Short and Asian for men is pretty much the kiss of death for dating in America

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ShortDoctor

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I'm in shape, athletic and lift. I also dress well. I do everything possible to counteract women's revulsion of my shortness, but nothing really works. If you are a short and Asian man, the best you can hope for is some luck in finding a woman who doesn't mind. But again that requires luck. Any consistent chance of getting a date is almost nil. And please don't post any anecdotal stories about how you knew this one short AZN man who was a player. I also know a high school dropout who is currently making 500K a year, what I'm saying is based on trends, a short Asian is metaphorically effed in the dating game.
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If you feel so strongly that it is your appearance that is holding you back why don't you change it. You can get a surgery to increase your height and change your eyes shape. Problem solved.
 
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OP, you are correct, and for that, I am sorry. People will tell you to change this, change that, but I think it's better to accept your fate and bear what pain and suffering comes with it than to exacerbate them by grasping for something that will not happen.
 
I know 2 shorter asian guys who are doing okay-ish. They're both massive and extremely lean (bodybuilder physique). That's probably your only shot (serious).
 
Aren't short Asian women willing to date you? Or are you the one unwilling to date them, and only looking for tall white women? Just wondering if your preferences may also play into things.
 
There are some sexy short Asian guys out there. There was this guy I had a huge crush on freshman year... probably 5'7 half Japanese, totally built, like not an ounce of fat on him. Le sigh. If you have like a cross fit body, you should be fine
Signed- a tall white woman
 
touchpause13 said:
There are some sexy short Asian guys out there. There was this guy I had a huge crush on freshman year... probably 5'7 half Japanese, totally built, like not an ounce of fat on him. Le sigh. If you have like a cross fit body, you should be fine
Signed- a tall white woman
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I think OP should be aware that you're bisexual, so your tastes in general may not be mainstream. Just sayin'.
 
touchpause13 said:
There are some sexy short Asian guys out there. There was this guy I had a huge crush on freshman year... probably 5'7 half Japanese, totally built, like not an ounce of fat on him. Le sigh. If you have like a cross fit body, you should be fine
Signed- a tall white woman
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There's a difference between thinking someone's attractive and taking the plunge and dating them. The latter is invested with much more gravity and the stakes are a lot higher.
 
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mercaptovizadeh said:
I think OP should be aware that you're bisexual, so your tastes in general may not be mainstream. Just sayin'.
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Are you trying to imply that being jacked isn't highly desirable?

If you don't even lift, I can see why you'd say that.
 
studentp0x said:
Are you trying to imply that being jacked isn't highly desirable?

If you don't even lift, I can see why you'd say that.
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Where did I ever imply that. Of course women like a fit guy more than a fat guy, a lot. I was just pointing out that touchpause may not have the same tastes in general as your typical heterosexual woman - you know, the member of the human species the OP is targeting.
 
mercaptovizadeh said:
Where did I ever imply that. Of course women like a fit guy more than a fat guy, a lot. I was just pointing out that touchpause may not have the same tastes in general as your typical heterosexual woman - you know, the member of the human species the OP is targeting.
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A majority of people would find the same people attractive regardless of their sex. I wouldn't say big majority, but if you're targeting the majority of women... then a bisexual man's advice is fair. (And I was talking about comparing a guy who looks like they lift vs. the average guy 😉 )
 
studentp0x said:
A majority of people would find the same people attractive regardless of their sex. I wouldn't say big majority, but if you're targeting the majority of women... then a bisexual man's advice is fair. (And I was talking about comparing a guy who looks like they lift vs. the average guy 😉 )
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I'm not a dude... but I agree. Come on meow being swoll is a turn on for most people
 
How short are we talking and what type of girls are you looking to date? Not sure what OP was hoping to get out of this thread but we need more info.
 
First off, to address some misconceptions. Short women like "That Redhead" generally strongly prefer taller men and are usually antagonistic towards shorter men. I asked some of my female friends why this is and they said that being short is bad enough and they can't afford to be with a short guy, too. Some kind of vicarious experience. Most Asian women I see prefer white guys or at the very least a tall Asian male. In regards to what type of girl I want to date, I want to date a fit woman of normal intelligence and attractiveness. Should I lower my standards? I have never dated before and feel like I missed out. I should also mention if I haven't that I am an involuntary virgin pushing 35 years of age.
 
