Scared I may not fit in...

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Coltuna

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Hello all,

Does anyone have fears going into med school that they may not find their niche within the class? It seems like most people I met while interviewing were very serious and intense. Was this just a product of the stressful nature of the interview day? I would consider myself a pretty normal if not outgoing person (prom court in high school, social chair of fraternity, etc) and am hoping that there are people like me out there in medical school who aren't so tightly wound. I know med school is a time to buckle down to study, but I would still like to have friends that I can go have a beer with on the weekends and let loose with after exams.
 
yes...

if you havent noticed by now after taking pre med classes that a lot of the people on this path are a very special type of cutthroat / strange / anal retentive then you either got lucky in your undergrad or aren’t very observant. but not all of us are that way. youll find someone you click with unless you yourself are weird

dont worry so much
 
Coltuna said:
Hello all,

Does anyone have fears going into med school that they may not find their niche within the class? It seems like most people I met while interviewing were very serious and intense. Was this just a product of the stressful nature of the interview day? I would consider myself a pretty normal if not outgoing person (prom court in high school, social chair of fraternity, etc) and am hoping that there are people like me out there in medical school who aren't so tightly wound. I know med school is a time to buckle down to study, but I would still like to have friends that I can go have a beer with on the weekends and let loose with after exams.
Click to expand...
It's not high school. Chill.
 
•Syzygy• said:
yes...

if you havent noticed by now after taking pre med classes that a lot of the people on this path are a very special type of cutthroat / strange / anal retentive then you either got lucky in your undergrad or aren’t very observant. but not all of us are that way. youll find someone you click with unless you yourself are weird

dont worry so much
Click to expand...
To be honest, I've been very fortunate in that I've run into very few of the cutthroat type you're describing. I went to a community college then state school known for being somewhat of a big party school though, so I was actually more tame than many of my classmates lol.
 
This is a worry of mine for med school too.

People were nice enough but they really kept to themselves in pre med classes. It'd be frustrating trying to get to know them and honestly it'd get challenging to avoid reading too much into the quietness.

But it sounds like it won't be too bad from what I'm reading in this thread.
 
Coltuna said:
Hello all,

Does anyone have fears going into med school that they may not find their niche within the class? It seems like most people I met while interviewing were very serious and intense. Was this just a product of the stressful nature of the interview day? I would consider myself a pretty normal if not outgoing person (prom court in high school, social chair of fraternity, etc) and am hoping that there are people like me out there in medical school who aren't so tightly wound. I know med school is a time to buckle down to study, but I would still like to have friends that I can go have a beer with on the weekends and let loose with after exams.
Click to expand...

Its because it was interview day.

Do you remember you MCAT day?

People are always intense and serious in those situations.

Any interview I've ever been at throughout my entire life was a very serious and intense type of deal. Even if you are pretty chill during an interview, etc., it was still a very serious moment.
 
Don't lose sight of who you are and your values when times get tough. Birds of a feather will flock together. You'll be alright...
 
Everyone on my interview days acted normally, except for a few intense looking guys. I don’t think you’ll have trouble making friends OP. I think med school orientation is when most people make their closest social circles.
 
Don't worry about it, you'll find your people in medical school.
 
It’s going to be great — you’ll be surrounded by very smart people who have similar ambitions and goals to yours and you will all be on the same wavelength in many ways that you haven’t experienced anywhere else.
 
In a way, I felt that it was easier to make close friends during med school compared to undergraduate. Everyone is taking the same classes, the classes are smaller, and you overall spend a lot of time with the same people. In a way, its kinda like high school but better.
 
There's only between 80-200 people in a med school class. You're in class, lab, small group every day with them. You'll find your group. There are tons of personalities. If you're looking for not only friends but a romantic partner, that's totally possible too. I'm at one of the large 200+ schools and I'd say at this point (halfway through M2) about 20% of my class is schtupping each other.
 
CyrilFiggis said:
There's only between 80-200 people in a med school class. You're in class, lab, small group every day with them. You'll find your group. There are tons of personalities. If you're looking for not only friends but a romantic partner, that's totally possible too. I'm at one of the large 200+ schools and I'd say at this point (halfway through M2) about 20% of my class is schtupping each other.
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"schtupping" :laugh::laugh::laugh:
 
it'll be fine. classes are big enough that you'll find people you get along with.
 
