • one SDN portfolio (the kind with a legal pad and a pen in it)
I also have an SDN t-shirt, but my mom bought it for me, so that doesn't count. And I got a free pharmacology textbook in return for writing a review of it. I don't count that either since it didn't actually come from SDN.

Finally, on top of having donated a few thousand hours of my time to SDN over the past six and a half years that I've been a mod, I have donated money to this site as well. To make a long story short, I ain't exactly coming out ahead financially through my affiliation with SDN. So the least you all can do is entertain me. :p

I had actually done a search on this awhile ago and learned that moderators were volunteers. I did not know that you read every post though. My bad for not adding an emoticon signifying sarcasm to the monetary comment. Anywhoo... I sugggest they at least double your current rate. :p (that better?) :rolleyes: :D
 

QofQuimica

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I had actually done a search on this awhile ago and learned that moderators were volunteers. I did not know that you read every post though. My bad for not adding an emoticon signifying sarcasm to the monetary comment. Anywhoo... I sugggest they at least double your current rate. :p (that better?) :rolleyes: :D
I knew you were being sarcastic, and I was being sarcastic/joking back. I don't really read every post; even if I wanted to read them all, I don't have the time. So like everyone else, I tend to skip the topics that don't interest me unless a thread catches my attention as a potential problem for some reason, or unless someone reports a post. I always read any threads that people complain about from start to finish, which is why I read this thread. And I read threads that could devolve, which is why I'll continue reading this thread. :)
 

ShoTyme

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You're everything, everything, I wish I could be.... *

*When delirious, I think in song.
 

wholeheartedly

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So the least you all can do is entertain me. :p

Well, if you really want to be entertained pre-allo is the place to be. (of course that comes coupled with a complete loss of faith in humanity as well :smuggrin: )


Lupa, glad to hear it sounds like you've worked something out that sounds reasonable. I disagree with posts suggesting you might've over-reacted. There's a thing called instincts and I've found myself in situations with very large intimidating guys who don't put me on guard at all, and then I've found some who put me on guard almost instantly. My alarm bells have a high rate of accuracy thus far. Either way, I don't think it hurts to be pro-active about safety so long as you can do so in a way that's respectful to the other party if they haven't done anything to warrant suspicion yet. Sounds like you found the balance.
 

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I need an opinion on this that is not bias. I figured I should ask here because well...why not. This has nothing to do with medical school or being a doctor so stop reading now if that bothers you.

I run an in home daycare as I have mentioned before. I have a baby that is here fulltime. His mother has primary custody and the father tries to help out from what I hear, but they are not married or living together. They are both military as well. I have an open door policy for parents to visit because I have to, my regulations are set by CYS and I have to use the same rules that they do even though it is my home and those rules are designed for a large building with many employees. So it is not my rules and regulations.

The father of this baby stated that during lunch hours he wanted to come by and hang out with his baby. His lunch hours are also nap time which is inconvenient for me, but he can't help that. My husband did not react well to this. This baby is new which means I don't know the parents very well yet. I don't know this man except for knowing he is the father. My husband is not comfortable with the idea of a man that we don't know being alone in the house with me and the kids. It doesn't help that this guy is really big. Their is a high rate of sexual harassment around here which is also causing a little more worry for him. He does not feel that it is safe since we don't know this guy.

I talked to my director and by regulation this guy is allowed to come here at 0900 in the morning, lunch time or the afternoon. It does not matter. He is the father, he is listed as being allowed to pick up his child which means he is not supposed to be kept away from him so although it is my home I am not allowed to say "no, I am not comfortable being alone with you".

My husband then asked can he declare to his command group that he wants to be at my home during some days and have them sign it so at least he is accountable and knows that other people have a paper trail on him already. The idea being that since he would be on paper as being in my home he is less likely to do anything "wrong" because he can't claim he was not here.

My director said I can't do that because it could be taken as discrimination or offensive.

