Please Help, Big Mess!

[WhyIsThisSoHard]

Thanks to everyone for your input!

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[Law2Doc]

a) If the director writes this letter, and my significant other gets in to this school, do I have to go there? If they write the letter, do I still have to go there even if he's rejected? Will the admissions director get in touch with other schools to tell them that I said it was my top choice and my significant other was let in too? I'm not actually sure that I actually want to go here. I would really like a shot at a few other schools, but their decisions aren't made for another few weeks. I know its not nice to waste the directors time with this request if I'm not definitely going to the school, but my significant other is pressuring me A LOT.

b) Since I already wrote a letter saying this one school was my top choice, but my mind has changed, do I have to go to this school? If I get waitlisted somewhere else that I want to go, can I not write a letter of intent?

This is such a mess!!!

You really shouldn't have written a letter and further, asked them to write you a letter, if you don't plan to attend. That's really di<king them around. If you had just written that first letter that would be one thing. But they put themselves out for you by actually coordinating with the other department. I would probably go to the school because it was, at one time, your first choice. You won't get sued if you don't, but it is an awfully bad rep to give yourself (and your SO) at such an early juncture.

 

[notdeadyet]

You really shouldn't have written a letter and further, asked them to write you a letter, if you don't plan to attend. That's really di<king then around.

Agreed. You sent a letter of intent, were acceptd, were offered a scholarship, and asked them to write a letter on you behalf. I don't think there's any way to back out without really sacrificing ethics here.

That said, congratulations! They may not be your #1 school now, but they're presumably still up there and you recieved a scholarship, which most of us probably covet. Well done...

 

[pennybridge]

what's the worst that could happen?

if I was that medical school I would not only call every school in the country and tell them to reject you, but I'd also try and find a way to give you AIDS.


that being said, I approve of you being a total badass. if you get into a better school, not only should you withdraw at this school, but you should also dump your boyfriend and then send him pictures of you boning other hotter guys at your new more prestigious school.

 

[kidthor]

Perhaps your SO could write a follow-up letter to HIS department and tell them that you plan to attend their med school, and you want to stay together, etc?

You really shouldn't have written a letter and further, asked them to write you a letter, if you don't plan to attend. That's really di<king then around. If you had just written that first letter that would be one thing. But they put themselves out for you by actually coordinating with the other department. I would probably go to the school because it was, at one time, your first choice. You won't get sued if you don't, but it is an awfully bad rep to give yourself (and your SO) at such an early juncture.

 

[Droopy Snoopy]

if I was that medical school I would not only call every school in the country and tell them to reject you, but I'd also try and find a way to give you AIDS.

that being said, I approve of you being a total badass. if you get into a better school, not only should you withdraw at this school, but you should also dump your boyfriend and then send him pictures of you boning other hotter guys at your new more prestigious school.

In the end, the school will do what's best for them, and you should do what's best for you. You don't have to go anywhere you don't want to, is that seriously what you're asking? Maybe I'm missing something, but I don't see the big mess. This is medical school and the rest of your life; you shouldn't be pressured into something like this by anyone (unless you're married, then other considerations do come into play somewhat). And just from the very superficial info given, it sounds like your SO is using you.

 

[TMP-SMX]

Where's the ring? Without a ring you have nothing to stand on...

 

[MedStudentWanna]

My question is this. You got a scholarship to a school that's good enough to have been at one time your #1. This school has gone out of their way to try to ensure your SO gets accepted there too, even though you guys aren't married. WHY on earth wouldn't you want to go there? I mean, unless Harvard is knocking with a full scholarship, I don't get the dilemma.

 

[lilold3chordme]

Regarding your username: That's what she said.

Regarding your problem: What the previous posters said.


***Sorry, I've been watching lots of The Office reruns lately, and I couldn't resist. I have nothing substantive to add. That is all.***

 

[krbirc03]

My question is this. You got a scholarship to a school that's good enough to have been at one time your #1. This school has gone out of their way to try to ensure your SO gets accepted there too, even though you guys aren't married. WHY on earth wouldn't you want to go there? I mean, unless Harvard is knocking with a full scholarship, I don't get the dilemma.

Exactly what they said. I would want to go to a school that helped me in any way. Sounds like this school bent over backwards for you, that would be a major plus in my book. I'd say go...even if your SO doesn't get in.

 

[bretticus]

Exactly what they said. I would want to go to a school that helped me in any way. Sounds like this school bent over backwards for you, that would be a major plus in my book. I'd say go...even if your SO doesn't get in.

 

[searun]

Could people who aren't married, or at least committed for life, quit writing to adcom committees about trying to coordinate admissions to med schools or other departments in universities as a couple? If I am ever on an adcom and recieve a letter like that, I will light a match and burn it in front of the rest of the committee and then spit on it to put out the fire.