I'm the exact same way, OP. I come from a big state school and was also involved in Greek life. I'm pretty outgoing and like to have a good time. I've met some of those super intense pre meds at interviews who just wanna talk scores, classes, etc or God forbid, politics but I've also met people who are like me. I think once we go to med school we'll find our own group of friends to mesh with, I wouldn't worry!
 
I’ve been so fortunate to have found a medical school where students take being chill and social seriously haha. I have the kind of friends here who will pool our resources to buy a super cheap outdoor trampoline off Craigslist and keep it in a backyard for our after-class bouncing pleasures.

Pay close attention to the vibe of students on your interview day. My school by far had the friendliest interview day with students genuinely enthusiastic about the school, and that held true.
 
My school was pretty cliquish. It didn't have mandatory lectures, so the people that went to lecture together became groups. I met a handful of people that I liked and still keep in touch with. Most of my friends during medical school were my original friends from before then. Otherwise, I only saw others when I came to campus for mandatory lab sessions, PBL sessions, and exams. I didn't really fit in, but as @Matthew9Thirtyfive said, you're there to become a doctor and not make friends.
 
You're bound to find someone or a small group of someones that you connect with in a class of 125+ people. I keep in touch with a few people from my interview day at one school, and thanks to Snapchat & now FB I see how awesome they are and how much in common we have. And that's just a teeny little group I've met already. You'll find your people.
 
Matthew9Thirtyfive said:
I'm going there to become a doctor, not make friends. If I do, that's a happy side effect.
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This is such a banal trope. Who isn't in medical school to become a doctor? Med school is not that difficult or time consuming that you can't develop meaningful relationships even just professional ones. I know you're well intentioned, but it just makes you sound like a d**k.
 
CyrilFiggis said:
This is such a banal trope. Who isn't in medical school to become a doctor? Med school is not that difficult or time consuming that you can't develop meaningful relationships even just professional ones. I know you're well intentioned, but it just makes you sound like a d**k.
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How? I dont get why you guys put making friends and fitting in on such a high pedestal.
 
Sunbodi said:
How? I dont get why you guys put making friends and fitting in on such a high pedestal.
Click to expand...

Nice to see a fine example where of all the "I've created problems for myself due to my lack of social skills" threads in allo and residency boards come from.
 
I think this sentiment is true for professional schools in general. A buddy of mine is in law school and just assumed it'd be somewhat analogous to college in terms of sociability. Totally wrong; he's made like two friends in three years. And he would be the first to tell you its not because he spends a lot of time studying, which he doesnt.

That said, I do believe if you get involved in med school you will carve out a niche of like minded people. You're also likely to have to rely on your anatomy group for study help; all of the med students I've talked to have pointed there as where they made their first few friends in school. So dont sweat too much OP. you're gonna be fine. Your interview days not indicative of the complexion of your entire future class.
 
CyrilFiggis said:
This is such a banal trope. Who isn't in medical school to become a doctor? Med school is not that difficult or time consuming that you can't develop meaningful relationships even just professional ones. I know you're well intentioned, but it just makes you sound like a d**k.
Click to expand...

It makes me sound like an adult. I'm not there to socialize, I'm there to study and learn. If I form relationships while I'm there, that's a happy bonus. I do not need to network and mingle with my classmates to succeed. This isn't business school.
 
21Rush12 said:
It’s all well and good to not need anyone, until you’re elbows deep in a cadaver and you need to turn a page.
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I'm concerned at the inability of many people in this thread to parse out the difference between not trying to make friends and being rude. Just because you don't seek to fit in with any groups and don't seek out friendships and relationships doesn't mean that a) you won't naturally develop some friendships, or b) that you are necessarily rude to people and isolated.
 
Matthew9Thirtyfive said:
I'm concerned at the inability of many people in this thread to parse out the difference between not trying to make friends and being rude. Just because you don't seek to fit in with any groups and don't seek out friendships and relationships doesn't mean that a) you won't naturally develop some friendships, or b) that you are necessarily rude to people and isolated.
Click to expand...
I mean, you're technically correct, but it does come off as somewhat "holier than thou," like "I don't need friends I'm in it for myself," which doesn't really sit well with a profession that is very team-oriented; you've got a lot of Type-A personalities here, of which many of us are social butterflies. It's also the dismissive tone that throws people off, I think.
 
begoood95 said:
I mean, you're technically correct, but it does come off as somewhat "holier than thou," like "I don't need friends I'm in it for myself," which doesn't really sit well with a profession that is very team-oriented; you've got a lot of Type-A personalities here, of which many of us are social butterflies. It's also the dismissive tone that throws people off, I think.
Click to expand...

