potential competitors??

[havegoalachieved]

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[nyanko]

Those sorts of people absolutely exist, but you won't find them here.

 

[TrashPanda]

I assume that they have this attitude because they treat other volunteers as potential competitors but not teammates.

That's kind of a weird assumption to make. It's possible that's their attitude, but it's also possible that they're shy, awkward, not-talkative, tired, or trying to focus on their work, or that they just don't like you. Or any number of other possibilities!

There have been times where I haven't been 100% comfortable socializing with other pre-vets, but it's had nothing to do with the fact that they were pre-vets.

 

[LadyOtheFarm]

We worked really hard to make our volunteers friendly and talkative. The ones that wouldn't talk worried us because:
What if an animal in recovery needs help? If the volunteer is too shy or whatever to tell me anything beyond their name, are they gonna speak up when they see something off?

The ones that couldn't be friendly and sociable couldn't be given any job relating to the public or teaching new volunteers or anything complex because they weren't willing or able to communicate understanding back to us. They often got stuck washing instruments or low risk, low animal handling jobs.

 

[TrashPanda]

We worked really hard to make our volunteers friendly and talkative. The ones that wouldn't talk worried us because:
What if an animal in recovery needs help? If the volunteer is too shy or whatever to tell me anything beyond their name, are they gonna speak up when they see something off?

The ones that couldn't be friendly and sociable couldn't be given any job relating to the public or teaching new volunteers or anything complex because they weren't willing or able to communicate understanding back to us. They often got stuck washing instruments or low risk, low animal handling jobs.

Huh, this is interesting. I feel like there's a wide range of personalities between friendly/talkative and too shy to say anything besides your own name. Personally, I'm pretty reserved but I have no problem at all asking for help, training others (that's one of my strengths, in fact), or speaking up when concerned. I try to be friendly to be polite (especially in public-facing roles), but I generally have little interest in small talk and as an introvert, I find it tiring. So far, I don't think my personality has held me back but I guess it's possible that people wonder about the things you mentioned.

 

[Coquette22]

The ones that couldn't be friendly and sociable couldn't be given any job relating to the public or teaching new volunteers or anything complex because they weren't willing or able to communicate understanding back to us. They often got stuck washing instruments or low risk, low animal handling jobs.

I think it's important to make a distinction here. Lots of people can be friendly and polite while not being the best at idle conversation. I have no problem explaining concepts, giving instructions, speaking with the public, etc (I'm the PR person for our clinic whenever media needs something from us). But I'm horrible at non-focussed, small talk with people I don't know well. I find it awkward and exhausting. While I understand your concerns and trust your judgment with your own people, I think it's unfair to label people who might be more socially awkward or introverted as 'can't communicate, can't be trusted with x job'.

 

[lhmhtd]

I'm always more concerned with the people that are overly nice. Maybe they're legitimately nice people, but in most of my personal experience, those are usually the ones that will do anything to get ahead. I wouldn't read too much into them being standoffish. Maybe they're just awkward, as most of us vet people tend to be. Or maybe they do view you as competition- in that case, that is their issue. You're there to learn things and get experience. Whether or not you make acquaintances or friends is irrelevant in the grand scheme of things.

 

[Abnerrs]

I'm always more concerned with the people that are overly nice. Maybe they're legitimately nice people, but in most of my personal experience, those are usually the ones that will do anything to get ahead. I wouldn't read too much into them being standoffish. Maybe they're just awkward, as most of us vet people tend to be. Or maybe they do view you as competition- in that case, that is their issue. You're there to learn things and get experience. Whether or not you make acquaintances or friends is irrelevant in the grand scheme of things.

I think there are waaayyyyyyyy too many generalizations on both sides in this thread. I'm a hardcore extrovert and incredibly friendly. I'm absolutely not a gunner and would never ever throw anyone under the bus. I'm one of the first people to give up a weekend and start up to 3 helping you pass an exam.

I also have some AWESOME friends that are incredibly introverted and it takes them a while to warm up to people. It doesn't mean they can't interact with the public or are out to get anyone.

Some of these comments about who to be wary of are COMPLETE bull****

 

[DVMDream]

I think it's important to make a distinction here. Lots of people can be friendly and polite while not being the best at idle conversation. I have no problem explaining concepts, giving instructions, speaking with the public, etc (I'm the PR person for our clinic whenever media needs something from us). But I'm horrible at non-focussed, small talk with people I don't know well. I find it awkward and exhausting. While I understand your concerns and trust your judgment with your own people, I think it's unfair to label people who might be more socially awkward or introverted as 'can't communicate, can't be trusted with x job'.

