RANT HERE thread
Started by flyhi
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Thaaaank you! Someone gets me!!!
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Originally posted in Foxhunter's Watering Hole thread but it's more relevant here so thought I'd update.
Thanks for the tips, battie. I did implement straw (bale from Home Depot was like $8-9) into their winter cathouse plan, and it's helped. They used it. Still have a little from the original bale.
It's SF, not SFIL. I'm not married until I get my health back and make my dream come true of becoming debt free. I didn't initially reply to your reply because I was just too busy drowning in life stuff and I thought things would get better or that this problem would go away or that words would finally match actions. But they haven't. It's not my cat, so what you said about financial responsibility doesn't work. And being bitchy/aggressive/berating doesn't work when you're dealing with this kind of personality type. It's futile.
I have a ton of pics of actual incidents where another animal (probably one of the million stray cats in the neighborhood who live nearby will actively come into our garage and attack our cat. I have pics of her fur scattered all around our garage as evidence in case you guys want proof I'm being honest and accurate, since I tend to get gaslighted frequently that I started taking pics as proof (at least to myself). I haven't gotten to the point of recording stuff, but if you guys understand all the Cluster B stuff, you 100% get me.
Anyway, some of the past convos over the past year or so. All convos are paraphrased and not verbatim:
Me: *something about please keeping the garage door closed for safety so our cat doesn't get attacked*
Him: "Oh, if she feels scared she can just run inside the garage."
This isn't what I said. She's getting attacked inside our garage so that rebuttal is against something I never said. The only way to keep her safe inside our garage is to keep it closed and not leave her unsupervised.
Repeatedly, we'll have this convo and he'll nod and orally say he understands, and we'll be good for days/weeks. But then inevitably he'll "forget" and it's back to the garage door cracked and her sneaking out to be unsupervised.
Recently he said he saw a coyote in the backyard. I don't know if he was being truthful or not, but in case he was, I said "Well, that's even more reason to not open the garage door and let her out unsupervised, since a coyote will absolutely kill her."
He agreed with me, and all was good for the next couple weeks. But in the past couple weeks, it's almost every day I'll go and see the garage door cracked and her let outside.
There's tons of stray cats that are meaner and younger and 100% do come inside.
Am I being overreactive or overprotective? I don't want to be that guy. I'm just exasperated because it's not all in my head that she's in danger, because there are multiple incidents of her actually getting attacked inside our own house/garage so I'm not just being the source of drama if that makes sense. I would rather let her outside for 10-15 minutes when I can actively supervise her and keep her from going into the street (and getting HBC) and actively protect her from the numerous 20+ stray cats by our house. And if he was truthful about the coyote, then yikes.
Communication won't stop someone who has personality traits consistent with narc who tells you what you want to hear but does something opposite. I just feel powerless in keeping their cat safe and I don't know what to do. I get so sad for her when she is attacked, and if she is killed, that'll just be a "I told you so" moment that will fall on deaf ears.
Thanks for the tips, battie. I did implement straw (bale from Home Depot was like $8-9) into their winter cathouse plan, and it's helped. They used it. Still have a little from the original bale.
It's SF, not SFIL. I'm not married until I get my health back and make my dream come true of becoming debt free. I didn't initially reply to your reply because I was just too busy drowning in life stuff and I thought things would get better or that this problem would go away or that words would finally match actions. But they haven't. It's not my cat, so what you said about financial responsibility doesn't work. And being bitchy/aggressive/berating doesn't work when you're dealing with this kind of personality type. It's futile.
I have a ton of pics of actual incidents where another animal (probably one of the million stray cats in the neighborhood who live nearby will actively come into our garage and attack our cat. I have pics of her fur scattered all around our garage as evidence in case you guys want proof I'm being honest and accurate, since I tend to get gaslighted frequently that I started taking pics as proof (at least to myself). I haven't gotten to the point of recording stuff, but if you guys understand all the Cluster B stuff, you 100% get me.
Anyway, some of the past convos over the past year or so. All convos are paraphrased and not verbatim:
Me: *something about please keeping the garage door closed for safety so our cat doesn't get attacked*
Him: "Oh, if she feels scared she can just run inside the garage."
This isn't what I said. She's getting attacked inside our garage so that rebuttal is against something I never said. The only way to keep her safe inside our garage is to keep it closed and not leave her unsupervised.
Repeatedly, we'll have this convo and he'll nod and orally say he understands, and we'll be good for days/weeks. But then inevitably he'll "forget" and it's back to the garage door cracked and her sneaking out to be unsupervised.
Recently he said he saw a coyote in the backyard. I don't know if he was being truthful or not, but in case he was, I said "Well, that's even more reason to not open the garage door and let her out unsupervised, since a coyote will absolutely kill her."
He agreed with me, and all was good for the next couple weeks. But in the past couple weeks, it's almost every day I'll go and see the garage door cracked and her let outside.
There's tons of stray cats that are meaner and younger and 100% do come inside.
Am I being overreactive or overprotective? I don't want to be that guy. I'm just exasperated because it's not all in my head that she's in danger, because there are multiple incidents of her actually getting attacked inside our own house/garage so I'm not just being the source of drama if that makes sense. I would rather let her outside for 10-15 minutes when I can actively supervise her and keep her from going into the street (and getting HBC) and actively protect her from the numerous 20+ stray cats by our house. And if he was truthful about the coyote, then yikes.
Communication won't stop someone who has personality traits consistent with narc who tells you what you want to hear but does something opposite. I just feel powerless in keeping their cat safe and I don't know what to do. I get so sad for her when she is attacked, and if she is killed, that'll just be a "I told you so" moment that will fall on deaf ears.
