second gap year- pressure from parents

[fleur64]

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Hi everyone,
I am in need of some advice/motivation. I graduated college in may and have great EC. My gpa is 3.72 and my sgpa is 3.63. I was planning on applying this cycle but unfortunately my July mcat didn't go as well and I had to void. Coming from a super strict family, my parents are forcing me to take my mcat this September but I know that will not happen since I need to study more. Also, the first time I took my mcat I scored a 23, so I cant mess up anymore. I have been scoring 86th percentile in terms of the new exam, but I do wish to take more time out to practice. This all this being said, I plan to take my mcat this following January and apply next cycle.

Do you guys think this is okay? I will most likely get a research job and be published in the meantime.
Also, how should I convince my parents. I think they are at a point where they might just kick me out of their house for embarrassing them.

Any motivation/advice would be great.

 

[NotASerialKiller]

Hi everyone,
I am in need of some advice/motivation. I graduated college in may and have great EC. My gpa is 3.72 and my sgpa is 3.63. I was planning on applying this cycle but unfortunately my July mcat didn't go as well and I had to void. Coming from a super strict family, my parents are forcing me to take my mcat this September but I know that will not happen since I need to study more. Also, the first time I took my mcat I scored a 23, so I cant mess up anymore. I have been scoring 86th percentile in terms of the new exam, but I do wish to take more time out to practice. This all this being said, I plan to take my mcat this following January and apply next cycle.

Do you guys think this is okay? I will most likely get a research job and be published in the meantime.
Also, how should I convince my parents. I think they are at a point where they might just kick me out of their house for embarrassing them.

Any motivation/advice would be great.

There was a recent thread by @lalex about this issue, you should check it out. How important is pleasing your parents to you? Obviously taking the MCAT when you're not ready isn't an option regardless of how they react (but maybe you could write and void again if they actually won't let you not do it).

There is absolutely nothing wrong with taking the time you need to do well on the MCAT. It sounds like you have plenty to do this year, so you're in fine shape with a decent score for next application cycle.

It's going to be really hard to get helpful advice about your specific family situation without more context. Do you come from a culture where it is expected that children do as their parents say, even as adults? Is this something that you respect? Do you otherwise have a good relationship with your parents? Is maintain a good relationship with them important you? Even after knowing the answers to all these questions, unless someone comes from a similar culture/background it would be hard to put themselves in your shoes. You just have to be honest about what's important to you, while not sabotaging your career in doing so.

 

[Lawpy]

There was a recent thread by @lalex about this issue, you should check it out. How important is pleasing your parents to you? Obviously taking the MCAT when you're not ready isn't an option regardless of how they react (but maybe you could write and void again if they actually won't let you not do it).

There is absolutely nothing wrong with taking the time you need to do well on the MCAT. It sounds like you have plenty to do this year, so you're in fine shape with a decent score for next application cycle.

It's going to be really hard to get helpful advice about your specific family situation without more context. Do you come from a culture where it is expected that children do as their parents say, even as adults? Is this something that you respect? Do you otherwise have a good relationship with your parents? Is maintain a good relationship with them important you? Even after knowing the answers to all these questions, unless someone comes from a similar culture/background it would be hard to put themselves in your shoes. You just have to be honest about what's important to you, while not sabotaging your career in doing so.

Excellent post. There are two important points here.

1. Take the MCAT whenever you are ready. Having a good mindset is critical to succeed in this exam.

2. Address your parents' concerns in a calm, reasonable way.

I understand the traditional culture OP, lalex and others grew up. @LizzyM mentioned elsewhere a great advice stating that the strictness of parents is really due to their concern of their children's sidetracking from their goals. By taking more years off to focus on app building and enjoying time off, parents become concerned that their children may wonder too astray from the career of medicine and do something else entirely. It is understandable.

OP, your job is to reassure your parents that it won't be the case. Medical schools aren't going anywhere, so do what you need to prepare the best possible application to get into medical school in first try and make your parents proud (and let them give a sigh of relief).

