Pre-med non-trad and relationships-how do you manage it?
Started by southpawcannon
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Having an extremely supportive husband has helped me a lot. He has always made me feel like if I worked hard enough I could do anything, and he has been very understanding and willing to eventually move wherever I got accepted.
There are people on this forum who have given up acceptances because in the end of this grueling process their sig others refused to move. I would resent my husband for the rest of my life if he forced me to do something like that.
Just make sure you are up front with your husband/wife about what applying and getting into med school will really mean to the family.
There are people on this forum who have given up acceptances because in the end of this grueling process their sig others refused to move. I would resent my husband for the rest of my life if he forced me to do something like that.
Just make sure you are up front with your husband/wife about what applying and getting into med school will really mean to the family.
I have the uber non-trad relationship...Both my husband and myself are non-trads applying to medical school right now.
I have 6 interviews, he's gotten 2. Thankfully his two interviews are at schools I also got interviews at. I've been accepted at one of them already, and he interviews there tomorrow. We both already interviewed at the other school, and find out whether we both got in or not by the end of this week.
It's nice having someone who literally knows exactly what you're going through and we can motivate the other when one of us needs it. Even though we're both more stressed out as individuals, I feel like we're actually less stressed as a couple. We're too busy to focus on any negativity
It's kinda been fun going through the process together.
That said, we're fully aware we might end up at different schools or even start different years. The good news is if we do end up at different schools, we'll still be in the same state at least.
I have 6 interviews, he's gotten 2. Thankfully his two interviews are at schools I also got interviews at. I've been accepted at one of them already, and he interviews there tomorrow. We both already interviewed at the other school, and find out whether we both got in or not by the end of this week.
It's nice having someone who literally knows exactly what you're going through and we can motivate the other when one of us needs it. Even though we're both more stressed out as individuals, I feel like we're actually less stressed as a couple. We're too busy to focus on any negativity
It's kinda been fun going through the process together. That said, we're fully aware we might end up at different schools or even start different years. The good news is if we do end up at different schools, we'll still be in the same state at least.
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I have written about this in the past. I went to undergrad and then med school with husband and children. Here I am now in residency and my kids are 12 and 15 years old. My husband, my wonderful fabulous supportive husband of 17 years is still my best friend and the one I'd want to be stranded on a desert island with if I could only choose one person.
Is it hard? sometimes. You make sacrifices. Could I have honored darn near every class had I been single with no commitments? probably. As it was, I settled for 85 darn near across the board in my first two years. Never failed a class, honored a few, and never failed any. And still managed to be wife, mother, homework helper, build a house (ok, double the square footage of our house really, but we did ALL the work including plumbing and electric), baker, cook homemade dinner almost every night and have a life. It is possible. It takes time management, sacrifice, and sometimes "settling" for passing rather than honoring, but it's possible.
Of course if you're only talking about having a relationship, then I don't know what to say. I think you could have a freakin' ton of time on your hands, more than enough to honor almost every class and still be a partner to your SO. And as always, if you're in the wrong relationship or a relationship with the wrong person ain't nuthin' gonna keep that together.
Is it hard? sometimes. You make sacrifices. Could I have honored darn near every class had I been single with no commitments? probably. As it was, I settled for 85 darn near across the board in my first two years. Never failed a class, honored a few, and never failed any. And still managed to be wife, mother, homework helper, build a house (ok, double the square footage of our house really, but we did ALL the work including plumbing and electric), baker, cook homemade dinner almost every night and have a life. It is possible. It takes time management, sacrifice, and sometimes "settling" for passing rather than honoring, but it's possible.
Of course if you're only talking about having a relationship, then I don't know what to say. I think you could have a freakin' ton of time on your hands, more than enough to honor almost every class and still be a partner to your SO. And as always, if you're in the wrong relationship or a relationship with the wrong person ain't nuthin' gonna keep that together.
As I told my interviewers: 1) I am blessed to have a support team including my husband, my ex, and his new fiancee who can take lead with the kids when the need requires it, 2) have a husband who has been through it already and is empathetic when an approaching exam requires me to be in the library until MN (like I have to be when his pager makes him leave the house at 0200), and 3) we compartmentalize and commit ourselves to where we are at the moment; when I am at school I am a student and when I am at home I am wife/mother (my husband does the same). If we have to study/work on home time, it is only after the children have gone to bed for the night.