I have always been a very shy and introverted person, especially when I was younger. I am not the best at small talk, I actually rather suck at it. I was lucky enough at a young age (17) that the doctor who I was working for was willing to give me the time and opportunity that he did despite my extreme introversion. Had I been around someone more like @LadyOtheFarm I probably wouldn't be a veterinarian today because I would have been discounted and kicked to the curb 11 years ago for being shy and introverted, kind of sad really. And that isn't to say that I don't get where LoTF is coming from, I do because you need someone with some confidence to do certain tasks, but sometimes people need a little encouragement and you can become amazed at what certain people (not all of them will do well) can accomplish and become, instead of writing them off as a dishwasher or kennel cleaner early on.

 

[Abnerrs]

You know who I'm wary of? The asshats that judge a person without knowing who they are just because they have a different personality and communication style than you.


Don't be dicks.

 

[Abnerrs]

I have always been a very shy and introverted person, especially when I was younger. I am not the best at small talk, I actually rather suck at it. I was lucky enough at a young age (17) that the doctor who I was working for was willing to give me the time and opportunity that he did despite my extreme introversion. Had I been around someone more like @LadyOtheFarm I probably wouldn't be a veterinarian today because I would have been discounted and kicked to the curb 11 years ago for being shy and introverted, kind of sad really. And that isn't to say that I don't get where LoTF is coming from, I do because you need someone with some confidence to do certain tasks, but sometimes people need a little encouragement and you can become amazed at what certain people (not all of them will do well) can accomplish and become, instead of writing them off as a dishwasher or kennel cleaner early on.

Thank you.

And just because you deem a person "too quiet" or "overly friendly" doesn't mean they have ulterior motives or are there to undercut anyone.


This thread kind of pisses me off.

 

[Lupin21]

I am judging right naow. And I am going to keep all my tips and tricks to myself and laugh maniacally at the floundering of others. Then I will smile sweetly and give a pat on the back and tell them it is alright, everyone has trouble.

 

[Abnerrs]

I am judging right naow. And I am going to keep all my tips and tricks to myself and laugh maniacally at the floundering of others. Then I will smile sweetly and give a pat on the back and tell them it is alright, everyone has trouble.

Oh shush yaself

 

[Lupin21]

Oh shush yaself

 

[LadyOtheFarm]

I have always been a very shy and introverted person, especially when I was younger. I am not the best at small talk, I actually rather suck at it. I was lucky enough at a young age (17) that the doctor who I was working for was willing to give me the time and opportunity that he did despite my extreme introversion. Had I been around someone more like @LadyOtheFarm I probably wouldn't be a veterinarian today because I would have been discounted and kicked to the curb 11 years ago for being shy and introverted, kind of sad really. And that isn't to say that I don't get where LoTF is coming from, I do because you need someone with some confidence to do certain tasks, but sometimes people need a little encouragement and you can become amazed at what certain people (not all of them will do well) can accomplish and become, instead of writing them off as a dishwasher or kennel cleaner early on.

I said we work hard to get people to talk and be friendly. Maybe I should have clarified by explaining we don't need them to gab an ear off, just to be able to be trusted to pipe up. I thought I explained that by using the example of the people who WILL NOT TALK. I mean that. Will not talk at all. I have had difficulty getting names out of people.

I don't care if you shoot the breeze, but the ability to let me know you understand how to take a TPR and then let me know if it falls outside that range is manditory.

A volunteer who will not talk to other volunteers or staff, either because of inability, disinterest, or dislike is not in the interest of the patients.

We work hard to find those problems and solve them; to get introverts to demonstrate the ability to still communicate in high stress situations, to break up fights between coworkers, to do whatever it takes to get the group to work as a team and to trust each other.

Same meaning, but maybe this was clearer communication? I'm not trying to bash introverts. Just to say that I don't like that the OP had to question whether she was joining a team or a competition. And if it was a problem with communication, I liked that several of my old clinics tried to foster support systems.

Volunteers got many, many chances to show themselves, as many as they would come back for.

The volunteer coordinator barely spoke, never met eyes, we would not hold that against her because she had shown that when conversation was needed, she could do it.

One of the current foster managers barely spoke, as in I had trouble getting more than a mumbled name from her. But she did speak up when it was needed. Maybe it took her a year to make even a little small talk. But she didn't fight with others. She did her job. And she did whatever it took to help the patients. Very little talking needed. In the beginning, we would never have sent her to talk to a client, but now she does a lot of foster and volunteer training. She gave a speech this Spring about how she only got where she did because of the warm, friendly, inviting teaching atmosphere we created. 😍And we let her go at her pace, but always invited more from her. (Actually there were 3 of those speeches, with me and another tech listed by name in 2.)

We have had to quiet down super chatty people too, or at least get them to focus on work and make clear when they NEED help. The goal is to get all types of people to work together for the patients.

Again, just trying to express that I hope it isn't any of the reasons TrashPanda listed, or competition. And if it is, I hope the OP runs into some sort of team building help rather than feeling shut out and not knowing why.

 

[Abnerrs]

 

[LadyOtheFarm]

I'm not trying to bash introverts. Just to say that I don't like that the OP had to question whether she was joining a team or a competition. And if it was a problem with communication, I liked that several of my old clinics tried to foster support systems.