 

[fleur64]

There was a recent thread by @lalex about this issue, you should check it out. How important is pleasing your parents to you? Obviously taking the MCAT when you're not ready isn't an option regardless of how they react (but maybe you could write and void again if they actually won't let you not do it).

There is absolutely nothing wrong with taking the time you need to do well on the MCAT. It sounds like you have plenty to do this year, so you're in fine shape with a decent score for next application cycle.

It's going to be really hard to get helpful advice about your specific family situation without more context. Do you come from a culture where it is expected that children do as their parents say, even as adults? Is this something that you respect? Do you otherwise have a good relationship with your parents? Is maintain a good relationship with them important you? Even after knowing the answers to all these questions, unless someone comes from a similar culture/background it would be hard to put themselves in your shoes. You just have to be honest about what's important to you, while not sabotaging your career in doing so.

Hey,
I just saw the thread after I posted this. I considered taking the mcat again and voiding but I feel like in their eyes that is my last attempt. If I void, they will think that I do not what it takes to become a doctor and that I should just switch career choices.

My parents were understanding when I was doing well in school. It was a major issue when I decided to take one gap year, but after seeing that my cousins did too they came to accept it. But now that I am considering taking another gap year, they are so upset. My mom says she cant call others since she is embarrassed to talk about me. My dad has completely stopped talking to me. Today was the breaking point, since they actually said I should just leave the house. We have always had a good relationship but this is hitting me hard since I would have never expected this. I am thinking that if I just leave early every morning for research and come back late at night, they will stop worrying. Out of sight, out of mind. But idk, what else I can do to make them understand.

 

[fleur64]

Excellent post. There are two important points here.

1. Take the MCAT whenever you are ready. Having a good mindset is critical to succeed in this exam.

2. Address your parents' concerns in a calm, reasonable way.

I understand the traditional culture OP, lalex and others grew up. @LizzyM mentioned elsewhere a great advice stating that the strictness of parents is really due to their concern of their children's sidetracking from their goals. By taking more years off to focus on app building and enjoying time off, parents become concerned that their children may wonder too astray from the career of medicine and do something else entirely. It is understandable.

OP, your job is to reassure your parents that it won't be the case. Medical schools aren't going anywhere, so do what you need to prepare the best possible application to get into medical school in first try and make your parents proud (and let them give a sigh of relief).

I have explained to them using graphs and white boards. I have had doctors talk to them and even family friends that are doctors. But somehow, every couple days I get the talk about how I am a failure and an embarrassment.

 

[NotASerialKiller]

I have explained to them using graphs and white boards. I have had doctors talk to them and even family friends that are doctors. But somehow, every couple days I get the talk about how I am a failure and an embarrassment.

That's really tough, I'm sorry to hear that. Hopefully someone who is familiar with this sort of parent-child relationship can give you further advice, because I don't think most of us have any idea what this could be like. And of course everyone here would look at your stats and situation and say that you're doing a great job and are well on your way to going to medical school with a decent MCAT, and you have nothing to feel bad about in terms of your application.

Good luck, I really hope you find a way to cope with this!

 

[Lawpy]

I have explained to them using graphs and white boards. I have had doctors talk to them and even family friends that are doctors. But somehow, every couple days I get the talk about how I am a failure and an embarrassment.

Well, that's not good. I recommend showing your parents SDN regarding the consequences of taking the MCAT haphazardly and applying in a rush with a bad app. More specifically, your parents should read the critical posts presented by @Goro @gyngyn @Catalystik @mimelim @gonnif and many others here (already mentioned LizzyM 😛).

Your parents are concerned about your progress and i understand. However, they also have to realize that you are helping yourself and them in the long run by taking time off to become a mature, independent, smart and dedicated adult, attractive attributes that make up a successful doctor in the end. So your parents shouldn't feel ashamed but to be supportive of your plans no matter what you do.

In regards to your parents' news to their friends, they can simply say you are working on productive jobs/research and thinking about medicine in the back. The pressure really isn't severe as they are imagining.

