Please, i need your opinions guys

[differential eq]

I am 28 years old man. i got accepted in pharmacy school out of state my wife she doesnt want me to go. She want me to keep apply to school close to home, but i applied two times already never accepted. What shall i do? We have been married 4 years no kids and she is 32, Rn makes about 90,000 a yr. Now, she also wants me 2 be rn

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[glowinglimabean]

My brother in-law is going to face a similar situation. You got to question yourself. What do you really want. Do you want to be married to this woman? Do you want to be a pharmacist? Is she standing in the way of your dreams? The list of questions goes on and on.

 

[SoccerCoach10]

You gotta try to convince her to go with you. That being said, here is a list of some positives that you can use to persuade her to go:

1) You'll both eventually earn a lot of money = lots of savings = great retirement

2) She can get a much better job in < insert state here> because RNs are needed everywhere.

3) You got in somewhere! Yay! Tell her that it is your dream and you tried for 2 years already.

4) You can both be adventurous and try out a new state.

Where did you get in at by the way and where would you be moving from?

 

[nerv12345]

isn't an RN job relatively easy to find?

she should just move with you, you guys should get a condo, stay there while you're in school and then move back to your old state and rent out the condo when you're all done w/ school--there's another source of income

 

[UES Girl]

I am 28 years old man. i got accepted in pharmacy school out of state my wife she doesnt want me to go. She want me to keep apply to school close to home, but i applied two times already never accepted. What shall i do? We have been married 4 years no kids and she is 32, Rn makes about 90,000 a yr. Now, she also wants me 2 be rn

Ultimately the desicion is yours to make - but personally I think your wife is being selfish. Like the others suggested it's relatively easy to find a job for a nurse. On one hand you are already accepted to pharmacy school on the other - there is a slight possibility in the future - you might be accepted to school in your home state. Are you willing to take that gamble ?

 

[Pharmpills]

just convince her to go with you. if shes scared she might not get a job up there then u can go and help her find one. tell her after 3 or 4 years the two of you will move back to your home state if thats what she wants.

 

[cuedee]

Did she know that you were applying to out of state schools? Does she really want you to go to pharmacy school? If you're admitted to your state school, will she come up with a reason why you shouldn't go there?

 

[pharmgrl5]

Hate to say it but I agree she's being pretty selfish on this. If you guys don't have kids then it means you don't have to deal with a major uprooting of things. RN's are in demand everywhere, she can get a job in the new state. Even if it's a small pay cut it would be worth it in the long haul. Does she realize what kind of income you two combined could have after you finish pharm school? If she's making $90,000/year right now (by the way what kind of nurse is she? that's really high for an RN) then hypothetically in 4 years you could have a combined income of $190,000+. If I were here I'd be really thrilled by that. And she really needs to be supportive of your dreams, not just her own. Sometimes it takes looking past the immediate and looking into the future to see things better. Sure the immediate might be a bit of a pain to move to a new state and get a new job but the payoff is huge, not only with income but also happiness. I'm guessing you wouldn't be happy being an RN, it's clear that you've tried hard to get into pharm school. That should be an indicator to her of what you *really* want to do. For example: my husband wants to be a teacher (history to be exact), he's planning on going to school once I'm done with my schooling, it would be like telling him "no, I think you should be a pharmacist, because that's what I want to do". I know he wouldn't be happy with that, he has a lot of respect for pharmacists and is happy that I have something I have a passion and desire to pursure but that's not his cup of tea. It would be soooo selfish of me to try and push him into something he doesn't want to do.

Hope you get it worked out with her and she's able to look further than her own desires. A marriage requires adapting. It's a shift from only looking at yourself and looking at what is good for both people.

 

[ScienceNerd]

As a married couple, this is a decision both of you will have to make together. She may not want to move, but if she supports you and your dream, she will do what needs to be done so you can finish school. I know some may say it's so easy to leave a job, especially as an RN, but his wife may have a good position-she may make a good salary, have good benefits, or have good working hours etc(which as an RN, is usually hard to find), which makes it harder for her to leave.

On the other hand, school is only for a few years. You may just have to have a commuter relationship. When my parents were first married, my dad worked overseas for 3 months at a time (before I was even born!) and did it for about 6 years. It was a sacrifice on both their parts, but they made it work. They're going to have their 29th anniversary soon and they are both very committed and supportive of each other!