Similar topic. I went away from home for a couple weeks for a funeral, but when I came back, one of the stray cat regulars' tail was dragging as he walked. It felt 100% paralyzed and lifeless, I assume from trauma. I tried tapping and touching from the distal end all the way to where the tail attaches to the body, and he was 100% non-reactive, as if sensation was completely cut off. He felt nothing, even when I tapped or pinched harder. And he had no motor/muscle control -- the tail seemed completely paralyzed to my layman eyes. As if it was stepped on or slammed in a door.
Without cameras everywhere, I have zero idea what happened, so I don't want to make accusations. This was taken 2-3 months ago. The tail eventually fell off half way and healed and he's fine now. Just he feels emaciated for being a 2 yo male ever since the tail.
I brought it up with SF while looking at the cat out the window and while I was pointing and talking about it, he just closed the blinds completely. I don't want to read too much into that, but it did feel weird nonverbally to me, as if to distract from what I was trying to show him. But I have zero proof the trauma didn't happen off-site.
Without cameras everywhere, I have zero idea what happened, so I don't want to make accusations. This was taken 2-3 months ago. The tail eventually fell off half way and healed and he's fine now. Just he feels emaciated for being a 2 yo male ever since the tail.
I brought it up with SF while looking at the cat out the window and while I was pointing and talking about it, he just closed the blinds completely. I don't want to read too much into that, but it did feel weird nonverbally to me, as if to distract from what I was trying to show him. But I have zero proof the trauma didn't happen off-site.
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I bought a ton of physical therapy stuff for my neck and whatnot since I need to open up my airway every night to sleep -- otherwise bad things happen. I put a few new things in a bin. Then I just couldn't find it for months in the 2nd bedroom. I looked everywhere. I complained to SF about this. And probably just coincidence, I found the bin again! It just makes me feel like I'm crazy and didn't look hard enough, but I swear I looked in that exact place. I don't have proof so I can't in good faith jump to conclusions. But I swear it just randomly appeared after I vented to him I couldn't find it.
But I do have incidents where I kept something in the garage and saw it being used in the kitchen, and I went, "Whoa, I have one just like that!" before realizing it was mine. SF said, "I found it up there in the cabinet" and pointed. But months later every time I saw him using it, I went, "Yeah that's mine!" and he used the same thing and pointed and said he just found it in the cabinet, totally dodging accountability that he found it in the garage and moved it.
Other examples where he left a post-it note in the garage after he used my superglue without telling me or asking. Just left a post-it note that he used it that landed on the garage floor. I had no clue about it for weeks? Just felt invasive since I have zero income and I feel like there's no boundaries and just at least ask first.
Same thing with using my new hand truck without asking to move something huge, and he fell and it broke the handle grips. Not the end of the world, but the foam handles are just scuffed. When I brought it up to him, he pretended to be dramatic and clueless that he did it (as if to dodge accountability). I've since gotten a steel cable and padlock and it's locked so that can't happen again. But this feels like role reversal and I'm locking things up from a child. I just want basic boundaries and truth and healthy communication and honesty. I've learned from years of self-help/therapy that there are people with narc traits who will be this way for the rest of their lives, and that it's not my fault and I can't fix them. So until I can move, all I can do is keep locking things up. And maybe install security cameras to catch any bad things and have proof. (But even video or audio proof doesn't work from what I've learned, and it could enrage people who are... manipulative.)
Other examples where I asked if he somehow got into my car (years ago) and he denied it a whole bunch. But then I found out he did 100% put stuff in my glovebox. Maybe I'm overreacting and it's okay to go in someone's car to do something good. It's just proof to me internally that it's not all in my head when he says he doesn't go into my car but actually did.
I went on a trip to Texas years ago and was concerned Mom/SF would violate my privacy and dig around my stuff. At the airport, I explicitly brought it up, and he looked me in the eye and said "I won't let her get in there." When I got back, I found out Mom commanded/ordered him to put stuff in my room and he followed her orders and went against his word. Maybe I'm overreacting, but it's proof to me that words != actions and it's okay to give myself permission to not trust someone with a long track record of this.
Recent example: I was talking and he interrupted me (which happens almost every day, literally, and I keep thinking it'll get better but it doesn't), and he said "Oh, I was watching you drive away and your tail light is out." I recently bought nice LED tail lights which last years and are more durable, so I said that. And he said it was the left side. For safety reasons, I checked my tail and brake lights. All 4 were working. 2 incandescent/halogen and the 2 LEDs worked. To test the brake lights, I had to use my phone to make a video and push the brake pedal. The video showed they were working great. I reported back to SF with my findings that they were working, and he just mumbled like "Well I saw one out I guess." I have no proof he was just messing with me or not or lying, but it's just... I don't know if he was honest-to-God telling me the truth in good faith or he just interrupted me with a tall tale. I can't know for sure without being able to read his mind.
Recent example: He said a restaurant was gone. I didn't know what he meant and I just said "Whoa, we just ate there recently!" So I drove by it and it was still 100% there. And open. Building there, signs there, customers there. People eating inside. I took a photo as evidence to prove to myself I wasn't crazy. So I showed him the photo as proof, and he just went "Hmm, weird, I didn't see it." But this is one of those where I can't prove it wasn't an innocent mistake or brain fart.
Years ago my dad visited us here. I was supposed to drive my dad to the airport the next day, but for some reason my car had a sudden flat tire overnight so SF had to be the one to drop my dad off (so they could both speak privately, I assume). I feel so paranoid in wondering if one of them (and they are both known to have narc traits and lie, so it's not 100% unlikely) deliberately caused a flat tire so that they could be alone to the airport. I brought that up to SF once and he just dismissed me as crazy/my imagination.