 

[Dr.Sticks]

Man! I thought my parents, well parent was bad.. Father doesn't understand EC, but leaves me to do what I want fortunately.

My advice would be to just ignore them completely. You can't make people who are very set in their ways understand anything ever. When you get in next cycle, you can brag about it to em'. That'll burn I bet!

 

[fleur64]

Thank you guys for understanding my situation. I think that I what I needed more than anything. Someone who understands that I am not just taking gap years because I am lazy.

Man! I thought my parents, well parent was bad.. Father doesn't understand EC, but leaves me to do what I want fortunately.

My advice would be to just ignore them completely. You can't make people who are very set in their ways understand anything ever. When you get in next cycle, you can brag about it to em'. That'll burn I bet!

When times get rough, I imagine getting accepted next cycle. But knowing how my parents are right now, I dont think they will even show up to my white coat ceremony or be happy when I get in. Ohh well

 

[Dr. Bob Doe]

Hi everyone,
I am in need of some advice/motivation. I graduated college in may and have great EC. My gpa is 3.72 and my sgpa is 3.63. I was planning on applying this cycle but unfortunately my July mcat didn't go as well and I had to void. Coming from a super strict family, my parents are forcing me to take my mcat this September but I know that will not happen since I need to study more. Also, the first time I took my mcat I scored a 23, so I cant mess up anymore. I have been scoring 86th percentile in terms of the new exam, but I do wish to take more time out to practice. This all this being said, I plan to take my mcat this following January and apply next cycle.

Do you guys think this is okay? I will most likely get a research job and be published in the meantime.
Also, how should I convince my parents. I think they are at a point where they might just kick me out of their house for embarrassing them.

Any motivation/advice would be great.

I am in the same situation with you in terms of the second gap year. Sit your parents down and tell them that it would be most injudicious if you were to take the MCAT any earlier than you were ready. Tell them that you will work hard and make them proud but please be patient. If they are still not moved then find temporary stay with a family member or close friend until you apply to med school. Good luck, you seem like a desirable candidate 🙂

 

[getdown]

Did you consider moving out of the house?

 

[fleur64]

Did you consider moving out of the house?

I have considered it but I do not think I want to take extreme measures just yet. A part of me thinks this will all settle down in a couple months or after I do well on my mcat. My parents mean a lot to me and I depend on them for my expenses. With intense mcat studying, I do not want to take on a job just yet. That being said, if my situation gets worse, I will most likely move out. I can handle a job and can find a roommate since there is a med school a couple miles from my house.

 

[bluepeach9]

Thank you guys for understanding my situation. I think that I what I needed more than anything. Someone who understands that I am not just taking gap years because I am lazy.
When times get rough, I imagine getting accepted next cycle. But knowing how my parents are right now, I dont think they will even show up to my white coat ceremony or be happy when I get in. Ohh well

OP I completely understand your situation. Coming from a traditional South Asian family, I've faced immense pressure to get into medical school. I always figured I would just be the typical Indian and go straight from high school to med school (like in my country), but then I found myself having to go from college to med school (in America) and now, I find myself taking a gap year and then (hopefully) going to med school. I never expected any of this, and my parents certainly didn't expect it either. I also postponed my MCAT several times and I am thinking of writing in Jan. now instead of September.

I have considered it but I do not think I want to take extreme measures just yet. A part of me thinks this will all settle down in a couple months or after I do well on my mcat. My parents mean a lot to me and I depend on them for my expenses. With intense mcat studying, I do not want to take on a job just yet. That being said, if my situation gets worse, I will most likely move out. I can handle a job and can find a roommate since there is a med school a couple miles from my house.