My husband basically feels like "so they don't change the regulations for in home daycares until someone gets attacked, harassed or raped. THEN they will realize it is not safe to have complete strangers alone with you without proper accountability"

If this was you...or if this was your wife and daughter...would you be comfortable with this? I understand both sides of the coin here. That is his son...this is a daycare business...but this is also my home and I don't have cameras and employees next to me. I do live in military housing, but it is off post housing. I am about 15 minutes from the military post. I was not that worried until my husband started talking and asked questions like what if this guy has a temper or looks down on women? You have no idea what he is like, you don't know this family yet. What if he attacked you?

I can understand your hesitation about this, but you really should have thought about it when you started this daycare. But, it's too late for it now because you have ran into this situation.
Unless he has a criminal background that you know of, you really shouldn't write him off right off the bat.
If you feel uncomfortable being alone with him, I would get a friend to be there at that time.
But, you should also put yourself in his shoes.
Think about it this way:
His baby is constantly in a home where he doesn't know the person taking care of him.
A small, innocent baby is in your home, being taken care of by you...someone he does not know.
He can look at you the same way you're looking at him.
So, I can understand where you're coming from because he is large and you've scared yourself, but he hasn't actively done anything yet.
He may be just as worried for his baby being with a stranger as you are being alone with a stranger.
 
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ShoTyme

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Ok, joking aside. I really do have a question I could use some help with. I've researched and researched, and I'm at a loss. As many of you know, I have 5 children. One of them just so happens to be brilliant. He just turned 7 and he's already in the third grade and has tested in the 97th percentile of that grade. He is in a charter school in DFW area. The problem is that he still isn't being intellectually challenged, except at home. Also, since he is younger, he is starting to have a bullying problem. It's not like he's a small kid, I'm 6'6" tall, so he blends in well physically, but the other children are aware of his age and are mercilessly picking on him. I've spoken to the teacher, who basically said that boys will be boys. The principal was kind and I love her, but she really isn't on the front lines. Other than calling a meeting with the third grade "Godfather" and putting a hit on the offending persons in exchange for juice boxes, what should I do? Unfortunately, I don't have the time nor the energy to home school him, which would probably be ideal. I've tried to find schools that have programs for someone like him, but there aren't any. Does anyone have any idea what I should do? Are there any schools in the DFW area that are for gifted children? Any input will be appreciated. Thanks everyone!

Respectfully,
Sho-
 

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I've tried to find schools that have programs for someone like him, but there aren't any. Does anyone have any idea what I should do? Are there any schools in the DFW area that are for gifted children? Any input will be appreciated. Thanks everyone!

Respectfully,
Sho-

Can't help with the bullying thing. Although sometimes getting one kid to think you're cool and stand up for you can shut the other kids up. Not sure how to accomplish that.

My mom's a special ed teacher. She primarily focuses on students with emotional and behavioral problems and disabilities. However, she did also get training for working with gifted students. Another teacher actually tried to get a shy, quiet student put in the behavior problem room because she didn't talk much, until my mom pointed out the girl wasn't offering much up because her classmates didn't understand her since she was really bright and communicating at a much higher level.

It couldn't hurt to talk to someone in the special ed. dept. just to see if anyone there has an interest or suggestions that could be implemented.

I think what usually needs to happen is you need to find a teacher that's willing to put in the extra time to add on to regular assignments and make things more enriching.

Also, in some areas it doesn't need to be a parent that home schools a kid. Sometimes there are parent groups where one takes science, another math, and another english and teaches a group of kids. Perhaps you could get involved with one of those groups and your spouse/partner could teach one area? Some districts will let students do part-time home school. I know there are some cool summer programs for gifted kids as well.

http://www.nagc.org/index.aspx?id=682

Even supplementing at home should be helpful. Good luck.
 