I've been stressing so bad about attorney stuff and getting evidence to my new attorney over lots of issues with my abusive half-brother, and suddenly overnight the 5 gallon bucket of grease/fat that was there randomly exploded and 5 gallons of nasty rancid grease was on the garage floor. It's totally likely it happened on its own from the pressure build up. But how did all 5 gallons escape? That would've been lots of pressure to cause an explosion like that. Without cameras, I can't prove this wasn't 100% just a freak accident. But I spent 3 hours tonight soaking up nasty grease and scrubbing and scrubbing and rinsing then drying the floor. I brought up to SF: "It's so weird how all 5 gallons got out the top. A little makes sense but all of it??" and he broke eye contact (eye contact is rare) and just said, "Humph, that is weird. It's a mystery" or something.
Same with a confirmed untruth: When my dad was alive SF said he "never" talked to my Dad at all unless he reached out. That could be true, but I borrowed my Mom's phone and there's tons of text history. So it's could be truthful and my Dad initiated all convos, but it felt like an untruth to me. Same with half-brother: he's told me repeatedly he doesn't talk to my half-brother, but my half-brother sent me screenshots of a lot of their text convos. And recently I brought it up and he said again "I don't ever talk with him" but he immediately put his hands behind his back. I don't want to overanalyze body language because deception is very complicated and there's no universal "tells," but it does tend to happen more when he is telling me something that feels untrue. For some reason my half-brother magically knows I got a lawyer even though I never told him. So it's pure coincidence that my half-brother stopped clinging and calling/e-mailing? That's a blessing if true, but I told my attorney about this and said I don't trust certain family members to be honest, so I'll stop telling anything to my mom or SF.
Older example from a year ago when my Mom had a visiting nurse: They were both chit-chatting looking at the stray cats and nurse asked "She [my bedridden mom] gets out, right?" And SF replied, "Oh yeah, she loves the cats. She comes down here and watches them all the time." This is 100% a lie (two lies) since my mom doesn't allow him to take care of the stray cats (and doesn't even know they exist), and Mom never leaves their bedroom in literal years -- it's her prison and it's really sad. So I don't think it's all in my head that he lies. He probably just told the nurse what she wanted to hear -- that Mom gets out and about. But that is completely false.
Another example (I didn't document it), but he was straight up gaslighting me once, and I know you're not supposed to call out a gaslighter, but I went, "Please stop gaslighting me" and he just stayed quiet.
Another example where he said the nurse "found a large mass" in my Mom's abdomen, so I was freaking out. I asked about it like a week later for an update, and he said, "Oh, the nurse couldn't find it anymore." So he could be 100% telling the truth and the nurse found a mass then couldn't find it, but it's also possible he just tells me tall tales. It's one of those things where you won't know without being there in the room at the time.
I remember I got some advice from SDN friends on an abuse situation, and I told it to him, and he then said that I wasn't allowed to talk to you guys. Which is such a ****ing weird thing for one adult to say to another adult. It's very "on-the-nose" what abusers do with 1) controlling others; and 2) alienating others. It's almost as if me getting good advice from friends or psychologists or whatnot is a threat to his M.O. of controlling my perception of reality? I think that's how narcs operate.
I just wanted to rant all this out since I bottle it up. I really do think it's 100% normal and healthy to lose a little bit of trust when someone repeatedly proves they don't tell the truth. Sometimes it's a bald-faced lie, but other times it could just be a brain fart or innocent mistake. Hard to tell.
So with seeing a coyote, that may or may not have happened. But I still think it's 100% reasonable to not let our cat outside where she can be attacked (again and again) by the other stray cats or by a loose dog or coyote or hit by a car. I'm just exasperated because there is nothing I can do to make sure our cat is safe since I can't control another human being, and no communication will "fix" this since he says one thing and does another.
There's other weird things too that have been filed away in my head. One time my mom was in hospital recovering from surgery and she commanded him to give me a hug, and he went "Snap your neck" while looking at me. I felt like that was a really.... unhealthy and random thing to just say outright. I don't feel a mentally or morally sound person would fantasize about murdering a loved one (or anyone). I asked my SDN friends over the years, but nobody has responded so I don't 100% know if my gut was correct that this is a weird thing to say -- I just wanted some validation is all. He also recently said he'd come inside while I'm in bed and bash me in the head with a baseball bat (so I can sleep). Maybe that's just tongue-in-cheek sarcasm that normal people talk about, but it felt a bit too much for me. I just don't want to be in a position where something bad happens to me, so I wanted to double-check if my gut was working correctly to be on guard. Or if I'm physically safe in my own home.
Another time I walked in on him in the kitchen and he was torturing a bug. I don't remember how. I went, "What are you doing?" and he just said "Sadist." I feel like that's a red flag and a bit in line with the "Dark Tetrad" personality traits and in line with his possible narc traits. He's also said, "I didn't poison you" when I brought up my stomach was upset one day. I guess I'm glad he didn't poison my food? But that's a weird thing to just randomly say. It's possible families all talk this way and I'm making a mountain out of a molehill. Not sure.
But I do have incidents where I kept something in the garage and saw it being used in the kitchen, and I went, "Whoa, I have one just like that!" before realizing it was mine. SF said, "I found it up there in the cabinet" and pointed. But months later every time I saw him using it, I went, "Yeah that's mine!" and he used the same thing and pointed and said he just found it in the cabinet, totally dodging accountability that he found it in the garage and moved it.
Other examples where he left a post-it note in the garage after he used my superglue without telling me or asking. Just left a post-it note that he used it that landed on the garage floor. I had no clue about it for weeks? Just felt invasive since I have zero income and I feel like there's no boundaries and just at least ask first.