I don't think you should take any extreme measures yet…I feel it's difficult to go through this process without a family beside you. I suggest that you once again try to patiently explain to your parents why you think this is best for you. Show them real data…for example, show them a September MCAT has little chances of success since it's so late in the cycle. Try to convince them that by taking time off, you could get into a top school! Tell them that by taking the MCAT when you're not ready, you could jeopardize your whole chance at med schools. This is what I did when I explained my situation to my parents. I also wrote down a well-thought out list of gap year activities, including some prestigious opportunities that I was going to apply to. I applied to my dad's company for internships and that made him happy. In addition, I sent them videos that were posted from the deans of schools like JHU and UPenn, who explained the process and the possible implications of applying late, having a low MCAT, poor EC's, etc.

I really hope you figure everything out! I also imagine getting accepted next cycle and fulfilling all my dreams 🙂 I think your parents will be extremely proud of you then! This is just one of those "neurotic parents" phase, and if you're Asian, I hope you know that this happens to all of us, and not just you. Good luck with everything! I can't wait to see your future posts of unbelievable joy when you get accepted

 

[StudyLater]

God. The thematic consistency of the threads on this board lately is kind of freaking me out.

Problems with parents.
How to make bank.

That's like 6-7 of the threads on this board right now.

 

[StudyLater]

Hi everyone,
I am in need of some advice/motivation. I graduated college in may and have great EC. My gpa is 3.72 and my sgpa is 3.63. I was planning on applying this cycle but unfortunately my July mcat didn't go as well and I had to void. Coming from a super strict family, my parents are forcing me to take my mcat this September but I know that will not happen since I need to study more. Also, the first time I took my mcat I scored a 23, so I cant mess up anymore. I have been scoring 86th percentile in terms of the new exam, but I do wish to take more time out to practice. This all this being said, I plan to take my mcat this following January and apply next cycle.

Do you guys think this is okay? I will most likely get a research job and be published in the meantime.
Also, how should I convince my parents. I think they are at a point where they might just kick me out of their house for embarrassing them.

Any motivation/advice would be great.

You read this board. You know this is perfectly fine for you to do. Whether or not it's fine with your parents is a different issue. Have you attempted to explain the situation to them systematically? Are they aware that a gap year is totally normal?? Do they know you could even strengthen your application by taking the extra time to beef up research + ECs??

I would recommend moving out if it's no skin off your nose and you are adept at living cheaply. The, what, maybe 10-15k you'd make during this year with a job isn't gonna scratch your eventual debt, so that's not a big deal in the long run. It will be easier in that your fate would be entirely up to you, but it will make things harder in that....your fate would be entirely up to you. If you don't trust yourself to have the personal resolve to push yourself through this, then don't separate yourself from the support network that gives you the strength to push forward.

Oh, and if you do leave and completely cut yourself off, make sure you're aware you need to make arrangements to get aid for app fees.

 

[Petrichor1]

I have explained to them using graphs and white boards. I have had doctors talk to them and even family friends that are doctors. But somehow, every couple days I get the talk about how I am a failure and an embarrassment.

I sometimes never understand why parents tell every walking stranger your history and ambitions while telling you to stop revealing their own plans. I get how they are proud of you but there is a limit when they start making stuff up to impress people or that they (in their emotions) get so attached to dictating your thoughts and life. If I were a parent, I would definitely speak very little of my child and when they become someone great, then I would take the liberty to boast about their achievements. Not only does revealing your child's ambitions hurt your ego when you decide to go unconventional but it also hurts the child when strangers/relatives that your parents have told everything about you come up and try pulling your leg by asking questions that only put salt on the wound. When you try clearing the matter up and toning down all the bull your parents have fed, people somehow seem less impressed by you and may even put you way below the totem pole because your parents put so much expectations to your image that somehow when met in real life you weren't really that awesome. Just don't let that put you down though. What I've lived by is live your life accordingly. You're a sensible human being who clearly has a fair amount of education, so whatever you decide to do with be in the best interests of what makes you happy and successful. Been reading too many of these threads to count and I think you guys must have some really nervous parents that should have become doctors themselves to be paying too much attention on their children's lives.

 

[StudyLater]

I have explained to them using graphs and white boards. I have had doctors talk to them and even family friends that are doctors. But somehow, every couple days I get the talk about how I am a failure and an embarrassment.