 

[Falco2525]

Could people who aren't married, or at least committed for life, quit writing to adcom committees about trying to coordinate admissions to med schools or other departments in universities as a couple? If I am ever on an adcom and recieve a letter like that, I will light a match and burn it in front of the rest of the committee and then spit on it to put out the fire.

there is nothing wrong with this...just dont say you will definitly go there...say it would highly influence your decision...no reason not to use your pull to get a SO there with you

 

[crimsonkid85]

it's a small world. if you dump the school, they'll remember. and one day, when you're interviewing for residencies, you never know who knows whom who's so and so's friend...yea.

 

[searun]

there is nothing wrong with this...just dont say you will definitly go there...say it would highly influence your decision...no reason not to use your pull to get a SO there with you

What is a Significant Other? Significant for how long, until you meet someone who is better looking or has more money, or who got admitted to your medical school and looks pretty cool? Significant Other sounds like ET or a space alien, not someone you are committed to live and die with, the person who will pour your cremated ashes into the ocean with a prayer when it is all over. My dog is a significant other in my life. But I do not expect adcoms to make admit me to medical school because my dog likes the dog parks in Hanover.

 

[Falco2525]

What is a Significant Other? Significant for how long, until you meet someone who is better looking or has more money, or who got admitted to your medical school and looks pretty cool? Significant Other sounds like ET or a space alien, not someone you are committed to live and die with, the person who will pour your cremated ashes into the ocean with a prayer when it is all over. My dog is a significant other in my life. But I do not expect adcoms to make admit me to medical school because my dog likes the dog parks in Hanover.

significant other is someone you seriously feel like you will be married to within a few years...it is someone you can see spending the rest of your life with...it is someone you cant be without and thus is highly important in your decision on where to go to medical school...it is the term for those who will likely be engaged soon

 

[DrZeke]

significant other is someone you seriously feel like you will be married to within a few years...it is someone you can see spending the rest of your life with...it is someone you cant be without and thus is highly important in your decision on where to go to medical school...it is the term for those who will likely be engaged soon

Well then clearly the OP is just confused. If you notice in her original post she said she feels pressued by her SO and that she no longer has that school as her first chioce. If this was REALLY her SO, then the decision would not be so difficult. How could a school be a potential #1 and then just change...

 

[DrZeke]

I'll tell you what a significant other is.

That's the person who dumps you six months into med school because "you've changed and I hardly see you anymore".

That goes double when it's a girl going to med school and the guy is doing something else.

Sorry to the OP, you're boned and you don't even know it.

LOL...I think people are stupid to not expect this if their relationship has yet to go some strains that are typical of the real world and hard times. So many people who are young or haven't had to put their relationship through strain break up in the first year.

 

[OncoCaP]

You're only creating a mess by considering backing out on your written statement. You don't tell a school that they are your top choice if you haven't carefully considered your options. That would be very misleading. That's like telling your significant other that he is your top choice for marriage, and then when he goes out, buys a ring, and proposes; next, you tell him that you've changed your mind and there is this other guy that you're waiting for a decision on. Most people would probably think that was not cool.

If you don't want a mess, stick with what you put in black and white and signed your name to. Trying to weasel out of your statement by "changing your mind" undermines your credibility (because you could change your mind on any commitment). I doubt the school would do anything to you if you backed out, but your credibility would be shot in any case. Honor your previous written and signed letter and the mess is avoided. Also, your SO needs to take care of his own educational situation. Hopefully he is an adult and capable of making things happen for himself; you are not his mother.

 

[Falco2525]

Well then clearly the OP is just confused. If you notice in her original post she said she feels pressued by her SO and that she no longer has that school as her first chioce. If this was REALLY her SO, then the decision would not be so difficult. How could a school be a potential #1 and then just change...

good point...i completely agree...pressured...hmmm thats not sounding good...whenever someone starts feeling pressured...

 

[pennybridge]

to be fair, we aren't completely sure the OP and the "SO" can get married.

I mean, we know the "SO" is a guy, but we don't know if the OP is also a guy.


that is if I wasn't SO SURE the OP was a chick because of the absolutely STUPID situation she's gotten herself into

 

[searun]

significant other is someone you seriously feel like you will be married to within a few years...it is someone you can see spending the rest of your life with...it is someone you cant be without and thus is highly important in your decision on where to go to medical school...it is the term for those who will likely be engaged soon

Significant Other is a person that you have no real committment to at this point in time. It is someone, as you say, that "you might be married to within a few years" unless someone better comes along. To say: " it is a term for those who will likely be engaged soon", means you like the sex but are not really ready to committ for life and you want to keep your options open. Like I said, the term Significant Other makes me want to puke. Nothing wrong with being a player, I am still single and I like the girls, but don't "sort of pretend to have committment" when there is no real committment and for god's sake, please do not write letters to Adcom committees based upon such a tenous relationship. The OP commented on the vagaries of pre-med relationships. I rest my case. The letter from the OP to the adcom gets a lighted match from me.