Cliff notes above.

 

[Abnerrs]

Cliff notes above.

lol my eyes just totally glaze on those long posts. I just can't!

 

[vetmedhead]

hi there

I noticed that other volunteers there in the vet clinic are kinda standoffish and not willing to socialize with me even though I start a conversation with them; it always comes to a dead end, and they won't start another topic with me in return. I assume that they have this attitude because they treat other volunteers as potential competitors but not teammates. When you are or were a pre-vet student, will or would you find it uncomfortable to socialize with your classmate who is or was also a pre-vet student?

I was around Pre-Vet students all of the time and I really loved it. It was nice knowing people with the same goals as me who understood the effort required to get there. And yes, I did meet several people who made it very clear to me that I was competition and they were not interested in being nice or being friends, and we always ended up having a chat about why that attitude and approach aren't helpful to them at all. It was never a reason for me to avoid being friends with any Pre-Vet students, and oftentimes the people who saw me as competition often ended up just being very anxious about other things going on in their life and comparing themselves to this hopeless, idealized version of other prevet students that made them feel like they had no chance.

Yes, there are plenty of actively malicious prevets (and pre-everything else's and people who aren't pre-anything), but in truth these are the people who don't get it. Relationships that you make and foster are important, especially for future colleagues or people who understand exactly what you're going through that you can lean on in a crisis. If your goal is to be above everybody else then eventually there won't be anybody around to reach down and give you a step up when you need it, you know?

You just started at this clinic, so I would encourage you to keep trying with your coworkers. They may be getting used to having a new person around or aren't great at the initial steps of getting to know somebody else.

 

[nyanko]

it's so cute how you think gunners will change how they act because you had a little heart to heart with them 😉

 

[TheGirlWithTheFernTattoo]

I will fully admit to occasionally being a little standoffish and competitive around other prevets. I used to be pretty bad, but that was before I started seriously getting involved in the veterinary community. I think once you have been in clinics, been around farms, had friends get in, been exposed to how the field works, etc. you get a much more realistic and team-centric view on the whole thing. I have noticed myself that the newer the prevet, the more likely that they are more competitive. This is by no means a fact or anything, just something I have observed which could very well be a fluke.

If people are friendly it is almost physically impossible to stay super competitive.

 

[lhmhtd]

I think there are waaayyyyyyyy too many generalizations on both sides in this thread. I'm a hardcore extrovert and incredibly friendly. I'm absolutely not a gunner and would never ever throw anyone under the bus. I'm one of the first people to give up a weekend and start up to 3 helping you pass an exam.

I also have some AWESOME friends that are incredibly introverted and it takes them a while to warm up to people. It doesn't mean they can't interact with the public or are out to get anyone.

Some of these comments about who to be wary of are COMPLETE bull****

Well that response is a little extreme. Notice I said, "in my personal experience?" And then further went on to say that maybe they are actually nice people.
When you refer to others opinions as bull**** and leave snarky comments about them being asshats, you're doing nothing to help the OP, and you are the one now making generalizations. You're assuming I'm a "dick" and don't even know me.

 

[Abnerrs]

Well that response is a little extreme. Notice I said, "in my personal experience?" And then further went on to say that maybe they are actually nice people.
When you refer to others opinions as bull**** and leave snarky comments about them being asshats, you're doing nothing to help the OP, and you are the one now making generalizations. You're assuming I'm a "dick" and don't even know me.

Making assumptions about people because they don't respond to a situation the same as you do is a dick move. If their personality doesn't click with yours fine. But when you are wary of people because they're "too friendly" or "too quiet/reserved" IS bull****. You have decided that person is sketchy because they aren't the same as you. And yes, my comment WAS helpful if you read it. You will meet many people in vet med and in life and realizing that we all approach things differently, and not because we have ulterior motives, will be beneficial and save stress, prevent hurt feelings, and maybe help you make friends.

You being so defensive about this is a little silly. I quoted yours because it referenced my personality moreso and was a more recent post, but I spoke out for shy, introverted people too.

There was no snark because I was seriously only trying to help people see different personality types. Though there's some snark now because you are being ridiculous.

 

[vetmedhead]

it's so cute how you think gunners will change how they act because you had a little heart to heart with them 😉

Regardless of whether they change the behavior I always feel better for having pointed it out to them. It sorta puts the ball in their court then.

