“Participation Trophy Syndrome”

This forum made possible through the generous support of SDN members, donors, and sponsors. Thank you.

BLADEMDA

Full Member
Lifetime Donor
15+ Year Member
Joined
Apr 22, 2007
Messages
22,315
Reaction score
8,964
Public schools are doing a disservice to kids when they try to cushion them from disappointment. In the real world, not everyone comes in first place.
 
The sooner kids learn to cope with failure and disappointment the better. What better place to learn how to cope than in school? I don't want my children or any others coddled into a sense of false confidence.
 
  • Like
Reactions: 1 user
Members don't see this ad :)
I agree with the sentiment that competition is healthy and necessary and that there are winners and losers in life, but honestly, a tiered ranking system isn't the worst idea in high school. It's not hard to get straight A's, and it really does become a game to see who can find the most weighted/AP/whatever courses that may or may not have any actual value.

Sports is where it really gets me. I understand every kid getting a trophy in T-ball or bumblebee soccer or whatever, but after that, if you're not competing, you're losing a lot of value of what sports are supposed to instill.
 
I found this to be a very interesting article. The bottom line is that when there are no winners we are all losers.


http://www.foxnews.com/opinion/2016...scary-that-school-may-stop-honoring-them.html
Yup. My 1st grader gets a "participation" certificate for his little exercise class every Wednesday. When he plays soccer they didn't get score. Last year at t ball. Again they didn't keep score.

If u invite kids to birthday party. Entire class has to be invited in the handout.

Guess they won't keep class rank with schools either.
 
I found this to be a very interesting article. The bottom line is that when there are no winners we are all losers.


http://www.foxnews.com/opinion/2016...scary-that-school-may-stop-honoring-them.html

I would be more interested in this article if it tracked the vals and sals 20 years down the line to see if there was a difference with the rest of the class. My guess is not much difference and likely they ended as career politicians. I'm ok with it being removed. What should be honored should be real achievements like winning competitions in sports, music, math, writing, etc..., not the fact that you can score all A's possibly by shanking your classmates and being a teacher's pet.
 
Good grief...have we run out of things to be outraged about that we have to trot this old saw out again? The old "I walked up hill in the snow to school, both ways" is so tiresome and flaccid. Public school in the US as been abysmal for the last two generations...alert the media...

Private school, charter school, home school...who knew? Give a rip about your kid's learning and they do well.

Give it a rest.
 
Good grief...have we run out of things to be outraged about that we have to trot this old saw out again? The old "I walked up hill in the snow to school, both ways" is so tiresome and flaccid. Public school in the US as been abysmal for the last two generations...alert the media...

Private school, charter school, home school...who knew? Give a rip about your kid's learning and they do well.

Give it a rest.
1) Yup. People used to have double digit kids because a few if them would die along the way. Still goes on in some parts. You think some kid who watched his brothers/sisters die would think we're tough because we used to keep score in soccer?

2) I think charter n private n what not schools are best if you DON'T give a rip about the kids education. At least I mean if you don't give a rip about being involved. Take an active role and I bet they'll do pretty well coming out of pretty much any school.
 
  • Like
Reactions: 1 user
2) I think charter n private n what not schools are best if you DON'T give a rip about the kids education. At least I mean if you don't give a rip about being involved. Take an active role and I bet they'll do pretty well coming out of pretty much any school.

?

You can still be involved if your kid goes to a private school.

When my kids were in a public elementary & middle school, the public middle school here lost its accreditation. Teachers were great. Our kids did great. We left our kids there. Apparently when 50% of the student body is living with a single parent/grandparent or doesn't get breakfast 3 days out of the week, test scores suffer. Go figure. But even the most disadvantaged 8-year-old can only be a little disruptive ... no one at our school even handed out ghost peppers in the cafeteria, which appears to me to be the new high-water mark for middle school disruptive awesomeness.

Now that they're in high school, we pay for a private school. Because now those 8-year-old mildly disruptive kids have grown up to be teenagers who think the public high school is a gladiator academy.
 
Good grief...have we run out of things to be outraged about that we have to trot this old saw out again? The old "I walked up hill in the snow to school, both ways" is so tiresome and flaccid. Public school in the US as been abysmal for the last two generations...alert the media...

Private school, charter school, home school...who knew? Give a rip about your kid's learning and they do well.

Give it a rest.

Where I live the public school is excellent. Where I grew up public school was okay. Got the job done I guess.
 
Good grief...have we run out of things to be outraged about that we have to trot this old saw out again? The old "I walked up hill in the snow to school, both ways" is so tiresome and flaccid. Public school in the US as been abysmal for the last two generations...alert the media...

Private school, charter school, home school...who knew? Give a rip about your kid's learning and they do well.

Give it a rest.

Yup.

Socioeconomic class has always been the best predictor of academic success. This is probably due to a multitude of reasons. Do richer parents place a bigger emphasis on education? Do richer parents send their kids to fancy private schools? Do richer parents live in towns with great public schools?
 
2) I think charter n private n what not schools are best if you DON'T give a rip about the kids education. At least I mean if you don't give a rip about being involved. Take an active role and I bet they'll do pretty well coming out of pretty much any school.

Couldn't disagree more.
 