Same thing with using my new hand truck without asking to move something huge, and he fell and it broke the handle grips. Not the end of the world, but the foam handles are just scuffed. When I brought it up to him, he pretended to be dramatic and clueless that he did it (as if to dodge accountability). I've since gotten a steel cable and padlock and it's locked so that can't happen again. But this feels like role reversal and I'm locking things up from a child. I just want basic boundaries and truth and healthy communication and honesty. I've learned from years of self-help/therapy that there are people with narc traits who will be this way for the rest of their lives, and that it's not my fault and I can't fix them. So until I can move, all I can do is keep locking things up. And maybe install security cameras to catch any bad things and have proof. (But even video or audio proof doesn't work from what I've learned, and it could enrage people who are... manipulative.)
Other examples where I asked if he somehow got into my car (years ago) and he denied it a whole bunch. But then I found out he did 100% put stuff in my glovebox. Maybe I'm overreacting and it's okay to go in someone's car to do something good. It's just proof to me internally that it's not all in my head when he says he doesn't go into my car but actually did.
I went on a trip to Texas years ago and was concerned Mom/SF would violate my privacy and dig around my stuff. At the airport, I explicitly brought it up, and he looked me in the eye and said "I won't let her get in there." When I got back, I found out Mom commanded/ordered him to put stuff in my room and he followed her orders and went against his word. Maybe I'm overreacting, but it's proof to me that words != actions and it's okay to give myself permission to not trust someone with a long track record of this.
Recent example: I was talking and he interrupted me (which happens almost every day, literally, and I keep thinking it'll get better but it doesn't), and he said "Oh, I was watching you drive away and your tail light is out." I recently bought nice LED tail lights which last years and are more durable, so I said that. And he said it was the left side. For safety reasons, I checked my tail and brake lights. All 4 were working. 2 incandescent/halogen and the 2 LEDs worked. To test the brake lights, I had to use my phone to make a video and push the brake pedal. The video showed they were working great. I reported back to SF with my findings that they were working, and he just mumbled like "Well I saw one out I guess." I have no proof he was just messing with me or not or lying, but it's just... I don't know if he was honest-to-God telling me the truth in good faith or he just interrupted me with a tall tale. I can't know for sure without being able to read his mind.
Recent example: He said a restaurant was gone. I didn't know what he meant and I just said "Whoa, we just ate there recently!" So I drove by it and it was still 100% there. And open. Building there, signs there, customers there. People eating inside. I took a photo as evidence to prove to myself I wasn't crazy. So I showed him the photo as proof, and he just went "Hmm, weird, I didn't see it." But this is one of those where I can't prove it wasn't an innocent mistake or brain fart.
Years ago my dad visited us here. I was supposed to drive my dad to the airport the next day, but for some reason my car had a sudden flat tire overnight so SF had to be the one to drop my dad off (so they could both speak privately, I assume). I feel so paranoid in wondering if one of them (and they are both known to have narc traits and lie, so it's not 100% unlikely) deliberately caused a flat tire so that they could be alone to the airport. I brought that up to SF once and he just dismissed me as crazy/my imagination.
I've been stressing so bad about attorney stuff and getting evidence to my new attorney over lots of issues with my abusive half-brother, and suddenly overnight the 5 gallon bucket of grease/fat that was there randomly exploded and 5 gallons of nasty rancid grease was on the garage floor. It's totally likely it happened on its own from the pressure build up. But how did all 5 gallons escape? That would've been lots of pressure to cause an explosion like that. Without cameras, I can't prove this wasn't 100% just a freak accident. But I spent 3 hours tonight soaking up nasty grease and scrubbing and scrubbing and rinsing then drying the floor. I brought up to SF: "It's so weird how all 5 gallons got out the top. A little makes sense but all of it??" and he broke eye contact (eye contact is rare) and just said, "Humph, that is weird. It's a mystery" or something.
Same with a confirmed untruth: When my dad was alive SF said he "never" talked to my Dad at all unless he reached out. That could be true, but I borrowed my Mom's phone and there's tons of text history. So it's could be truthful and my Dad initiated all convos, but it felt like an untruth to me. Same with half-brother: he's told me repeatedly he doesn't talk to my half-brother, but my half-brother sent me screenshots of a lot of their text convos. And recently I brought it up and he said again "I don't ever talk with him" but he immediately put his hands behind his back. I don't want to overanalyze body language because deception is very complicated and there's no universal "tells," but it does tend to happen more when he is telling me something that feels untrue. For some reason my half-brother magically knows I got a lawyer even though I never told him. So it's pure coincidence that my half-brother stopped clinging and calling/e-mailing? That's a blessing if true, but I told my attorney about this and said I don't trust certain family members to be honest, so I'll stop telling anything to my mom or SF.
Older example from a year ago when my Mom had a visiting nurse: They were both chit-chatting looking at the stray cats and nurse asked "She [my bedridden mom] gets out, right?" And SF replied, "Oh yeah, she loves the cats. She comes down here and watches them all the time." This is 100% a lie (two lies) since my mom doesn't allow him to take care of the stray cats (and doesn't even know they exist), and Mom never leaves their bedroom in literal years -- it's her prison and it's really sad. So I don't think it's all in my head that he lies. He probably just told the nurse what she wanted to hear -- that Mom gets out and about. But that is completely false.
Another example (I didn't document it), but he was straight up gaslighting me once, and I know you're not supposed to call out a gaslighter, but I went, "Please stop gaslighting me" and he just stayed quiet.
