Roomate problems

[SmallyBells]

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I live with 3 other roommates, all of which have girlfriends, and I do not. I'm taking a full course load and working full time to pay rent, and am the only person in the apartment that actually pays their own rent, opposed to their parents.

Since the beginning of the school year, one of my roommates gf has stayed there literally every night. She has her own apt on campus, pays about 800/mo in tuition to live on campus, but stays with her bf in our apt. Another roommate's gf stays there about 4-5 nights a week, and has her own apartment off campus. Both use our shower/kitchen/bathroom etc, but do not chip in for rent.

I've confronted both about changing the way we pay rent, but they dismissed the idea. I do understand that they pay their own bills, but at some level, I'm paying for them to use our shower, kitchen, bathroom, etc, but my roommates made it seem unreasonable to charge them to stay.

Am I off-basis here? If I stayed > 5 nights at someone else's apt, I would try to supply some kind of compensation, whether its food, money, etc. How would you approach this? Is it worth confrontation?

 

[deleted480308]

I live with 3 other roommates, all of which have girlfriends, and I do not. I'm taking a full course load and working full time to pay rent, and am the only person in the apartment that actually pays their own rent, opposed to their parents.

Since the beginning of the school year, one of my roommates gf has stayed there literally every night. She has her own apt on campus, pays about 800/mo in tuition to live on campus, but stays with her bf in our apt. Another roommate's gf stays there about 4-5 nights a week, and has her own apartment off campus. Both use our shower/kitchen/bathroom etc, but do not chip in for rent.

I've confronted both about changing the way we pay rent, but they dismissed the idea. I do understand that they pay their own bills, but at some level, I'm paying for them to use our shower, kitchen, bathroom, etc, but my roommates made it seem unreasonable to charge them to stay.

Am I off-basis here? If I stayed > 5 nights at someone else's apt, I would try to supply some kind of compensation, whether its food, money, etc. How would you approach this? Is it worth confrontation?

You seem bitter about you working and these other guys having parents that pay for them to bang their girlfriends.

If you want to cause a war, complain to the landlord but they will likely just lie and definitely hate you

I suggest getting over it or moving

 

[SmallyBells]

You seem bitter about you working and these other guys having parents that pay for them to bang their girlfriends.

A tad bit...considering one of them still owes me a substantial amount of money.

 

[deleted804295]

Yeah I personally don't tolerate the opposite gender at my place so I've made sure to room with people who have similar cultural values as me.

If you're not comfortable with the women living there then live with other people. If you're just pissy that they're not paying then tough luck, their boyfriends are basically paying for them to live there.

 

[SmallyBells]

Yeah I personally don't tolerate the opposite gender at my place so I've made sure to room with people who have similar cultural values as me.

If you're not comfortable with the women living there then live with other people. If you're just pissy that they're not paying then tough luck, their boyfriends are basically paying for them to live there.

Thats my point. Their boyfriends + me are paying for them to live there...

I will move when my lease is up.

 

[deleted804295]

Thats my point. Their boyfriends + me are paying for them to live there...

I will move when my lease is up.

Oh I get it. You want the rent to be split evenly between everyone living there. Just pay for the adjusted 1/5th rent. When asked why you paid less tell them that the women have to pay for a portion or the guys have to find a way to pay for it.

 

[deleted480308]

WHose name is on the lease?

 

[ciestar]

Oh I get it. You want the rent to be split evenly between everyone living there. Just pay for the adjusted 1/5th rent. When asked why you paid less tell them that the women have to pay for a portion or the guys have to find a way to pay for it.

If his name is on the lease, only person that is gonna negatively affect is OP.

OP, just move. This isn't worth a fight and they're likely not gonna see it your way.

 

[Kingsmen2018]

Think of it this way. Would u care if in each room they just split rent and each payed 400? Nah. Nut up or shut up

 

[ciestar]

Also, I was "the girl friend" when I was a sophomore. Had my own dorm but stayed with my boyfriend.

him and his roommate agreed to make an adjustment on the utilities and do their own food shopping.

