PCAT Essay Advice

[savvystudent]

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Can someone give me an opinion on what this essay would score on the PCAT?

Prompt: Discuss a solution to the problem of homeless people living on the streets.

Response:

Walking down Guadalupe Street, colloquially known as "The Drag" in Austin, Texas, the ubiquity of homeless people is astounding. It is hard to imagine a day or a time where this street looked differently. The increase in America's homeless population is a problem that needs to be addressed. Better public education can provide some very effective and innovative solutions.

Grade school children need more counseling on the subjects of money management and good decision making. Though the school system has currently fine-tuned its ability to cultivate the standardized test taking genius, young people often enter the real world with no real world knowledge. Starting in grade six or seven, elective classes should be offered on the topics of "money management". These classes should discuss real world tasks, such as how to budget for a major expense, how much money to save, and even how to balance a checkbook. Students should participate in programs where they have a certain amount of "practice money" and along with their classmates, make major decisions about how to manage their individual "bank accounts". Also, a class on decision making should be incorporated into the required high school curriculum. This class needs to be fun, interactive, and engaging. Special qualified teachers should be hired by the district to teach this class. A little extra money allocated towards developing vital real world skills is nothing compared to the huge potential benefits of this education.

Also, better parental support is absolutely necessary. Parents should be educated in special seminars, held by the school district, about the importance of reading to their children and supporting them in every endeavor. Studies show that better parental support leads to more motivated, successful children. Perhaps the media could be another source that would support parent's involvement in their children's lives. Successfully addressing this worldwide issue will require support and publicity from many venues.

Finally, children need to become thinkers, not passive "reacters". Instead of sitting in front of the TV in after school programs, children need to be drawing, reading, writing, and creating. These kinds of skills will produce adults with passions, drive, and ambition - qualities to keep them off the streets.

The prevalence of America's homeless is not a problem that cannot be solved. Through innovative educational programs, better parental support, and a changed focus in after school care, today's children can be the thinkers and doers of tomorrow.

 

[Flares]

Hey savvystudent,

First of all, I do not present myself to be a literary critic in any way, so these opinions solely belong to me.

As I was reading your problem solving essay, I could not help but come to the conclusion that you tried a little too hard on the vocabulary. It started out strong with your strong visualization and anecdote about Austin streets. Anecdotes are great! The term 'ubiquity' threw me off, as I have always interpreted the term to mean a more mental presence (beliefs, religion) rather than a physical one (homeless people in the streets), and as far as I know, is normally used in the aforementioned sense.

Your lead the opening paragraph into the rest of the essay by describing that education was crucial in solving the epidemic. This was done really well and overall your opening paragraph is fairly successful.

Grade school children need more counseling on the subjects of money management and good decision making. Though the school system has currently fine-tuned its ability to cultivate the standardized test taking genius, young people often enter the real world with no real world knowledge.

Your point that grade school children need more counseling on the subject sof money management and good decision making is a good introductory part of the essay and as so is effective.

I was thrown off by the next sentence: "Though the school system has currently fine-tuned its ability to cultivate the standardized test taking genius, young people often enter the real world with no real world knowledge."

This could be expanded a little bit and an 'almost fallacy' can be averted. The school system has NOT fine tuned it's ability to cultivate ST geniuses, but rather curriculums are focused on subjects that are standardized tests normally focus on. If the public school system could create 'geniuses' --well--, there wouldn't really be much of a problem here. You might say, "that's saying the same thing" -- but quite the contrary and at the same time being a more realistic reason students are entering the world with no real-world knowledge.

Starting in grade six or seven, elective classes should be offered on the topics of "money management". These classes should discuss real world tasks, such as how to budget for a major expense, how much money to save, and even how to balance a checkbook. Students should participate in programs where they have a certain amount of "practice money" and along with their classmates, make major decisions about how to manage their individual "bank accounts".

I believe the "idea" here is "overshadowed" by the fact that you really "like" to use quote marks. These are unnecessary if your ideas are presented well.

Other than that, the essay is well written. You do a good job, but remember that testing conditions are a lot different then typing on a word processor (I personally am guility of this frequently, typing leagues faster than I write), and you need to be able to replicate this in these more stringent conditions.

Overall, you present your idea well. I am not qualified to 'grade' your essay, but I can ensure you that if you can continue to practice writing essays like this, you will do a good job.

-F