Noticable Helicopter Parenting

[cloudmurder1]

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From what I've seen and heard, there seems to be a lot of helicopter parenting in the premedical years and even beyond that. Is it much more prominent with premeds/med students than other young adults in other fields (I'm referring to traditional applicants, who tend to be helicopter parented)? What is the reason for this? It gets stressful as time passes, so why has helicopter parenting continued to persist?

I truly pity those on the receiving end of this modern-day phenomenon.

 

[Pastamahn]

One of the reasons might be that high strung parents such as the ones you are alluding to have very high expectations of their children and might have pushed their child into the premed track.

 

[cloudmurder1]

One of the reasons might be that high strung parents such as the ones you are alluding to have very high expectations of their children and might have pushed their child into the premed track.

But what about engineering students, engineering grad students, science grad students, people with finance careers? Haven't some kids been influenced to some extent by their parents to go into these professions? Why is there no helicopter parenting there, but it prevails here?

 

[efle]

If I'm going to live vicariously through the achievements of my child, of course I'd aim at a career known for being prestigious and selective like medicine

 

[efle]

But what about engineering students, engineering grad students, science grad students, people with finance careers? Haven't some kids been influenced to some extent by their parents to go into these professions? Why is there no helicopter parenting there, but it prevails here?

The layperson "wow factor" of my son is a surgeon >> my son is an engineer or staff scientist or professor. It's also a much more sure bet of success and prestige than law and finance, which are fields where it's tough to find good employment and more people fail than find it. Look at some of the % employed post grad for mediocre law schools for example. MD is also a heavily academic career path that rewards brainpower and effort more than networking/social skills, which makes it a better fit in many helicopter cases

 

[beeboops]

I do some academic advising now for a graduate level post-bacc program, and I've had one student come in to ask about what he can do to become a competitive applicant for our program. His dad drove the entire meeting though. I would be trying to address the student about what classes would look impressive to us, and he wasn't even looking at me. His dad was hanging on my every word though. Then, we had our faculty director come in to talk to the student, and he asked him why he wanted to be a doctor. His answer? "Well, when I was a kid, I got sick a lot because I had asthma, so I went to the hospital a lot." We were all so astonished that someone was so disinterested in his future as this kid, and it's likely because his dad has been planning it out for him and he hasn't had to lift a finger. It was a shame too because he did really well in his finance/economics classes in undergrad and could easily have done that instead of medicine/science.

 

[Goro]

We Adcom members are constantly worried about applicants like this. I have a few interview questions designed to ferret this info out. No I'm not sharing.

With my family, doctor was first, then lawyer, then teacher.

I do some academic advising now for a graduate level post-bacc program, and I've had one student come in to ask about what he can do to become a competitive applicant for our program. His dad drove the entire meeting though. I would be trying to address the student about what classes would look impressive to us, and he wasn't even looking at me. His dad was hanging on my every word though. Then, we had our faculty director come in to talk to the student, and he asked him why he wanted to be a doctor. His answer? "Well, when I was a kid, I got sick a lot because I had asthma, so I went to the hospital a lot." We were all so astonished that someone was so disinterested in his future as this kid, and it's likely because his dad has been planning it out for him and he hasn't had to lift a finger. It was a shame too because he did really well in his finance/economics classes in undergrad and could easily have done that instead of medicine/science.

 

[cloudmurder1]

Goro, are you saying your family preferred you all to become doctors over all else?

Also I miss the old profile picture, just saying.

 

[tea guzzling traveler]

I think that there is just a lot of helicopter parenting in general, and medicine happens to be viewed as a respectable field. If you were a helicopter parent, you would want to push your children into something where there is a more certain path than something like being an entrepreneur, which can be hugely successful but also is incredibly risky.

 

[LizzyM]

I had an admitted applicant's mum call, tell me not to tell the applicant she'd called, and then proceeded to pepper me with questions about the program the applicant had been admitted to. In her defense, she was a widow who controlled her child's trust fund and she was concerned about the cost of the program and when the bills would be due as well as job or higher education prospects after completion of the program so I could see where she was coming from -- particularly if the kid was not willing to take responsibility for calling and asking on his own, perhaps the mother's requests that he do so.

I guess what I am saying is that in many instances, the helicopter parents are paying the bills and not wanting the kid as the middle-man in conversations with the bill generators.

 

[nwts]

But what about engineering students, engineering grad students, science grad students, people with finance careers? Haven't some kids been influenced to some extent by their parents to go into these professions? Why is there no helicopter parenting there, but it prevails here?

Actually, I know a significant number of undergrads in engineering and finance (as well as other business majors) who have helicopter parents. They're everywhere.

 

[virtuos locust]

Let me tell you guys, as a student/person who grew up neglected without a decent parental figure coupled with a traumatic childhood full of physical and mental abuse...I'd take a "hovering/helicopter" parent over "no parent" anyday. As LizzyM has mentioned, when said parents have total or even partial control over their children's expenses then it makes even more sense when they adopt such parenting methods. OP reeks of ungratefulness.