 

[TMP-SMX]

Significant Other is a person that you have no real committment to at this point in time. It is someone, as you say, that "you might be married to within a few years" unless someone better comes along. To say: " it is a term for those who will likely be engaged soon", means you like the sex but are not really ready to committ for life and you want to keep your options open. Like I said, the term Significant Other makes me want to puke. Nothing wrong with being a player, I am still single and I like the girls, but don't "sort of pretend to have committment" when there is no real committment and for god's sake, please do not write letters to Adcom committees based upon such a tenous relationship. The OP commented on the vagaries of pre-med relationships. I rest my case. The letter from the OP to the adcom gets a lighted match from me.

Or you are a guy that just spent ungodly amounts of money on applications and can't afford a ring...

 

[searun]

Or you are a guy that just spent ungodly amounts of money on applications and can't afford a ring...

Too many interviews, too many charges on my credit card, yeah, I am maxed out. My net worth is less than zero. Much less than zero. Is it that obvious?

 

[TMP-SMX]

Too many interviews, too many charges on my credit card, yeah, I am maxed out. My net worth is less than zero. Much less than zero. Is it that obvious?

Same boat as you. I like money and yet I have none. Research and TAing just don't bring in enough cash.

 

[Kathrined]

I don't blame you for wanting to help your SO.

To all the people who think WhyisThisSoHard so going to somehow screw up her other applications or irrevicably indebt herself to this one: step back from the ledge. And stop pretending you are all high and mighty. The stuff these schools put us through is what is crazy, if she uses her pull to help her S.O. than more power to her. Who would you rather hurt, some admissions person at this school who probably doesn't care anyway, or your S.O. who obviously has a lot invested in this and wouldn't be pressuring you unless it meant A LOT to him?

I have it on good authority (Admissions officers at at least two seperate schools) that they do not discuss anything of this nature. Until you actually commit to something official they will hardly notice or care what you do. You are acting as though the med school office is a single extremely petty person who is easily offended and has it out for you. In reality it is a bunch of people who go through thousands of applications and only put on a friendly personable face to seem attractive to students they are trying to convince to attend. There is zero chance they will be gossiping to each other about what you said to who like detectives. These schools are so used to hearing that they are so-and-so's first choice that they don't bat an eye. There is absolutely no risk to yourself other than possible embarrassment. Does it balance out the potential negative effect of not having this person write the letter for your SO? Do you really care about him or don't you? This isn't as big a crisis as you think. I wouldn't think twice.

You need to stand by your significant other.

 

[MedStudentWanna]

I don't blame you for wanting to help your SO.

To all the people who think WhyisThisSoHard so going to somehow screw up her other applications or irrevicably indebt herself to this one: step back from the ledge. And stop pretending you are all high and mighty. The stuff these schools put us through is what is crazy, if she uses her pull to help her S.O. than more power to her. Who would you rather hurt, some admissions person at this school who probably doesn't care anyway, or your S.O. who obviously has a lot invested in this and wouldn't be pressuring you unless it meant A LOT to him?

I have it on good authority (Admissions officers at at least two seperate schools) that they do not discuss anything of this nature. Until you actually commit to something official they will hardly notice or care what you do. You are acting as though the med school office is a single extremely petty person who is easily offended and has it out for you. In reality it is a bunch of people who go through thousands of applications and only put on a friendly personable face to seem attractive to students they are trying to convince to attend. There is zero chance they will be gossiping to each other about what you said to who like detectives. These schools are so used to hearing that they are so-and-so's first choice that they don't bat an eye. There is absolutely no risk to yourself other than possible embarrassment. Does it balance out the potential negative effect of not having this person write the letter for your SO? Do you really care about him or don't you? This isn't as big a crisis as you think. I wouldn't think twice.

You need to stand by your significant other.

Did you even read past the first line of the OP's first post? Just curious.

 

[notdeadyet]

Like I said, the term Significant Other makes me want to puke.

Get used to it. You'll hear it a lot more outside of college than you ever did in. Significant Other is used all the time in a work setting.

Your boss can either tell your department:

"bring your SOs to the work party" or he can say

"bring your husband or wife, fiance or fiancee if you haven't got married yet, partner if the state won't legally allow you to marry, or boyfriend or girlfriend if you don't want to get married."

The term Significant Other is handy for when you want to assume that not everyone thinks the same way you do.