Another example where he said the nurse "found a large mass" in my Mom's abdomen, so I was freaking out. I asked about it like a week later for an update, and he said, "Oh, the nurse couldn't find it anymore." So he could be 100% telling the truth and the nurse found a mass then couldn't find it, but it's also possible he just tells me tall tales. It's one of those things where you won't know without being there in the room at the time.
I remember I got some advice from SDN friends on an abuse situation, and I told it to him, and he then said that I wasn't allowed to talk to you guys. Which is such a ****ing weird thing for one adult to say to another adult. It's very "on-the-nose" what abusers do with 1) controlling others; and 2) alienating others. It's almost as if me getting good advice from friends or psychologists or whatnot is a threat to his M.O. of controlling my perception of reality? I think that's how narcs operate.
I just wanted to rant all this out since I bottle it up. I really do think it's 100% normal and healthy to lose a little bit of trust when someone repeatedly proves they don't tell the truth. Sometimes it's a bald-faced lie, but other times it could just be a brain fart or innocent mistake. Hard to tell.
So with seeing a coyote, that may or may not have happened. But I still think it's 100% reasonable to not let our cat outside where she can be attacked (again and again) by the other stray cats or by a loose dog or coyote or hit by a car. I'm just exasperated because there is nothing I can do to make sure our cat is safe since I can't control another human being, and no communication will "fix" this since he says one thing and does another.
There's other weird things too that have been filed away in my head. One time my mom was in hospital recovering from surgery and she commanded him to give me a hug, and he went "Snap your neck" while looking at me. I felt like that was a really.... unhealthy and random thing to just say outright. I don't feel a mentally or morally sound person would fantasize about murdering a loved one (or anyone). I asked my SDN friends over the years, but nobody has responded so I don't 100% know if my gut was correct that this is a weird thing to say -- I just wanted some validation is all. He also recently said he'd come inside while I'm in bed and bash me in the head with a baseball bat (so I can sleep). Maybe that's just tongue-in-cheek sarcasm that normal people talk about, but it felt a bit too much for me. I just don't want to be in a position where something bad happens to me, so I wanted to double-check if my gut was working correctly to be on guard. Or if I'm physically safe in my own home.
Another time I walked in on him in the kitchen and he was torturing a bug. I don't remember how. I went, "What are you doing?" and he just said "Sadist." I feel like that's a red flag and a bit in line with the "Dark Tetrad" personality traits and in line with his possible narc traits. He's also said, "I didn't poison you" when I brought up my stomach was upset one day. I guess I'm glad he didn't poison my food? But that's a weird thing to just randomly say. It's possible families all talk this way and I'm making a mountain out of a molehill. Not sure.
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RAVE: we are done packing for the move from Texas to New York! We have closed on the house and have keys, and my dad and the realtor did a walkthrough and everything is working; Utilities are set up and we just need to book hotels in Memphis and Cincinnatti. Wahoo!
RANT: We had the last checkin with the mover today where we gave the list of everything we packed, and our new person changed our estimate from 300 cubic feet to 472 cubic feet... which way jacked up the price, and apparently we went from $7 per cf to $9 per cf which makes a big difference. However, we took out a few things and measured eveeerything and are confident we are in fact under 300 cf (which is the minimum).
REMINISCENCE: I moved to Texas as a teenager with half a carful of stuff and am leaving with a whole life... an apartment of stuff to start, but also a fiance, a million friends I'll miss, and a love for a city I was expecting I'd hate... on to the next adventure! T-2 months to vet school!
RANT: We had the last checkin with the mover today where we gave the list of everything we packed, and our new person changed our estimate from 300 cubic feet to 472 cubic feet... which way jacked up the price, and apparently we went from $7 per cf to $9 per cf which makes a big difference. However, we took out a few things and measured eveeerything and are confident we are in fact under 300 cf (which is the minimum).
REMINISCENCE: I moved to Texas as a teenager with half a carful of stuff and am leaving with a whole life... an apartment of stuff to start, but also a fiance, a million friends I'll miss, and a love for a city I was expecting I'd hate... on to the next adventure! T-2 months to vet school!
Not at all. He isn't being respectful of boundaries in a ton of areas beyond the cat. The cat is just what matters most because she's a living creature.
I don't know the back story. But your only recourse is to move and take the cat with you. From your post, I'm aware that's not a possibility. But unless you start locking the cat in your space while you're gone, you're not going to be able to prevent anything.
while in cinci u must try skyline chili. thank me later
Yeah, it's their cat legally. If they pass in the next decade or so (assuming I've found health care and I'm off on my own again), then I'll happily inherit her for the rest of her days. She'll be my first pet, legally speaking. But yeah. I think she's about 7yo give or take.
At least thank you for the validation that I'm not worrying about her safety over nothing. It's 100% true she's been attacked about 3x inside our own garage, and I have the pics of her fur everywhere to prove it and have also heard her being attacked before rushing out there.
I could try to tell my mom that, but it'll just lead to a crap ton of drama since they already both lie to each other (not healthy) and that could come back and punish/scapegoat me in random ways.
I just have to pray for safety I guess.
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I still haven't had Skyline all these decades (went to undergrad for a bit in Cleveland but only went to Cinci once)! I'll have to do a layover in Cinci airport someday since I heard the airport has a Skyline.
literally the best food to ever exist. i get it like 3x a week. i will say, if you’re not from cinci, it’s kinda an acquired taste 😅
Oh pshhh, it's not like acquiring the taste of Busch or Natty Light for the first time. I love chili, and I love spaghetti, so both at once just sounds tasty. I bet Skyline hits the spot not unlike fries in Wendy's Frosty. Or Nutella and sliced bananas and sliced almonds on a toasted bagel.