You can ask for people's advice, but ultimately, this is a decision between you and your wife. Good luck and I hope everything works between you two.

 

[tellsarah]

Having to plan pharmacy school around my husbands career is something that I am aware of before I apply to pharmacy school. I might have to prolong admissions if I cannot get into the school I want. However, his career is in the military and he cannot change where we live by switching jobs.

I wish you the best of luck. Remember to have good communication with your wife and I am sure a right decision will be made

 

[tellsarah]

As a married couple, this is a decision both of you will have to make together. She may not want to move, but if she supports you and your dream, she will do what needs to be done so you can finish school. I know some may say it's so easy to leave a job, especially as an RN, but his wife may have a good position-she may make a good salary, have good benefits, or have good working hours etc(which as an RN, is usually hard to find), which makes it harder for her to leave.

On the other hand, school is only for a few years. You may just have to have a commuter relationship. When my parents were first married, my dad worked overseas for 3 months at a time (before I was even born!) and did it for about 6 years. It was a sacrifice on both their parts, but they made it work. They're going to have their 29th anniversary soon and they are both very committed and supportive of each other!

You can ask for people's advice, but ultimately, this is a decision between you and your wife. Good luck and I hope everything works between you two.

Completely agree

 

[SGPharmD]

I'm only 22, and am not married yet so I can't really say I understand what you're going through. But what I can say is that your wife is being extremely selfish. You already applied twice to schools near you and you haven't gotten in, so how can she expect you to put off another year and invest more money and give up and guarenteed seat at another school because she doesn't want to move? I've wanted to be a pharmacist for so long, I would never let anyone stand in the way of my dream. Not even my spouse.

 

[Farmercyst]

I'd say that the limited information given is insufficient to make any conclusions. What are the reasons for wanting to stay? Are there geographical concerns? Granted it's "only" four years, but if you or she aren't looking at the bigger picture (you get to decide what the big picture is) then even the best intentions can lead you to failure. Way too many loose ends to tie up to make a decent conclusion. More importantly, you and she need to go over this stuff.

 

[cadi]

I am 28 years old man. i got accepted in pharmacy school out of state my wife she doesnt want me to go. She want me to keep apply to school close to home, but i applied two times already never accepted. What shall i do? We have been married 4 years no kids and she is 32, Rn makes about 90,000 a yr. Now, she also wants me 2 be rn

I understand you, but in my case I am sure I WANT TO GO TO ANY PHARMACY SCHOOL this year.I got accepted in a school that is 4 hours from the place I live now, and even though my boyfriend does not want to move(he is not going to find a job as good as the one that he has now), I have always made him clear that I am going anywhere and guess what <<< he is moving w me >>> Dont take me wrong, we have been together for more than two years and I really love him, but my or our future it's first than anything else.
I am sure that if she loves you she will follow you, but dont let her decide for you. Good luck!!

 

[Pharmpills]

I understand you, but in my case I am sure I WANT TO GO TO ANY PHARMACY SCHOOL this year.I got accepted in a school that is 4 hours from the place I live now, and even though my boyfriend does not want to move(he is not going to find a job as good as the one that he has now), I have always made him clear that I am going anywhere and guess what <<< he is moving w me >>> Dont take me wrong, we have been together for more than two years and I really love him, but my or our future it's first than anything else.
I am sure that if she loves you she will follow you, but dont let her decide for you. Good luck!!

lay down the law sister

 

[bwsalvas]

There are a bunch of people in my class that are in their 30's.

One of them, a friend of mine, is in his late 30s, has a 3yr old and an infant and an RN wife.

He moved from 5hrs away to come to school and his wife had a new RN job her first day of job searching.

Its not about money. If you want to be a pharmacist, being a nurse just won't cut it.

 

[fiorio]

u are only 28, u r not an OLD man. because it has something to do with marriage, so we can't really give u suggestion. marriage is something u have to make decision by ur own.
planA: have some kids and u stay at home be a househusband, since ur wife makes good money already.
planB: move somewhere else and let ur wife reapply another job, or see if she can transfer to another chain hospital.
planC: reapply the school close to home (least recommended)

 

[tharper14]

Depends on her reason for not wanting to move. My advice, do what's best for YOU. If you think that nursing is something you could do and love, then go for it. Personally, I can't EVER imagine doing nursing, I don't care how much they get paid.