Also, like the above respondent, my husband has committed to come with me wherever the app season takes us because he wants me to have my dream, too.
Also, like the above respondent, my husband has committed to come with me wherever the app season takes us because he wants me to have my dream, too.
Not to be insensitive, but I seriously LOLd.
My response to this thread is simply what works for me:
a) don't be needy
b) don't date/marry someone who is
I always tell my sweetie that I'm married to my career, and he's just my dish on the side. But then again we're both kinda freaky low-maintenance introvert types, that way.
My SO is a 4th year medical student so she understands the process and is very supportive of me.
We kind of have the Mark Zuckerberg contract with each other; we talk every night as it is a long distance relationship for now and make time for each other no matter what. But hopefully when she matches in March, I will be able to get into the same medical school she is doing her residency.
Things will probably change next year once she starts residency...
We kind of have the Mark Zuckerberg contract with each other; we talk every night as it is a long distance relationship for now and make time for each other no matter what. But hopefully when she matches in March, I will be able to get into the same medical school she is doing her residency.
Things will probably change next year once she starts residency...
My comments aren't to say that we don't have times when one of goes ballistic.
It usually comes when one of us accuses the other of "not understanding". It's work.Not to be insensitive, but I seriously LOLd.
My response to this thread is simply what works for me:
a) don't be needy
b) don't date/marry someone who is
I always tell my sweetie that I'm married to my career, and he's just my dish on the side. But then again we're both kinda freaky low-maintenance introvert types, that way.
spouse still alive..
disaster averted.
it doesn't help he has a super high stress job too.
awwwwesome!
Communicate early and often. Keep both of you involved in the decisions. Stay interested in your SO and what they love. Don't neglect your sex life.
(did I say that out loud?)
(did I say that out loud?)
I try to make sure he knows I love him and want to spend time with him, even if I can't. Hubby and I have date night once a week. I try to do nice things for him, and I do my best to go to bed when he does 😍
In the spirit of med school, here are the 4 C's of having a good relationship through this process:
1. Compartmentalize - be a student when at school and a spouse/parent when at home
2. Communicate - text/email throughout the day to stay in touch
3. Counselling - arrange one session with a counsellor before starting school
4. Copulation - on a regular and frequent enough basis
My credentials: 3 young children and a fabulous husband, married for 12 years.
1. Compartmentalize - be a student when at school and a spouse/parent when at home
2. Communicate - text/email throughout the day to stay in touch
3. Counselling - arrange one session with a counsellor before starting school
4. Copulation - on a regular and frequent enough basis
My credentials: 3 young children and a fabulous husband, married for 12 years.
What is the counseling session for and who is a qualified counselor? I, too have 3 young children, and a very close relationship with my spouse. My biggest fear is that our relationship will suffer and God forbid not survive med school. He's very supportive and has even pushed me at times along the way but I know that he doesn't know what he's getting in to. We don't know anyone that has done it before so we're sort of winging it.
This is an idea my husband had before I started med school. We arranged a session with a relationship counsellor recommended by friends. We just went and talked about our plans and expectations. It was a nice affirming session since we were not in any particular relationship difficulty.
Now, however, we feel that we have an existing relationship with this counsellor which lowers the barrier to use of such an avenue if we should need to do so. I have watched friends go through trying to establish a relationship with a counsellor while in med school and it is indeed challenging.
So that's the idea behind the C of counselling.
Now, however, we feel that we have an existing relationship with this counsellor which lowers the barrier to use of such an avenue if we should need to do so. I have watched friends go through trying to establish a relationship with a counsellor while in med school and it is indeed challenging.
So that's the idea behind the C of counselling.
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This is exactly my situation. I couldn't do it without my wife, and she is just as supportive as your husband sounds. She also makes me feel like I can accomplish anything. Without her, I would not be able to do it. She's my rocket fuel!
That's the simplest way to put it.
We actually lived apart for the 1st two years. I came home on weekends. Friday night was our date night-no studying, no powerpoints in the car on the way to dinner, etc. She works nights, so I'd call her when I got up and before I went to bed. She's been supportive the entire time.
