Post-doctoral Residency Dilemma

[psych.meout]

I think location is important. I didn’t have a say in where I lived for school the last 10+ years but I expected to have more agency after internship. I never wanted to come to this part of the country. I’m alone and miserable here.

If the experiences were what I had wanted, then maybe I would stick it out. However, I just don’t have the drive or stamina for this. My postdoc dream has turned into a postdoc nightmare.

Peace of mind is important. This place is like a prison. A prison inside a paradise so to speak.

The issue here is that I don’t actually have control over my career and where I live. I’m not married and I don’t have children yet so I don’t need to limit myself geographically. This postdoc basically banished me here and is blocking me from getting experiences that I want.

Wow! You have so much resilience and I respect you!

At this point, I feel like giving up to be honest. It’s hard to see the positives and sticking it out for one year just creates so much agony. What’s the point of all this unnecessary suffering? I endured so much stress and agony applying for doctoral programs, getting through grad school, applying for internship, and surviving internship all for nothing.

I've been a bit tongue and cheek about this earlier in the thread, but come the hell on! You want to be a psychologist and all of this self-talk, avoidance/escape behaviors, etc. are fundamental stuff that you should have been able to to restructure much earlier in training.

How can you expect your patients to do any of this kind of work when you're unwilling to do it for yourself?

Terrible decisions? I made a terrible decision to accept this site. I’d do anything to go back in time and reject the offer. I’m actually angry with the site for even giving me this position and putting me in a terrible situation! I’ve already made a terrible and painful decision that has destroyed my life. I’m trying to undo it. I’m so desperate that any opportunity is a viable way out of this mess.

Has this entire thread just been trolling?

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[WisNeuro]

 

[WisNeuro]

I've been a bit tongue and cheek about this earlier in the thread, but come the hell on! You want to be a psychologist and all of this self-talk, avoidance/escape behaviors, etc. are fundamental stuff that you should have been able to to restructure much earlier in training.

How can you expect your patients to do any of this kind of work when you're unwilling to do it for yourself?


Has this entire thread just been trolling?

That or an attempt at performance art.

 

[beantownpsych]

Wait what do you mean? Those places would give hours for licensure. Yes, outpatient is awful and draining but that’s all I will be doing here. If I’m going to do have to do that, I’d rather it be in a state that I want to live in!

It's not just about hours. Check the requirements of the state(s) you want to live in.

I’m actually angry with the site for even giving me this position and putting me in a terrible situation!

Wow. It's not the site. You put yourself in this situation.

 

[beantownpsych]

my last comment before leaving this thread because I am tired of talking to a brick wall. OP PLEASE GET SOME HELP. This is just not healthy.

 

[msc545]

Apparently, several people here want to have this thread closed because it makes them uncomfortable. A much more humane solution is that they simply not read it if it bothers them. Those of us that find it (grimly) interesting will continue to read it and even respond to the (OP who it is becoming increasingly difficult to conjure sympathy for, but still).

 

[WisNeuro]

The call for closure is not due to making anyone uncomfortable, at least in my case. It is for two reasons. 1. This thread serves no purpose to other trainees, other than as a cautionary tale. 2a. This thread's only function at this point seems to be in watching the de-compensation of an individual in somewhat real time, is is essentially the thread equivalent of a MH snuff film . Or, 2b. This is troll thread. If it is not 2b, I feel that this thread is doing nothing positive for OPs mental health.

 

[texanpsychdoc]

The call for closure is not due to making anyone uncomfortable, at least in my case. It is for two reasons. 1. This thread serves no purpose to other trainees, other than as a cautionary tale. 2a. This thread's only function at this point seems to be in watching the de-compensation of an individual in somewhat real time, is is essentially the thread equivalent of a MH snuff film . Or, 2b. This is troll thread. If it is not 2b, I feel that this thread is doing nothing positive for OPs mental health.

Indeed

 

[texanpsychdoc]

Terrible decisions? I made a terrible decision to accept this site. I’d do anything to go back in time and reject the offer. I’m actually angry with the site for even giving me this position and putting me in a terrible situation! I’ve already made a terrible and painful decision that has destroyed my life. I’m trying to undo it. I’m so desperate that any opportunity is a viable way out of this mess.

This is not healthy. You have received a lot of feedback and insights from others on multiple occasions, including myself. The site is not to blame for how you are experiencing your reality. I suspect this type of thinking probably comes up for you regularly in different contexts. If so, I'd strongly recommend getting some help on this as this could impact you in the long run. Imagine being hired into a staff psychologist position and you felt you should have been hired somewhere else for a different position. Will you approach that situation like you are now? Will you accept it, and assume the position with angst and apprehension only for it to potentially influence your professional practice? The worst-case scenario, is it does, which could result in a fitness for duty evaluation, and potential licensure issues should this continue. That's a potential reality. Don't let it get to that point. Use this post-doc experience as a lesson for personal as well as professional growth.

 

[PsychPhDone]

OP please get a therapist to help you navigate this decision. You sound like you're really struggling.

 

[gyngyn]

Closing.