I know it's tough, but for major decisions in life I always try to think, 'What would I do if I wasn't married?' If you would never consider doing nursing if you weren't married and would go to the pharmacy school you were accepted at, then I think you have your answer.

28 is still very young. Focus on YOUR future. I hate to say it, but you may not be married forever so you need to focus your own career, not just hers.

 

[Alby]

I feel for you...

My husband and I will commute while I am in PSchool. We live in Phoenix, I will be at UNM for school. The flight is only $49 each way, so every 3 weeks or so we will see each other.

It is not the ideal situation for our relationship, however, it is the ideal situation for staying focused on school. Luckily we are both independent and he is fine with me going away (he prefers I go to UNM over Midwestern-CPG).

Consider commuting if she really wants to keep her job. Many schools will allow you to complete your fourth year elsewhere if you set it up beforehand.

 

[TrjTraddie]

Depends on her reason for not wanting to move. My advice, do what's best for YOU. If you think that nursing is something you could do and love, then go for it. Personally, I can't EVER imagine doing nursing, I don't care how much they get paid.

I know it's tough, but for major decisions in life I always try to think, 'What would I do if I wasn't married?' If you would never consider doing nursing if you weren't married and would go to the pharmacy school you were accepted at, then I think you have your answer.

28 is still very young. Focus on YOUR future. I hate to say it, but you may not be married forever so you need to focus your own career, not just hers.

but he IS married. The wife has the right to voice her opinion and they need to make a decision as a couple. He may get in next year, and the health of their family/marriage life comes first. sure she should consider supporting him, but the bottom line is that she is entitled to have a say in this. as far as forcing him to do nursing that is proposterous...

im sure they will be able to come to a middle ground.

 

[pharmgrl5]

Does she realize what kind of income you two combined could have after you finish pharm school? If she's making $90,000/year right now (by the way what kind of nurse is she? that's really high for an RN) then hypothetically in 4 years you could have a combined income of $190,000+.

I just wanted to add that I hope that my statement didn't come across like I was focusing too much on the salary part of it. It's just that that's an obvious plus to him going and following his dreams. It's just something that I'm sure anyone would be pleased to hear, that the combined income would rise so high. I would never suggest that someone pursue pharmacy if they didn't want to and only based on the salary it offers. Money isn't the only thing in the world that brings happiness. In fact I personally think that money doesn't bring happiness. What would bring happiness is doing what you really want to be doing. Look at teachers for example, they don't exactly bring home the bacon but they do it because they love it.

If I got accepted to University of Washington my husband and I (with our two young daughters) would be moving halfway across the country. He doesn't mind though, he doesn't care about the income possibilities, he just wants me to be happy and to pursue my dreams and hopes. In a marriage that is important, to consider both people's desires and wishes when making decisions. If the roles were reversed I would do whatever needed to help him. Even if it meant moving to Alaska or something.

 

[firefighter9015]

My fiance and I have not lived near each other for 3 1/2 years now, and we still have at least 2 years to go. He has never onced asked me to not follow my dreams, and even supports me in the quest for a residency, even if it means that I will be living in Atlanta or St. Louis, we are even getting married before I do my residency, so it is a possibility that for the first 2 years of our marriage that we will not live together. He understands that he keeps me from following my dreams *which I like to tell myself that I woulden't let that happen* that it would only breed resentment in our relationship, which would be worse then us not being together.

 

[RaginCajun]

If you want someone to tell you it is okay that you go I will. "It is okay to go." Four years is a long time but if she is trying to hold you down then drop her like a bad habit and move on.
You are probably already thinking this since you made the thread. You will not be the villian in the situation. If ya'll are meant to be then she should stay with you if you decide to bounce. Man up and handle your business.

 

[tharper14]

but he IS married. The wife has the right to voice her opinion and they need to make a decision as a couple. He may get in next year, and the health of their family/marriage life comes first. sure she should consider supporting him, but the bottom line is that she is entitled to have a say in this. as far as forcing him to do nursing that is proposterous...

im sure they will be able to come to a middle ground.

