Physician-Physician Relationships - Long-term compatibility

BU Medical Sciences
This forum made possible through the generous support of SDN members, donors, and sponsors. Thank you.
A

arc5005

Full Member
10+ Year Member
Joined
Oct 5, 2011
Messages
1,009
Reaction score
439
Disclaimer: This isn't an issue I'm actually worried about as of now.

I'm realizing that med students, residents, and physicians can have a difficult time having normal relationships and raising families. A lot of people I know who are in med school or are currently physicians keep telling me to just wait until I get into med school to date. Actually one friend told me specifically not to date or deal with guys for my first 2 years (He was partnered and also got married during med school). I don't know why they think, I'll have a better chance of dating in med-school versus dating outside of being a med-student; maybe someone can chime in? Perhaps, once you are a med student, you become more highly-desired to possible partners? It seems the case for actual physicians.

Anyways, how well do physician-physician relationships work long-term? Can you raise a family easily? I can't imagine two doctors who work two surgical specialties could really balance work-life and raise a normal family. Perhaps both would need to work in family-friendly specialties, or one of the spouses would need to work only part-time? Live-in Nanny? Live-in grandma/grandpa?

However, one would also think that since both spouses are interested in medicine that the common ground would be nice. Of course there are other factors, like personality, chemistry, sex-life, monogamy/polygamy, morals, values, falling out of love, fighting, stress, one of the partners gets fat/unattractive, etc...
Members don't see this ad.
 
Members don't see this ad :)
arc5005 said:
one would also think that since both spouses are interested in medicine that the common ground would be nice
Click to expand...

I don't think that would be nice. Talking about work stuff at work and then talking about work stuff at home doesn't sound great.
 
My parents are both physicians and from what I've heard have a very healthy relationship.
 
  • Like
Reactions: 2 users
arc5005 said:
Perhaps, once you are a med student, you become more highly-desired to possible partners?
Click to expand...
Ha! This has not been true in my experience... I don't think your desirability changes dramatically when you enter medical school.

arc5005 said:
Anyways, how well do physician-physician relationships work long-term? Can you raise a family easily?
Click to expand...
Physicians actually have a lower divorce rate than many other professions; see http://www.bmj.com/content/350/bmj.h706
Interestingly, the article I linked found that female physicians have a higher divorce rate than male physicians. The authors say that this "may be partly attributable to a differential effect of hours worked on divorce."

Also, apparently divorce rates vary by specialty. One study from 1997 (http://www.nejm.org/doi/full/10.1056/NEJM199703133361112) found that surgeons and psychiatrists have the highest divorce rates... make of that what you will.
 
  • Like
Reactions: 1 users
They say too much ego in one household can be bad, and always cite poor physician-lawyer marriages. However, I think physician x physician is one of the only high-stress combinations that actually works. Both parties understand what the other is going through, so they'll not only work through problems together/more easily, they'll also have more to talk about which keeps the marriage fresh. The reason I think why physician x nurse relationships often fail is because of the superior-inferior status that is unavoidable. That leads to a lot of arguments and the like.
 
  • Like
Reactions: 1 users
Physician Physician marriages have some of the lowest rates of divorce and see this:http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/11915527

"Overall, however, responses indicated that the advantages of being married to another physician for outweigh the disadvantages."
 
  • Like
Reactions: 1 users
however there is also this:
“Surgeons in dual physician relationships had greater difficulty in balancing their parenting and career responsibilities,” than those who had partners who stayed home or worked in other areas, finds the study, which was authored by Liselotte N. Dyrbye, an associate professor of medicine at the Mayo Clinic College. Specifically, two-doctor couples were more likely to delay having children and to feel that their work did not leave enough time for a family life.

For surgeons married to other surgeons, the picture was even grimmer. They were more likely to report that child-rearing had slowed their career, and they were more “likely to stay home from work to care for a sick child and more often surrogated their career” in favor of their partner’s career, the study said.

Half the surgeons married to other doctors said they had experienced career conflict with their spouse and only about a third of them thought they had enough time for their personal lives. Closer to 40% of doctors married to non-doctors felt that way. (More on Time.com: Do Kids of Divorce Have Strokes More Often?)

Despite this, individuals from the two-surgeon families felt about the same amount of burnout and depression as surgeons married to non-surgeons. This doesn’t stop the study from concluding that “the higher prevalence of depressive symptoms and clinically significant lower mental quality of life among surgeons married or partnered to surgeons suggests that the work-life hurdles could be taking a toll on their mental health.”
 
  • Like
Reactions: 1 user
So I suspect the middle line is: being married to another doctor decreases your rate of divorce because the other person knows how your life/career stresses and can understand for example ( the busy residency years) and appreciate what it is you do. however, the fact that both of you are in the same profession also makes it harder to find a work/life balance.
 
  • Like
Reactions: 1 user
Silence in ER said:
So I suspect the middle line is: being married to another doctor decreases your rate of divorce because the other person knows how your life/career stresses and can understand for example ( the busy residency years) and appreciate what it is you do. however, the fact that both of you are in the same profession also makes it harder to find a work/life balance.
Click to expand...

...without bringing in help from outside the marriage. Help like nannies, housekeepers, landscapers. Not every task typically done by a parent needs to be done by a parent. Will your hypothetical future children suffer if your laundry is done by a housekeeper or your midweek meal preparation is done by a cook? Two-physician households can pay for extra help, and hiring that extra help provides lots more free time.
 
  • Like
Reactions: 1 users
Well, if I'm going to pair off with a fellow doc, we're going to be DINKs until one of us progresses to beyond-attending physician.
 
  • Like
Reactions: 1 user
arc5005 said:
Disclaimer: This isn't an issue I'm actually worried about as of now.

I'm realizing that med students, residents, and physicians can have a difficult time having normal relationships and raising families. A lot of people I know who are in med school or are currently physicians keep telling me to just wait until I get into med school to date. Actually one friend told me specifically not to date or deal with guys for my first 2 years (He was partnered and also got married during med school). I don't know why they think, I'll have a better chance of dating in med-school versus dating outside of being a med-student; maybe someone can chime in? Perhaps, once you are a med student, you become more highly-desired to possible partners? It seems the case for actual physicians.

Anyways, how well do physician-physician relationships work long-term? Can you raise a family easily? I can't imagine two doctors who work two surgical specialties could really balance work-life and raise a normal family. Perhaps both would need to work in family-friendly specialties, or one of the spouses would need to work only part-time? Live-in Nanny? Live-in grandma/grandpa?

However, one would also think that since both spouses are interested in medicine that the common ground would be nice. Of course there are other factors, like personality, chemistry, sex-life, monogamy/polygamy, morals, values, falling out of love, fighting, stress, one of the partners gets fat/unattractive, etc...
Click to expand...

No one thinks medical students are desirable. They have no money and they're always studying. So boring. As a girl, being a physician is probably a minus, not a plus. You should date when you find the right person, not the right time. There's no such thing as the right time. and monogamy/polygamy wtf?
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Next unread thread

Similar threads

F
Long-term and short-term ECs
Replies
7
Views
368
burneracc
B
S
Judging a physician in my personal statement?
Replies
16
Views
1K
syndromeofad
S
Ash630
Will me choosing to go to med school help the physician shortage?
Replies
3
Views
859
Goro
Goro
aprit1
  • Locked
moved WAMC to Physician-scientist channel
Replies
2
Views
231
aprit1
aprit1
M
  • Question
Do Osteopathic schools give weight to physician letters?
Replies
4
Views
534
MichiganWolverinesFan
M
Top