 

[TerraVet]

I think it's human nature (not a good thing, not endorsing this, just observing) to tend towards jumping to conclusions about people. Introverts or people with social anxiety can definitely be misinterpreted as standoffish. I used to overcompensate for my nerves when meeting new people by being REALLY friendly and outgoing and talkative--one of those people that you might go "omg what's her problem she's so fake." And I was genuine, but the nerves were making my social cues go way out of wack. I've been on the other side of it where I've definitely caught myself making snap judgement about people, and I make a point of remembering that I, too, sometimes give off weird social signals, and I remind myself that I'm not in that person's head and don't know what's going on. Maybe they would like to have a conversation with me but are a) shy b) ran out of things to say (legitimately happens to me), c) are pre-occupied with something d) something else entirely legitimate or even e) we just don't click. Doesn't mean we can't be friendly and personable, but not every person I meet is going to mesh well with me and vice versa, and it really does take a while to get to know people. I've been really surprised to interact with people who put on a very convincing tough exterior, and later I see them break down over something relatively "small." So, lesson learned, I try and reserve judgement on people unless someone is a total jerk to me. Then I reserve the right to think they're a jerk. 😉

 

[WhtsThFrequency]

hi there

I noticed that other volunteers there in the vet clinic are kinda standoffish and not willing to socialize with me even though I start a conversation with them; it always comes to a dead end, and they won't start another topic with me in return. I assume that they have this attitude because they treat other volunteers as potential competitors but not teammates. When you are or were a pre-vet student, will or would you find it uncomfortable to socialize with your classmate who is or was also a pre-vet student?

You know what they say about assuming.

No one is obligated to come up with conversational topics to return the "favor" when you are the one initiating.

Maybe they just want to do their job and not waste time with idle chitchat. You're paranoid about competition. Focus on the task at hand.

 

[pp9]

hi there

I noticed that other volunteers there in the vet clinic are kinda standoffish and not willing to socialize with me even though I start a conversation with them; it always comes to a dead end, and they won't start another topic with me in return. I assume that they have this attitude because they treat other volunteers as potential competitors but not teammates. When you are or were a pre-vet student, will or would you find it uncomfortable to socialize with your classmate who is or was also a pre-vet student?

The clinics I've worked at have all been very small, so I was always the only pre-vet around. With that being said, in any field you work in, it can take time to kind of make your way into the social circle of the job. At my last job, I used to think one of the techs disliked me or was just kind of rude. A few months into the job, and I was already part of the family. If the other volunteers have been there for a while, it could be that they're just adjusting to a new face. It absolutely does not mean they're sizing you up. Just remember not to ruin your own impression that you're giving off by assuming people are out to get you.

I'm also someone that is pretty bad at mundane conversations, and I absolutely hate talking about myself. I'll do anything to shut down direct questions about myself without even realizing it. It doesn't mean I'm intending to be mean or avoiding a new friendship. Like everyone has said thus far, every person has their own way of approaching a new person or how they handle conversation.

I knew a few girls that would treat everyone else as competition (this is in the context of the pre-vet club, though), but that's such a small percentage and so not the norm.

 

[havegoalachieved]

You know what they say about assuming.

No one is obligated to come up with conversational topics to return the "favor" when you are the one initiating.

Maybe they just want to do their job and not waste time with idle chitchat. You're paranoid about competition. Focus on the task at hand.

We are human but not a working robot. I'm not an extrovert person and have a relaxed- son of bitch face when I am quiet. I try to avoid that kind of misinterpretation, so that's why I make myself become personable in order to have more effective communication and eliminate the misinterpretation about me. I feel easier if I don't need to socialize with people, but trust me, people working with me definitely think that I'm a cocky jerk and give me hard time for not socializing with them

 

[WhtsThFrequency]

We are human but not a working robot. I'm not an extrovert person and have a relaxed- son of bitch face when I am quiet. I try to avoid that kind of misinterpretation, so that's why I make myself become personable in order to have more effective communication and eliminate the misinterpretation about me. I feel easier if I don't need to socialize with people, but trust me, people working with me definitely think that I'm a cocky jerk and give me hard time for not socializing with them

Then you may well be overcompensating which is putting people off, i.e. swinging the pendulum too far in the opposite direction.

If people think you are a "cocky jerk" when you are quiet, there may be other things you are unconsciously doing to make them think that. Or honestly, it may all be in your head - are you sure you are not overanalyzing their responses?

I'm also a massive introvert and it took me a long time to learn the appropriate level of talkativeness/friendliness needed in the workplace.

I still remember when I was a fourth year in vet school and working directly with other students....I had so many people tell me "Wow, you're actually really nice...." I had no idea that I was giving off a standoffish vibe for so many years. In residency I probably overcompensated some - I was the class clown in many ways and although I did well, I'm sure I drove the quieter members of the team a little nuts. Now I think I've reached a happy medium.

It takes time. The most important thing is 1) recognize people's reactions to you, but 2) do not overanalyze them and be overly sensitive. The former will help you adjust your behavior accordingly, the latter will result in swinging too far in one direction.