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ShortDoctor said:
First off, to address some misconceptions. Short women like "That Redhead" generally strongly prefer taller men and are usually antagonistic towards shorter men. I asked some of my female friends why this is and they said that being short is bad enough and they can't afford to be with a short guy, too. Some kind of vicarious experience. Most Asian women I see prefer white guys or at the very least a tall Asian male. In regards to what type of girl I want to date, I want to date a fit woman of normal intelligence and attractiveness. Should I lower my standards? I have never dated before and feel like I missed out. I should also mention if I haven't that I am an involuntary virgin pushing 35 years of age.
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Get a few hookers (srs).
 
rkaz said:
Boo. Where is the 'dislike' button?
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Oh please. What's going to happen when he eventually dates a girl who most certainly will have plenty of experience (given his age group) and he's terrible in bed (as all virgins are their first few times)?

Please, being an involuntarily virgin over 21 (for many even younger) is going to cause you problems in your head.
 
ShortDoctor said:
I'm in shape, athletic and lift. I also dress well. I do everything possible to counteract women's revulsion of my shortness, but nothing really works. If you are a short and Asian man, the best you can hope for is some luck in finding a woman who doesn't mind. But again that requires luck. Any consistent chance of getting a date is almost nil. And please don't post any anecdotal stories about how you knew this one short AZN man who was a player. I also know a high school dropout who is currently making 500K a year, what I'm saying is based on trends, a short Asian is metaphorically effed in the dating game.
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You are fine. I am a 5'5 Asian woman and I made a promise that I would never EVER date anyone my height or even an inch shorter. Guess what? after undergrad, I fell head over heel with a 5'5 Asian man in my anatomy class--this is just an estimation but he could have been an inch or two shorter than me; I mean who ask for another man's height especially if he is considerably short compared to the general population? We did not date since he was in a long term and serious relationship with another girl whom he met during undergrad but if he was not, we would have dated and even be in a serious relationship right now. The anatomy class was a semester long and we had a chance to get to know each other through lab times, group projects, and Facebok (the media does have a huge advantage for the dating scene). What attracted me to him was his personality and demeanor; he had an average look, he had small eyes, acne, and was a little bit muscular but I love how he did not care much about how he looked; he was definitely not Brad Pitt or Tom Cruise but I was totally okay with it. He was intelligent, academically smart, outgoing, friendly, and women dig these type of personalities.

My point is just focus on being and building yourself as a person and everything will follow 🙂 Women love men who are thoughtful and can take care of them so work on becoming that type of person and you WILL have a woman one day. Good luck!
 
konp said:
You are fine. I am a 5'5 Asian woman and I made a promise that I would never EVER date anyone my height or even an inch shorter. Guess what? after undergrad, I fell head over heel with a 5'5 Asian man in my anatomy class--this is just an estimation but he could have been an inch or two shorter than me; I mean who ask for another man's height especially if he is considerably short compared to the general population? We did not date since he was in a long term and serious relationship with another girl whom he met during undergrad but if he was not, we would have dated and even be in a serious relationship right now. The anatomy class was a semester long and we had a chance to get to know each other through lab times, group projects, and Facebok (the media does have a huge advantage for the dating scene). What attracted me to him was his personality and demeanor; he had an average look, he had small eyes, acne, and was a little bit muscular but I love how he did not care much about how he looked; he was definitely not Brad Pitt or Tom Cruise but I was totally okay with it. He was intelligent, academically smart, outgoing, friendly, and women dig these type of personalities.

