Questions for DO students who are also parents

[MamaStudent]

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Hello all. I am hoping to get some input from those of you who are parents and currently in medical school or who recently completed it. I am finishing up my bachelor's in biology and am currently on the PharmD route, but my passion has always been to practice medicine. It has been discouraging because many people tell me it will be impossible and I will never see my kids, etc. What have been your experiences in medical school as a parent? Would you still make the same choice again? What are your plans for residency and do you think it will be easier or harder as a parent? Thank you.

 

[hawkeye pierce]

While not a medical school student yet, I will say pharmacy is would be a very parent friendly program. Most pharmacists can get out of school work 40 hours a week (or less) and be fine. I've also known physicians that seem very active in their childrens life. I guess the deal is: are the extra years of poverty worth it to your family?

 

[Iswhatis]

While not a medical school student yet, I will say pharmacy is would be a very parent friendly program. Most pharmacists can get out of school work 40 hours a week (or less) and be fine. I've also known physicians that seem very active in their childrens life. I guess the deal is: are the extra years of poverty worth it to your family?

What? You really don't know what poverty is.

Anyway, free time during medical school and especially residency, from what I gather, is rather limited. You don't have to work 50+ hours a week as a practicing physician (at least not yet...hooray Obamacare 😡...), so if you think you can deal with the 7 years of school and residency vs. the 3? years of pharm (I don't know how pharm school works), then go for it, especially if it's what you really want to do.

 

[hawkeye pierce]

Poverty is relative. I mean he/she could be a single parent with 6 kids. If so the student loans will be poverty.

 

[Buckeye4life]

I had my first child early third year. It's doable, but there's definitely extra challenges. I would recommend only going to a school where they have either an independent study or problem based learning track. This way you will have much more flexiblity over your schedule during the first two years and won't have to spend hours at a time in lecture. I did independent study and was home a lot with my wife and could help out if needed. When clinicals start, I would recommend scheduling your rotations as close to family as possible, so they can help burden the load for watching the kids. Also, ask as many people as possible about which services are a lighter time commitment (many times specialty services tend to have lighter hours cause the attendings don't really care if your there or not). Also, if your attendings know you have a family, they are usually understanding if a family emergency comes up cause many of them have families as well. If money is a huge issue, there is no shame looking into government assistance.

 

[st2205]

You'll get a lot of different responses from a lot of different kinds of parents. There are a lot of good parents in medical school, a lot of average parents in medical school, and a lot of bad parents in medical school. The answer to your question will be widely variable depending on what your goals for both school and parenthood are in addition to your goals of obtaining a balance between the two.

 

[Jayscin]

We had my son about 4 months before I started medical school. I think it's doable. It's tough at times when you're stressed out about exams, but it can be done. You just have to understand that your habits may be significantly different than other students in your program. For example, I get to school everyday at 530AM and get home every night at 615PM so I can spend time with my son.

With that being said, pharmacy is a great career. I worked as a pharmacist before attending medical school. It's financially rewarding and allows one to provide more than adequately for their family. I have several friends who are mothers and choose to work only part-time....they still make $50K+ per year.

Investigate your options and determine what you are willing sacrifice from your lifestyle and home life.

Good luck!

 

[cabinbuilder]

I am the mother and I went through medical school with two kids. I started when they were 2 and 5. My husband stayed home most of the week and took care of things there. He did supplement our income Thurs-Sun so my kids were in daycare only 2 ays a week. I was very structured with my time and made sure I went to study group every evening and got through all the material. I knew that I would not be at the top of the class and for me the goal was to get through medical school without failing anything. I did the lecture pathway because I knew for me that would maximize my time away from home and just treated it as a job. I don't study well on my own and the material volume is so huge it is nice to have the professors basically tell you what is importat to study and what materials will be on the boards.

I never felt like I missed out on my kids, my rotations weren't that hard. I made it to all the school events. I ended up doing family practice residency at a program that was very family friendly - I never did more than a 50 hour week. Of course every school and every program is different. With good planning you can make it work.

 

[scudrunner]

I think it depends on your situation. My wife is a stay-at-home mom, and I do all of my studying from home and only go into campus when it is required. We have to take out some extra loan money, but it is well worth it. So far, at the end of 2 years, it has been great.

 

[ShyRem]

I went back to undergrad when my son was 3 and my daughter 6. They are now 13 and soon to be 16 and I'm an intern. There are ways to make it work. Third and beginning of fourth year were the hardest, but only because I was 2 hours away for 3rd year and 12 hours away for 4 months of fourth year doing aways and interviews. Now I'm an intern and while normally I would recap for you, I'm on ICU right now doing 80 hours a week.

Visit the non-trad thread and do a quick search for more details from myself and others who have made it work. My children have been none the less for wear. The guilt is large, the benefits large. My biggest benefit was an incredibly supportive spouse.

 

[clearsight]

Kudos for having a family. Some are under the illusion that it is necessary to sacrifice having a family for any sort of competitive career. I know oodles of folks who have completed medical school and residency with families. And not only is it DOABLE, it is BETTER. To see the bright face of my 1-year-old when I come home is out of this world cooler than seeing an A on my report card (but hey that feels good too).

