Parents forcing me to be a doctor!

[Begaster]

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I wish it was this easy but I don't want to waste my time with this and taking all the pre-req classes for med school. And even if I wasn't able to get into a U.S. med school, they would send me to one in Europe or India. They are determined to make me into a doctor but I really don't want to be one. To them, the only choice I have is medicine, not a PhD, not law, not engineering, not business.

Dude...

You're in college. Grow up. They can't "send" you anywhere. If they're overbearing, do what everyone else does - take some loans and move out.

 

[pakbabydoll]

Dude...

You're in college. Grow up. They can't "send" you anywhere. If they're overbearing, do what everyone else does - take some loans and move out.

I guess you have never faced a major guilt trip episode?
1- Huge fight
2- you mom crying
3- your dad reminding you that you made you MOTHER cry
4- your mom saying she just wants you to be happy
5- mother finishing it off nicely with a We are old and not going to be in this world for longer (even though both parents in 40's) and we just want whats best for you "speech"!!! As one tear rolls down! !!!!

Would you move out after that?

 

[searun]

Wow, and I thought my family was weird. And I just play guitar in the
Average White Band.

 

[j-weezy]

Wow, and I thought my family was weird. And I just play guitar in the
Average White Band.

Is that your band name? If so I hear a grammy coming!

(i 'used' to play bass)

 

[Begaster]

I guess you have never faced a major guilt trip episode?
1- Huge fight
2- you mom crying
3- your dad reminding you that you made you MOTHER cry
4- your mom saying she just wants you to be happy
5- mother finishing it off nicely with a We are old and not going to be in this world for longer (even though both parents in 40's) and we just want whats best for you "speech"!!! As one tear rolls down! !!!!

Would you move out after that?

Never faced a guilt trip episode? Hah! I've got a Jewish mother. Let me tell you, they invented the guilt trip. The only way to get through that is to stand up for yourself. If you don't, you can never be happy around them. If you do, they'll respect you and back off.

 

[seraph524]

I guess you have never faced a major guilt trip episode?
1- Huge fight
2- you mom crying
3- your dad reminding you that you made you MOTHER cry
4- your mom saying she just wants you to be happy
5- mother finishing it off nicely with a We are old and not going to be in this world for longer (even though both parents in 40's) and we just want whats best for you "speech"!!! As one tear rolls down! !!!!

Would you move out after that?

wow, that's a spirit crusher right there.

 

[kami333]

meh, guilt trips don't work on me. Maybe that's why they just changed all the locks on me.

 

[167649]

I guess you have never faced a major guilt trip episode?
1- Huge fight
2- you mom crying
3- your dad reminding you that you made you MOTHER cry
4- your mom saying she just wants you to be happy
5- mother finishing it off nicely with a We are old and not going to be in this world for longer (even though both parents in 40's) and we just want whats best for you "speech"!!! As one tear rolls down! !!!!

Would you move out after that?

I think that alone is a reason to move out. "Later."

 

[Chuckwalla]

From what I gather, if I was in your situation and my family was trying to force me into a career with an ultimatum I would say to hell with them. They obviously don't care about my happiness. But I am sure your culture is a lot more complicated than that.

I think you are asking the wrong people. You should really ask people who share your culture because it seems like the people here can't emphasize.

 

[etf]

I think you are asking the wrong people. You should really ask people who share your culture because it seems like the people here can't emphasize.

from what i understand, this is a place for people applying to medical school. there are probably more indian people around here than at a toyota dealership.

 

[TheLesPaul]

Yeah, it's pretty much anathema to move out like that...you can pretty much expect to not be seen as a "real" Indian after that. It gets tricky b/c you have extended family and such...

Hahaha...I laughed @ etf. Though I would have said Toyota dealership...

 

[etf]

Yeah, it's pretty much anathema to move out like that...you can pretty much expect to not be seen as a "real" Indian after that. It gets tricky b/c you have extended family and such...

Hahaha...I laughed @ etf. Though I would have said Toyota dealership...

that's actually much funnier...i'm going to edit mine...

 

[Jennifer5109]

I have two friends in similar situations as you. It's so sad when parent's think they can dictate what their children can do. Just beware of the idea of not doing well on your MCAT. Your parents may then push going to school in the Caribbean or trying for an osteopathic school. The best solution is probably being completely honest. I would research the career you are interested in and discuss how you can become successful at your ideal career.

 

[Chuckwalla]

from what i understand, this is a place for people applying to medical school. there are probably more indian people around here than at a toyota dealership.

What is the matter with you? That is so wrong. I would have totally said tech support.

