Possible pre med student advice.

[ablue369]

I posted this in my first post but apparently that's the wrong spot so I will just put it here.

Hi everyone!
I'm 29 (30 in a month), I was barely homeschooled but I made myself get a GED in 2010. I never really had any direction in life and have done a start stop thing with college and I've got a few W grades due to my stupid self quitting when I felt things weren't going as well as I had hoped. But about 3 years ago I got the desire to become a doctor, I generally can't get things out of my head until I do it but obviously this is huge. I've always changed my mind a lot but I've recently developed something along the line of either BPD or bipolar (still waiting to get tested but the doctor suggested it). It's like a fight with myself in my mind at the slightest upsetting thing. I'm fighting myself all the time because I want to be useful and do something better with my life.
In addition to that crap, my circumstances don't make it any easier. I'm a military spouse and a mother of 2 young kids (3 and almost 7), I have no degree at all to speak of. So we move every few years and the fight with myself make it harder (which my husband helps with in addition to him not letting me quit when I normally would). I have the desire, it's there, I don't care about money (other than wanting to be smart with it). Some days I feel like I can do anything and everything is great, other days I don't see any hope for it and why even try. Is there anyone who has or is going through something like this? I have only just restarted college but it's only one class (I'm hoping to work my way up to more classes). I don't know if this is going to be something I will even be able to handle I just know I want to, which I know doesn't work out for everyone just because they want it.
I'm not sure exactly what I'm hoping for here, but my point of view of what I can do keeps changing...and it may just not be a good idea for me period, but is there anyone that can give me a little bit of guidance? Reality check maybe? Odds or encouragement?

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[Goro]

Until you get your mental health issues under 100% control, this path is not viable.

 

[Osminog]

I'd echo what Goro said above. Work toward stabilizing your mental health situation, and then you can reassess your goals and plans with a clearer head.

If you ultimately decide that a career as a healthcare professional would be the right choice for you, I'd recommend nursing. Given your age, family situation, lack of higher education background, etc., that might be the safest and most flexible path.

 

[ablue369]

I'd echo what Goro said above. Work toward stabilizing your mental health situation, and then you can reassess your goals and plans with a clearer head.

If you ultimately decide that a career as a healthcare professional would be the right choice for you, I'd recommend nursing. Given your age, family situation, lack of higher education background, etc., that might be the safest and most flexible path.

Thank you. I've been trying to see the doctor, but seems like one thing after the other keeps popping up preventing it since I can't take my kids. I have a friend that's a nurse, so I have considered that. But y'all are right and I should get my mental health in check first, just in this sitting I've changed my mind several times. Thank you for y'alls input, still not easy to hear but I'll do my best.

 

[GreenDuck12]

“I'm fighting myself all the time because I want to be useful and do something better with my life.”

There are many ways one can pursue work that is useful and impactful in our communities, medicine is but one option. Changing your mind several times is fine, we all have to do a cost benefit analysis. While you work on MH, see if you can shadow and volunteer in a hospital to see what medicine is like to help you figure out whether or not it is what you want to do and if it is worth the trade offs. If it is, thats great, folks can provide insight for how to chart a path forward. If it’s not, that’s great too, and folks may have advice for things to check out as career options that can be impactful without the same level of sacrifice.

best of luck to you

 

[Dral]

We know it's tough to hear and we don't know your whole situation, but I agree with what others have said.

I commend you for being quite honest and introspective. The fact that you are self aware is a good sign in my opinion. If you can get things in gear, I would say you might be able to follow through with it. If you follow through with college courses and can handle a fairly full load of courses and do well without turning away from it/giving up, then I'd say your chances of succeeding in medical school bumps up.

If you are doing a semester with a few science classes and start crashing, then it might be best to reconsider. Medical school/residency/attending life can be soul crushing at times and a healthy baseline mental state is one of the the best ways to be able to deal with it when it happens.

 

[ablue369]

We know it's tough to hear and we don't know your whole situation, but I agree with what others have said.

I commend you for being quite honest and introspective. The fact that you are self aware is a good sign in my opinion. If you can get things in gear, I would say you might be able to follow through with it. If you follow through with college courses and can handle a fairly full load of courses and do well without turning away from it/giving up, then I'd say your chances of succeeding in medical school bumps up.

If you are doing a semester with a few science classes and start crashing, then it might be best to reconsider. Medical school/residency/attending life can be soul crushing at times and a healthy baseline mental state is one of the the best ways to be able to deal with it when it happens.

Thank you. Though I haven't been able to go see the doctor yet I'm trying to work on it by myself, which is a fight in itself sometimes. Some days I think I have what it takes and absolutely nothing will ever get in my way, then suddenly it turns around and the smallest things seem impossible. So far something I've started to say to myself is that if I can get through even the one class I'm in, then at some point I can do more, just as long as I don't do what I normally do and quit. I keep telling myself I can build up to what I need to be able to do. Having big dreams right now just feels like torture. But at least I can now say (and this sounds odd), but I have successfully cried my way through a couple of assignments, I haven't quit. Sounds stupid but I'm sort of proud of that. I should start saying "I won't quit" and "I can handle it", maybe if I say it enough it will work.

 

[GreenDuck12]

I’ve found it helpful to focus on getting through the next step instead of on the whole process. For me that means getting through the next lecture, assignments, or exam. I tend to worry less than my peers about struggling because I view each one a learning process. It’s common for folks pursuing medicine to feel the need to be perfect, and after are told such by poorly informed professors and advisors. Just focus on improving. Best of luck to you.