seeking advice on relationships with med students

Slera1

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I have been with a wonderful guy for 5 years. He is pursuing a medical career. I know that it is his dream to become a doctor and be someone. we have gone through some hard times but I know that those times are going to look like cake. I am scared that I will hold him back or completely lose him when its all over. I don't know if I can be in the back seat of his life. I have always been number one and I don't know how to be understanding when I don't feel like he cares about how I feel. There is this guy that says his wife changed for the worse and reading his story makes me wonder if that is what will happen to me. My boyfriend has never handled stress well and has a hard time controlling his anger. He has taken some of he anger a directed it my way.... he has never hit me..... he always apologizes for blowing up at me. How will I be able to handle it daily? What will help me survive the next few years? I wanted to marry him and eventually have children but getting through the next 5 years is going to be hell on my relationship. He tells me he needs me there to get him through this but how and I going to get through it myself. Can any one give me advice on how to keep my relationship alive, maybe someone that has been through it can give me pointers. Any advice is welcome just please help?

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I have been with a wonderful guy for 5 years. He is pursuing a medical career. I know that it is his dream to become a doctor and be someone. we have gone through some hard times but I know that those times are going to look like cake. I am scared that I will hold him back or completely lose him when its all over. I don't know if I can be in the back seat of his life. I have always been number one and I don't know how to be understanding when I don't feel like he cares about how I feel. There is this guy that says his wife changed for the worse and reading his story makes me wonder if that is what will happen to me. My boyfriend has never handled stress well and has a hard time controlling his anger. He has taken some of he anger a directed it my way.... he has never hit me..... he always apologizes for blowing up at me. How will I be able to handle it daily? What will help me survive the next few years? I wanted to marry him and eventually have children but getting through the next 5 years is going to be hell on my relationship. He tells me he needs me there to get him through this but how and I going to get through it myself. Can any one give me advice on how to keep my relationship alive, maybe someone that has been through it can give me pointers. Any advice is welcome just please help?

A)I would not marry anyone that ever verbally insulted me or attacked me in a personal way. B) I would not stay with anyone who I was unsure if I wanted to stay with.

That being said, if you want to make it work then either he is going to have to change or you are going to have to change. Chances are he is unwilling to change, and so it is up to you to do so if you want to keep the relationship from falling apart.
 
I married my husband during his second year of medical school. I had my own career that kept me busy and I traveled a lot, so the number of hours he spent at school and studying weren't an issue. Boy did that change during Residency when we had children. Learning to balance his lack of time at home, and keeping our relationship strong took a lot of adjustment. I urge you to find other spouses or significant others to talk to. The support you will find from these friendships will last a lifetime. We stay in touch with many of the couples we knew in medical school and Residency.
 
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A)I would not marry anyone that ever verbally insulted me or attacked me in a personal way.

:rolleyes:

Awesome advice, are you 12? Have you ever had a serious relationship? EVER?

everyone fights, everyone. If guys could fight with their masturbatory hand and women with their dildos, they would.

Seriously tho, keep plugging away, 5th grade will end sooner than you think!!
 
:rolleyes:

Awesome advice, are you 12? Have you ever had a serious relationship? EVER?

everyone fights, everyone. If guys could fight with their masturbatory hand and women with their dildos, they would.

Seriously tho, keep plugging away, 5th grade will end sooner than you think!!

Yes I have had serious relationships, and no I did not experience arguing at anytime. The difference between you and I? You are willing to settle for that kind of relationship, whereas I would not be. In the future, refrain from equating your own personal experiences with everyone elses.
 
Yes I have had serious relationships, and no I did not experience arguing at anytime.

Hold it, its now "no arguing at anytime"? buhahahahahahahahah...(catches breath)..buhahahahahahahahahaha

So basically you only date people with pretty much no opinions whatsoever on anything.
 
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Hold it, its now "no arguing at anytime"? buhahahahahahahahah...(catches breath)..buhahahahahahahahahaha

So basically you only date people with pretty much no opinions whatsoever on anything.

No, basically I date people who either have almost everything in common with me or are rational enough to realize that arguing (not debating) is unnecessary. Much more can be accomplished with a calm approach to any issue that arises. I am not saying that everyone has these kinds of relationships, I said that that is how I do things. There is absolutely no chance that I would ever marry anyone who yelled at me or verbally abused me. End of story. We all have different expectations when it comes to relationships and marriage. Is that so hard for you to believe?
 
No, basically I date people who either have almost everything in common with me or are rational enough to realize that arguing (not debating) is unnecessary. Much more can be accomplished with a calm approach to any issue that arises. I am not saying that everyone has these kinds of relationships, I said that that is how I do things. There is absolutely no chance that I would ever marry anyone who yelled at me or verbally abused me. End of story. We all have different expectations when it comes to relationships and marriage. Is that so hard for you to believe?

The end of the story is you are extremely non-confrontational, so much so that a mere argument can send you over the edge, this is a fairly severe character flaw, work on it.

And That bodes VERY ILL for a career in medicine, so I would seriously rethink the whole premed thing.

Confrontation, argument and emotional "debate" are very much part of a normal business life in the grown up world and relationships. You are doomed to failure, repeated failure, by running/avoiding this. You will fail in business/professional world, you will fail in relationships and you will blame it on a cruel world.

Stop coddling your inner weakness, purge it. Embrace strength.

Before its too late.

And to end my post, a famous American leader once said:
History does not long entrust the care of freedom to the weak or the timid

~Peace out
 
I think it would be good for your boyfriend to take some stress and anger management classes
couples counseling before you marry....
YES all people disagree in relationships, but once there is a person who can't control themselves it could escalate- this isn't ALWAYS true but more often than not it is, yes he apologizes after, but how soon after does he blow up again?
and once your married and there is more stress, bills, med school, possible children how much more stress will there be and how much more blowing up will there be... :confused:
 
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