Overnight pages - memorable/dismal/ridiculous/unique

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Context: Patient has been rounded on by a physician 4x this day at this point that I knew about. (Twice by myself, once by the intern alone, and once by the attending alone.) Has been inpatient for 3 days, and I have personally examined each extremity twice daily for peripheral pulse checks. I just got home for the remainder of that day’s “home” call. Remote-logging into the antiquated system is a 30minute ordeal and this hospital doesn’t take verbal orders.
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Nurse: “Patient is complaining of a rash on his leg. Can he get some hydrocortisone?”
Me: “What rash? When did it start?”
Nurse: “Oh, he says it’s been there for weeks. He says it’s really itchy and has been bothering him badly for days.”
Me: “Weird, he’s never mentioned this before. Had you tried reaching the (in-house) intern first?”
Nurse: “Yes, multiple pages, no response.”
Me: “I’ll see what I can do…”
I contact the intern - yes, she had gotten the page, had seen the patient yet again, he denied having a rash or itching, but she had ordered some topical cream to placate the nurse, and had talked to the nurse in person.
Call the nurse back- “So, Dr Intern says she saw the patient and talked to you. What happened?”
Nurse:”Ohhhh, she’s a doctor? I thought that was just a medical student or something. Yeah, yeah, she ordered some cream. Thanks!”
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The kicker was that when I saw the patient the next morning, he denied having an itchy rash, there still wasn’t one on exam, and he said it was something the nurse “noticed” and that he was fine. The cream was never used.

Yikes. Documentation is key here.

As an intern, I was called by a nurse for more pain meds for a patient because family felt pain was not adequately controlled. I came to assess patient, found patient sleeping. Gently shook patient to assess, patient briefly woke up but did not complain of pain, went back to sleep. Told nurse this and documented my visit and exam. Called an hour later for same. Repeat assessment, same. Documented again. Noticed that an attending from a different specialty had been by and written a note with similar assessment. Then about an hour later I was PAGED BY THE DAUGHTER to her cell phone. Turns out daughter used to work in the hospital and knew the pager system. Again declined to write for more pain meds and told her I thought directly paging me was inappropriate. Went by chart and documented this conversation.

Note that documentation was paper charts and I don’t think nurse saw me writing my notes since I sat in the dictation room.

Found out the next day that after this, the nurse paged the on call attending directly (skipping the in-house senior and the homecall chief resident in the hierarchy) to complain that said intern refused to return calls or properly assess patient who was in pain all night.

Attending point blank applauded my documentation (nurse clearly didn’t realize I’d written notes) because it basically saved my ass. At the time of the call he told the nurse that the appropriate chain of command for non-urgent issues that didn’t get a response was in-house senior and then chief and then attending. The next day he read my notes and it saved me from getting in trouble/black stain/etc.

If you didn’t write it down, it didn’t happen.

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ICU nurse, 2am: Yes doctor. The patient has a fever and we put a cooling blanket on him. Do I need an order for that?

Me: I have no idea. Do you need an order? Do you want an order?

Nurse: No, I don't think so.

Me:
 
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ICU nurse, 2am: Yes doctor. The patient has a fever and we put a cooling blanket on him. Do I need an order for that?

Me: I have no idea. Do you need an order? Do you want an order?

Nurse: No, I don't think so.

Me:
ICU nurse probably just wanted to document she called the doctor about a fever.
 
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“MD aware, no action taken.”
"MD aware" became my smart ass response to so many things as a resident. It was usually the last thing I'd say to a nurse before hanging up or walking away if the query was particularly inane.
 
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I’ve enjoyed this thread over the years so I figure I’ll contribute, technically not a surgeon but it seems appropriate.

Paged the other night “hello Dr Onc I was calling about patient Johnson in room XYZ, I wanted to know if I could get a diet order or does he still need to be NPO?”

Me: “NPO? Hm I don’t recognize that name let me check my list here... yeah I don’t think we are following that patient, I’m sorry.”

Nurse, clearly annoyed: “Well, I paged general surgery and they told me to page ONC, and that is you!”

Me: “Well mam I’m not sure, I’m medical oncology, maybe they meant for you to call surgical oncology instead, I’m sorry.”

Click.

...The third time it happened that week I almost paged the ^{*# intern myself to tell them that just because when he thinks “Onc” he thinks “Surg Onc” doesn’t mean that the nurse and hospital operator will know what he means!
 
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0300 page
Nurse: “Yes, just wanted to let you know Ms Preop is having vaginal bleeding”
Me: “Um…is it her period?”
Nurse: “She thinks so.”
Me: “Ok, well….. Is she bleeding a lot or hypotensive or…do you have some other concerns?”
Nurse: “No, I just thought you needed to know.”
Me: “Ok, thanks.”