Backtracking up the thread a bit, I've always felt there exists a point in every endeavor in life where you can no longer get by on pure talent or determination alone. Looking back on my life in athletics and academics, I can find numerous examples:

When I was in middle and high school, there was a group of high achievers that we called the "AP crew". They represented the top 10% of our class, included our valedictorian and saludadictorian (sp?) and went on to solid undergraduate programs. Their majors were announced at graduation, and they were pretty impressive: "triple majoring in chemistry, physics, and economics...". As a group, they never really lived up to their early promise. A few dropped out and returned home to attend community college. Two planning to be doctors floundered in post-bacc programs and the Caribbean before going other directions. Etc,etc. Looking back on it, what really seperated this group from the rest of us when we were younger was they were the people who identified school as important earlier than most, and just showed up and did the work. They didnt procrastinate, they actually studied for exams, they didn't drink much or get into fights. But many came to the point where simple determination wasn't enough- they needed some measured degree of both talent and grit, and found themselves lacking, pinned against a ceiling.

I had the opposite problem- talent but no drive. I was solidly middle class academically as a youngster. Wrote my papers at 0200 the day they were due, never did my homework, skipped class as much as I could get away with, never cracked the spines on my books. In middle and high school that was good enough for a B/C average, but I realized in undergrad (at a lower tier state school) that I needed to find a new gear if I was going to make anything of myself, a combination of raw CPU power AND discipline.

My youngest brother is a physical freak: 6'7", 255 lbs. has played football since he was 4, but was always so physically dominant he didnt need to work that hard. He had some solid college offers at big conference schools, but elected to play in the Ivy League with lots of encouragement from me. He sort of coasted as a four year starter, a solid TE but nothing special. Long story short, interest in him come draft time was esentially nonexistant. Meanwhile, his buddy from HS who didnt have the same degree of physical gifts but busted his ass at a small D2 school and went first round. The combination yet again.

A 5'2 kid can be a solid HS pointguard if he works hard, but it's a solid bet no matter how hard he works he won't play D1 or in the NBA. I'm 6'5" and hate basketball. Prolly wasn't in the cards for me either.

I think you get my point.
 
  • Like
Reactions: 1 user
?
Now that they're in high school, we pay for a private school. Because now those 8-year-old mildly disruptive kids have grown up to be teenagers who think the public high school is a gladiator academy.


I hate the idea of having to put kids in private/charter schools to get them an education. Now this may change when I have the money, or the kids for that matter, to put into private schools but as it is now I don't like it.

I went to one of those gladiator academies, in one of the worst school districts/states in the country, and as the line goes, I turned out alright. I think there's a whole other group of lessons to be learned while going to school with the masses; not everyone wears the same clothes, has money, gets lunch, puts in the same effort, etc. There's a social learning required to traverse public schools and be successful, much like the real world. You're not always the cool kid, there will be drama occassionally, there are people that may want to threaten you with physical judgement for perceived slights, etc.

And again, maybe my views change when/if I have kids, and I can certainly understand the desire to give your kid everything you didn't have and provide the best chance for success (and safety from gladiators). But I think I'd prefer to teach my kids to get through life on effort and merit while navigating the social minefield rather than have them thinking they were born into some privileged social caste where everything is puppies and rainbows.
 
  • Like
Reactions: 1 users
?

You can still be involved if your kid goes to a private school.

When my kids were in a public elementary & middle school, the public middle school here lost its accreditation. Teachers were great. Our kids did great. We left our kids there. Apparently when 50% of the student body is living with a single parent/grandparent or doesn't get breakfast 3 days out of the week, test scores suffer. Go figure. But even the most disadvantaged 8-year-old can only be a little disruptive ... no one at our school even handed out ghost peppers in the cafeteria, which appears to me to be the new high-water mark for middle school disruptive awesomeness.

Now that they're in high school, we pay for a private school. Because now those 8-year-old mildly disruptive kids have grown up to be teenagers who think the public high school is a gladiator academy.
I don't AT ALL mean to say parents who send their kids to those schools don't care. I mean a kid whose parents are involved is likely to be ok WHEREVER they go. If a parent is NOT involved, then a private school is WAY more likely than a bad public school to provide the direction they need.

My middle school was horrendous. We had a permanent police presence. I walked out of school on a bathroom pass at 9am vowing never to return because of threats from some very violent kids. I had to go back the next day and deal with it. My sister and friends from my side of the town dealt with it too. My sister actually had it even worse, and it went on a lot longer. High school was a little better. Almost all of us ended up in college and good careers despite some very difficult years. My sister is now very high up on the business end of the biggest software corporation in the country, and navigates that world like a force of nature, despite a college degree in poli-sci from an average state school.

We had good, interested parents in common. The kids from the other side of the tracks, they didn't end up doing so well.

Yes if your kid is in the equivalent of Beirut or Detroit, it may be REAL difficult. If they're in the vast majority of schools somewhere on the rest of the curve, and if you pay attention and provide the direction your supposed to as a parent, they'll be just fine. Maybe even a little stronger, literally and figuratively.

My point: the home is what's important. If a kid comes out of K-12 with the knowledge basics and with some discipline (in behavior and study habits), they'll be fine.
 
Last edited:
Now that they're in high school, we pay for a private school. Because now those 8-year-old mildly disruptive kids have grown up to be teenagers who think the public high school is a gladiator academy.
Life can be tough. That's why we want people to keep score.
 
I hate the idea of having to put kids in private/charter schools to get them an education. Now this may change when I have the money, or the kids for that matter, to put into private schools but as it is now I don't like it.
.

Come to the northeast. Everybody hates on the northeast for the crummy jobs, high taxes, and bad winters, but there are some great school districts. There are probably plenty of public schools in New Jersey, Maryland, New York, Connecticut, and Massachusetts that are innovative and are as good or better than the best private schools.
 
Top