That you're putting that sentiment onto it says more about you than me. I said I'm not worried about fitting in because I'm not trying to make friends, but if I make friends, that'll be a happy bonus. Nothing holier than thou about that.
 
Matthew9Thirtyfive said:
That you're putting that sentiment onto it says more about you than me. I said I'm not worried about fitting in because I'm not trying to make friends, but if I make friends, that'll be a happy bonus. Nothing holier than thou about that.
Click to expand...
What? How does that say anything about me? I'm telling you how most people are going to interpret what you've said, and part of being a functioning adult is realizing the affects of your words regardless of what you believe them or intend them to mean. I said I get what you're saying, but that you're perhaps coming off as brash and anti-social; I'm not saying that you are either of those things, but that running around the world with the idea, "doesn't matter what you think about my words; you're wrong" is a pretty dismissive and counter-productive way of carrying yourself about.
 
Sunbodi said:
How? I dont get why you guys put making friends and fitting in on such a high pedestal.
Click to expand...

Because for most people, having friends makes them happy. If someone prefers not to go through the effort to make friends in medical school and they're happy not having med school friends, that's totally fine. But for the majority of people, it's important for their mental and emotional wellbeing to have a network of friends who can relate to what they're going through.
 
begoood95 said:
What? How does that say anything about me? I'm telling you how most people are going to interpret what you've said, and part of being a functioning adult is realizing the affects of your words regardless of what you believe them or intend them to mean. I said I get what you're saying, but that you're perhaps coming off as brash and anti-social; I'm not saying that you are either of those things, but that running around the world with the idea, "doesn't matter what you think about my words; you're wrong" is a pretty dismissive and counter-productive way of carrying yourself about.
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General you, sorry. Should have said them.

But, no. I'm not. Saying I'm not trying to socialize a lot and make friends does not mean I'm antisocial. That's assuming things about me that weren't said. So when I say something and another person infers a bunch of stuff because of their own assumptions, that says stuff about them. I had a chief tell me that exact same line during an eval counseling, and I did not assume it meant he was antisocial or holier than thou--I assumed it meant he was at work to work.

He also had plenty of friends and socialized, but that wasn't who he was at work. I have friends and socialize with them, but I don't waste my time on campus talking about going out or other stuff. I will talk to the few people I've developed relationships with, but when it's time to study, it's time to study--and being on campus, it's mostly time to study.

Maybe it's a military thing.
 
Coltuna said:
Hello all,

Does anyone have fears going into med school that they may not find their niche within the class? It seems like most people I met while interviewing were very serious and intense. Was this just a product of the stressful nature of the interview day? I would consider myself a pretty normal if not outgoing person (prom court in high school, social chair of fraternity, etc) and am hoping that there are people like me out there in medical school who aren't so tightly wound. I know med school is a time to buckle down to study, but I would still like to have friends that I can go have a beer with on the weekends and let loose with after exams.
Click to expand...

I agree with most of above, I think SLW is a better indication of people's characters and their social expectations for medical school than the interview just because everyone at SLW is already accepted. Also something I've noticed is that for most of the interviews I've attended (specifically private schools), the students come from different geographical regions than where they call home (not including California schools). That would mean that most people probably don't know anyone or have an established social network when they matriculate. I think most people will be in your shoes OP and as long as you're not socially awkward or anti-social, you'll be able to form a great social network in medical school.
 
WingedOx said:
Nice to see a fine example where of all the "I've created problems for myself due to my lack of social skills" threads in allo and residency boards come from.
Click to expand...
Choosing not to rely on friendships doesn't mean I have terrible social skills. I have friends, I like them, this doesn't mean I need to have friends. If I need comfort, there is such a thing as pets. I can live life happily going home to a puppy, and relaxing.
 
Sunbodi said:
Choosing not to rely on friendships doesn't mean I have terrible social skills. I have friends, I like them, this doesn't mean I need to have friends. If I need comfort, there is such a thing as pets. I can live life happily going home to a puppy, and relaxing.
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uhh yeah, that's a red flag if I ever saw one.
 