 

[SmallyBells]

If his name is on the lease, only person that is gonna negatively affect is OP.

OP, just move. This isn't worth a fight and they're likely not gonna see it your way.

All 4 of our names are on the lease, and the dad of a roommate with a gf is a guarantor.

A reason why this rubs me the wrong way is that during the beginning of the semester, everyone moved in, and then left to go back home for a couple weeks before school started, while I stayed in the apt. They made me pay for the majority of the electricity/water/gas, which is understandable, but the same rules should apply here...

 

[SmallyBells]

Think of it this way. Would u care if in each room they just split rent and each payed 400? Nah. Nut up or shut up

Think of it this way. Would you let a stranger use your wifi and electricity, cook in your kitchen, use your toilet, etc for free?

 

[Robin-jay]

I kid you not, I feel like the OP is the same guy that told me to start paying because I commuted over an hour and would stay at my friends apartment so I wouldn't die of exhaustion, even just to nap on the floor during the day.

I thought that guy was a worthless piece of crap.

However, it depends on the specific situation.

I live in a gorgeous house in a great area, and I happily invite my friends that let me sleep at that run-down apartment to now enjoy what I can offer them when I was struggling. All except that piece of crap guy that wanted me to pay for just napping on the floor. He's not invited.

 

[SmallyBells]

I kid you not, I feel like the OP is the same guy that told me to start paying because I commuted over an hour and would stay at my friends apartment so I wouldn't die of exhaustion, even just to nap on the floor during the day.

I thought that guy was a worthless piece of crap.

However, it depends on the specific situation.

I live in a gorgeous house in a great area, and I happily invite my friends that let me sleep at that run-down apartment to now enjoy what I can offer them when I was struggling. All except that piece of crap guy that wanted me to pay for just napping on the floor. He's not invited.

Hanging out with your buddies is different than moving into someone's apartment.

 

[Robin-jay]

Hanging out with your buddies is different than moving into someone's apartment.

That guy considered napping there moving in lol.

Depends who you ask.

If they actually moved in, I agree.

But saying many days of the week isn't technically moving in, especially when you have property yourself.

Its undergrad., people are suppose to be in overcrowded rooms with their peers. However, I would draw the line if they were doing illegal activities.

Don't get me wrong, you're in the right for not wanting people to live there without their name being in the lease. I just don't know if its exactly "nice" to kick them out though. Its just not something I would care about, I'd be too occupied with my studies, life, etc. to care.

 

[SmallyBells]

That guy considered napping there moving in lol.

Depends who you ask.

If they actually moved in, I agree.

But saying many days of the week isn't technically moving in, especially when you have property yourself.

Its undergrad., people are suppose to be in overcrowded rooms with their peers. However, I would draw the line if they were doing illegal activities.

Don't get me wrong, you're in the right for not wanting people to live there without their name being in the lease. I just don't know if its exactly "nice" to kick them out though.

That guy is an idiot.

I don't want to kick them out, just hold them accountable for paying for what they are using.

 

[Robin-jay]

That guy is an idiot.

I don't want to kick them out, just hold them accountable for paying for what they are using.

Is it worth the battle though? How long are you staying with these people?

I know that making 6 enemies that live around you could hurt you in the long run.

Should they chip in? Probably.

But it may not be a battle you want to take.

 

[SLU Student]

Ask to split the utilities by 6 (you four plus the two girlfriends right?). If they disagree, then move or just deal with it.

How much are your utilities? You shouldn't be losing that much money. Also, technically your roommates are paying to rent out their allocated space. Your roommates have every right to fit however many people they want in that space. Your only argument here would be to split the utilities.

You could use other measures, but that would surely piss of your roommates. I'm sure your apartment has regulations on how many people can/should stay in your unit. You could pull that card and get your leasing office involved if you're really desperate.

 

[deleted480308]

All 4 of our names are on the lease, and the dad of a roommate with a gf is a guarantor.

A reason why this rubs me the wrong way is that during the beginning of the semester, everyone moved in, and then left to go back home for a couple weeks before school started, while I stayed in the apt. They made me pay for the majority of the electricity/water/gas, which is understandable, but the same rules should apply here...