 

[pp9]

We are human but not a working robot. I'm not an extrovert person and have a relaxed- son of bitch face when I am quiet. I try to avoid that kind of misinterpretation, so that's why I make myself become personable in order to have more effective communication and eliminate the misinterpretation about me. I feel easier if I don't need to socialize with people, but trust me, people working with me definitely think that I'm a cocky jerk and give me hard time for not socializing with them

I also think it's worth saying that it's not always 100% worth it to force yourself to be a different person all the time. There are definitely times when you have to step outside of your comfort zone, but it's important to stay true to yourself. If you've just started volunteering somewhere, people have to get to know you in addition to the other way around. Sometimes trying too hard to be who you think you 'should' be makes things way worse. Your coworkers don't get to know the real you, and frankly it's just exhausting to put on a front all the time. As long as you're not actually a terrible person to be around, people will get to know you over time whether you're an introvert or extrovert. Like I said before, settling into a new social group takes a lot of time, especially if it's really tight knit. Over time, people will realize you're not avoiding interaction (even though you said people are refusing to interact with you, not the other way??) but that you're just more reserved.

Also, me personally...I can easily tell the difference between someone who isn't socializing because they are shy/uncomfortable vs. someone who is a cocky jerk and feels they are above it all. There is actually a big difference between the two in my eyes. If someone has been calling you cocky, you may be giving off signals you're not even aware of. It could be something as little as a facial expression you think is discreet but actually isn't or an audible deep breath/sigh at the wrong time. First impressions can be tricky, but people are trying to figure you out right now. I just don't know that I can ever assume shy = cocky automatically like you're making it out to be.

 

[havegoalachieved]

Then you may well be overcompensating which is putting people off, i.e. swinging the pendulum too far in the opposite direction.

If people think you are a "cocky jerk" when you are quiet, there may be other things you are unconsciously doing to make them think that. Or honestly, it may all be in your head - are you sure you are not overanalyzing their responses?

I'm also a massive introvert and it took me a long time to learn the appropriate level of talkativeness/friendliness needed in the workplace.

I still remember when I was a fourth year in vet school and working directly with other students....I had so many people tell me "Wow, you're actually really nice...." I had no idea that I was giving off a standoffish vibe for so many years. In residency I probably overcompensated some - I was the class clown in many ways and although I did well, I'm sure I drove the quieter members of the team a little nuts. Now I think I've reached a happy medium.

It takes time. The most important thing is 1) recognize people's reactions to you, but 2) do not overanalyze them and be overly sensitive. The former will help you adjust your behavior accordingly, the latter will result in swinging too far in one direction.

I may over-analyze their responses sometimes, but one thing I'm pretty sure of is that if I don't throw people a starter, they will think I'm too difficult to deal with. I look smart (even though I am not, most people I have met gave me that judgement) and intend to get things done by myself. For example, I tried to test a difficult cat's temperature by myself because another volunteer didn't offer me her hand but just standing behind me watching. I had that anticipation because I helped her when she tested a cat's temperature right before I did mine. I didn't ask her for help, but I grabbed a towel and forced the cat to behave the way I wanted instead for getting my task done. I acknowledge I lost my cool at that moment not because I'm impatient towards the cat but I was angry with the volunteer who didn't use her common sense like me. Maybe she thought I was able to do it by myself, or she had other reasons convincing her that helping me was not necessary. This is an example telling you how misinterpretation and lack of communication affect me in some jobs that require teamwork.

 

[DVMDream]

I may over-analyze their responses sometimes, but one thing I'm pretty sure of is that if I don't throw people a starter, they will think I'm too difficult to deal with. I look smart (even though I am not, most people I have met gave me that judgement) and intend to get things done by myself. For example, I tried to test a difficult cat's temperature by myself because another volunteer didn't offer me her hand but just standing behind me watching. I had that anticipation because I helped her when she tested a cat's temperature right before I did mine. I didn't ask her for help, but I grabbed a towel and forced the cat to behave the way I wanted instead for getting my task done. I acknowledge I lost my cool at that moment not because I'm impatient towards the cat but I was angry with the volunteer who didn't use her common sense like me. Maybe she thought I was able to do it by myself, or she had other reasons convincing her that helping me was not necessary. This is an example telling you how misinterpretation and lack of communication affect me in some jobs that require teamwork.

The lack of communication in the above example was on your part, the other volunteer didn't do anything wrong except for maybe not calling you out on a dickish action. It is very possible that you gave off a vibe of being too good for needing help especially if you were using a towel to force the cat to do what you needed. The cat is who suffered in the scenario because of your inability to communicate. If you don't ask for help, people may not know you need it and while I make it a point to ask if someone needs help at times, it is ultimately the other person's responsibility to get help if help is needed, especially in vet med where too many hands in the pot can actually make things worse or more difficult. Open your mouth and ask for help, plain and simple.

 

[hazelmoo]

lol my eyes just totally glaze on those long posts. I just can't!