 

[milliya]

To the OP-

First off, I want you to know that I fully understand your situation even though I am not Indian. I even took the time to read through ALL THREE PAGES of the conversation 🙂sleep:lol just kidding) so that maybe I can put it to you differently what a lot of people on here are trying to say.

Maybe you should try reading through all three pages again because through all the BS and insensitivity, there were actually quite a few posts that had some good advice. I wish I had the stamina to quote them all but I'm sick. Maybe tomorrow.

But yeah, you're getting all these different options and opinions ranging from "suck it up and be a doctor" to "suck it up and move out of your house" and everythin inbetween. But the one thing I've noticed is that YOU KEEP SAYING THE SAME THING OVER and OVER and OVER. "You don't understand," "my parents won't listen," "they will cut me off," "I'll have nowhere to go," "I really hate medicine," etc, etc...

I know that this is a diffcult situation for you, but you came here (I hope) for advice and opinions and thats what you got. Now it's up to you to make a decision for yourself...and as you well know, it will affect you for the rest of your life.

Best of Luck 👍

Now that I am done sowing seeds of wisdom, I will engage myself in the witty banter of this thread.

 

[milliya]

What is the matter with you? That is so wrong. I would have totally said tech support.

lol so right

 

[TheLesPaul]

What is the matter with you? That is so wrong. I would have totally said tech support.

lol so right

And that is because you two are not Indian.

 

[life1chance]

He's a troll because he never really stated his true opinion in a meaningful answer, you just guessed it correctly from his short, unhelpful and unconstructive posts.

Um... Sorry I missed all the troll accusations, but if "grow a pair" is a constructive response (which I believe it is, especially in this case), then me telling him to go into medicine because he will end up liking it anyway even though everyone will tell him he needs to go into it for the "right" reasons is just as constructive of a response. Additionally, if you look at my previous posts, it is obvious I am not a troll. I just stated my opinion:

I don't care for helping people.
I'm going into medicine because there's nothing better to do.
There are no such things as "real" reasons to be a doctor.

If you can handle my opinion and insist on simply responding with ad hominem attacks, that is your problem not mine. In this thread alone, you have issued equally blunt statements. You yelled troll; you're the instigator here, not me.

Oh and by the way, you were the one who asked me in the first place (and "just out of curiosity" I might add) why I wanted to be a doctor. I answered truthfully, and you responded with insults, which is fine, but then don't call me unconstructive.

 

[MD driven]

Here's what I would do. I would think about what I really want. Then I would do it no matter what it takes. I would never think about what I don't want. If my parents wouldn't help me, I would work and take out loans. You will then attract people in your life who you are like and be happy. Those people who you do not get along with-maybe even your parents-are not thinking like you. Be yourself and be proud of who YOU are.😀

 

[milliya]

And that is because you two are not Indian.

i have a ton of friends who are though and i bet they would think its funny!

btw life1chance...why do you insist on the petty arguing trying to defend your posts? Whoever doesn't like it can just [edited out] (pardon the expression)

EDIT: i'd rather not be banned as well. however worse things have been said in this forum. still....just to be on the safe side.

 

[life1chance]

i have a ton of friends who are though and i bet they would think its funny!

btw life1chance...why do you insist on the petty arguing trying to defend your posts? Whoever doesn't like it can just hop of your nuts (pardon the expression)

I'd rather not get banned. Other than that, I'm good.

 

[Premed04]

You basically have two options to choose from:

1. Your family
OR
2. You

You really should pick #2 because if you don't, no one else will, and you don't want to end up unhappy. Your first responsibility is toward yourself. The reason I am saying this is a good friend of mine was being forced to major in biology and be a pre-med. As a result, her GPA got messed up and her graduation has been delayed. Only after her GPA messed up was she able to convince her parents that medicine wasn't right for her.

Honestly, sometimes I think that Desi parents just force their kids to be the doctors for bragging rights. It's easier for them to be the cheerleaders than spend hours studying, etc, yet they want the status of being parents of docs. If they love medicine so much, why don't they go do it themselves? They can't say they're too old--I attended a conference once where a man talked about how he decided to become a doctor in his middle age. He had six children at the time, yet he was able to do it quite successfully.

Just be thankful that you're not a girl. If a Desi girl did not bend to the will of her family and as a result, they kicked her out of the house, her reputation would be ruined forever and she would have a very difficult time finding a spouse. But it's more difficult for Desi men to ruin their reputations.

 

[littlealex]

If I was able to live on my own, I would tell them to piss off and that I'm doing whatever I want. But it comes down to support and funding from them and I will have nowhere to turn if I tell them I'm not going into medicine. I even showed them plenty of examples that you can be successful in many different types of careers but they won't listen.