You are a pushover, I would not have paid more

 

[Robin-jay]

Ask to split the utilities by 6 (you four plus the two girlfriends right?). If they disagree, then move or just deal with it.

How much are your utilities? You shouldn't be losing that much money. Also, technically your roommates are paying to rent out their allocated space. Your roommates have every right to fit however many people they want in that space. Your only argument here would be to split the utilities.

You could use other measures, but that would surely piss of your roommates. I'm sure your apartment has regulations on how many people can/should stay in your unit. You could pull that card and get your leasing office involved if you're really desperate.

I've been threatened by someone who wanted to do this to me. That person later wanted to sue someone else over something petty. That person also called the police to tattle on someone for drinking too much alcohol.

Don't be this guy OP. Everyone hated him.

 

[Microbug]

I think you are right in this case to ask for utilities and other adjustments because if they’re living there, they would be using water, electricity. However, I don’t think you can ask them to pay more rent Bc they already paid for their space, and they can do what they want in their space that they paid for.

 

[SmallyBells]

You are a pushover, I would not have paid more

Agreed

Ask to split the utilities by 6 (you four plus the two girlfriends right?). If they disagree, then move or just deal with it.

How much are your utilities? You shouldn't be losing that much money. Also, technically your roommates are paying to rent out their allocated space. Your roommates have every right to fit however many people they want in that space. Your only argument here would be to split the utilities.

You could use other measures, but that would surely piss of your roommates. I'm sure your apartment has regulations on how many people can/should stay in your unit. You could pull that card and get your leasing office involved if you're really desperate.

Utilities are ~ 100 per person right now, so I would be saving around 30 a month if everyone paid, which is a lot of money for me right now, and would pay for food for a month.

 

[Robin-jay]

Ok well I've seen this scenario actually play out.

You might be justified OP, but at the price of every roomate thinking you're a terrible person. If the 30 bucks you need a month is worth it. Fire way. I'm just looking out for your best interests OP. I personally think its a battle you might win, but will regret.

 

[SpartanWolverine]

People here are giving you a pretty hard time... I think it's reasonable to be annoyed that you're effectively living with 6 people instead of 3. That's not what you signed up for when you agreed to the rent/utilities/occupancy. Not much you can do about it, though, and not worth raising a stink unless you start being affected in concrete ways. Sounds like there's potentially a lack of understanding and courtesy on your roommates' part as to how this might inconvenience/be a raw deal for you.

If you're frustrated about this I would go to your roommates with concrete examples of how you've been affected. It's possible they're violating the lease (but are you jointly liable?) by having long-term guests but I wouldn't get the landlord involved unless things get seriously bad...

 

[deleted480308]

Agreed



Utilities are ~ 100 per person right now, so I would be saving around 30 a month if everyone paid, which is a lot of money for me right now, and would pay for food for a month.

You eat more than $30/month

 

[Microbug]

You eat more than $30/month

That’s a dollar a day bro

 

[deleted804295]

@Robin-jay

Nobody cares if you're hated as long as you get whatever you want. You guys are such push overs as @sb247 commented.

One person literally telling OP to nut up- why dont you guys 'nut up' and stand on your own two grounds.

This thread has me so irritated I swear.

OP, don't be a pushover. Get what you want or kick them all out due to rule violations.

 

[Robin-jay]

@Robin-jay

Nobody cares if you're hated as long as you get whatever you want. You guys are such push overs as @sb247 commented.

One person literally telling OP to nut up- why dont you guys 'nut up' and stand on your own two grounds.

This thread has me so irritated I swear.

OP, don't be a pushover. Get what you want or kick them all out due to rule violations.

In most cases, I could care less if someone hated me, especially when I'm the right. If I were to give extra work to my chemistry students if I thought it was necessary, then I wouldn't bat an eye.

However, some battles aren't worth fighting because they are just a waste of time.

When I was in undergrad., I had way more important things to focus on and care about rather than how often my friends girlfriends were over, especially since each semester flew by and if you didn't like the living arrangements, wait 6 months and they change.