You can't focus for long periods of time? You will surely be a horrible vet 😛

 

[havegoalachieved]

I also think it's worth saying that it's not always 100% worth it to force yourself to be a different person all the time. There are definitely times when you have to step outside of your comfort zone, but it's important to stay true to yourself. If you've just started volunteering somewhere, people have to get to know you in addition to the other way around. Sometimes trying too hard to be who you think you 'should' be makes things way worse. Your coworkers don't get to know the real you, and frankly it's just exhausting to put on a front all the time. As long as you're not actually a terrible person to be around, people will get to know you over time whether you're an introvert or extrovert. Like I said before, settling into a new social group takes a lot of time, especially if it's really tight knit. Over time, people will realize you're not avoiding interaction (even though you said people are refusing to interact with you, not the other way??) but that you're just more reserved.

Also, me personally...I can easily tell the difference between someone who isn't socializing because they are shy/uncomfortable vs. someone who is a cocky jerk and feels they are above it all. There is actually a big difference between the two in my eyes. If someone has been calling you cocky, you may be giving off signals you're not even aware of. It could be something as little as a facial expression you think is discreet but actually isn't or an audible deep breath/sigh at the wrong time. First impressions can be tricky, but people are trying to figure you out right now. I just don't know that I can ever assume shy = cocky automatically like you're making it out to be.

I think I'm not shy or social-phobic even though I enjoy staying quiet. I hardly start conversation with my roommates because I think that home is last place where I can stay in my comfort zone and be myself. I behave who I am that had me gotten involved in some quarrels with my roommates. They end up moving out because of my personality. I'm not a bad guy and am never picky or bossy with people, but my relaxed- son of bitch face and over-sensitive to people's attitude get me in trouble.

 

[havegoalachieved]

The lack of communication in the above example was on your part, the other volunteer didn't do anything wrong except for maybe not calling you out on a dickish action. It is very possible that you gave off a vibe of being too good for needing help especially if you were using a towel to force the cat to do what you needed. The cat is who suffered in the scenario because of your inability to communicate. If you don't ask for help, people may not know you need it and while I make it a point to ask if someone needs help at times, it is ultimately the other person's responsibility to get help if help is needed, especially in vet med where too many hands in the pot can actually make things worse or more difficult. Open your mouth and ask for help, plain and simple.

I realized that I did something unprofessional at that moment and felt embarrassed for losing my cool. I did ask her to pass a towel to me, but she refused to help me because using a towel on the cat was an inappropriate decision. She suggested that I should leave the cat alone. The point is that she got her job done with my help, and she didn't help me but watched me doing my job and told me to give up, which made me feel that it was not fair to me. People in the clinic might think that I was not as competent as her. I couldn't and can't stand with that judgement.

 

[TrashPanda]

I realized that I did something unprofessional at that moment and felt embarrassed for losing my cool. I did ask her to pass a towel to me, but she refused to help me because using a towel on the cat was an inappropriate decision. She suggested that I should leave the cat alone. The point is that she got her job done with my help, and she didn't help me but watched me doing my job and told me to give up, which made me feel that it was not fair to me. People in the clinic might think that I was not as competent as her. I couldn't and can't stand with that judgement.

I don't understand. You acknowledge that using the towel was an inappropriate decision, so you're upset that she didn't help you do something you shouldn't have done? It sounds like maybe she was right and you should have left the cat alone, either to cool off (both you and the cat!) or so someone more experienced could help. You're new- don't let your ego get in the way of your patients' care. Even very experienced vets sometimes have to step back and let someone else take over.

Instead of worrying about what other people should do, focus on what you should do like asking for help when you need it and knowing when to step back from a difficult situation or animal. Regardless of whether or not the other volunteer should have known to help (it's debatable), 1) not asking for help when you need it, 2) losing your cool when someone doesn't read your mind, and 3) letting it negatively affect a patient are all 100% on you.

 

[WhtsThFrequency]

I may over-analyze their responses sometimes, but one thing I'm pretty sure of is that if I don't throw people a starter, they will think I'm too difficult to deal with. I look smart (even though I am not, most people I have met gave me that judgement) and intend to get things done by myself. For example, I tried to test a difficult cat's temperature by myself because another volunteer didn't offer me her hand but just standing behind me watching. I had that anticipation because I helped her when she tested a cat's temperature right before I did mine. I didn't ask her for help, but I grabbed a towel and forced the cat to behave the way I wanted instead for getting my task done. I acknowledge I lost my cool at that moment not because I'm impatient towards the cat but I was angry with the volunteer who didn't use her common sense like me. Maybe she thought I was able to do it by myself, or she had other reasons convincing her that helping me was not necessary. This is an example telling you how misinterpretation and lack of communication affect me in some jobs that require teamwork.

How can you blame her for not helping when you didn't ask for help? People aren't mind readers...

 

[WhtsThFrequency]

I realized that I did something unprofessional at that moment and felt embarrassed for losing my cool. I did ask her to pass a towel to me, but she refused to help me because using a towel on the cat was an inappropriate decision. She suggested that I should leave the cat alone. The point is that she got her job done with my help, and she didn't help me but watched me doing my job and told me to give up, which made me feel that it was not fair to me. People in the clinic might think that I was not as competent as her. I couldn't and can't stand with that judgement.