It kind of reminds me of getting bullied sometimes. You can't just walk past the mean jocks to your locker. There always has to be a f*cking confrontation.

You either stick it out or take your fate into your own hands. The ball is in your court @fleur64 -- better do something fast before you get chin checked.

 

[fleur64]

OP I completely understand your situation. Coming from a traditional South Asian family, I've faced immense pressure to get into medical school. I always figured I would just be the typical Indian and go straight from high school to med school (like in my country), but then I found myself having to go from college to med school (in America) and now, I find myself taking a gap year and then (hopefully) going to med school. I never expected any of this, and my parents certainly didn't expect it either. I also postponed my MCAT several times and I am thinking of writing in Jan. now instead of September.



I don't think you should take any extreme measures yet…I feel it's difficult to go through this process without a family beside you. I suggest that you once again try to patiently explain to your parents why you think this is best for you. Show them real data…for example, show them a September MCAT has little chances of success since it's so late in the cycle. Try to convince them that by taking time off, you could get into a top school! Tell them that by taking the MCAT when you're not ready, you could jeopardize your whole chance at med schools. This is what I did when I explained my situation to my parents. I also wrote down a well-thought out list of gap year activities, including some prestigious opportunities that I was going to apply to. I applied to my dad's company for internships and that made him happy. In addition, I sent them videos that were posted from the deans of schools like JHU and UPenn, who explained the process and the possible implications of applying late, having a low MCAT, poor EC's, etc.

I really hope you figure everything out! I also imagine getting accepted next cycle and fulfilling all my dreams 🙂 I think your parents will be extremely proud of you then! This is just one of those "neurotic parents" phase, and if you're Asian, I hope you know that this happens to all of us, and not just you. Good luck with everything! I can't wait to see your future posts of unbelievable joy when you get accepted

Yeah, I am going to have to try to talk to them again. I have listed out my activities before and explained how each one will improve my chances of getting into a better medical school. I am Asian, so I am really hoping that this is all just a phase and ends soon. Good luck with your studies as well 🙂

I sometimes never understand why parents tell every walking stranger your history and ambitions while telling you to stop revealing their own plans. I get how they are proud of you but there is a limit when they start making stuff up to impress people or that they (in their emotions) get so attached to dictating your thoughts and life. If I were a parent, I would definitely speak very little of my child and when they become someone great, then I would take the liberty to boast about their achievements. Not only does revealing your child's ambitions hurt your ego when you decide to go unconventional but it also hurts the child when strangers/relatives that your parents have told everything about you come up and try pulling your leg by asking questions that only put salt on the wound. When you try clearing the matter up and toning down all the bull your parents have fed, people somehow seem less impressed by you and may even put you way below the totem pole because your parents put so much expectations to your image that somehow when met in real life you weren't really that awesome. Just don't let that put you down though. What I've lived by is live your life accordingly. You're a sensible human being who clearly has a fair amount of education, so whatever you decide to do with be in the best interests of what makes you happy and successful. Been reading too many of these threads to count and I think you guys must have some really nervous parents that should have become doctors themselves to be paying too much attention on their children's lives.

This was great advice, and something I really needed to hear.

It kind of reminds me of getting bullied sometimes. You can't just walk past the mean jocks to your locker. There always has to be a f*cking confrontation.

You either stick it out or take your fate into your own hands. The ball is in your court @fleur64 -- better do something fast before you get chin checked.

I have tried to address the situation so many times before that at this point I think its best for me to just not talk and live in my parents house just for the resources I can get. If it gets worse and starts affecting my studying, I will probably move out.

 

[StudyLater]

I have tried to address the situation so many times before that at this point I think its best for me to just not talk and live in my parents house just for the resources I can get. If it gets worse and starts affecting my studying, I will probably move out.

Yeah it's a sh*tty situation but as long as it's manageable then you'll get through it and move on to greener pastures.

Oh wait no you'll move on to med school.

 

[wuhsabee]

A