Well, everyone is entitled to their opinion. I just think he should take into consideration that doing what is best for the marriage may make him resent his wife in the future, and that's not good for a marriage either. You're totally right though... he may get in next year to a pharmacy school close by, but then again, maybe he won't. He seems like he's at his wits end though. Also, they don't have any kids yet, so now is the best time to be going to school and getting it out of the way. She'll be 36 by the time he is done... maybe she wanted to have kids before then and that is why she is not being supportive?

It's kind of hard to give good advice though when he hasn't shared his wife's reasons for not wanting to move. Maybe you can give us an update differential eq?

 

[PharmDee2Bee]

If you want someone to tell you it is okay that you go I will. "It is okay to go." Four years is a long time but if she is trying to hold you down then drop her like a bad habit and move on.
You are probably already thinking this since you made the thread. You will not be the villian in the situation. If ya'll are meant to be then she should stay with you if you decide to bounce. Man up and handle your business.

HAhaha. That's great.

differential eq, you should pursue your dreams. Pharmacy school is by no means EASY to get into and it is more and more competitive each year. You don't have any guarantee that you'll be accepted to a pharmacy school close to home. It is just not wise because each year that you apply is another burdensome year of applications and interviews AND another year that you don't work (referring to being a pharmacist). Coming from a female's perspective, I think your wife has a say in this of course..but she sounds selfish. Although none of us really know why she doesn't want to move, she should at least make compromises so that she can do what she wants while you can do what you want.

 

[toscogo]

If you want someone to tell you it is okay that you go I will. "It is okay to go." Four years is a long time but if she is trying to hold you down then drop her like a bad habit and move on.
You are probably already thinking this since you made the thread. You will not be the villian in the situation. If ya'll are meant to be then she should stay with you if you decide to bounce. Man up and handle your business.

You are a baller, i just can tell, sometimes you need to be tough and take no B***S** from nobody even you spouse if they are trying to hold you down

 

[BacardiGirl]

I have thought about this as well...about applying to out of state schools just in case I don't get accepted in the one here. I know my BF would not move, and honestly, I wouldn't really care, since my career and goals are more important than my relationship at the moment. I know that sounds harsh, but its true.

 

[akszp4]

If you want someone to tell you it is okay that you go I will. "It is okay to go." Four years is a long time but if she is trying to hold you down then drop her like a bad habit and move on.
You are probably already thinking this since you made the thread. You will not be the villian in the situation. If ya'll are meant to be then she should stay with you if you decide to bounce. Man up and handle your business.

Ditto. If she can't support you in what you have a passion to do then why should you support her? It may sound mean, but you don't owe her anything. Do what you want... Life is too short to have it evolve around a single person and what they want.

 

[goinkhead]

read ayn rands objectivism

 

[azPharmD2B]

Tell your wife that you love her dearly and that you really want her to come with you. If she still relents, tell her that women out number men 2-1 in most pharmacy programs so finding her replacement should be pretty easy.

 

[PharmDstudent]

Ditto. If she can't support you in what you have a passion to do then why should you support her? It may sound mean, but you don't owe her anything. Do what you want... Life is too short to have it evolve around a single person and what they want.

Yep. You're right. He doesn't owe anyone anything.

I'm not a fan of marriage. There seems to be too many negative connotations associated with it. Someone's either nagging or slacking too much. There's never enough money, time, or sex. Spouses always blame their problems on each other, and kids seem to make the situation worse.

My boss is in the middle of a divorce. Before he got married, he used to participate in this holiday event every year. Once he got married, he couldn't do it anymore. He told me, "I should have known better a long time ago when she wouldn't let me go anymore." I responded, "Duh."

I would never be an RN. Give me a break. You won't see me taking orders from an arrogant doctor.

Marriage leads to stereotyping too. It's the married ones who always complain about "men" or "women". Men always do this- blah, blah, blah. Women are like this- blah, blah, blah.
I've never heard a single person complain about the opposite sex. Single guys are always out looking for attention, and single women love it when they get to have their pick amongst the guys.

Lastly, before I beat this horse to death, certain social constructs are mediocre at best. Marriage is one of those.