Easy. Get a degree in something you like while pursuing PreMed. When they ask, tell them that business degrees do well in medical school application because schools want students from a various different backgrounds.

Then tell them that you want to take a year off and apply after you graduate because you think the extra year will help make you a legitimate candidate for Harvard Med. Get a job right after you graduate, support yourself, and be like SURPRISE! I'm not applying.

I have a friend that did that. He is also Indian, and he blindsighted his parents and went into a PhD program after he graduate. His father was so angry that they did not spoke for 3 months.

To quote his father, "YOU STOLE $150,000 FROM ME ! (cost of education)"

Parents can be crazy sometimes.

 

[45408]

I'm sorry, but I seriously doubt that medicine is the only career path on the planet they would be happy for you to pursue.

I don't. Some family cultures (Indian being one that I hear mentioned often) put an extremely high emphasis on a son/daughter becoming ONE occupation. Ever see Bend It Like Beckham?

 

[lord_jeebus]

I guess you have never faced a major guilt trip episode?
1- Huge fight
2- you mom crying
3- your dad reminding you that you made you MOTHER cry
4- your mom saying she just wants you to be happy
5- mother finishing it off nicely with a We are old and not going to be in this world for longer (even though both parents in 40's) and we just want whats best for you "speech"!!! As one tear rolls down! !!!!

Would you move out after that?

I found that after I broke off ties with my parents for a while, we were able to establish a mature adult-to-adult relationship without any of that old manipulative crap.

I would totally move out after that.

 

[cbrons]

from what i understand, this is a place for people applying to medical school. there are probably more indian people around here than at a toyota dealership.

LOL

 

[cbrons]

Actually all the Indian kids at my school, and I know quite a few of them, all do Computer Science. It was absolutely hilarious when, at our International Dinner (some boring honors event someone who loves pissing away our money created and annualized a few years ago), all the Indian kids I was sitting with (there like 20 of them) all stood up to tell everyone their name and area of study. All except three said Computer Science while 2 said Mathematics and one said Agricultural engineering (he was the only one not dressed in slacks and a polo... he was one of my pretty good friends who fell in love with farm life down in this rural town & now hunts all the time, wears overalls, and chews tobacco).

 

[milliya]

thats hilarious!

 

[cbrons]

thats hilarious!

whatever... i think its funny


YOU HAD TO BE THEREE LOLOL

 

[FelixtheHelix]

I'm not sure if this is something that you are inclined to consider, but how about just moving out? I was in third year of undergrad when I couldn't take the pressure anymore ( I was primed for medicine by my doctor parents since I was 2, they're East Indian) and decided that my home environment was no longer conducive to learning. It's been super hard to do school and work nearly full time, but I've managed and I'm so much happier.

 

[Tribeca]

i know a family where the parents forced their daughter to go to med school. they paid for everything - she went through it, graduated, and now she bakes cakes (what she really wanted to do). it's the biggest insult to her parents.

 

[milliya]

whatever... i think its funny


YOU HAD TO BE THEREE LOLOL

no i was serious lol

 

[DarknightX]

all you guys are *****s.

The answer is very simple.


All he has to do is go to Stewart University. They don't require the MCAT, no degree needed, and you finish in 2 years and 10 months! You could theoratically get your MD faster than finishing college.

Then once you finish, you won't be able to practice anywhere with a degree from Stewart, so then your parents will have no choice but to let you follow another path in life.

Just make sure your parents set up a Pay-Pal so they can pay the tuition.

 

[Tribeca]

all you guys are *****s.

The answer is very simple.


All he has to do is go to Stewart University. They don't require the MCAT, no degree needed, and you finish in 2 years and 10 months! You could theoratically get your MD faster than finishing college.

Then once you finish, you won't be able to practice anywhere with a degree from Stewart, so then your parents will have no choice but to let you follow another path in life.

Just make sure your parents set up a Pay-Pal so they can pay the tuition.

I really think that's a good idea! 😀

 

[Maxprime]

I found that after I broke off ties with my parents for a while, we were able to establish a mature adult-to-adult relationship without any of that old manipulative crap.

I would totally move out after that.

+1 to that. Your parents will quickly realize that they'd rather have you in their life than not. You'll occasionally get conversational jabs, but they'll know they don't have control over your life any more.

Great question - if you will let your parents run your life now, when won't you let them? "I didn't answer your pages because we were having dinner and my mom said no pagers at the table."

 

[Na1a]

Grow a pair and act like an adult.