If I were to go out of my way to tell all my roommates and their SO's that I think they need to start paying extra or I'm telling the campus police, to save 30 bucks a month, then that's way overreacting imo.

I wouldn't be a pushover until they were doing something illegal, getting in my way on purpose, being unusually loud, etc., ect.

If the worst is they are using the shower and eating food, then thats probably not a worthwhile battle to fight in undergrad. apartments.

Just my opinion.

 

[TelemarketingEnigma]

OP, don't be a pushover. Get what you want or kick them all out due to rule violations.

Unless this is some kind of university managed housing, or you have an absolutely stellar relationship with your landlord, this is unlikely to be helpful. If the landlord kicks your roommates out, you're likely going to end up on the curb too. It doesn't sound like they have individual leases on the rooms - if all of their names are on the same lease, they are all responsible for upholding it.

 

[SmallyBells]

You eat more than $30/month

That’s a dollar a day bro

Trust me, I wish this was an exaggeration haha.

OP, don't be a pushover. Get what you want or kick them all out due to rule violations.

I don't want to kick them out.

 

[SmallyBells]

In most cases, I could care less if someone hated me, especially when I'm the right. If I were to give extra work to my chemistry students if I thought it was necessary, then I wouldn't bat an eye.

However, some battles aren't worth fighting because they are just a waste of time.

When I was in undergrad., I had way more important things to focus on and care about rather than how often my friends girlfriends were over, especially since each semester flew by and if you didn't like the living arrangements, wait 6 months and they change.

If I were to go out of my way to tell all my roommates and their SO's that I think they need to start paying extra or I'm telling the campus police, to save 30 bucks a month, then that's way overreacting imo.

I wouldn't be a pushover until they were doing something illegal, getting in my way on purpose, being unusually loud, etc., ect.

If the worst is they are using the shower and eating food, then thats probably not a worthwhile battle to fight in undergrad. apartments.

Just my opinion.

I don't understand what you are saying to be honest. Why is it okay for me to pay 30 a month for something that I didn't use? I'm not trying to save 30 bucks a month, I'm trying to pay what is fair. I don't see how it is unreasonable to ask someone to pay for what they use, and if they object, they are overreacting imo.

If you found out that your neighbors were using your wifi, tapped into your electricity, and took a shower at your house when you were gone, would you just say "bummer. at least its just 30 bucks though"?

On a side note, the apt is not through the university, and is about 10 mins off campus.

 

[PreMedMissteps]

All 4 of our names are on the lease, and the dad of a roommate with a gf is a guarantor.

A reason why this rubs me the wrong way is that during the beginning of the semester, everyone moved in, and then left to go back home for a couple weeks before school started, while I stayed in the apt. They made me pay for the majority of the electricity/water/gas, which is understandable, but the same rules should apply here...

Well, there's your point. They need to pay a greater share of utilities...

 

[Mr. Saigon]

This would be a great MMI question.

 

[Verity]

100% agree that roommates should have offered to add to utilities. You also probably should have approached them nonchalantly earlier asking to toss in an extra 10-15$/month if they'll have their SO over full-time using utilities full-time, and stating that you are otherwise chill with their SOs being over. It may be too late for that now if there's already some tension.

At this point, the 30$/month is buying you a more welcoming home-environment, and if you're continuing to pay it, decide to look at it as an investment in your personal happiness and friendships, which is well-worth the 30$/month. Stewing in unhappiness and feeling unwanted in your own home is ultra toxic, and if a good attitude and 30$/month changed that situation, it'd be silly not to throw down and just work 2-3 more hours/month. It's just straight up irrational to think that 2-3 extra hours/month of work are worth a toxic home life and losing friendships.