Get used to it. You will be judged like that constantly throughout life, whether it is true or not. You cannot react to it by throwing a hissy fit.

It sounds like YOU are the one treating others as competition rather than vice versa.

 

[WhtsThFrequency]

I think I'm not shy or social-phobic even though I enjoy staying quiet. I hardly start conversation with my roommates because I think that home is last place where I can stay in my comfort zone and be myself. I behave who I am that had me gotten involved in some quarrels with my roommates. They end up moving out because of my personality. I'm not a bad guy and am never picky or bossy with people, but my relaxed- son of bitch face and over-sensitive to people's attitude get me in trouble.

I'm getting the impression that the problem is not your coworkers being standoffish or mean or treating you as competition. It seems there is a common denominator in all of this: you.

I think you need to seriously evaluate your own attitude instead of blaming others for "misinterpreting" you. Sack up, stop shifting the blame, and work on yourself.

 

[WhtsThFrequency]

How does one "look smart" anyways? What does that even mean?

 

[DVMDream]

How does one "look smart" anyways? What does that even mean?

 

[havegoalachieved]

I'm getting the impression that the problem is not your coworkers being standoffish or mean or treating you as competition. It seems there is a common denominator in all of this: you.

I think you need to seriously evaluate your own attitude instead of blaming others for "misinterpreting" you. Sack up, stop shifting the blame, and work on yourself.

I don't understand. You acknowledge that using the towel was an inappropriate decision, so you're upset that she didn't help you do something you shouldn't have done? It sounds like maybe she was right and you should have left the cat alone, either to cool off (both you and the cat!) or so someone more experienced could help. You're new- don't let your ego get in the way of your patients' care. Even very experienced vets sometimes have to step back and let someone else take over.

Instead of worrying about what other people should do, focus on what you should do like asking for help when you need it and knowing when to step back from a difficult situation or animal. Regardless of whether or not the other volunteer should have known to help (it's debatable), 1) not asking for help when you need it, 2) losing your cool when someone doesn't read your mind, and 3) letting it negatively affect a patient are all 100% on you.

I was upset about her watching me to get failure. She tested a cat's temperature and asked me to help her show the cat's butthole. After she finished testing the cat's temp, I tested another cat's temp and did it on my own. I don't understand why people receiving help from those they won't offer help in return. I grabbed towel by myself because she turned down my request for a towel. Her explanation was that using a towel to hold the cat in place will piss the cat off. I tried testing the cat's temperature without using a towel while she stood behind me watching. Yes, I can't expect people to read my mind, but that's not a mind-reading at all; that's common sense because she knew that it is difficult to test a cat's temp by oneself.

She never says thanks to me every time I help her. She is talkative to other technicians and vets, but conversation always comes to a dead end even I try to socialize with her. Another volunteer has never said hi to me; he doesn't even make eye contact with me, but he could start a conversation with a vet student who he met the first time in the clinic. I don't know why I should be the one who takes the blame. If working like a robot is what vet college requires of an ideal candidate, I am definitely very good at it.

 

[havegoalachieved]

I don't know why they said that. I heard that judgement many times. I reiterate that I am not smart but simply more hardworking than most of people

 

[vetmedhead]

I was upset about her watching me to get failure. She tested a cat's temperature and asked me to help her show the cat's butthole. After she finished testing the cat's temp, I tested another cat's temp and did it on my own. I don't understand why people receiving help from those they won't offer help in return. I grabbed towel by myself because she turned down my request for a towel. Her explanation was that using a towel to hold the cat in place will piss the cat off. I tried testing the cat's temperature without using a towel while she stood behind me watching. Yes, I can't expect people to read my mind, but that's not a mind-reading at all; that's common sense because she knew that it is difficult to test a cat's temp by oneself.

She never says thanks to me every time I help her. She is talkative to other technicians and vets, but conversation always comes to a dead end even I try to socialize with her. Another volunteer has never said hi to me; he doesn't even make eye contact with me, but he could start a conversation with a vet student who he met the first time in the clinic. I don't know why I should be the one who takes the blame. If working like a robot is what vet college requires of an ideal candidate, I am definitely very good at it.

Congratulations. Failing is a huge portion of life and you need to get used to it now because you're going to fail a lot in vet school, on clinics, as a practitioner, etc. I'm not saying that as some mean premonition about you specifically, either. Everyone fails, that's how you learn things. You didn't fail to take a temperature that day, you failed to ask for help and you also failed to advocate for the cat's needs. You need to think about that. Some years down the road when you're a veterinarian are you going to lie about mistakes you've made to cover them up? Answer honestly - would you be comfortable admitting stupid mistakes to people you respect and people who supervise you?

I am honestly getting the sense that the people who don't talk to you are doing it because of previous experience talking to you. The things you've mentioned are definitely not common sense, and I will also add that pretty much the only time you can be upset with someone for not doing something "obvious" is if that thing is obvious to them and you know that. Asking her to help you would have given you a right to be upset. Your story, on the other hand, sounds more like you grumpily smashed a cat into a table while the other tech watched you and tried to talk you into caring more about the cat than looking competent. Again, I'll reiterate what others have said here and say that you may want to reevaluate how you work with others.