vc7777

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Ok, joking aside. I really do have a question I could use some help with. I've researched and researched, and I'm at a loss. As many of you know, I have 5 children. One of them just so happens to be brilliant. He just turned 7 and he's already in the third grade and has tested in the 97th percentile of that grade. He is in a charter school in DFW area. The problem is that he still isn't being intellectually challenged, except at home. Also, since he is younger, he is starting to have a bullying problem. It's not like he's a small kid, I'm 6'6" tall, so he blends in well physically, but the other children are aware of his age and are mercilessly picking on him. I've spoken to the teacher, who basically said that boys will be boys. The principal was kind and I love her, but she really isn't on the front lines. Other than calling a meeting with the third grade "Godfather" and putting a hit on the offending persons in exchange for juice boxes, what should I do? Unfortunately, I don't have the time nor the energy to home school him, which would probably be ideal. I've tried to find schools that have programs for someone like him, but there aren't any. Does anyone have any idea what I should do? Are there any schools in the DFW area that are for gifted children? Any input will be appreciated. Thanks everyone!

Respectfully,
Sho-

Having gifted children is of course difficult at times. For young boys who "skip grades" in particular, there is often issues with social and physical maturity that makes being in an advanced class more troublesome, and frankly a chronic issue, that in my opinion can often overshadow the academic enrichment they may get. My older brother was such a kid. He never quite fit in, and became a very introverted and quiet man (to this day).

While your son may be OK physically right now, the differences when he gets to 6-8 grade will become more apparent.

Some thoughts: First, at this stage in the game, it is probably much more important that he be in an socially.age-appropriate setting where he can make and maintain strong friendships. Second, if he is not challenged now, then it sounds like there is no advantage to him being a year (or two) ahead anyways. Third, enrichment will come in due time. I think if school is fun, easy, and he has a great social experience he will be in a very strong position to excel when advancement and enrichment schools/classes/activities present themselves later in life. Finally, I half jokingly tell people: we all retire at the same age; so advancing your children just condemns them to another year of work! :p But there is some truth in this - there is no rush when it comes to childhood.

I personally "red-shirted" my oldest daughter against what I later realized was my ego-centric impulse to have her advance. ("redshirt" = kept her back - to use a more positive football term for a player with potential who needs another year to develop) I'm not saying or implying that you have anything but great intentions for your kids. But in retrospect, I think it was about me, or living up to my family's expectations for her. She is very well-liked in her school, and actually loves school because it is so easy. I was apprehensive at first because my wife and I come both from very academically oriented families, but I would do it over again if I had to.
 

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Can't help with the bullying thing. Although sometimes getting one kid to think you're cool and stand up for you can shut the other kids up. Not sure how to accomplish that.

My mom's a special ed teacher. She primarily focuses on students with emotional and behavioral problems and disabilities. However, she did also get training for working with gifted students. Another teacher actually tried to get a shy, quiet student put in the behavior problem room because she didn't talk much, until my mom pointed out the girl wasn't offering much up because her classmates didn't understand her since she was really bright and communicating at a much higher level.

It couldn't hurt to talk to someone in the special ed. dept. just to see if anyone there has an interest or suggestions that could be implemented.

I think what usually needs to happen is you need to find a teacher that's willing to put in the extra time to add on to regular assignments and make things more enriching.

Also, in some areas it doesn't need to be a parent that home schools a kid. Sometimes there are parent groups where one takes science, another math, and another english and teaches a group of kids. Perhaps you could get involved with one of those groups and your spouse/partner could teach one area? Some districts will let students do part-time home school. I know there are some cool summer programs for gifted kids as well.

http://www.nagc.org/index.aspx?id=682

Even supplementing at home should be helpful. Good luck.


True, I used to teach math to home schooled kids in around the age of 10. They all met at a local church hall once a month, and gave out homework and the months goals. Some of the kids were very smart.
 

ShoTyme

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Also, in some areas it doesn't need to be a parent that home schools a kid. Sometimes there are parent groups where one takes science, another math, and another english and teaches a group of kids. Perhaps you could get involved with one of those groups and your spouse/partner could teach one area? Some districts will let students do part-time home school. I know there are some cool summer programs for gifted kids as well.

http://www.nagc.org/index.aspx?id=682

Even supplementing at home should be helpful. Good luck.