I finished my half Ironman yesterday, went on Facebook, and saw that a friend from my tri club had been killed while cycling back home.
I’m absolutely devastated. She was a beautiful older lady, and such a kind and gentle soul.
Please, please be careful when driving and share the road with cyclists. And if you are ever riding a bike, always wear a helmet and ride defensively. I don’t know the details of what happened, but all I do know that in an encounter of bike vs car, car will win every single damn time.
Rest in peace Patty.
I’m absolutely devastated. She was a beautiful older lady, and such a kind and gentle soul.
Please, please be careful when driving and share the road with cyclists. And if you are ever riding a bike, always wear a helmet and ride defensively. I don’t know the details of what happened, but all I do know that in an encounter of bike vs car, car will win every single damn time.
Rest in peace Patty.
I am so sorry. Seeing this happen as a cyclist is so so scary. It is so disappointing the way drivers (and local legislators!!!!) treat cyclists that make this just... bound to happen.
Our roads are just not designed for safe transit. There are organizations in every city working to make the roads better (I've talked to Bike Houston!) but their numbers are so small. Whitmire, the Houston mayor, is actively dismantling what little bike infrastructure we have.
I'm sorry for your loss.
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Thank you. The worst part is she was gravel riding so like…I have no idea what happened
I hope her partner will be ok. I’m thinking about him lots. Thankfully we have a great community and I know people were with him yesterday and meal trains have already started
Are you using a private moving company or a vanline? If a vanline, that's their whole MO. They lowball you what they think the cubic feet will be and then increase the # every time up to when they load it all on the truck. Mine went from a $3500 ish estimate (cross country move) and I think I probably probably paid closer to $7k by the end of it. It wasn't until they left point A with my stuff and I had paid an extra $1000 that I realized the cubic foot # they told me wasn't even possible because I had moved to that apartment with the same stuff less than a year prior in a 2/3rds full truck, the volume of which was fewer cubic feet than they told me I supposedly had that day. It's a scam.
Agreed. I almost got got by one of those companies when moving from Connecticut to North Carolina. After the first random price increase, we decided not to go forward with them and ended up losing our deposit but at least not paying thousands more and just did it ourselves in a giant Uhaul.
supershorty
Don't look so vexed, toots.
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I also got got by one of those companies when I moved from NY to MN and after that, what my husband and I ended up doing was renting a Uhaul but hiring a moving company to load/unload it for us.
Yes.
Yes! The loading/unloading is definitely the worst part. Life changing to have other people do it for you haha
I think babymcat is getting heavy cause my old neck fracture is killing me recently.
cardamom23
Full Member
Barometric pressure related joint pain?! Fascinating. Hope you have a relaxing evening 💕
I never thought such a dream job would become my nightmare but sadly management has gone downhill so bad. Complete disorganisation and miscommunication, refusal to provide schedules even up to like 12 hours in advance, attempts to foster a hostile work environment between coworkers (going as far as to create fake complaints from workers about others to force disciplinary action), annoying derogatory comments from people in power and general misogynistic atmosphere. I'm genuinely considering submitting a labour complaint but I don't want to get in trouble... why do workplaces in this field so often unfortunately turn into a toxic mess?
Not sure how things work in Canada, but there should be whistle blower protections in place. Submitting a complaint to the labor board is absolutely appropriate.
Likewise, it sounds like you should leave. So if something happens, this isn't somewhere you should stay
One of my coworkers tried to reach out with concerns previously to someone up the chain of command and got in a lot of trouble for it. The rot unfortunately goes pretty deep because of who my employer is affiliated with. I would think the labour board would be more objective but I worry because I'm a student so I'm not allowed to be unionised, and thus have no job protections.
I want to leave, but I'm unfortunately stuck as I have no other job for the summer. I've been on contract for a few years here to work summers (this luckily being my last year), with not many other options due to being in a rural area and nobody wanting a student who will leave province in 2 months. The animals keep me coming to work and I try to give them the best care with what I have available, but sometimes I feel pretty beaten down by the environment and how negative everything is.
This is actually a very common phenomenon in people with joint issues (OA, RA, previous injuries, etc)! There is zero literature that proves it happens but my rheumatologist said she has multiple patients who report it and most doctors do believe it anecdotally. My knee absolutely hurts more when it’s about to rain or when it’s really humid.
Not to get too nerdy here, but....
From a physics perspective, it makes sense. Cause you have an enclosed space with a constant fluid volume. Barometric changes would have an effect on this enclosed space.
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Get nerdy! Get nerdy!
Physics is not my strong suit at all. So I can't, like, give you a formula or anything. But from a physics concept, it makes sense.
Oh no that's ok. I would ignore your formula lol
You just never have to say "Not to get nerdy..." because getting nerdy is the best.
i signed up to do a vaccine clinic at a shelter this weekend but no other DVM students signed up for this particular date and i’m so rusty that i’m not sure if it’s worth it for me to go. idk how to do a full physical or talk to an owner, but i want to learn and help. being the only student who also hasn’t done any assistant/tech work in 3 years just seems not productive for them 🙃🙃
I feel like if they wanted students then they’re willing to teach. I have 5+ years tech/assistant experience and I don’t know the vaccine schedules or where they go because a minimal amount of my experience is in GP. I think you should still go and see what they’re willing to teach.
I worked at a shelter as a tech and I was always grateful for students regardless of their knowledge base. Help is help.
i'm sure that's the case! i'm just very much in my head about it and i want to help versus hold people back or cause a delay in their routine...
