Yep. That's it. Thanks for posting it.
I've been following him since the week before he started his residency. Ironically, THIS week he is finishing his residency. Its crazy how these 3 years flew right by. I hope he continues blogging through his fellowship year(s).
I know many of the funny ones over the years, and I can continue pasting a few here for those who like.
Not all of his posts are funny though (jokes don't happen EVERY day in his line of work) and some of them can be pretty depressing actually (like how it is so difficult to deal with the constant misery in the ICU, etc...)
I'll post a few that really stuck in my head over the years: This is from July 2010
"I can't find a good vein."
"Oh, use that one," says the patient.
"Yeah?"
"Yeah, it's the one I use when I'm shooting up."
And, sure enough, it works.
"Hey, maybe you ought to just let me put in the IV myself-- I'm better at it."
"No, that's okay."
"No, really, I'm happy to do it."
"No, but thanks."
"Anytime."
----------------------------------------
A nurse casually drops by the call room:
"Doctor, just wanted to let you know-- [the patient]'s blood pressure is 60 over 40."
"What???????????????????"
"Yeah, it's been like that for a while."
"What???????????????????" as I get up and RUN down the hall.
"Yeah, I've marked it in the chart every hour."
"WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY SOMETHING?"
"I wasn't sure it was accurate."
[Looking at the chart]
"You checked it eleven times, and it went from 80s to 70s to 60s... what made you think eleven readings weren't accurate?"
"It didn't seem like it should be that low."
"YES, EXACTLY, THAT'S WHY YOU SHOULD HAVE SAID SOMETHING!"
"Oh, okay. Next time."
"Yeah. Next time."
------------------------------------------------------------------ Lol
Top ten lies doctors tell.
1. "No, we ask everyone to get tested for chlamydia."
2. "This is very common."
3. "I'll call you tomorrow with the results."
4. "Your insurance will probably cover that."
5. "You look great."
6. "I remember that from the last time you were here."
7. "The lab must have screwed that up."
8. "I'll be back in five minutes."
9. "I don't have an e-mail address."
10. "I think you'll be OK."
-----------------------------------------------------
[conversations with a germophobic intern]
"Oh my god! Does this patient have HIV? His blood is on my shoe!"
"You know you're not going to get HIV from blood on your shoe, right?"
"I just want to be extra safe."
"Then why are you working in a hospital?"
* * *
"Oh no-- I think the patient's peritoneal fluid got on my scrubs--"
"Okay, so get new scrubs from the machine."
"But what if it makes me sick?"
"Are you licking your scrubs?"
* * *
"That patient touched my arm."
"So?"
"She might have something."
"Everybody has something. Calm yourself."
* * *
"I should wear gloves, right?"
"You're writing in a chart."
"Yeah, but the patient is filthy and contagious."
"But his chart isn't."
* * *
"Did you take the HIV prophylactic drugs?"
"No-- I haven't had a needle stick."
"But just in case you do."
"Do you understand how medicine works?"
* * *
"You think I'm going to get this guy's cold?"
"Probably."
"How do I avoid it?"
"Drop out of residency."
* * *
"You think our attending wears gloves, right?"
"I assume so."
"Because he just touched my pen."
"Please stop."
* * *
"I can't believe you're eating that bagel."
"I bought it downstairs."
"But it's been in the hospital air."
"So have we."
* * *
"Can [the other intern] and I switch patients?"
"Why?"
"My guy looks extra contagious."
"Can we pretend we didn't just have this conversation?"
* * *
"Do you know where I can get a paper mask?"
"Why do you need a mask?"
"I was going to use the bathroom."
"I have no words."
----------------------------------------------
And these two consecutive posts are by far the most memorable, because they really remind me of SDNers. I hope you guys enjoy!
The first post:
Thanks for all of the comments on Friday's post. Will come up with some posts based on them soon. In the meantime-- I need to figure out how to stop a medical student who's gone rogue. I go into a patient's room:
"...so we're thinking we're not going to be able to discharge you today like we planned."
"Oh, yes, Dr. Jones already told me."
"Dr. Jones?"
"Yes, the young-looking one. Dr. Jones."
"Oh, you mean Bill. The third-year medical student. He's not a doctor yet."