TL;DR: If the utilities are the only issue, and you're otherwise okay with the SOs being there and you would have otherwise good relationships with your roommates, pay up with a smile and then go hang out with your roommates

 

[aldol16]

You chose your roommates. Move out when the lease is over if you can't tolerate them. With rent, think about it this way. They're paying a fraction of the price for a fraction of the space. If their girlfriends are staying in their rooms, there's no reason why they should have to pay more just because there's an extra person. You're each getting the same amount of space. If you're concerned about the others using shared facilities, you could make a cleaning schedule and include everybody who lives there. With utilities, how much are the extra people using? Is each person cooking separately? I doubt if you split the utilities bills evenly between everybody now living there that it would go down substantially for you.

If you're still not content, well, just ask them to start showering together to save water. I doubt they would mind that.

 

[Robin-jay]

I don't understand what you are saying to be honest. Why is it okay for me to pay 30 a month for something that I didn't use? I'm not trying to save 30 bucks a month, I'm trying to pay what is fair. I don't see how it is unreasonable to ask someone to pay for what they use, and if they object, they are overreacting imo.

If you found out that your neighbors were using your wifi, tapped into your electricity, and took a shower at your house when you were gone, would you just say "bummer. at least its just 30 bucks though"?

On a side note, the apt is not through the university, and is about 10 mins off campus.

I'm just looking out for your better interests OP.

Fight the battle and tell us how it goes.

 

[SmallyBells]

I'm just looking out for your better interests OP.

Fight the battle and tell us how it goes.

Will do brother

 

[calivianya]

Honestly, I agree with everyone else that it's not worth getting into an argument over. That being said, I would find someone to sublet my room to and get the eff out. I couldn't deal with living with six other people in one apartment, regardless of who's paying what. Good god, that's my personal idea of hell.

Are you allowed to sublet?

 

[SmallyBells]

Honestly, I agree with everyone else that it's not worth getting into an argument over. That being said, I would find someone to sublet my room to and get the eff out. I couldn't deal with living with six other people in one apartment, regardless of who's paying what. Good god, that's my personal idea of hell.

Are you allowed to sublet?

Yes, but I have nowhere to go really. I looked at craigslist briefly, but its full of creeps "looking for a live in girlfriend!", and people asking for rent that is twice mine,. All my buddies have apts already, but when everyones lease is up in Aug, I'll probably just get a 2 room with one of them.

 

[fldoctorgirl]

I've been the girlfriend in this situation, but it was in a college dorm rather than an off-campus apartment.

I agree that it doesn't make sense to ask for more money for the room itself, because it doesn't matter if 1 person is sleeping in it or 2.

If the use of the utilities bothers you, though, I think you have a right to ask for either the guys to pay more or have their girlfriends chip in. But to be honest, to me this seems more like you just aren't comfortable living with all of these other people. If it's not what you signed up for, you have a right to speak up. I stayed with my boyfriend often, but I was friends with his roommates and no one minded. Also, we payed for our own food and there weren't utility bills since it was a dorm, so it's a little different.

 

[PreMedMissteps]

You're not going to get them to pay more for rent, but you can try to get them to pay more towards utilities. Women often use blow dryers, curling irons, flat irons, etc.....and those are big users of electricity......anything that heats or cools will eat electricity.

So, what do you think is fair? If each of the boyfriends pays an additional $15 a month would you be fine with that? That's about 50 cents per day, and likely the ladies are burning that much in hair tools and hot showers. If your unit includes a washer and dryer, more elec usage there as well. If you get a water bill, then they're using water as well for laundry and showers.

If you're fine with each of the BF's paying an extra $15 a month, then simply tell them now, "as of Jan, Ill be paying $30 less each month towards utilities. Either you or your GF, will have to kick in the extra $15 each to pay for their additional usage. I'm no longer going to be subsidizing their usage. If you don't agree, then they'll have to stop staying here more than a X days per month."

Don't ask, tell.

 

[piii]

Yeah I personally don't tolerate the opposite gender at my place so I've made sure to room with people who have similar cultural values as me.

If you're not comfortable with the women living there then live with other people. If you're just pissy that they're not paying then tough luck, their boyfriends are basically paying for them to live there.

lol why is that? Are you also upset that women and men get to apply for the same jobs and take the same classes together?