Yes, yes, yes. Do it! Go for it! Follow your passion until you achieve it or until your passion changes or you die. Is there any other way to live?

 

[tele turnin]

I have found being a parent in med school isn't all that bad. I'm just a few weeks away from the end of first year and my son was born 3 months before school started and I make it a point to be home when he wakes up and try to see him as much as possible during the day. My wife works a few nights a week which leaves me at home with him for a few hours after class until he goes to bed. I also take one day a week off and dedicate it to spending time with my wife and son. As has been stated it is completely doable, but the free time you have will vary from person to person. I have found that on average I study/go to class for about 50 hours per week. The key for me has been to be efficient during those hours. I don't have the best grades and I know that they would be better if I spent less time with my family but I'm fine with my worst scores being average. I don't consider myself a med student with a family, but consider my self a husband and father that happens to be going to med school. Priorities vary from person to person and for me it has been family, school, and play. Best of luck.

 

[NontradICUdoc]

I am about to complete medical school and I now have 4 kids. Three of them were already born when I started school and the last one was born last year. My daughters are now 10, 7, 5, and 11 months.

While it is hard, you will be able to see them. You just need to be creative. what I did was :

1) come home every night for family dinner and we went around the table to discuss our days.
2) Friday night-Sunday afternoon was family time as long as there were no exams.
3) Sunday mornings was Daddy's Diner. I was the short order cook and my daughters made the menus and were the waitresses.
4) We did photo shoots with the computer.
5) We went to local parks and for walks around the neighborhood.
6) When I ran errands I took at least 1 of them with me.
7) Each daughter had their own Daddy and Me time where we went to Starbucks or the Diner for about an hour. Even if all I did was sit there while she colored her book. I had a decaf coffee and she had warm milk. All she cared about was the Daddy and only her where there together. And if she did want to talk, it was only what they wanted to talk about.
8) I took my eldest to the school bus stop every morning. It was our time to talk about what she wanted. When my second daughter started, then all 3 of us were together.

You need to be creative.

I set a schedule and was anal about it.

Is it hard? Oh yeah
Are there times when you or them will be disappointed: uh huh
Will it be worth it? I believe so.
Can it be done? Yup.

 

[Turkelton]

I never felt like I missed out on my kids, my rotations weren't that hard. I made it to all the school events. I ended up doing family practice residency at a program that was very family friendly - I never did more than a 50 hour week. Of course every school and every program is different. With good planning you can make it work.

That's great you were able to match at a residency that involved never more than 50 hours a week. How many hours a week did you spend during med school, i.e. total lecture/study hours or total rotation/study hours per week?

 

[jdsargen]

I am about to complete medical school and I now have 4 kids. Three of them were already born when I started school and the last one was born last year. My daughters are now 10, 7, 5, and 11 months.

While it is hard, you will be able to see them. You just need to be creative. what I did was :

1) come home every night for family dinner and we went around the table to discuss our days.
2) Friday night-Sunday afternoon was family time as long as there were no exams.
3) Sunday mornings was Daddy's Diner. I was the short order cook and my daughters made the menus and were the waitresses.
4) We did photo shoots with the computer.
5) We went to local parks and for walks around the neighborhood.
6) When I ran errands I took at least 1 of them with me.
7) Each daughter had their own Daddy and Me time where we went to Starbucks or the Diner for about an hour. Even if all I did was sit there while she colored her book. I had a decaf coffee and she had warm milk. All she cared about was the Daddy and only her where there together. And if she did want to talk, it was only what they wanted to talk about.
8) I took my eldest to the school bus stop every morning. It was our time to talk about what she wanted. When my second daughter started, then all 3 of us were together.

You need to be creative.

I set a schedule and was anal about it.

Is it hard? Oh yeah
Are there times when you or them will be disappointed: uh huh
Will it be worth it? I believe so.
Can it be done? Yup.

Thanks for the suggestions. My kids are 2 and 4 and I will b starting M1 this fall. We have already been planning on how to make everything work and my plan was to always be home with them from 5:30pm till 8:30pm(their bed time). Your other advice has also been helpful.

I have petty much been looking at the situation as if I were working a little more than full-time. From what I have read my idea of what it will be like is right on track.

 

[Smooth as Eggs]

I just finished first year and I have a 2 yr old daughter. It is a sacrifice but it is definitely doable. I have several classmates who also have kids; one had his daughter like 2 weeks before school started, another who already had a kid going into school and he had his second during finals week 😱! All of us did fine in school and had different ways of balancing school with family time. A big key is having an understanding and supportive spouse. Also it helped that each of our spouses are moms who stay home with the kids. What worked for me was to treat it like a job. I was at school at 8-5, skipped class to study except for mandatory labs and such (we have access to all lecture material via a school website), home by 5 and didn't study anymore after that unless there was a major exam coming up. Fridays we finished lecture at noon so I tried to go home and not touch anything for the rest of the day and just hang out with the wife and kiddo. Saturday was also 8-5 studying at school and Sunday we go to church and I don't study too much unless there's a big test on Monday. I survived without taking too much of a hit to my grades.