0400 page
Nurse: “Mr Readytodc is having some incisional pain.”
Me: “Ok. Did he get some pain meds, does he have some available?”
Nurse: “He has some available, I just wanted to make sure you knew he was having pain first.”
Me: “He had a pretty big surgery, I’d expect some pain and try the pain meds first. Do you have other concerns?”
Nurse: “No, he’s just having pain at his incision.”
Me: “Ok, please give him his pain meds, let me know if it worsens or vitals change.”
 
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0300 page
Nurse: “Yes, just wanted to let you know Ms Preop is having vaginal bleeding”
Me: “Um…is it her period?”
Nurse: “She thinks so.”
Me: “Ok, well….. Is she bleeding a lot or hypotensive or…do you have some other concerns?”
Nurse: “No, I just thought you needed to know.”
Me: “Ok, thanks.”


0400 page
Nurse: “Mr Readytodc is having some incisional pain.”
Me: “Ok. Did he get some pain meds, does he have some available?”
Nurse: “He has some available, I just wanted to make sure you knew he was having pain first.”
Me: “He had a pretty big surgery, I’d expect some pain and try the pain meds first. Do you have other concerns?”
Nurse: “No, he’s just having pain at his incision.”
Me: “Ok, please give him his pain meds, let me know if it worsens or vitals change.”

Doctor notified, no orders given.
 
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Come on guys, it's now August. I know you guys have some bad overnight pages!
Honestly, I haven't had too many overnight pages in the past few weeks. Ironic, given that July was one of my busiest operative months this year.

But I've definitely had an uptake in dumb intern pages during the day, right on schedule. READ MY NOTES BEFORE YOU PAGE ME!
 
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Come on guys, it's now August. I know you guys have some bad overnight pages!
My favorite has been the <secure message app> “do you know how to contact X team we’ve been trying to page them for 2 days”

“I am X team, this is how you contact me. Also wtf are you talking about we don’t carry pagers”
 
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Must have had a new triage person for our call center. Got a message:

Patient Call
Patient: (ludicrously misspelled common Name)
Phone: (three transposed numbers)
Physician: my partner
Last seen: today (not actually seen for two weeks)
Reason for call: patient has a question.

And it wasn’t a hard name. Think common Irish. God forbid you take two minutes to verify information that the patient can tell you while you have them on the phone so that I can actually provide care. Just mash the keys and hit send. That’s what you get paid to do, right? And I know the patient has a question for me. How? Because they called. They all have a question. We have you include reason for call because it helps me to know if I need to do some background digging or if they just want to know how much Benadryl they can take (had an actual nurse page me at 7pm on a Friday to ask that - not about a patient, for herself). I know they have a question for me.

So I send a text back asking them to verify the information, but it took so long that I was able to get online, open the EMR, and just randomly screen my partner’s clinic appointments for the last two weeks until I found a close enough match.

They texted me again 10 minutes after I was off the phone with a correction.

WHY DO WE PAY YOU? It would have been SO much less work had the patient just called me directly.

I always recall a wise thing an attending told me once when I was boiling angry at some front desk staff for their ineptitude:

It’s not that they aren’t trying. If they weren’t trying it would be reasonable to be angry. It’s worse than that, they’re trying as hard as they can. This is just the best they can do.
 
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Our new overnight answering service will often send pages in all caps, which, when combined with common abbreviations can lead to some hilarity.

A few illustrative examples, transcribed verbatim:

"PT JUST HAD SX WITH MD [REDACTED] YESTERDAY PT NEEDS HER MEDICATION TO BE PRIOR AUTHORIZED PT IS IN PAIN AND CRYING"

"PT HAD SX WITH MD [REDACTED] AND HER STICHES HAS BUSSED LEAKING FLUID PLEASE ADVISE" (I wish I was making this up, but this is EXACTLY what they wrote)

"SECOND PAGE: PT HAD SX WITH MD [REDACTED] AND IS NOW LEAKING BROWN FLUID PLEASE ASSIST"
 
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Our new overnight answering service will often send pages in all caps, which, when combined with common abbreviations can lead to some hilarity.

A few illustrative examples, transcribed verbatim:

"PT JUST HAD SX WITH MD [REDACTED] YESTERDAY PT NEEDS HER MEDICATION TO BE PRIOR AUTHORIZED PT IS IN PAIN AND CRYING"

"PT HAD SX WITH MD [REDACTED] AND HER STICHES HAS BUSSED LEAKING FLUID PLEASE ADVISE" (I wish I was making this up, but this is EXACTLY what they wrote)

"SECOND PAGE: PT HAD SX WITH MD [REDACTED] AND IS NOW LEAKING BROWN FLUID PLEASE ASSIST"
Man, Dr. Redacted is a playa
 
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