Thank you. I will look into this. I will speak to the special ed teacher on Monday. Also there are several children in my neighborhood who are home-schooled. I will get with them to see how they are doing it. I guess I always assumed it was the parents doing the schooling. I will have to explore what else is available on that front.

Having gifted children is of course difficult at times. For young boys who "skip grades" in particular, there is often issues with social and physical maturity that makes being in an advanced class more troublesome, and frankly a chronic issue, that in my opinion can often overshadow the academic enrichment they may get. My older brother was such a kid. He never quite fit in, and became a very introverted and quiet man (to this day).

While your son may be OK physically right now, the differences when he gets to 6-8 grade will become more apparent.

Some thoughts: First, at this stage in the game, it is probably much more important that he be in an socially.age-appropriate setting where he can make and maintain strong friendships. Second, if he is not challenged now, then it sounds like there is no advantage to him being a year (or two) ahead anyways. Third, enrichment will come in due time. I think if school is fun, easy, and he has a great social experience he will be in a very strong position to excel when advancement and enrichment schools/classes/activities present themselves later in life. Finally, I half jokingly tell people: we all retire at the same age; so advancing your children just condemns them to another year of work! :p But there is some truth in this - there is no rush when it comes to childhood.

I personally "red-shirted" my oldest daughter against what I later realized was my ego-centric impulse to have her advance. ("redshirt" = kept her back - to use a more positive football term for a player with potential who needs another year to develop) I'm not saying or implying that you have anything but great intentions for your kids. But in retrospect, I think it was about me, or living up to my family's expectations for her. She is very well-liked in her school, and actually loves school because it is so easy. I was apprehensive at first because my wife and I come both from very academically oriented families, but I would do it over again if I had to.

Yeah... very true post. I struggled mightily with the decision of skipping him or not. It's one of the most difficult decisions I have ever had to make. And to this day, maybe especially this day, I question my decision. Questioning my decision at this point doesn't help as the damage has been done, so to speak. Luckily, my boy is very outgoing and has an amazing personality. He wit is extremely sharp and is quick to joke with anyone. I hope I don't lose that about him. What I don't want is for him to tune out academically. Right now he is so interested in everything. He has read much of my bio 1 book (though the krebs cycle rocked his world :) ) I just want to make sure I'm doing what I should to foster that zeal for academia.... but you are right. It's a difficult decision that has lifelong consequences and I do question myself.

True, I used to teach math to home schooled kids in around the age of 10. They all met at a local church hall once a month, and gave out homework and the months goals. Some of the kids were very smart.

Want a new student? ;)
 

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http://www.vice.com/the-vice-guide-to-travel/vice-guide-to-north-korea-1-of-3

Right? Holy mother of God. And Georgie Bush was thinking some good ole Texas tough talk was the right move. Whaaaat?! These guys make Al-Qaeda look like a pack of drunken Carnies. What the.... About to get us all killed. Somebody unplug that mic!!!

So that's what I want advice on. America. I live here. Am thankful for it's rock n roll type freedoms. And the fact that we don't honor-kill our ninja clad women for talking to GI's or something.

But I don't understand us. Even though I've worked shoulder to shoulder with serious rednecks. There was a separation. Suspicion. Like I was up to something sneakily subversive. Like questioning the religious sanctity of NASCAR.

So what does America. For all of you who feel close to the mind of it. Think we're doing guarding the ancient poppy fields of Afghanistan. Haggling with fuedal lords in perpetual circularity. Like Alexander the Great nor British nor the Soviets nor the countless others ever existed or failed to impose anything.

We're sinking. Our economy is shambles. And our usefulness to the world stage are quickly being relegated to Blackwater type corporate ventures.

So what is that America thinks it's doing? Why are we convinced we're so awesome that we need show people how to do it? Why are we convinced that a historically isolated backwoods people is equipped to administer world affairs? We don't even speak any of the f'n languages.

