Please help me out with advice!!!!

[clinicalpsych1]

Hi everyone,

I know this doesn't have anything to do with a PhD program, but I need advice quickly and I know more people come here.

I have been invited to attend an open house at a school for a masters in clinical psych program. They told me in the email that I will get to meet the faculty, have lunch with the grad students, and take a campus tour. But there will be no formal interview. However, it says attendance is strongly encouraged.

I asked my bf to come along with me for the ride. But, He insists on coming to this open house with me. I told him he is not allowed to, because I thought it sounded like an informal interview in a way. Also, in the invitation email, they said nothing about bringing guests.

Am I wrong?

This is the only school I have heard from so far, and I just don't want to mess things up in anyway.

Please help!!

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[terpskins10]

I think it would be inappropriate to bring someone along who was not invited.

 

[erg923]

I would not bring him unless they are having a rather informal gathering or diner following the open house...or is otherwise "invited."

 

[CounselingGirl]

I definitely wouldn't bring him. Not only is it inappropriate, but it'd be pretty awkward if you were the only person who came with a guest.

 

[erg923]

Just find a TV and plop him down in front of ESPN for a few hours...he'll live....

 

[clinicalpsych1]

Thank you so much for your replies. I told him the same thing. We even got in an argument about it.

I love spending time with him, but this is not the place.

I feel that having him there would hinder my ability to talk about my research (if asked), or possibly just get in my way of being professional.

He is even saying he will just call and ask.
But I don't want him to call. Because that would just look bad. And even if they did allow guests, I don't want him calling on my behalf, it just looks weak. I would prefer to go alone. Sorry, I am just so frustrated. This is my only opportunity so far, and I feel like he is getting in the way.

For anyone who has attended open houses with the profs and grad students, what were they like? Was it anything like an interview, or no?

 

[clinicalpsych1]

haha, I know, I'm like 5 hours at the hotel alone won't kill you!!

 

[erg923]

This is not his interview. 1.) Did you ask him for his view of how this benefits you? What is his argument? 2.) What is his view/insight of how this would appear to others or how this could hinder you? Might ask them these questions if you haven't already. Perhaps ask him if he minds if you tag along to his next job interview as well.

 

[CounselingGirl]

For anyone who has attended open houses with the profs and grad students, what were they like? Was it anything like an interview, or no?

I attended a potluck hosted by graduate students the night before the formal interview day for a PhD program. I think in most settings with a lot of grad students and professors around, you should be prepared to discuss your research interests and talk about yourself, and have questions ready to ask them. So in a way, it's a bit like an interview. I'd certainly prepare for it like one.

 

[robinsena]

Agreed. Perhaps your boyfriend doesn't understand that although they call it an "open house," it is more like an informal interview day. I certainly hope he would understand if you explain it that way. After all, would he bring his family to a job interview? I certainly hope not.

I attended a potluck hosted by graduate students the night before the formal interview day for a PhD program. I think in most settings with a lot of grad students and professors around, you should be prepared to discuss your research interests and talk about yourself, and have questions ready to ask them. So in a way, it's a bit like an interview. I'd certainly prepare for it like one.

 

[PhishGirl]

Seriously, no. He shouldn't go. And this is one of those times when your boyfriend needs to demonstrate that he is able to be supportive by putting your needs above his own when it comes to your dream. Grad school is demanding, and there are a lot of times that you're going to have to do work and won't be able to hang out with him...

I drove 4 hours to my interview and my boyfriend came with for moral support. I was gone 14 hours on interview day and he knew that he couldn't come, and that that was that. No fuss, no guilt, he got me breakfast in the morning, drove me to the interview, and picked me up with a bottle of wine afterwards. Not trying to be a jerk, but that's how your bf should be acting.

I say, if he cannot understand what you need and he might bring down your interview performance, leave him home.

And that's my 2 cents. Sorry if it was abrupt, but you deserve support.

 

[jnine]

+1

seriously, no. He shouldn't go. And this is one of those times when your boyfriend needs to demonstrate that he is able to be supportive by putting your needs above his own when it comes to your dream. Grad school is demanding, and there are a lot of times that you're going to have to do work and won't be able to hang out with him...

I drove 4 hours to my interview and my boyfriend came with for moral support. I was gone 14 hours on interview day and he knew that he couldn't come, and that that was that. No fuss, no guilt, he got me breakfast in the morning, drove me to the interview, and picked me up with a bottle of wine afterwards. Not trying to be a jerk, but that's how your bf should be acting.

