PharmCAS personal essay (proof reading (: )

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kje4532

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Hi everyone,

I am on my first draft of my personal essay and was wondering if I could get some feedback on it from who has gone through the pharmacy application process. It definitely still needs a lot of work, but I wanted to know if I'm going in the right direction (there's a lot I need to cut out). It's my first time posting here, and would really appreciate any help :)

Thank you!

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I wouldn't mind proof reading it. I'm applying this cycle and just submitted my essay. I had someone in career development help me through the process and they were a tremendous help, so I can send you some tips and tricks they told me!
 
I wouldn't mind proof reading it. I'm applying this cycle and just submitted my essay. I had someone in career development help me through the process and they were a tremendous help, so I can send you some tips and tricks they told me!

Thank you! I just messaged you :)
 
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I wouldn't mind proof reading it. I'm applying this cycle and just submitted my essay. I had someone in career development help me through the process and they were a tremendous help, so I can send you some tips and tricks they told me!
Would you mind sharing the tips you learned? Im getting started and I have no idea where to begin!
 
Would you mind sharing the tips you learned? Im getting started and I have no idea where to begin!

They want to know about you. This is a step many people miss. They told me to tell about myself in the induction in some form. I wrote about my personality and how my perseverance and dedication aided me in pursing pharmacy. Talk about you learning stories that made you choose, not too much story though. Add critical though about how these experiences will allow you to academically succeed in pharmacy, and why you chose it in the first place. I had a paragraph in my statement about things I enjoyed specifically in sciences, so I was able to show my interests, and how those interests suit the pharmacy career. Wrap in up by referencing your stories, simply state why you chose pharmacy, and you're done. That's all I remember from the meeting. Apparently a great into/thesis and conclusion are important. I overlooked it for my first two drafts, and found out that was no good. Good luck!
 
Also applying this cycle and wouldn't mind providing feedback!
 
If you want a set of eyes from a successful UCSF applicant, let me know. Just send me a PM and please put it in a google doc with comments mode enabled (so you can see the changes/comments).
P.S. I highly recommend getting more than 5 people to look at your PS.
 
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