"He said to call him Dr. Jones. And he told me he thinks I have cancer."
"That's not necessarily correct. We're still running tests-- like we talked about yesterday. We don't know what's causing your symptoms. Cancer is certainly on the list of possibilities, but we have no reason to conclude that yet-- there are a lot of other things it could be."
"Dr. Jones said it was cancer."
"Dr. Jones is still a student. And let's call him Bill."
"Why would Dr. Jones tell me it was cancer?"
"I don't know why Bill would tell you it was cancer."
"Does he know something you don't?"
"No."
"Maybe he does."
"I promise you, he doesn't. We are still running tests. And he should not have been speculating as far as your diagnosis, because, honestly, we still don't know."
"He also said I should be on a liquid diet."
"That's not at all necessary."
"He said it would be better for my condition. Am I going to be okay?"
"You're on a normal diet. We may have you skip breakfast so we can run some tests in the morning, but tonight you'll have a normal dinner, tomorrow you'll have a normal lunch. There's nothing about the food that should be causing any alarm."
"It's not very good."
"I'm sorry that the food is not very good. I know, unfortunately, it's not very good. But from a medical standpoint, you are not on a restricted diet."
"So Dr. Jones--"
"Bill--"
"Bill was wrong?"
"Bill may have been misinformed. I'm going to take care of the miscommunication on our end, but I want you to know you can have me paged if you're told any information that seems new or confusing. I will keep you absolutely informed about what we find out. Bill is just a medical student. He's smart and absolutely means well, but he should not be the one giving you information."
"Dr. Jones also said I did this to myself from smoking."
"We don't even know what your diagnosis is, and whatever it is, what caused it is not our concern-- our concern is figuring out a treatment plan that's going to address it as best as we can."
"Dr. Jones said he would make sure I have the best nurse in the hospital assigned to my room."
"Our nurses are excellent, and unfortunately Bill does not have any control over which nurses are assigned to which room. But I will speak to your nurse and make sure he or she is fully informed as to what you may need, and what to keep an eye on."
"Dr. Jones also gave me his cell phone number in case I had any questions."
"I think it would be better if you gave me that slip of paper, and if you have any questions, ask the nurse to have me or whichever resident is on call paged. We can answer your questions, and are in a better position to do so than Bill."
"Okay. And you're an actual doctor, right?"
"Yes."
"Because Dr. Jones said some of the med students like to pretend they're doctors."
"Okay. I'm going to go have a talk with Dr. Jones. I'll come back and check on you a little later."
----------------------------------------- Second post:
Yesterday's post, continued.
"I don't want to confuse the patients."
"By calling yourself a doctor when you're not, you're confusing the patients."
"I'm wearing a white coat. They think I'm a doctor. I don't know what the big deal is."
"The big deal is that you're not a doctor. And you're not the person who they should think is in charge of their care. You're absolutely an important part of the team. But you're still learning."
"You know I'm smarter than [the intern]."
"You have a very high opinion of yourself. That can be good, but it can also be dangerous."
"I don't think I should have to apologize for knowing things. I feel like the surgeons told me this would be how it is in medicine. It's why I'm not going into medicine. In surgery they make decisions. They do things."
"It's important to do the right thing for the patient, to figure out the problem and not just jump to conclusions."
"I guess we just do things differently."
"And on my team, you need to do things my way. Which means not telling patients you're a doctor, and not trying to be in charge. I told you on the first day-- you can all get a good evaluation from me. I'm not judging you against each other. Medicine is not a competition."
"Another thing I like better about surgery."
"I don't think surgery is supposed to be a competition either."
"It is."
"Well, whatever it is over there, over here we need to work as a team. I don't want you seeing patients on your own anymore. Shadow [the intern] for a few days and she can assign you which notes to write. I don't want to have this conversation again. We have seven more days on this rotation, and I think we can get through them without any problems."
"I actually only have five more days."
"What?"
"I'm going to a wedding this weekend. I was going to tell you."
"We're scheduled to be on both days this weekend."
"Yeah, I'm not going to be here."
"Okay. You know what, that's fine."
"You want me to take on some extra responsibilities to make up for it?"
"Nope. It's fine."
"Great. Can I leave early today?"
"You can leave early every day."
"Awesome."
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Does that remind you guys of anyone? 😉