WingedOx said:
uhh yeah, that's a red flag if I ever saw one.
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What's a red flag? Pfft, stop projecting. Just because you're dependent on other people to live doesn't mean I have to be. Humans are social creatures this does not mean that they should be crippled in the absence of friendship. You can have interactions with humans, be well spoken, sociable, but not care to have friends.

Some people have other priorities in life. I can make friends at any stage in my life. My career goals and aspirations just happen to be more rigid than making friendships that will eventually end.

You can live life however you want but don't look down upon my culture and the way I was raised.
 
Lannister said:
it's important for their mental and emotional wellbeing to have a network of friends who can relate to what they're going through.
Click to expand...
Wow this thread got a lot more responses than I thought it would haha. Thank you to all who took the time to respond! Quoted above hit the nail on the head for me.
 
Sunbodi said:
What's a red flag? Pfft, stop projecting. Just because you're dependent on other people to live doesn't mean I have to be. Humans are social creatures this does not mean that they should be crippled in the absence of friendship. You can have interactions with humans, be well spoken, sociable, but not care to have friends.

Some people have other priorities in life. I can make friends at any stage in my life. My career goals and aspirations just happen to be more rigid than making friendships that will eventually end.

You can live life however you want but don't look down upon my culture and the way I was raised.
Click to expand...

Eh, you do you, but those of us who've been thru this ringer enough to see who rises and who falls in this game aren't going to validate you on this.
 
WingedOx said:
uhh yeah, that's a red flag if I ever saw one.
Click to expand...
Really? To enjoy just going home and relaxing and not going out/hanging out all the time?

It's pretty normal IMO. Maybe in undergrad, with young people, my classmates were like this... but after undergrad, most bets are off. I have some coworkers I regularly go to breakfast with after work and text every now and then to say hello, but I don't hang out with them much outside of work. Have a few other friends I usually talk to on the phone once every couple of months and see 2-3 times per year, but that's it. People have lives... most have husbands/wives and children, and they'd rather spend their time there than hanging out with friends. I'd also rather spend time with my husband than other people for the most part. That's why I married him - I genuinely enjoy his company.

I'd say my best friend in the world and I have seen each other in person less than five times in the past two years. I don't particularly find it threatening to our friendship, or that anything is wrong with us as people, that we just don't have time to go see each other. Just talked to her for two hours on the phone last week. We do our catching up in spurts.

A lot of people going to med school are adults, not those torn halfway between adults and teenagers kids from undergrad.
 
calivianya said:
Really? To enjoy just going home and relaxing and not going out/hanging out all the time?

It's pretty normal IMO. Maybe in undergrad, with young people, my classmates were like this... but after undergrad, most bets are off. I have some coworkers I regularly go to breakfast with after work and text every now and then to say hello, but I don't hang out with them much outside of work. Have a few other friends I usually talk to on the phone once every couple of months and see 2-3 times per year, but that's it. People have lives... most have husbands/wives and children, and they'd rather spend their time there than hanging out with friends. I'd also rather spend time with my husband than other people for the most part. That's why I married him - I genuinely enjoy his company.

I'd say my best friend in the world and I have seen each other in person less than five times in the past two years. I don't particularly find it threatening to our friendship, or that anything is wrong with us as people, that we just don't have time to go see each other. Just talked to her for two hours on the phone last week. We do our catching up in spurts.

A lot of people going to med school are adults, not those torn halfway between adults and teenagers kids from undergrad.
Click to expand...
I agree with everything you have to say. I feel as though many of the people criticising these behaviors are still at the point in life where they rely on friends for every aspect of life.

I'm not sure where people found the need to criticize @Matthew9Thirtyfive because he thinks there is more to career aspirations than trying to make friends. He clearly indicated it's a benefit to make friends but not his priority.

And then we had others who criticized me because I stated I could live without friends while solely focusing on my education. I clearly stated I would have my whole life to make friends but my main priority is my education at this point in my life.

I'm not sure if individuals in this thread are simply emotionally immature or they're trying to find reasons to argue. 🙄

Anyways, I'm done with this. I've purposefully ignored two posts targeting me. I have no need to explain my lack of reliance and upbringing to emotionally dependent individuals.
 
"Hey, horse. You dead?" Pokes horse. Doesn't move. Grabs 2x4. *whack*whack*whack*whack*
 
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