Do we believe in the political process? I can't say that I do. We're like coorperatized north koreans (carreerans--holy crap that video was as funny as it was weird) with tons more recess time.

I don't know America. I don't watch TV. I don't understand what I'm supposed to about racial iconography. I listen to smart as [email protected] stand up comics most of the time. And generally find most of America too stupid and dull to deserve much of my time.

But what choice do you have.

Help a kid out. The type of kid who stood up and said this all bull**** at the age of 9 in sunday school.

How the [email protected] am I supposed to understand this 300 million strong pack of chimpanzees?

When I'm convinced I'm distinctly Bonobo in lineage.

Thanks. Regards.
 

ShoTyme

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Dude... I'd just like to have a few beers with you man....
 

QofQuimica

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I am curious as well. Is he real?
Yes.

Nas, I was only able to watch part 1. What do I have to do to get the second and third parts to play?

Sho, I would also look into weekend/summer enrichment programs at your local library or high school. Another thought is to come up with projects for him to work on, or help him develop a hobby like music, art, etc. As for the bullying, I agree that he needs a friend or two. Bullies, like all predators, go after the weak and friendless.
 
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dmf2682

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does he really resemble his avatar? Because in my mind eye that's what he looks like. Or at least, maybe something like Lewis Black.
 

Nasrudin

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I am real. With some comic book internet bravado mixed in for story telling. But essentially this is really me. And I would love to meet you all for some beers.

So let me know if you're traveling for interviews or whatever.

You might be disappointed though. I am just sort of a homebody that lives in my own head. Audiobooks and CSPAN and Standup comics going in one ear and medical videos and such in the other. Vomit up whatever I'm thinking here. Rinse. Repeat.
.
By PM though. I am trying, if only [email protected], to obfuscate my identifiables. Part of the reason I've considered an sdn suicide by cop. This is an impressive **** talking resume I've got here. Not something I want to scare off potential bosses with. If they only knew how obedient I am to rectifying my national trade deficit. And taking care of my unit. They wouldn't worry about me. But it's the snap judgement thing. That worries me.
 

QofQuimica

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I'm all for having Nas become the mini-moderator of this thread. Just a thought.
Making Nas a mod of any type would be a terrible idea. For one, you'd totally ruin his street cred. For another, how do you expect him to go on his infamous rants if he's a stooge of the establishment? Because we'd have to kill him if we couldn't crush his spirit of resistance. That's how The Man rolls on SDN.
 

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Yes.

Nas, I was only able to watch part 1. What do I have to do to get the second and third parts to play?

Sho, I would also look into weekend/summer enrichment programs at your local library or high school. Another thought is to come up with projects for him to work on, or help him develop a hobby like music, art, etc. As for the bullying, I agree that he needs a friend or two. Bullies, like all predators, go after the weak and friendless.

http://www.vice.com/en_us

You're too busy so I'll give the prompt as I understand them.

This group of gonzo reporters travel to insane not-so-touristy places and film. Places no pale complexioned person in their right mind would go.

The website is confusing. I got the link from the Joe Rogan Podcast which I listen to all the time. So I don't really know anything about these dudes. Except that they're respectably nuts.
 

Nasrudin

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Making Nas a mod of any type would be a terrible idea. For one, you'd totally ruin his street cred. For another, how do you expect him to go on his infamous rants if he's a stooge of the establishment? Because we'd have to kill him if we couldn't crush his spirit of resistance. That's how The Man rolls on SDN.

:laugh: Yep. It's right here in the script. So....places everyone.
 

dmf2682

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http://www.vice.com/en_us

You're too busy so I'll give the prompt as I understand them.

This group of gonzo reporters travel to insane not-so-touristy places and film. Places no pale complexioned person in their right mind would go.

The website is confusing. I got the link from the Joe Rogan Podcast which I listen to all the time. So I don't really know anything about these dudes. Except that they're respectably nuts.


Man. That is. insane. I couldn't stop watching. But I couldn't wait for it to end.
 

