dopeness, i'm glad this discussion is still going. it gives me a lot of hope in medicine, the motherland, and definitely a good break from seeing the same forums over and over again about circular debates on affirmative action, do vs md, and raising/boasting numbers. but i apologize in advance for not commenting on the current discussion at hand, i'm still getting caught up on all of it. but i got to get something off my chest real quick and it seems like many of you may have been in the same situation, and/or could provide some insight.
ive been back from the philippines for about a month now after staying for a month and am still in a confused state of disillusionment.
the whole reason i decided to pursue medicine and an mph was because i convinced myself that i had a connection with all marginalized people through my cultural identity, and i could use this connection/understanding to help bring some equality (oxymoron right?) to society through health care, because i believe it is the most tragic of disparities and the most basic of human rights. in some ways i feel i have built some sort of debt by being "privileged" and that i have to pay this back to society (sounds patriarchal and pseudo-kano philanthropic huh?), but because i was not so far removed from "the people" (only one generation) that i was unique. because every generation before me has dealt with some struggle: colonizations, wars, dictators, immigration, prejudice, etc, and for me to have grown up with some sort of peacetime and escape from all of that, i still wanted to return--kinda like that quote "i am here now because i stand on the backs of many". (all of this was originally catalyzed by my first 2week stint in the philippines and developed through many orgs, books, discussions, and workshops).
but after coming back this whole idealistic structure came into question. my dad asked me when i came back what i thought. after telling him my experience he said something along the lines of, "well now you know why we left", "change is a lot harder than you thought", "things arent easy". someone mentioned on this forum about how the corruption at every level can really hurt you, change you, and in some way it has for me and i dont know if this change is for the better or worse. i wouldnt say i am part of a political dynasty or whatever but i do have relatives in the political system, from local mayor to government. during the last election all but a congreso lost. just being in the country during election season is really messed up. aside from the obvious violence there is a lot of bullsh*t everywhere. (1) the commercials that promise to bring down smokey mountain and turn it into condos, has the literally puti-washed (no offense if you are naturally puti or kayumanggi) walking among the barrios and plantations pretending to do something, all with some sad background music and dramatic effects; (2) vote buying is the norm and expected; (3) campaigning costs way more than political salaries; (4) and i could go on. fortunately my family doesn't participate in this corruption. however, seeing my uncles lose to the obviously corrupt candidates (who have proven it through past terms, and are well known for their connections with drug pushers and gangsters), theres a part of me that wants to lose hope. that democracy isnt working in the philippines or that it has been abused beyond recognition. that votes are made on whims...mostly of which are irrational, and only sometimes does it work out. i can somewhat see the justification for why people want a drastic change toward anything or even allowed marcos to become a dictator and how some still believe that he did good for the country. but there is also a part of me that cant lose hope, even though everything has become way more complex.
my confusion could be the fact that i have become hypersensitive to everything, studying a lot of political systems, histories, sociology, ideologies, contemporary issues, atbp(etc), or that i was just in the wrong places at the wrong time. but for many of you filams out there i know you always feel some sort of guilt or frustration when you come from the upfront poverty everywhere you go in the philippines, and come back to americatown, usa to eat buffets and buy whatever. you just feel bleh...i cant even write or think coherently, so i apologize if this entire post makes no sense.
i still want to believe in change and hope that there is something, some group or some movement to really make a difference but my idealism is wandering around somewhere in a sea of complexities, and hoping not to drown in nihilism, cynicism, or defeatism. can anyone offer any help? i am hoping this will all surpass in time or once i get out to serving in community health centers or start school again, but any advice would be cool and much appreciated.
also, random question to lighten things up real quick since this is all getting pretty serious, have any of you worn a barong tagalog to your white coat ceremony?
ok, thanks in advance!