 

[efle]

Let me tell you guys, as a student/person who grew up neglected without a decent parental figure coupled with a traumatic childhood full of physical and mental abuse...I'd take a "hovering/helicopter" parent over "no parent" anyday. As LizzyM has mentioned, when said parents have total or even partial control over their children's expenses then it makes even more sense when they adopt such parenting methods. OP reeks of ungratefulness.

You realize a lot of doctors are depressed/suicidal? Being pressured into medicine when it's not for you is seriously ****ty. You reek of SJW "everyone needs to check their privilege because they didn't have it as hard as me", and it will always be nonsense logic to say "you can't complain about X because Y is worse".

And if you look closely, OP didn't say they suffered helicopter parenting. They observed it in others and asked a question about it.

 

[Mad Jack]

Let me tell you guys, as a student/person who grew up neglected without a decent parental figure coupled with a traumatic childhood full of physical and mental abuse...I'd take a "hovering/helicopter" parent over "no parent" anyday. As LizzyM has mentioned, when said parents have total or even partial control over their children's expenses then it makes even more sense when they adopt such parenting methods. OP reeks of ungratefulness.

I had zero interaction with my parents for roughly six years post high school and it was great. Having involved parents probably would have led to my failing, as I only had myself to depend on and failure would have ruined me, whereas knowing I had someone to fall back on would have probably made me far less motivated. Everybody is different., what works for one kid may not work for another.

I can say that helicopter parents are annoying as hell though, and I've seen kids with some amusingly ridiculous basic deficits in day-to-day living because they were used to parents doing everything.

 

[nwts]

Let me tell you guys, as a student/person who grew up neglected without a decent parental figure coupled with a traumatic childhood full of physical and mental abuse...I'd take a "hovering/helicopter" parent over "no parent" anyday. As LizzyM has mentioned, when said parents have total or even partial control over their children's expenses then it makes even more sense when they adopt such parenting methods. OP reeks of ungratefulness.

First of all, I'm very sorry for your situation of being neglected. That is awful.

I don't know that I'd necessarily say that OP is ungrateful, though. A lot of times, "helicopter parents" absolutely refuse to let their children be independent in any way, even when their children are way past the age where this should be expected. For example, I was taking a standardized test in high school, and I encountered a mother who wanted to go with her 16 year-old son into the testing room to make sure that it was up to his standards. She kept asking the check-in personnel a bunch of questions that her son should have been asking ("Can he have tissues with him in the room? Can he have his phone in the room? Does his phone need to be off, or can it be on silent?") This mother's way of doing things is not beneficial to her son because at his age, he should have been comfortable entering a testing room alone and asking these kinds of questions himself. He was 2 years away from legally being an adult and his mother was not even requiring him to carry out simple communication on his own. She was not helping him learn to be mature and independent.

I don't think OP's point is that parents like the mother I just described are terrible parents who don't care about their children. Rather, I think OP was trying to say that these parents' tendency to try to do things that their children should be doing for themselves is inhibiting their children's maturity and independence. While I think it would worse if this mother were neglectful, her behavior still encourages bad habits for her son. I don't think it is ungrateful to point out that some parents who mean to be helpful and loving to their children are actually inhibiting their children's progress.

 

[Mad Jack]

But what about engineering students, engineering grad students, science grad students, people with finance careers? Haven't some kids been influenced to some extent by their parents to go into these professions? Why is there no helicopter parenting there, but it prevails here?

Engineering doesn't require nearly the same level of perfection and pressure as becoming a physician. Finance also isn't something I've ever seen someone push their kid into. Medicine is kind of unique in the sorts of pressures it puts on students, with perhaps only dentistry and veterinary school in the same boat.

 

[nwts]

Finance also isn't something I've ever seen someone push their kid into.

At my school, I have seen loads of cases of this. I can't count the number of times I've heard: "My dad says I should major in finance like he did."

 

[Mad Jack]

At my school, I have seen loads of cases of this. I can't count the number of times I've heard: "My dad says I should major in finance like he did."

It may happen, but you won't see it nearly as often as you'll see the "My parents were immigrants and insist I go into medicine, they didn't come to this country so I could work at Taco Bell."

 

[cloudmurder1]

Let me tell you guys, as a student/person who grew up neglected without a decent parental figure coupled with a traumatic childhood full of physical and mental abuse...I'd take a "hovering/helicopter" parent over "no parent" anyday. As LizzyM has mentioned, when said parents have total or even partial control over their children's expenses then it makes even more sense when they adopt such parenting methods. OP reeks of ungratefulness.

I didn't really have helicopter parents; it's just something I noticed. Some of these "parenting" strategies seem to be doing more harm than helping. I'm truly sorry for your unfortunate childhood, but my point is that it's about finding the fine line between not neglecting and not overpampering.