Wow, listen mr. internet tough guy, unless you have some helpful advice, I would suggest you don't bother posting. Not everyone finds medicine or science fascinating and feel they will succeed. I know if I put my effort into something, then I can be far more successful in it, than being miserable in a field I hate.

I'm sorry you found it harsh, but that is probably the best advice you've received so far in this thread.

Nobody can FORCE you to do anything. You are young and you can work. If you want to be in charge of your life, you might have to stop depending on mommy and daddy, get a job and support yourself. It's called making sacrifices...some of us do that once in a while for the sake of doing what we like.

If you aren't willing to do that, then don't whine about your life being ruined by your parents when you are choosing to remain in that situation.

It's simple, really. You have three choices:

1. Try to change your parents' mind about medical school. (It seems like you have tried this and failed.)

2. Remain at home and under your parents' rules.

3. Man up and do what you need to do to have control of your future. Your parents don't own your life, no matter how much they'd like to believe it.

 

[Lokhtar]

I had a friend who was forced into med school, but he dropped out after the first year and now he pretty much lives as a hippie traveling the world, doing the odd bit of programming to keep paying the bills.

That, as you can imagine, really messed with his family. In fact, they use his example as what a failure looks like at family gatherings. Never mind that he is probably the happiest guy I know.

Our culture is so stupid sometimes.

 

[Lokhtar]

And this is probably the best place to go for if you want a perspective from an Indian culture. The only place where the ratio of Indian to Non-Indian people is be higher would be the red dot sale at Macy's.

 

[pakbabydoll]

I had a friend who was forced into med school, but he dropped out after the first year and now he pretty much lives as a hippie traveling the world, doing the odd bit of programming to keep paying the bills.

That, as you can imagine, really messed with his family. In fact, they use his example as what a failure looks like at family gatherings. Never mind that he is probably the happiest guy I know.

Our culture is so stupid sometimes.

I am the "failure" in my family. A dinner conversation with guest does not go by till someone (mom, dad, little brothers) does not something along the line of how I did not get a 100% scholarship to school...

 

[asm436]

get a job

 

[TheLesPaul]

I don't. Some family cultures (Indian being one that I hear mentioned often) put an extremely high emphasis on a son/daughter becoming ONE occupation. Ever see Bend It Like Beckham?

I have, but that's beside the point - I am Indian. And Indian parents (no matter how crazy) are still human and have emotional attachments to their kids.

 

[dreams]

maybe he is just trying to start something, but I do find it amusing that people get so offended that someone wants to be a doctor because of the prestige of being a doctor, what is wrong with that? I'm sure that most people wouldn't do it if there was no money to be made.

If you are really that passionate about helping people there are a lot of other fields you can go into where you will work more directly with people who need help..nursing or social work, for example.

Just because someone is motivated in part by making money and being respected (and actually admits it) doesn't make them a bad person or any less capable of being a doctor.

there are plenty of fields to go into that make money and earn respect, if you dont care about people, fine, some people dont, however, these people should not become doctors, and yes it does make them less capable of being a good doctor... no clue what would make you think otherwise.

 

[DwyaneWade]

I think a lot of advice in this thread is shortsighted. You are still in high school, there are a lot of years in front of you with regards to med school, this is no time to cut yourself off from your only immediate family.

Go to college and take advantage of the freedom of experimenting with classes. Take some premed classes (who knows? You might like it) to keep the parents happy and enjoy school. Try to figure out what you would like to do. I would worry about the application process and MCAT much later.

My 2 cents

 

[EM84]

I think a lot of advice in this thread is shortsighted. You are still in high school, there are a lot of years in front of you with regards to med school, this is no time to cut yourself off from your only immediate family.

Go to college and take advantage of the freedom of experimenting with classes. Take some premed classes (who knows? You might like it) to keep the parents happy and enjoy school. Try to figure out what you would like to do. I would worry about the application process and MCAT much later.

My 2 cents

I second this.

Plus, any such seeming "existential" crisis that arises when one is still in high school or even a college freshman I generally diagnose as a bad case of emo-ness more than anything else.

 

[EM84]

.

 

[sharpshooter24]

My parents are forcing me to become a doctor and medicine is a field I can't stand. I hate blood and can't stand dealing with sick people.

The problem is if I say I don't want to become one, they said they will stop supporting me and cut off everything to me (no money and won't be allowed in the house) and as of right now, I only have a small part-time job in addition to college so there is no way I can support myself. Another problem is that my entire culture (I'm Indian) and all of my relatives have this view that if you're not a professional of some sort, then you're a complete failure. It doesn't help that all of my cousins are either in med school, going to med school, law school, or MBA programs. Then they also lay the guilt trip on me talking about how much they supported me all these years. I realize they don't have to support me now, but I have nowhere to turn and don't know what to do.