My point is just focus on being and building yourself as a person and everything will follow 🙂 Women love men who are thoughtful and can take care of them so work on becoming that type of person and you WILL have a woman one day. Good luck!
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Apologies if I seem cynical, but I have heard many people say stuff like "I had a crush or I really liked this short Asian guy" but never actually had a relationship with him. Not saying you are being disingenuous, but sometimes it's easier to say oh I had an intermittent crush. To this day, you probably still haven't dated a short asian guy and you shouldn't if you don't want to. I'm just saying my situation kind of sucks. Being overworked probably plays a role in the degree of suckiness as well.
 
konp said:
You are fine. I am a 5'5 Asian woman and I made a promise that I would never EVER date anyone my height or even an inch shorter. Guess what? after undergrad, I fell head over heel with a 5'5 Asian man in my anatomy class--this is just an estimation but he could have been an inch or two shorter than me; I mean who ask for another man's height especially if he is considerably short compared to the general population? We did not date since he was in a long term and serious relationship with another girl whom he met during undergrad but if he was not, we would have dated and even be in a serious relationship right now. The anatomy class was a semester long and we had a chance to get to know each other through lab times, group projects, and Facebok (the media does have a huge advantage for the dating scene). What attracted me to him was his personality and demeanor; he had an average look, he had small eyes, acne, and was a little bit muscular but I love how he did not care much about how he looked; he was definitely not Brad Pitt or Tom Cruise but I was totally okay with it. He was intelligent, academically smart, outgoing, friendly, and women dig these type of personalities.

My point is just focus on being and building yourself as a person and everything will follow 🙂 Women love men who are thoughtful and can take care of them so work on becoming that type of person and you WILL have a woman one day. Good luck!
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You're forgetting he's 35 not 22 and has 0 experience.
I think it's best to keep advice realistic and to forward someone to fix themselves right away.

OP, I'd go for a couple escorts first to get the virginity monkey off your back and to get an idea for sex. Next, hit up some less attractive girls for casual fun. From there work towards getting a date with an average looking girl and going from there.
 
studentp0x said:
You're forgetting he's 35 not 22 and has 0 experience.
I think it's best to keep advice realistic and to forward someone to fix themselves right away.

OP, I'd go for a couple escorts first to get the virginity monkey off your back and to get an idea for sex. Next, hit up some less attractive girls for casual fun. From there work towards getting a date with an average looking girl and going from there.
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To behave this way would be to act against his conscience and what he is internally OK with. If he had been OK with it, he could easily have found hookers up till now. My take is that he's more like the 40 yo virgin and wants to have sex when it really counts. Which means he needs to figure out how to find the girl of his dreams, not bang hookers left and right as target practice (and get an STD or two in the process).
 
mercaptovizadeh said:
To behave this way would be to act against his conscience and what he is internally OK with. If he had been OK with it, he could easily have found hookers up till now. My take is that he's more like the 40 yo virgin and wants to have sex when it really counts. Which means he needs to figure out how to find the girl of his dreams, not bang hookers left and right as target practice (and get an STD or two in the process).
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You just described a voluntary virgin, and he said he's an involuntary one.

I'd say he has an unrealistic expectation, and I simply showed him the right path. Finding a decent girl at age 35 is hard enough for a tall attractive successful man, let alone finding a high quality girl whilst being 5'5 average looking...
Hookers let you get the virgin money off your back, and pave the way for a couple hook ups. From there, it gets easier to date a couple average women.

Most women in his age group will have slept with 5..10..15 guys (if they weren't a big slut). What do you think will happen when he's absolutely terrible in bed on their 3rd date? Now there goes his rare shot that he just had.

In terms of STDs, find yourself an expensive escort (>300$/hour) and you're safer than if you're picking up a bar slut.
 
So, it doesn't appear that OP is even asking for advice in his opening post. He appears to be venting. There's not a single question in the post.

Since no one else has moralized: Sex is sacred and not to be wasted on prostitutes. It is best in a committed relationship, and for me, that's only within legal and lawful marriage.

In my experience, the best place to find ladies that care more about your heart and personality more than your physical features is (you guessed it from my above moralizing) church.
 
Isha2018 said:
So, it doesn't appear that OP is even asking for advice in his opening post. He appears to be venting. There's not a single question in the post.

Since no one else has moralized: Sex is sacred and not to be wasted on prostitutes. It is best in a committed relationship, and for me, that's only within legal and lawful marriage.

In my experience, the best place to find ladies that care more about your heart and personality more than your physical features is (you guessed it from my above moralizing) church.
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pls go
 
OP what are your standards anyway? Like any people have said it's hard finding a "quality" person at any age really. For my friends who are involuntary virgins I usually find that their standards are too narrow, I'm not saying you should lower your standards just expand vertically.