WHICH IS ALSO IRONIC CONSIDERING 50% OF WHAT I DID WHEN I WORKED AT THE SHELTER WAS VACCINES, MICROCHIPS AND TALKING TO CLIENTS 😭😭😭 it's like i suddenly forgot how to do anything
Not sudden! You said it's been 3 years. That's a long time
cardamom23
Full Member
I’m working at a vaccine clinic at a shelter this weekend too! We usually have the Vet do a light physical exam and we do microchips vaccines and then she just makes a note of anything like possible ear mites get dental checked those types of notes but we don’t perform anything other than a basic physical and vaccines and microchips
UPS sucks.
I've kept emergency supplies and basic tools in the trunk of my car for years and years now. Flat tires, first aid, engine, coolant, battery problems, hypothermia, heat stroke, etc. I have a "Vehicle Emergency Kit" thread in the Lounge and each time something bad happens, I do lessons learned and modify or improve. Roadside emergencies can really, really suck, so being reasonably prepared and self-sufficient makes a world of difference. And could be life-or-death in some cases (e.g. hypothermia or preventing getting hit by car by being visible on a shoulder at night or being able to call for help if you go off the road...)
But keeping tools and stuff in your trunk or cargo area invites thieves and break-ins, so I feel super uneasy especially now that I have a crossover where you can look in the windows and see stuff. I have a huge plastic bin with most of the supplies + a visible toolbox + 2-4 duffel bags and tool bags, but you can easily break into the vehicle and swipe swipe swipe all that. And some other milk crate type things for less important items like paper towels or sleeping bags or gas cans or funnels.
Decided to splurge on a nice compact metal Weather Guard branded toolbox. Been thinking about it for the past 3 years. Made in USA with lifetime warranty. They're normally seen on the backs of trucks, but they make cute little small ones that can fit in a trunk or back of your CUV/SUV. I want to be able to lock most things in this metal beast and also attach steel cables/chains and padlock them to the cargo area of my car to at least make it more of a PITA to easily snatch and grab. To me it's worth it especially as I add more tools in my vehicle EDC.
Used to be in the $600s, but with inflation the only one small enough to fit is in the $800s. So I think I got this for $835 + tax so close to $900. Eugh. I have a 5% cash back this quarter on Discover so the timing was right. Plus have a possible road trip planned.
Found 1 in stock nationwide in Home Depot and did free shipping to store (it's like $200-300 shipping from other companies).
It arrived today, but I got a voice mail saying it was damaged on one side and wanted to know if they should re-order. For funsies (and since I hate phone calls), I drove there to see in person. They took it out of the box to see if there was more damage. These pics don't do it justice, but there's 10, 20, or more big dents on every. single. side.
They took me to the employees only area and a few nice people were like "Dude, the UPS guy rolled up to the dock and literally tossed it from his truck several feet into the dock. He did not care."
That is EXACTLY the same as the stereotype/horror stories we hear about UPS, FedEx, et al employees yeeting packages or drop kicking them, etc. Literal malice and negligence.
So for close to $1000 on something brand new that I intend to keep in mint condition for 20+ years? You bet I politely asked them to re-order it.
I'm only partially upset with Weather Guard, because the toolbox was just inside a cardboard box. Zero padding or styrofoam or inserts. So it's just asking to get damaged. And aluminum is pretty soft.
If Round 2 happens and it's not in perfect condition, I'll again politely reject it. And I don't have shame standing up for myself in wanting something in new, undamaged condition.
I'm mostly just frustrated because of the actual deliberate negligence in tossing something like you don't care about your job. How about you get fired and get forced to pay the cost instead of making Home Depot eat the cost of something outside their control?
I've kept emergency supplies and basic tools in the trunk of my car for years and years now. Flat tires, first aid, engine, coolant, battery problems, hypothermia, heat stroke, etc. I have a "Vehicle Emergency Kit" thread in the Lounge and each time something bad happens, I do lessons learned and modify or improve. Roadside emergencies can really, really suck, so being reasonably prepared and self-sufficient makes a world of difference. And could be life-or-death in some cases (e.g. hypothermia or preventing getting hit by car by being visible on a shoulder at night or being able to call for help if you go off the road...)
But keeping tools and stuff in your trunk or cargo area invites thieves and break-ins, so I feel super uneasy especially now that I have a crossover where you can look in the windows and see stuff. I have a huge plastic bin with most of the supplies + a visible toolbox + 2-4 duffel bags and tool bags, but you can easily break into the vehicle and swipe swipe swipe all that. And some other milk crate type things for less important items like paper towels or sleeping bags or gas cans or funnels.
Decided to splurge on a nice compact metal Weather Guard branded toolbox. Been thinking about it for the past 3 years. Made in USA with lifetime warranty. They're normally seen on the backs of trucks, but they make cute little small ones that can fit in a trunk or back of your CUV/SUV. I want to be able to lock most things in this metal beast and also attach steel cables/chains and padlock them to the cargo area of my car to at least make it more of a PITA to easily snatch and grab. To me it's worth it especially as I add more tools in my vehicle EDC.
Used to be in the $600s, but with inflation the only one small enough to fit is in the $800s. So I think I got this for $835 + tax so close to $900. Eugh. I have a 5% cash back this quarter on Discover so the timing was right. Plus have a possible road trip planned.
Found 1 in stock nationwide in Home Depot and did free shipping to store (it's like $200-300 shipping from other companies).
It arrived today, but I got a voice mail saying it was damaged on one side and wanted to know if they should re-order. For funsies (and since I hate phone calls), I drove there to see in person. They took it out of the box to see if there was more damage. These pics don't do it justice, but there's 10, 20, or more big dents on every. single. side.