I say, if he cannot understand what you need and he might bring down your interview performance, leave him home.

And that's my 2 cents. Sorry if it was abrupt, but you deserve support.

 

[InUrHead]

Yep - gotta agree with everyone here - DO NOT BRING HIM. Even if NOT officially an interview, this is psychology so while they may not be specifically interviewing you they will absolutely be observing you. I am not saying this to stress you out, you probably already know this, but think of it like a job interview - would you bring a pal to a job interview? NO NO NO
Nee
Jo
Nein
لا
否

 

[psychgrad10]

Thank you so much for your replies. I told him the same thing. We even got in an argument about it.

I love spending time with him, but this is not the place.

I feel that having him there would hinder my ability to talk about my research (if asked), or possibly just get in my way of being professional.

He is even saying he will just call and ask.
But I don't want him to call. Because that would just look bad. And even if they did allow guests, I don't want him calling on my behalf, it just looks weak. I would prefer to go alone. Sorry, I am just so frustrated. This is my only opportunity so far, and I feel like he is getting in the way.

For anyone who has attended open houses with the profs and grad students, what were they like? Was it anything like an interview, or no?

I would just ask yourself why you would be arguing about something like that when it's obviously a "just you" kind of thing? I don't want to assume anything about your relationship, but why is he insisting (even almost calling) that he go with you? If he understands that it would look bad if he went then you might want to talk to him about why it's so important to him that he be there because for me, I'd assume my bf would think it was a no brainer that he couldn't come. It's your chance to impress them.

 

[psybee]

+1

This is so true. when you enter grad school, it's a whole other demading world, and unless he's doing it too this is just the beginning of new things and time commitments that you will have to make that do not involve him. He better get used to it--this has been the biggest challenge for me and many of my friends, being completely committed, engaged and absorbed in something I love that has little to do with my partner or freinds pre-school, and can be a real challenge to insecurities and egos.

 

[robinsena]

I laughed out loud when I read this. If it wasn't clear before, it sure is now!

NO NO NO
Nee
Jo
Nein
لا
否

 

[clinicalpsych1]

Thanks for the replies. This behavior is actually unlike my bf. We are very independent people. I think this has something to do with him starting to worry about me moving away from him when I do attend grad school.

And don't worry, there is no way in this world I was ever at any point considering bringing him with me.

But, I still want him to come with me. I don't think he should make me drive alone on a 7 hour trip just because he can't come to the event!

 

[deleted176373]

I don't think he should make me drive alone on a 7 hour trip just because he can't come to the event!

He's not making you drive anywhere... You've made the choice to make a 7 hour trip and you expect him to come with you. Seems that you have it a little backwards, you're asking him to sacrifice, not the other way around.

Mark

 

[psich]

I had a friend come with me to my Master’s interview because he was my ride to the area there. Did he come with me to the actual function? No. He waited in the lobby the entire time, took a walk around, and did not involve himself at all in any part of the orientation. One of the individuals there offered to bring him up out of courtesy to help himself to the snacks there, but we both thought it was best for him not to join us. This is your opportunity to shine. None of the professionals or interviewers there seemed to mind that he was just waiting around. You need to keep the attention on you (in a positive way) and keep it objective.

 

[psybee]

He's not making you drive anywhere... You've made the choice to make a 7 hour trip and you expect him to come with you. Seems that you have it a little backwards, you're asking him to sacrifice, not the other way around.

Mark

Mark does have a point--is he just going to hang out for a few hours and then drive back? If so I can see why he'd want to join you. Not that he should join you, in that it would be unprofessional, but before I imagined you two got into a fight because he wanted to go to a grad school open house with you and got a big clingy/needy feel from the posts, but now I can see him getting mad if he really does not want to drive 14 hrs round trip just to sit in a car for a few more--that's a very big favor he's doing you!

My husband would do something like that for me, but he'd make plans to go to a museum, catch a show, etc while I was busy and make an adventure out of it...

 

[ILGirl]

Mark does have a point--is he just going to hang out for a few hours and then drive back? If so I can see why he'd want to join you. Not that he should join you, in that it would be unprofessional, but before I imagined you two got into a fight because he wanted to go to a grad school open house with you and got a big clingy/needy feel from the posts, but now I can see him getting mad if he really does not want to drive 14 hrs round trip just to sit in a car for a few more--that's a very big favor he's doing you!
..

Excellent point!!! The posts did make it sound like he was clingy. I didn't even consider his possible side of things.