Pre-med dating not med-student

[beautifully_entropy]

My boyfriend and I had already been together 4 years before I decided to begin my pre-medical studies. Where I am studying undergraduate now we are only 3 hours away, so it allows him to visit me ~once a month and it works out really well. We've been able to make it work so far, but I'm worried that he's hesitant to make any further commitment since in a few years I'll be moving to attend med school, and again after that for residency.
Do any med students/residents/physicians have any experience or advice to share having dated (moved together) or gone the long distance route throughout med school and residency? I'm simply wondering which options are most viable moving forward and would really like to hear from some people who have been through this already. Thanks!

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[gyngyn]

My boyfriend and I had already been together 4 years before I decided to begin my pre-medical studies. Where I am studying undergraduate now we are only 3 hours away, so it allows him to visit me ~once a month and it works out really well. We've been able to make it work so far, but I'm worried that he's hesitant to make any further commitment since in a few years I'll be moving to attend med school, and again after that for residency.
Do any med students/residents/physicians have any experience or advice to share having dated (moved together) or gone the long distance route throughout med school and residency? I'm simply wondering which options are most viable moving forward and would really like to hear from some people who have been through this already. Thanks!

If that is you in the avatar, may I suggest that you protect your anonymity online?

 

[Turkishking]

 

[kmp0410]

Regardless of your profession, its pretty common for people in a committed relationship to have to compromise based on someone's job. People have to relocate for jobs all the time. When your together, you do these things together. Unless its for short term or your still in college, I don't see the point in doing long distance. Your together because you want to be together, you will have to make sacrifices at some point. That said, that's kind of another discussion.

So it really doesn't matter if its med school, sales, whatever...its more about the relationship and to what degree you are willing to commit to each other.

 

[Psai]

I can't think of many long distance couples that stayed together. Even the ones that did had definite issues

 

[Mad Jack]

I can't think of many long distance couples that stayed together. Even the ones that did had definite issues

We've got plenty of them that have been working for going on two years in my school. Really depends on whether you are on the same page, how often you can see each other, how long you'll be apart for, etc. It's been about 50/50 on lasting versus not, and only one person over the age of 26 or with kids has split ways with their partner. Zero divorces have occurred. Basically, it's all about your level of commitment and how much you're willing to sacrifice for the relationship.

OP, be realistic going in- will you be willing to do distance? How much distance? For how long? Will he? How much? How long? Is this a "forever" sort of relationship for both of you, one you see leading to marriage, or is it just something you're seeing through for as long as you can? Is he willing to relocate?

Don't give up your dreams for a guy- that, I promise you will regret. But don't give up your relationship if you see a reasonable chance of it working while you pursue medical school. Good luck, OP.

 

[beautifully_entropy]

If that is you in the avatar, may I suggest that you protect your anonymity online?

Thank you. I used an auto-register option.

 

[beautifully_entropy]

We've got plenty of them that have been working for going on two years in my school. Really depends on whether you are on the same page, how often you can see each other, how long you'll be apart for, etc. It's been about 50/50 on lasting versus not, and only one person over the age of 26 or with kids has split ways with their partner. Zero divorces have occurred. Basically, it's all about your level of commitment and how much you're willing to sacrifice for the relationship.

OP, be realistic going in- will you be willing to do distance? How much distance? For how long? Will he? How much? How long? Is this a "forever" sort of relationship for both of you, one you see leading to marriage, or is it just something you're seeing through for as long as you can? Is he willing to relocate?

Don't give up your dreams for a guy- that, I promise you will regret. But don't give up your relationship if you see a reasonable chance of it working while you pursue medical school. Good luck, OP.

So far, the distance hasn't been a problem. From all our, conversations, I believe we're on the same page with wanting to be in this together - long term. I can see myself being with him, and vice versa.
I believe he would be willing to relocate - hypothetically. I think he's more worried I might change my mind eventually. But once I decide on something, I'm pretty well set. Every time I bring it up though, he just says "Your schooling needs to come first." <--- this, by the way is a good thing. He's trying to put my needs first, which is kind, and I appreciate it. But I just want to have a real conversation about what our expectations are for the future.

 

[Mad Jack]

So far, the distance hasn't been a problem. From all our, conversations, I believe we're on the same page with wanting to be in this together - long term. I can see myself being with him, and vice versa.
I believe he would be willing to relocate - hypothetically. I think he's more worried I might change my mind eventually. But once I decide on something, I'm pretty well set. Every time I bring it up though, he just says "Your schooling needs to come first." <--- this, by the way is a good thing. He's trying to put my needs first, which is kind, and I appreciate it. But I just want to have a real conversation about what our expectations are for the future.

Then you need to have a conversation with him. Let him know what you want. There's a chance you won't even make it into medical school, a chance you'll get into a school close enough to not be a problem, etc. You need to do two big things- talk with him so you can figure out what you both want, and stop worrying so much about the future and live in the present. I did what you're doing back in the day, and it cost me my relationship- I was so wrapped up in worrying about the future, I screwed up the present. Fast forward, and I'm in a new relationship and just decided to not worry about things and take things one day at a time. And you know what? Everything turned out way better than all of my worries and fears projected. It isn't all that bad, really.

Just chill out, love what you've got, worry about what's in front of you, and take things as they come. If things fall apart, they fall apart, but worrying about that now won't fix anything. See if he's willing to work with you and keep going forward, and if he is, just go for it and don't keep stressing- getting all bent out of shape over things that haven't even happened yet isn't going to do either of you any favors.