Getting into vet school is not about working like a robot. There is a huge human component that you need to be good at to get things done. You will have a hard time being an effective doctor if your techs/colleagues/receptionists/managers/etc all find you difficult to work with.

 

[DVMDream]

Congratulations. Failing is a huge portion of life and you need to get used to it now because you're going to fail a lot in vet school, on clinics, as a practitioner, etc. I'm not saying that as some mean premonition about you specifically, either. Everyone fails, that's how you learn things. You didn't fail to take a temperature that day, you failed to ask for help and you also failed to advocate for the cat's needs. You need to think about that. Some years down the road when you're a veterinarian are you going to lie about mistakes you've made to cover them up? Answer honestly - would you be comfortable admitting stupid mistakes to people you respect and people who supervise you?

I am honestly getting the sense that the people who don't talk to you are doing it because of previous experience talking to you. The things you've mentioned are definitely not common sense, and I will also add that pretty much the only time you can be upset with someone for not doing something "obvious" is if that thing is obvious to them and you know that. Asking her to help you would have given you a right to be upset. Your story, on the other hand, sounds more like you grumpily smashed a cat into a table while the other tech watched you and tried to talk you into caring more about the cat than looking competent. Again, I'll reiterate what others have said here and say that you may want to reevaluate how you work with others.

Getting into vet school is not about working like a robot. There is a huge human component that you need to be good at to get things done. You will have a hard time being an effective doctor if your techs/colleagues/receptionists/managers/etc all find you difficult to work with.

Or even admitting stupid/honest mistakes to clients? Because the question isn't whether or not they will happen, they definitely will. The question is can you be honest, admit it and address the situation professionally and maturely.

Side: Not sure maturely is a word but it sounded right at the time so I'm using it.

 

[vetmedhead]

Or even admitting stupid/honest mistakes to clients? Because the question isn't whether or not they will happen, they definitely will. The question is can you be honest, admit it and address the situation professionally and maturely.

Side: Not sure maturely is a word but it sounded right at the time so I'm using it.

Agree with this. Arguably clients are the most important people to be honest and upfront with. You definitely can't talk down to them and if you do anything to their animal that you shouldn't have then they need to know.

 

[LetItSnow]

I may over-analyze their responses sometimes, but one thing I'm pretty sure of is that if I don't throw people a starter, they will think I'm too difficult to deal with. I look smart (even though I am not, most people I have met gave me that judgement) and intend to get things done by myself. For example, I tried to test a difficult cat's temperature by myself because another volunteer didn't offer me her hand but just standing behind me watching. I had that anticipation because I helped her when she tested a cat's temperature right before I did mine. I didn't ask her for help, but I grabbed a towel and forced the cat to behave the way I wanted instead for getting my task done. I acknowledge I lost my cool at that moment not because I'm impatient towards the cat but I was angry with the volunteer who didn't use her common sense like me. Maybe she thought I was able to do it by myself, or she had other reasons convincing her that helping me was not necessary. This is an example telling you how misinterpretation and lack of communication affect me in some jobs that require teamwork.

Say what? Why on earth wouldn't you just say "can you give me a hand?" That was some serious passive aggressiveness on your part.

 

[LetItSnow]

I was upset about her watching me to get failure. She tested a cat's temperature and asked me to help her show the cat's butthole. After she finished testing the cat's temp, I tested another cat's temp and did it on my own. I don't understand why people receiving help from those they won't offer help in return.

Gee, I dunno. Maybe she thought you didn't need it. Or maybe she thought you didn't want it.

Why wouldn't YOU just ASK for the help if you needed it?

So bizarre.

 

[Bottle of Bear]

Not gonna pile on here, I think OP gets the gist of things. Time for a little devil's advocate: it sounds like English is not this guy's first language so he may be having some trouble relaying what exactly is going on.

That being said, OP I think you have your answer, although it wasn't what you were expecting. Change is hard and habits don't die easy. You're going to have to take some risks and get out of your comfort zone (which is no easy challenge for an introvert), beginning with learning to ask for help, even if it's a simple "Hey, can you give me a hand with this real quick, please". Also, sometimes you'll find yourself in a tough work environment where people aren't going to be friendly. That's fine, not everyone is lucky enough to make work friends, but you have to at least have a cordial work relationship. That'll go a long way towards building communication and helping you slough off the reputation you seem to have made.

Lastly, OP you gotta work on those anger issues man, otherwise you'll be sunk before you even see the boat.

 

[LetItSnow]

Answer honestly - would you be comfortable admitting stupid mistakes to people you respect and people who supervise you?

The real question is whether you are comfortable admitting mistakes to people you know won't respond well. People you respect you probably trust will respond in an appropriate ways.....