I would rather someone who's actually interested in medicine (like many people on this forum) become a doctor rather than someone like myself who can't stand that field and has zero interest.

Mr Felix17: im going to clue you in into one secret that very few people in this world know about me.

I know it says in my profile under my SDN name that i am doing optometry. that is true for the most part, but optometry was never my first choice , and i mean NEVER..

Being an Physician (MD) was my main goal back then, my uncle is a doctor, his son is doing his residency in George Washington School of medicine. But events in my life from getting low grades, personal problems, medicine stopped being my desire, especially from all the bad things that i hear happening in the field. i did not do much in terms of learning about it because i was soo damn fixated with the good lifestyle. but a goodlifestyle comes with a price that even the strongest person can barely afford.

my parents wanted me to be a doctor because not only i wanted to be one at one time in my life, but it makes a crap load of money, and money was the only thing that drove me to do it, felix 17, i paid a nasty price more than you can imagine because of such an attitude.

I want you to remember this principle : Concern yourself with the responsibilities of a profession FIRST AND FOREMOST rather than the rewards.

keep on reading this because i will say this once and once only.

when my grades were not all that great, i had to do a lot of soul searching, and i looked at different professions, which i suggest you do ASAP. i looked at dentistry( the most popular backup plan of pre-meds), pharm, optometry, podiatry, and so on. Optometry was something out of the blue i choosed, i dont know if it was fate, or coincidence.

I did a lot of research into this profession, sure MDs have more prestige than OD's but it all comes down to what you are happy with. Are there things that i do love/ dont like about optometry? absolutely. But i have realized that this is the profession that i have waited soo damn long to be a part of. Good pay, more interaction with patients, less competition than med/ dental, more time with family, high interest in vision, no manditory residency, and so on.

my parents supported me all my life, but are not so inclined to support my decision. it hurts me a lot when they try to put medicine in my face when i have done soo much work, so much studying for the OATs', so much work in a masters program, and soo much volunteering. i have 2 years of shadowing experience with a total of two OD's.

if i was given $1 million dollars for every time my parents try subtly to disuade me from optometry into medicine, Donald Trump would be filing for chapter 17 bancruptcy. my parents have ways of making me feel guilty of what i am doing, but then again, i fight to protect my desire to do optometry. its easy in life to go with the tide, it is that damn much freakin harder to go against the norm, or against the things that the people you love want for you.

my one regret with optometry: I should have learned about the profession long time ago instead of goofing around soo damn much in undergrad.

it seems to me your parents have a strangle hold on you.. like someone said here in this thread " GROW A PAIR". IF you want to do something like dentistry, go and get it. tell mom and dad to shut their trap and you fight like mad to keep your newly found goal.

there is no harm in finding something new. the hardest thing about what i did, was to psychologically reprogram my mind that was built to do medicine to do optometry. and believe me, its not that simple to change careers or jobs or goals.

i have been around health professionals since i was a kid.. the truth is with medicine , "there are a lot of smart , talented MD's there, and very few caring , honest ones"

i know how you feel right now, because i went through it. i have good grades now, good OAT's came back from an interview in Pennsylvania this past Xmas break. got another interview next week. but in all honestly, you have to find the one thing you want to do and not something of a backup plan necessarily. because after 4 years, all you have is the profession and the worst thing in this world , worse than 100 million reject letters, is waking up every day to say " i hate what i do". i was in that position when i was a salesperson making a crapload of money. trust me Money doesnt do jack for you if you are not happy.

do i feel guilty at times leaving medicine and against my parents wishes? absolutely.

did i find the right profession, and something i can contribute in today's society where i can bring more personal and professional happiness for my self? your damn right i did.

well i have to go m8, good luck and hopefully this helps you out.

 

[paranoid_eyes]

There are FAR better fields for making money and gaining respect.

imma be a pimp

 

[riceman04]

Major in something you like and take the prereqs along with it. Take the MCAT and score like a 12 on it, they cant make you become a doctor then. Just make sure to take the MCAT after graduation lol.

 

[Auron]

The OP has a long road ahead of him, however, I believe if he works hard enough he will not get into medical school. Doing bad on the MCAT is a challenge in itself. God speed OP.

 

[riceman04]

Major in something you like and take the prereqs along with it. Take the MCAT and score like a 12 on it, they cant make you become a doctor then. Just make sure to take the MCAT after graduation lol.

I just noticed your avatar and I could not stop laughing...that's horrible...I need ask for forgiveness and repent