 

[LizzyM]

And the lesson here, grasshoppers, is that you should have "house rules" in writing when you begin a roommate relationship. One rule can be the number of nights per month (or week) or the number of consecutive nights that one may have an overnight guest. This should have been nipped in the bud.

Di you have utility bills from before the girlfriends moved in? Has there been a significant increase in the utility bills? Maybe they are using hair styling appliances but if they are mostly using the same lamps, TVs and refrigerator that the other tenants would be operating anyway, there wouldn't be much increase in the bill.

Asking them to shower together to save on hot water is a splendid idea.

 

[SpoiledMilk]

House rules are great in theory.

But being college students in general, they go to college and live away from home to get away from house rules.

This is lesson for you OP that getting your own place is the way to go moving forward.

If fact, I am so against having a non-SO roommate that even though I have an extra room in my house that I can rent out to an accepted medical student going to a medical school in the city that I live in, the peace of mind I get from not having to deal with their issues is worth the $400-$500 rent I can get for it...

 

[calivianya]

House rules are great in theory.

But being college students in general, they go to college and live away from home to get away from house rules.

This is lesson for you OP that getting your own place is the way to go moving forward.

This is exactly what I did and why - my first year I was in a dorm; all the rest of the time I was in a one bedroom apartment by myself. I was fortunate enough to be in a cheaper area, where working 40 hours a week at $10/hr was enough money to qualify for an apartment on my own. If OP's already working full time just to afford a quarter of the rent for the whole unit, it may not be possible to get a one bedroom or studio on his/her own.

 

[SpoiledMilk]

If OP's already working full time just to afford a quarter of the rent for the whole unit, it may not be possible to get a one bedroom or studio on his/her own.

True, then OP will have to get creative by looking to sublet a room from a considerate family or looking for a cheaper apartment farther away from the university.

 

[SmallyBells]

This is exactly what I did and why - my first year I was in a dorm; all the rest of the time I was in a one bedroom apartment by myself. I was fortunate enough to be in a cheaper area, where working 40 hours a week at $10/hr was enough money to qualify for an apartment on my own. If OP's already working full time just to afford a quarter of the rent for the whole unit, it may not be possible to get a one bedroom or studio on his/her own.

House rules are great in theory.

But being college students in general, they go to college and live away from home to get away from house rules.

This is lesson for you OP that getting your own place is the way to go moving forward.

If fact, I am so against having a non-SO roommate that even though I have an extra room in my house that I can rent out to an accepted medical student going to a medical school in the city that I live in, the peace of mind I get from not having to deal with their issues is worth the $400-$500 rent I can get for it...

Yeah, I'd love to get my own place. I work more than 40 per week, but most of it goes towards tuition. I pay 250/mo right now, but I literally live in a closet. Just trying to save up for apps and stuff b/c my parents can't help.

 

[LizzyM]

House rules are great in theory.

But being college students in general, they go to college and live away from home to get away from house rules.

This is lesson for you OP that getting your own place is the way to go moving forward.

If fact, I am so against having a non-SO roommate that even though I have an extra room in my house that I can rent out to an accepted medical student going to a medical school in the city that I live in, the peace of mind I get from not having to deal with their issues is worth the $400-$500 rent I can get for it...

It is pretty important to get everyone on the same page when you are going to share living space with other adults.

I don't think you can just blow off the suggestion that going forward, folks getting themselves into roommate situations should sit down and draw up mutually agreed upon "house rules" at the beginning of the arrangement.

 

[Trollest]

OP get them out or move out. I wouldn't tolerate that. And to the liberarians gods of SDN, funny how your libertarian principles don't apply to OP case when he is totally right.

 

[SpoiledMilk]

It is pretty important to get everyone on the same page when you are going to share living space with other adults.

I don't think you can just blow off the suggestion that going forward, folks getting themselves into roommate situations should not sit down and draw up mutually agreed upon "house rules" at the beginning of the arrangement.

Rather than blowing off house rules at the beginning of a roommate arrangement, I would suggest having a written, signed and notarized contract spelling out all situations and the consequences of violations. This way, breach of said contract would result in easier adjudication in a small claims court for the aggrieved party should it not work out amicably.