QofQuimica

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You're too busy so I'll give the prompt as I understand them.
Au contraire. Vaycay this week. Currently sitting in the airport, enjoying the free wifi on my super-awesome lenovo and waiting for my flight to Florida to start boarding. :cool:

For some reason, the second video is loading today, but I'll have to wait until I get to my folks' house to watch it. They finally entered the 21st century and got wifi. Whether they have figured out how to use it yet, I cannot say. :p

All right, with the holiday season coming up, who has suggestions for gifts that are a little off the beaten path without being freakily off the beaten path; and are things that people who have way more money and better taste than I do wouldn't already have?

Also, who else is already sick of Christmas music? They're playing Christmas muzak here, and it's getting me into the holiday spirit all right....as the grinch. :smuggrin:
 

dmf2682

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I got my sister a restored antique typewriter for her phd graduation last May. Probably the best present I ever gave anyone. If you've academic relations and have money to spend (north of $500) it might be good.

If you're cheap I also got her an egg timer for her birthday. It was a $4 amazon gift. Changes color when the eggs are soft boiled and changes color more when they're hard boiled.

Getting my future step-mother-in-law a pasta maker. Rolling your own pasta is incredibly easy if you know folks who like to cook.

And I'm getting my girlfriend a ring. :)

Oh yeah, you could teach them to juggle. I got a book/set of juggling bean bags to learn. I figure juggling can only help my volunteering with the children's hospital
 
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ShoTyme

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Sho, I would also look into weekend/summer enrichment programs at your local library or high school. Another thought is to come up with projects for him to work on, or help him develop a hobby like music, art, etc. As for the bullying, I agree that he needs a friend or two. Bullies, like all predators, go after the weak and friendless.

Also a good idea. I've tried the musical instrument thing with him but he insists he doesn't want to learn so I don't press it. He enjoys art though. I will see if I can find something for him in that arena. Thanks!

Also, I spoke with his brother who yesterday hooked him up with 4 new friends. When he told me this, it was one of the most proud moments of my life. I'm not one to cry, but a tear did come to my eye.
 

ShoTyme

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Getting my future step-mother-in-law a pasta maker. Rolling your own pasta is incredibly easy if you know folks who like to cook.

And I'm getting my girlfriend a ring. :)

Is the pasta maker one of those crank ones? Or is it an automatic one? I can tell you that my wife owns a crank one. While I love eating fresh pasta, it is extremely time consuming to make. She keeps telling me if I get her an attachment for her Kitchen Aid mixer so she wouldn't have to crank it by hand, I'd get it more often.... hmmm.... I guess I know what I'm getting her for Christmas :p By the way, she's a chef so before I get blasted for getting my lady an instrument of sexual oppression, realize cooking is her passion.

And congrats man! Good luck. :thumbup:
 

dmf2682

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Is the pasta maker one of those crank ones? Or is it an automatic one? I can tell you that my wife owns a crank one. While I love eating fresh pasta, it is extremely time consuming to make. She keeps telling me if I get her an attachment for her Kitchen Aid mixer so she wouldn't have to crank it by hand, I'd get it more often.... hmmm.... I guess I know what I'm getting her for Christmas :p By the way, she's a chef so before I get blasted for getting my lady an instrument of sexual oppression, realize cooking is her passion.

And congrats man! Good luck. :thumbup:


It's a crank one. It's not that bad- you can churn out quite a bit in no time! Making pasta for lasagna is super fast. You can even do ravioli pretty quick. But I suppose a kitchenaid attachment would be faster. I just got the sausage stuffer attachment for next month's new hobby.

Thanks sho- I'll let you all know how it turns out :)
 

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Hey...been MIA for a few days. busy busy busy...

