Serious Relationship that's 4 hrs away

[V4viet]

Hey guys I'm going to school in Ohio and my gf live in Indianapolis. I was wondering how hard is it to have relationship in med school? and how often can you talk on the phone and see each other..we were aiming for once every 3 -4 weeks? that's possible right? how do u guys handle stress that come w/ school and relationship? also w/ the little fights.how do u handle that w/ studying..b/c i know i can't do anything until i resolve our problems..We're really serious about each other and want to make it work.so any advice or heads up would help.. thank you so much for reading..your advices and feedback are much appreciated..

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[bkpa2med]

Be patient dude. It'll all work out. I'm going to be 6 hrs away (drivewise) from my gf. But I know we will make it work. Keep that in mind yourself. If you want it to work, it will.

 

[spospo]

i'm about to do the same thing......just a lttle farther apart. 2 time zones to be exact. who knows how often we will be able to fly and see eachother - i will be a poor med student, he will be a teacher if he is lucky enough to find a job. i have been given a lot of advise and i have heard a lot from nay-sayers as well. as long as both of you are committed to making it work, know that it will be tough at times, and are both flexible about it, then the long distance thing will be easier. if someone has high expectations of it being just like it was before, then you will run into some trouble.

 

[brittanykgw]

I have been in a long distance relationship for the past 2 years, and will be for at least the next year. It is definitely doable, but it does take hard work and excellent communication. Remember that the "little things" count - text messages, e-mail, etc. There will be though times, but try to resolve those issues quickly. Good luck!

 

[DrZion]

i'm about to do the same thing......just a lttle farther apart. 2 time zones to be exact. who knows how often we will be able to fly and see eachother - i will be a poor med student, he will be a teacher if he is lucky enough to find a job. i have been given a lot of advise and i have heard a lot from nay-sayers as well. as long as both of you are committed to making it work, know that it will be tough at times, and are both flexible about it, then the long distance thing will be easier. if someone has high expectations of it being just like it was before, then you will run into some trouble.

Would you still say the same if u and your partner are looking to marry soon. He really doesn't wanna move cos he doesn't like the place but i don't mind going back and forth. He really does not believe a marriage like that can work. I am bent on going to school but run the risk of loosing him.

 

[katiedid919]

So overall, long distance relationships are miserable and take a lot of work. I did the long distance thing through all of undergrad (12 + hour driving distance) and then for the past two years of med school (4 + hour) and finally after all that time we'll be in the same city in a few weeks

Honestly, i'd never recommend anyone to do what we did...but that being said it is totally do-able if you have to. I saw my bf at least once every month in med school, which was actually more than we saw each other in undergrad, and while i studied constantly we were still able to keep in touch. (But to be fair, he probably came to visit me more often then i went to visit him)

My biggest advice is never let a day go by without touching base with each other, even if its just a few minutes to figure out what the other person did that day. The worst part of the long distance thing is feeling like you don't know what's going on with the other person because you're not in the same place, so emails, phone calls, texts, IMs, etc. are key. But at the same time, its important for both you and your significant other to understand that you are in medical school and you can't visit as much as you'd like to. If it's meant to be, it'll be annoying and depressing, but completely possible.

Also, I think you'll notice that many of your classmates will be in long distance relationships starting school...and over the first few months, you'll notice many people will start to break up (at least that was the case at my school). Don't let that get to you, it's easy compare your relationship to other people's relationships.

I know this sounds a little negative, but I think it would be pretty hard to find someone who found a long distance relationship to be easy.

 

[Pekoe]

Remember that in person relationships are also hard. Four hours isn't that far. People in the military deal with rougher circumstances all the time.

You may make the time you have together matter. What is realistic for you two to get together? Being far apart is good to an extent because you won't have to be seeing each other every single day or several times a week. Let the stress from the relationship be where it is-- promise yourself that you won't let your grades suffer for it. The most important part of this is setting boundaries for what will intrude where and how much it can intrude. "Successful" -- does it mean that you will graduate from medical school, end in marriage, or both?

This being said. . . I am married with nine children and finishing up my BA with an eye towards a masters or med school. I am just learning to set these bounds with my family. (On is explaining to my 19 year old college freshman that catastrophes do not mean that I will drop everything during finals while she failed to plan properly!)

 

[V4viet]

Thank you so much for all of your replies..it really help me a lot..i wish you guys the best in your relationships..i certainly do need a lot of good wishes too..my 4 hrs away girlfriend is a business owner of sport bar and she'll also be bar tending at her bar too..obviously trust has to do a lot w/ this relationship and the environment that she'll be in is kind of hard for me to handle b/c my environment does not have a lot of temptation.. i'll certainly have weekends off if i really plan on it and study hard during the week..however, it'll be hard for her sometimes to get weekend off b/c it's the most busiest time for a sport bar.. she get home and all tire and want time to herself etc..what offend me is that she rather sit back and have time to herself b/c she's tire and cranky.. i miss her so much and i would give anything to talk to her for at least 1 hr even if I'm tire..i don't know why she prefer "me time"..i thought talking to your significant others is a great relaxation..certainly is for me..all that being said..I love her so much that i want to make this work..but it's hard sometimes b/c she's not as expressive as me..i need to hear "I miss you" more from her..do you guys know what im talking about? or have any feedbacks..please help me out..thank you ...

 

[Pekoe]

My princely husband did something for me during finals. He slipped a gift certificate to a massage/facial under my pillowcase* for me during my first semester back in college during finals week. If you see her on a weekend when she seems to need time to herself but wants to be with you, if you can afford it, consider a gift certificate to a massage or something like that under her pillow!

Are you artistic? Mail is also nice and a fun break from your studies. Get a little book of blank postcards and stamps and draw something like a germ or close up of a hair follicle. When I was dating a guy in the military and he was TDY, I "sent him herpes"-- his friends got a kick out of that. I let my husband know we were pregnant one of the times with my rendition of a pregnant Pilsbury Doughboy sent to him while he was on location for a month, "Nothin' says we're lovin' like somethin' in the oven!" Do the hair follicle, "I can't wait to run my fingers through your hair follicles." My dad was dying from cancer and I would draw pictures of his cancer and him beating it. I'd make the stamps work into this. Star Wars Stamps are out right now-- buy a few sheets and plan to use the force to stay in touch.

I just have way too much time on my hands, don't I?

Your gf sounds low maintenance. She'll appreciate the little things. If being alone is a big deal to her, make plans to see her once a month and really make it count. If you do the mail she will think of you whenever she passes her mailbox. Or any mailbox.

*We do things under the pillow case because a few years ago I was putting truffles under his pillowcase in little gold boxes during a rough time on his job. Night after night, he never said anything and never said anything so after a week, I was getting upset. I by chance went to put some clothes into the girls' room. . . and our four year old had chocolate on her lips and around her mouth! Six little gold boxes were under her bed! You'll have to get crafty if you have children in the house!