Are you okay with dating girls taller than you? Different race, religion, career etc? I have a female friends who's 6ft some and black and she also complains about how she feels it's the kiss of death in female dating. She's very intelligent, sweet, cute and musically talented yet she doesn't get much play. Hmm hmm I wonder.

I know people have their type but I think it's better to be open minded.

Also plenty of short Asian dudes in my community do fine. I liked this one guy same height in HS but he started dating this other more popular girl, ugh lol. He wasn't super attractive actually he was intimidating, his nickname was murderer eyes, but he was a great friend and good to his gf, a lot of people liked his prickly outside but nice inside personality.

Honestly I think I'm cute but most guys seem to slowly grow to like me, lol I don't have lust at first sight looks. Just put some time into it OP. Cast your net.
 
No offense, OP, but this doesn't square with my experience at all. I'm shorter than you and happily married.

And Isha2018 is right - we met through church.
 
Im gonna give you honest advice. See if you can find a sex therapist that can find you a surrogate sex partner. Not a prostitute but a woman who is a professional at helping men with sexual problems and insecurities. Please watch this video . I'm a 25 y/o black guy and a virgin, and I'm gonna try really hard to lose it in med school. Girls may look down on hookers but they really do not understand how detrimental prolonged male virginity is.
 
norwood said:
There's nothing wrong with being a virgin. And any woman who rejects a potential man for being a virgin has issues of her own.
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I call bull.
For many people having sex is an integral part of adult relationships. Not having sex is a reasonable deal breaker IMO
 
norwood said:
It's not detrimental to anything.

There's nothing wrong with being a virgin. And any woman who rejects a potential man for being a virgin has issues of her own.
Click to expand...

Let me first second this but then also address the last sentence specifically. The only thing "detrimental" to virginity is your own comfort with it. In other words, it's essentially like your internal measure of how susceptible you are to peer pressure. Let's say some virgin gets an escort and they have sex. Then what's the difference between you yesterday and today? Yesterday you were "abnormal" and today you're "normal"? I'm sure most rational people would identify that this makes little sense.

The most frequently cited reason to randomly have sex -- whether someone is a virgin or not -- is so that you will not be awkward with the person you actually love. That's hilarious. First of all, as I've said before, if the person you actually love can't tolerate going through the process of the two of you learning to have sex with each other, then you don't love each other. Second of all, who practices on random people to prepare for your "true" love? Talk about monster rationalization (and pretty poor reasoning), but that's the best that people could come up with. There's also this widely-circulated statement that "actually, a man/woman would be turned off by a woman/man being a virgin because they're so bad at sex." This is usually used to cajole someone who is a virgin to have sex, interestingly enough, since I thought nobody wanted to have sex with them. It's basically people trying to drag other people down to their level. (By the way, this argument is also followed by "oh, and expecting someone to be a virgin at x age is unrealistic," which is also hilarious. You can see that people are just throwing arguments on the wall and seeing which one works.)
 
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When I go back onto the dating scene (soon), I'd be very happy to marry a virgin guy, assuming he'd never been married. My ex-H and I were virgins prior to our marriage, and sadly our marriage was brief for non-related issues. The next time I find someone I want to spend my life with, I also plan to avoid sex until I'm married to that person.
 
norwood said:
It's not detrimental to anything.

There's nothing wrong with being a virgin. And any woman who rejects a potential man for being a virgin has issues of her own.
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ruralsurg4now said:
Let me first second this but then also address the last sentence specifically. The only thing "detrimental" to virginity is your own comfort with it. In other words, it's essentially like your internal measure of how susceptible you are to peer pressure. Let's say some virgin gets an escort and they have sex. Then what's the difference between you yesterday and today? Yesterday you were "abnormal" and today you're "normal"? I'm sure most rational people would identify that this makes little sense.