In the end after my proposed solution, CYS decided that for in home daycares it is not safe for a daycare provider to be alone with an unknown male. They either have to become somewhat known to the provider first, be accompanied by another female or if the provider issues permission then it is owkay, but ultimately for the safety of kids and the provider strangers are not allowed to visit until they are known. He said he didnt want any strangers around his son to which I agreed and said the other parents feel the same way, we have to do a sit down. Either way I was not the one that initially had a problem, it was my husband. He is a cut military man that can be protective ;) yea I totally go for that rofl

although things have changed a lot in the past week. Reality has set in and I have to choose...reduce my school workload (I am taking on a heavy amount to finish degree faster) or reduce my daycare. Daycare is taking 60 hours a week from me at this point. I am human after all, I get tired. School is my priority, I don't NEED to run a daycare I choose to. It has been suggested that possibly I close my daycare entirely because all I do is work lol. This is not an easy decision for me, It is never easy to close a business, but my school trumps my business.

ANYWAYS....Why did one of you say sounds like I need a friend? You know I get told that I need a friend who is just as into school as I am. That would probably be nice, none of my friends are extremely driven. (nothing wrong with that, to each their own)
 

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Not many things should stand in the way of your succesful journey to medical school. Family is about the only thing I can think of that I would allow to stand in the way. I certainly wouldn't let a job or small home based business stand in the way. The fact that you have to be so transparent with your home and life is absurd to me. But from what I have read you have enjoyed it. Close with happy memories or at least reduce the amount of kids. Is the business still standing in your way of taking on campus pre-reqs?
 

kraskadva

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Ok, joking aside. I really do have a question I could use some help with. I've researched and researched, and I'm at a loss. As many of you know, I have 5 children. One of them just so happens to be brilliant. He just turned 7 and he's already in the third grade and has tested in the 97th percentile of that grade. He is in a charter school in DFW area. The problem is that he still isn't being intellectually challenged, except at home. Also, since he is younger, he is starting to have a bullying problem. It's not like he's a small kid, I'm 6'6" tall, so he blends in well physically, but the other children are aware of his age and are mercilessly picking on him. I've spoken to the teacher, who basically said that boys will be boys. The principal was kind and I love her, but she really isn't on the front lines. Other than calling a meeting with the third grade "Godfather" and putting a hit on the offending persons in exchange for juice boxes, what should I do? Unfortunately, I don't have the time nor the energy to home school him, which would probably be ideal. I've tried to find schools that have programs for someone like him, but there aren't any. Does anyone have any idea what I should do? Are there any schools in the DFW area that are for gifted children? Any input will be appreciated. Thanks everyone!

Respectfully,
Sho-

I'm gonna throw another suggestion in here- check out the next grade up, talk to the teachers, and if they look any friendlier- advance your kid another grade or move him to a different class with a teacher who will put a stop to the bullying
The dynamics in every class are different and he might fare better with another group.

I was just like your kid in elementary school- though skipping grade didn't come til later for me. Really smart, but not challenged. Getting picked on all the time (by a couple of teachers as well as the students). And I was already in the magnet school.
There are 2 issues here: intellectual stimulation and bullying. Both have to be addressed, but I'll say, from personal experience, that the bullying is by far the bigger problem.
As to the stimulation, personally I fell into books- and have never fallen out of them- which took care of a lot of the slack in that area for me. Though, of course, anything else you or the teacher can throw his way would be helpful.
With bullying though, I went from being the "Yay, school!" kinda kid to being the smelly, clinging to the mattress in abject fear kinda kid - within 1 year. Took me about a decade to get over the social phobias that engendered... home-schooling for a couple of years (skipped 8th grade), going to high school in another town and then far, far away to college, where I gradually re-invented myself. Being smart, knowing your parents love you and finding new friends helps fix those problems, but better not to have them in the first place.
Once he gets past Elem/Middle school, the social issues and bullying start to recede, but getting to that point can be tough. Getting through it as fast as possible (i.e. skipping another grade) or finding a less unpleasant class for him will help make it more bearable.

My .02 ... hope it helps a bit. PM me if you want to talk about it more.
 

ShoTyme

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I'm gonna throw another suggestion in here- check out the next grade up, talk to the teachers, and if they look any friendlier- advance your kid another grade or move him to a different class with a teacher who will put a stop to the bullying
The dynamics in every class are different and he might fare better with another group.