 

[UMBorVCU]

Get in Pharmacy is not that easy. If your wife did not want you to go, or did not want to move with you then you need to think if this is the right woman for you? what will she do for you in the future if you need her help. Right now, she already show that she isn't there for you, did not support you. Also think carefully, get in one Pharmacy school does not mean that you will get in others ( req is quite different in each school). Don't make decision that you will regret later

 

[sle3pyguii]

This is a question that a group of (mainly) unmarried students cannot help you with.

 

[PharmApp2008]

I understand what you are going through. My husband is currently attending the state Police Academy and the two schools I have been accepted to are out of state. I am lucky that I now (very recently) have 3 interviews in-state. Before this happened, my husband agreed that if I only got out of state we would go out of state. I told him that I would be going but said that if he wants to stay here then I will give him that option. There is no way in a million years I would give up an only spot out of state because of him (unless there was a major emergency). Giving up a dream like that will create resentment. On the other hand, I would not make him move either. I do hope that you are able to pursue this, and that it works out between you.

 

[Pharmpills]

If you want someone to tell you it is okay that you go I will. "It is okay to go." Four years is a long time but if she is trying to hold you down then drop her like a bad habit and move on.
You are probably already thinking this since you made the thread. You will not be the villian in the situation. If ya'll are meant to be then she should stay with you if you decide to bounce. Man up and handle your business.

People with that level of thought will never go anywhere in life nor be happy. U dont say ur wife is holding u down and drop her, obviously he married her bc he "love" her if hes willing to follow ur advice then he never did. She is probably just scared of moving and not seeing a year as a big deal. U need to look at ur stats and the schools average, now if ur average then u can improve and re-apply if ur way below and dont have PCAT or GPA above to strengthen a weak part then its time to tell her that and explain why the two of u should move. Sometimes u might need to spend alot of time and energy to convice her and it may seem as though she is selfish but if u love her then u will do what it takes to convince her. If that dosnt work then is one year worth ur wife, ask urself that? and most importantly what made u marry her. gl

 

[mrblah]

If the OP really wants to go to pharmacy school, he can argue this:

1. If both of them have stable jobs, that equals to more job security, especially when they do start a family. Think of it a insurance policy.
2. If something bad should happen to her, who's going to pay the bills. It only gets worse when you have a family, and only one breadwinner. Never rely on one person for the majority of your income.
3. Four years is a drop in a bucket. Tell her its actually 3 years, and you will be back 1 year for rotations.
4. Tell her, you guys aren't getting younger. You are doing this for her, and for your future family.
5. Tell her, that if you become a pharmacist, both of you won't have to work so much so you can raise a family comfortably.
6. Remind her that RN's are in demand everywhere.
7. You can always compromise, that you go to school out of state, and that she look for a cushy job near you on a later date.

Don't u guys wish that relationships were all logic based, and not emotion based...there wouldn't be any grey area. Too bad thats far from the truth.

 

[shehsheh]

Bottom line... IF YOU DON'T GO TO PHARMACY SCHOOL, YOU MIGHT RESENT HER FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.... JUST A THOUGHT, WHAT IF YOU APPLY AGAIN NEXT YEAR (BOTH IN AND OUT OF STATE) BUT YOU DON'T GET IN ANYWHERE... THEN WHAT?

YOU LIVE ONCE, FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS, JUST LIKE SHE FOLLOWED HERS!

LET HER SACRIFICE THE MOVE, ITS NOT PERMANENT... YOU GUYS CAN MOVE BACK WHEN YOU ARE DONE.

THINK IT THROUGH... BUT BE CONFIDENT WITH YOUR DECISION (AND DON'T LET OTHERS (HER) CHANGE YOUR MIND).

BEST OF LUCK... HOPEFULLY IT WILL WORK OUT FOR THE BEST!

 

[CantW8]

I am 28 years old man. i got accepted in pharmacy school out of state my wife she doesnt want me to go. She want me to keep apply to school close to home, but i applied two times already never accepted. What shall i do? We have been married 4 years no kids and she is 32, Rn makes about 90,000 a yr. Now, she also wants me 2 be rn

follow your own dreams. apparently she has already followed hers and you can't let her control you just because she's your wife. she needs to be more understanding and supportive. COMPROMISE. make her see that you have your own goals too and it is possible to have a marriage (whether long-distance or not). congrats on your acceptance. you the man! lol