The most frequently cited reason to randomly have sex -- whether someone is a virgin or not -- is so that you will not be awkward with the person you actually love. That's hilarious. First of all, as I've said before, if the person you actually love can't tolerate going through the process of the two of you learning to have sex with each other, then you don't love each other. Second of all, who practices on random people to prepare for your "true" love? Talk about monster rationalization (and pretty poor reasoning), but that's the best that people could come up with. There's also this widely-circulated statement that "actually, a man/woman would be turned off by a woman being a virgin because they're so bad at sex." This is usually used to cajole someone who is a virgin to have sex, interestingly enough, since I thought nobody wanted to have sex with them. It's basically people trying to drag other people down to their level. (By the way, this argument is also followed by "oh, and expecting someone to be a virgin at x age is unrealistic," which is also hilarious. You can see that people are just throwing arguments on the wall and seeing which one works.)
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rkaz said:
When I go back onto the dating scene (soon), I'd be very happy to marry a virgin guy, assuming he'd never been married. My ex-H and I were virgins prior to our marriage, and sadly our marriage was brief for non-related issues. The next time I find someone I want to spend my life with, I also plan to avoid sex until I'm married to that person.
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Agreed. There's nothing mentally abnormal about a virgin male. We don't go crazy, we don't lose our minds, we aren't less men or less human than guys who've whored around. Someone who's a virgin into his 30s clearly takes sex very seriously. He is the last person who should be randomly sleeping with hookers; I seriously fear that THAT is what would be detrimental to his health. He should find a group of people where he will be accepted and where he can meet potential dates (likely short, Asian, women), and try to meet a girl this way.
 
All of you who say its not a big deal are forgetting that he is an involuntary virgin. This is completely different from someone waiting for a right person/marriage. He is not waiting. He was just unable to get laid, period. He wants to get laid just like any average Joe, he just can't do it. I don't see how it is not detrimental to be unable to attract women who want to have sex with you for your entire life when you really want to while others are having no problem with that.
 
SunsFun said:
All of you who say its not a big deal are forgetting that he is an involuntary virgin.
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That really doesn't change anything because it's still just peer pressure that's the issue. Put it this way, say he has sex with a prostitute. Then, a week later what has changed? He's still involuntarily without sex, so that must mean prostitute time again. But that's not addressing the actual issue, is it?
 
Ironically, there is a ad at the top of SDN right now for "browsing 10000 single Asian women's profiles." OP should get on that.
 
ruralsurg4now said:
That really doesn't change anything because it's still just peer pressure that's the issue. Put it this way, say he has sex with a prostitute. Then, a week later what has changed? He's still involuntarily without sex, so that must mean prostitute time again. But that's not addressing the actual issue, is it?
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Nothing on the surface but I think that knowing you've been there done that can at least address some of his internal anxiety and personal insecurities. I personally would suggest hooking up with an unattractive normal girl over a prostitute. A lot of non-virgin guys do it to get back in a game if they haven't had much luck lately.
 
norwood said:
It's not detrimental to anything.

There's nothing wrong with being a virgin. And any woman who rejects a potential man for being a virgin has issues of her own.
Click to expand...

Please don't try to speak on behalf of all women with something that's absolutely false.
 
ruralsurg4now said:
Let me first second this but then also address the last sentence specifically. The only thing "detrimental" to virginity is your own comfort with it. In other words, it's essentially like your internal measure of how susceptible you are to peer pressure. Let's say some virgin gets an escort and they have sex. Then what's the difference between you yesterday and today? Yesterday you were "abnormal" and today you're "normal"? I'm sure most rational people would identify that this makes little sense.

The most frequently cited reason to randomly have sex -- whether someone is a virgin or not -- is so that you will not be awkward with the person you actually love. That's hilarious. First of all, as I've said before, if the person you actually love can't tolerate going through the process of the two of you learning to have sex with each other, then you don't love each other. Second of all, who practices on random people to prepare for your "true" love? Talk about monster rationalization (and pretty poor reasoning), but that's the best that people could come up with. There's also this widely-circulated statement that "actually, a man/woman would be turned off by a woman/man being a virgin because they're so bad at sex." This is usually used to cajole someone who is a virgin to have sex, interestingly enough, since I thought nobody wanted to have sex with them. It's basically people trying to drag other people down to their level. (By the way, this argument is also followed by "oh, and expecting someone to be a virgin at x age is unrealistic," which is also hilarious. You can see that people are just throwing arguments on the wall and seeing which one works.)
Click to expand...
Sexual frustration is the main part of prolonged virginity. It is what fuels many things on the inside (ex. suicide bombers dying to get to heaven for the "72 virgins" )
 
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