 

[nwts]

It may happen, but you won't see it nearly as often as you'll see the "My parents were immigrants and insist I go into medicine, they didn't come to this country so I could work at Taco Bell."

At my college it's more even between finance and medicine, but that's probably because a lot of parents at my college are upper middle class or upper class people who are business professionals.

 

[ChillDawg]

With my family, doctor was first, then lawyer, then teacher.

Asian spotted.

 

[altblue]

Let me tell you guys, as a student/person who grew up neglected without a decent parental figure coupled with a traumatic childhood full of physical and mental abuse...I'd take a "hovering/helicopter" parent over "no parent" anyday. As LizzyM has mentioned, when said parents have total or even partial control over their children's expenses then it makes even more sense when they adopt such parenting methods. OP reeks of ungratefulness.

This in no way disqualifies the abusive things that a minority of "helicopter parents" do. Taken to an extreme, it's probably about as "bad", but for different reasons.

That said, there are different parenting styles as well and (not that you in particular are trying to) it's ridiculous to imply that more involved parents all parent in a certain fashion. Some just expect As and Bs and expect their kid to go to college, some just won't pay for their kids to pursue an education with unclear or poor financial return, some encourage their kids to pursue medicine but won't disown them if they don't, and yes, some are genuinely verbally abusive and control their child emotionally over their grades.

 

[Emeryx09]

I would also add that careers such as engineering and finance leads to a job and therefore financial independence much earlier than a career in medicine. I get the feeling that many of these parents are afraid of letting go until their kids "made it"; that is, they are officially in a prestigious job.

 

[icevyne25]

We Adcom members are constantly worried about applicants like this.

"We" adcom?

 

[ChrisMack390]

My parents are entirely clueless about higher education (neither went to college). Leads to minimal "helicoptering" but also statements like "You got honors in college, you should be able to get into any medical school you want!"

 

[Catalystik]

My parents are entirely clueless about higher education (neither went to college). Leads to minimal "helicoptering"

Even the "clueless" can use agents to hover on their behalf. I had a premed's helicopter older sister call me asking how her brother could become more competitive for med school, perhaps because her immigrant parents didn't speak enough English to ask.

 

[gannicus89]

My mother is/was a helicopter parent. To be honest, her obsession with the medical field actually made the whole thing quite distasteful for me. Even without her pushing and prodding, I wanted to become a physician, but I was annoyed by her over-involvement in my life. I took an inordinately long time doing whatever I wanted (read: I began telling my mother that God had visited me in my dreams and had told me that I would one day become the world's greatest trapeze artist) to make it clear that if I was going to go into medicine, it would be my way, and not the straight path she desired . Now that I'm in the middle of secondaries and whatnot, I can tell that she wants all the details, but I'm just point-blank telling her to leave me alone, that I'd let her know if I ever got in anywhere. I think it's hard for younger kids to handle helicopter parents- but they have to understand that THEY are the ones in power. Their parents are so obsessed with their futures and "well-being" and "optimal use of potential," that they're almost putting their children on pedestals. I wish I had realized this earlier. Regardless, I like to think this has made me into a more perceptive person. Or at the very least, will be a nice backstory to my future career as a trapeze artist.

 

[Goro]

Helicopter parents can do inordinate amounts of damage to their kids. For one, they prolong their kids' childhood. In the med school arena, our wise friend @gyngyn has written about parent having to be physically restrained from going into the interview room wit their kids, and also one who literally push his kid into the interview room.

I'm sure he can add more evidence!

 

[virtuos locust]

Helicopter parents can do inordinate amounts of damage to their kids. For one, they prolong their kids' childhood. In the med school arena, our wise friend @gyngyn has written about parent having to be physically restrained from going into the interview room wit their kids, and also one who literally push his kid into the interview room.

I'm sure he can add more evidence!

I guess it's because I'll never relate to these students but this seems like a 1st world problem to me. If you're at the age when you make your own decisions as a responsible adult then all I can say is to man up and grab the bull by the horns.

 

[Pastamahn]

I guess it's because I'll never relate to these students but this seems like a 1st world problem to me. If you're at the age when you make your own decisions as a responsible adult then all I can say is to man up and grab the bull by the horns.

While some kids do need to step up and be more independent, if you've never had high strung parents, its hard to understand the things kids of them go through. I had friends who were barely allowed to make their own decisions, even if they tried.

 

[virtuos locust]

While some kids do need to step up and be more independent, if you've never had high strung parents, its hard to understand the things kids of them go through. I had friends who were barely allowed to make their own decisions, even if they tried.

I agree with what you're saying and with most of the points that were made in the thread but there's a difference between a "hovering parent" and an abusive controlling authoritarian. Point is to find a balance and not take up extreme measures in any way.