They took me to the employees only area and a few nice people were like "Dude, the UPS guy rolled up to the dock and literally tossed it from his truck several feet into the dock. He did not care."
That is EXACTLY the same as the stereotype/horror stories we hear about UPS, FedEx, et al employees yeeting packages or drop kicking them, etc. Literal malice and negligence.
So for close to $1000 on something brand new that I intend to keep in mint condition for 20+ years? You bet I politely asked them to re-order it.
I'm only partially upset with Weather Guard, because the toolbox was just inside a cardboard box. Zero padding or styrofoam or inserts. So it's just asking to get damaged. And aluminum is pretty soft.
If Round 2 happens and it's not in perfect condition, I'll again politely reject it. And I don't have shame standing up for myself in wanting something in new, undamaged condition.
I'm mostly just frustrated because of the actual deliberate negligence in tossing something like you don't care about your job. How about you get fired and get forced to pay the cost instead of making Home Depot eat the cost of something outside their control?
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I will say, HD likely isn’t eating the cost. There’s generally insurance on the package with it being that expensive, so either the company who packed it poorly or the company who chucked it around without care is eating the cost.
Yeah that makes sense. I think the good news is the benefit of Shipping it to Store vs. home is that it shields me from being the one holding the bag and having the burden of returning it or proving damage or whatnot.
I got e-mailed the next day from Home Depot saying it was returned for being "highly damaged" haha. And because it was the n=1 in stock nationwide (I think it was drop-shipped from the manufacturer), they're just gonna cancel the order and refund me instead of keeping me hanging.
I'm wondering if I can order it from Northern Tool (which ships from the manufacturer as well) and get a different experience? My concern is that if it's crappily boxed up, it could very well arrive damaged. I'm telling myself I could really use this for a possible upcoming road trip, since I get a ton of anxiety parking in hotels overnight, and in the past I've just unloaded the entire trunk into the hotel (up stairs, etc) but it's a PITA.
I'll try to reach out to Weather Guard and ask because I'll feel like an idiot if I order from a different company and the same thing happens, especially if it arrives on my front porch and I have less recourse.
I'll try to see if any are in stock in stores, but it's such a rare find.
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Trying to find something to wear to the funeral for my tri club member who was killed by a car while biking last week. This is comfy, just not sure if it’s too casual or if the patterns are an issue
I did order a solid black dress from Amazon but I feel the material looks and feels cheap
I would say yes!
I think this is good for a funeral. I have unfortunately gone to a lot of funerals this year and I think the very formal, solid black expectation has gone away in 2026. I am sorry again about your friend. Such a tragic loss. *hugs*
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Looks perfectly good and classy. It's formal enough imo -- I like the black and white outline design. Sorry again for your friend. Human HBC pisses me off.
I agree it’s perfectly fine for a funeral. I wore a dress that’s navy blue with some flowers on it with touches of pink for my best friend’s funeral a few years back because pink was her favorite. Solid black definitely isn’t required these days. Hugs, kitzsuna🩷🩷🩷
Just got home from the funeral/celebration of life. Definitely cried a bit. She was so full of life and had so much more life to live, even at 71. But it was really nice to see the chapel packed with people - family, friends, fellow triathletes, race directors, bike fitter and even her book club. She was really loved.
We all went out to lunch afterwards to our usual spot and filled the restaurant out, even with people not from the tri club. Absolutely horrible circumstance but it’s warming to see our communities meld together.
Definitely going to miss her smile and laughter.
We all went out to lunch afterwards to our usual spot and filled the restaurant out, even with people not from the tri club. Absolutely horrible circumstance but it’s warming to see our communities meld together.
Definitely going to miss her smile and laughter.
If you want to bring your mood down, go do math about how far you’re already over budget on your new construction home.
I know, I know…I’m lucky to be in this position and I don’t have any real regrets yet, but when I sit down and see that we’re $30,000 over budget and don’t even have drywall up yet, it’s sobering. Some of that money was spent on things I knew weren’t in the initial budget but that we’d definitely need (like drilling a water well and putting in a gravel driveway), so I’m telling myself it’s not as bad as it seems on paper. True, completely unexpected costs have only been about $13,000 over budget, because the ground was very sandy so the foundation costs were much higher than expected. I’m told we went a little over on framing but under budget on roofing and cabinets, which will wash out in the end. Hopefully we can find some additional savings during the finishing phase. There’s a few other things that weren’t included but are mandatory for me too, like a fence for the dogs and grass/landscaping.
Electrical rough-in was completed today, plumbing rough-in is almost done, and HVAC install started today. Should be ready for insulation and drywall next week, if a replacement window would hurry up and get here so they could install that and move on.
BRB, gotta go do more cytology cases so I can afford all this…
I know, I know…I’m lucky to be in this position and I don’t have any real regrets yet, but when I sit down and see that we’re $30,000 over budget and don’t even have drywall up yet, it’s sobering. Some of that money was spent on things I knew weren’t in the initial budget but that we’d definitely need (like drilling a water well and putting in a gravel driveway), so I’m telling myself it’s not as bad as it seems on paper. True, completely unexpected costs have only been about $13,000 over budget, because the ground was very sandy so the foundation costs were much higher than expected. I’m told we went a little over on framing but under budget on roofing and cabinets, which will wash out in the end. Hopefully we can find some additional savings during the finishing phase. There’s a few other things that weren’t included but are mandatory for me too, like a fence for the dogs and grass/landscaping.
Electrical rough-in was completed today, plumbing rough-in is almost done, and HVAC install started today. Should be ready for insulation and drywall next week, if a replacement window would hurry up and get here so they could install that and move on.
BRB, gotta go do more cytology cases so I can afford all this…
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