I was just like your kid in elementary school- though skipping grade didn't come til later for me. Really smart, but not challenged. Getting picked on all the time (by a couple of teachers as well as the students). And I was already in the magnet school.
There are 2 issues here: intellectual stimulation and bullying. Both have to be addressed, but I'll say, from personal experience, that the bullying is by far the bigger problem.
As to the stimulation, personally I fell into books- and have never fallen out of them- which took care of a lot of the slack in that area for me. Though, of course, anything else you or the teacher can throw his way would be helpful.
With bullying though, I went from being the "Yay, school!" kinda kid to being the smelly, clinging to the mattress in abject fear kinda kid - within 1 year. Took me about a decade to get over the social phobias that engendered... home-schooling for a couple of years (skipped 8th grade), going to high school in another town and then far, far away to college, where I gradually re-invented myself. Being smart, knowing your parents love you and finding new friends helps fix those problems, but better not to have them in the first place.
Once he gets past Elem/Middle school, the social issues and bullying start to recede, but getting to that point can be tough. Getting through it as fast as possible (i.e. skipping another grade) or finding a less unpleasant class for him will help make it more bearable.

My .02 ... hope it helps a bit. PM me if you want to talk about it more.

Thank you very much for you input. For a followup, I have spoken to the teacher and to the principal. Things on the bullying front seem to have died down quite a bit. His brother is involved as well. He is a karate champion and hasn't threatened or anything, but has made his presence more well known. The older brother even helped him get a couple of new friends. I am so proud of him for helping out. They are already in a "magnet" school, though it is a charter school. I also spent three hours yesterday meeting with the top private school in the Dallas/Ft. Worth area. I don't have any idea how I would swing the tuition given my current non-working situation, but I can cross that bridge later.

My boy loves books. In fact, his grandfather got him a kindle for his birthday, and it's become his new best friend. I can't seem keep it loaded with enough information. Yesterday he was helping me study for my biology final. He now knows how the heart works very well. :)

At this point, I fear skipping him again because of the social ramifications. He is really a socially well adjusted individual. He's so funny and outgoing. I don't want him to become a recluse and lose that wonderful part of his personality. I suppose this is something that we will struggle with throughout his educational life, and is something we must constantly reexamine. Again, I very much appreciate your support, and will try to keep you updated as to how everything progresses.

Sho-
 

kraskadva

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Thank you very much for you input. For a followup, I have spoken to the teacher and to the principal. Things on the bullying front seem to have died down quite a bit. His brother is involved as well. He is a karate champion and hasn't threatened or anything, but has made his presence more well known. The older brother even helped him get a couple of new friends. I am so proud of him for helping out. They are already in a "magnet" school, though it is a charter school. I also spent three hours yesterday meeting with the top private school in the Dallas/Ft. Worth area. I don't have any idea how I would swing the tuition given my current non-working situation, but I can cross that bridge later.

My boy loves books. In fact, his grandfather got him a kindle for his birthday, and it's become his new best friend. I can't seem keep it loaded with enough information. Yesterday he was helping me study for my biology final. He now knows how the heart works very well. :)

At this point, I fear skipping him again because of the social ramifications. He is really a socially well adjusted individual. He's so funny and outgoing. I don't want him to become a recluse and lose that wonderful part of his personality. I suppose this is something that we will struggle with throughout his educational life, and is something we must constantly reexamine. Again, I very much appreciate your support, and will try to keep you updated as to how everything progresses.

Sho-

I'm glad thing are working out. Having an older brother who can lay a smack-down does wonders at that age:D

I do understand the fear of pushing him too far ahead, and the psychologists make a far bigger deal of it for boys than girls. He's your kid, so you know him better than any of us here on the internets ever can. If he's well adjusted now- than I'd say don't mess with a good thing. If he has more problems, then it'd be time to weigh the pros and cons of other options. Best of luck for you and your family.:luck:
 
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