Should I break off my relationship with girlfriend when I go off to medical school?

[Braveheart]

I want to be totally committed to doing well in med school without having to worry about long distance relationship. My girlfriend and I been together for almost 2 years and she is so needy. I love her but I seen that there is going to be potential trouble when I get into medical school. What should I do?

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[rpkall]

ahah! If you can boil her emotional wants/needs/expectations down to the phrase "she is so needy," you probably don't care enough about her needs to make a genuine effort to meet them in medical school while trying to do well at the same time. Sounds like if you got a few C's because she needed help/support/encouragement on the phone one night, you might easily be resentful (though I'm just extrapolating here). If that is the case, you should probably break it off so she doesn't waste the next 4 years of her life with someone who isn't--and arguably doesn't want to be--emotionally available to her.

That being said, if you truly love her, staying with her might teach you both a lot about each other and your relationship. If you're willing to work at it, you'll both have to do a lot of changing--not just her. I know, we all think "we're the ones in med school, with all these new crazy stressful responsibilities, and they should adjust to that"--but part of going through med school AND having serious relationships is learning how to compartmentalize your stress and STILL "be there" for your spouse/significant other without growing resentful or feeling like "they need so much from me all the time." If you're willing to go on THAT journey, then go for it. You might learn more and grow more from that than you would from breaking it off and focusing only on med school...

Just my .02. Hope everything works out for you, and all. Good luck!

 

[38ctk]

Sounds like a case of, "he's just not that into her."

 

[Bap2qwrq7]

I want to be totally committed to doing well in med school without having to worry about long distance relationship. My girlfriend and I been together for almost 2 years and she is so needy. I love her but I seen that there is going to be potential trouble when I get into medical school. What should I do?

Long distance relationships are always a hassle. And since your girl is pretty needy you might as well break it off. You're going to be doing bigger and better things and who needs the hassle of maintaing a relationship in which you barely see your significant other.

Besides like the other posters said, if you were really into her, you'd make more of an effort.

 

[lovemydrhubby]

It also sounds like you aren't really interested in continuing the relationship. Long distance relationships are tough...relationships during med school are tough, but both can work. It takes two though.

By saying "she's too needy"... I think: 1. you think she will expect too much from you 2. you won't be able to give her as much attention as you would like 3. she'll be a burden to you/hold you back somehow 4. you are looking for an "out"

If it's 1 or 2, I would suggest you talk to her about it. Let her know your fears about having a long distance relationship. Tell her about the med school schedule (I assume she's not pre-med) and see what she thinks may be concerns or issues with that. See if she's interested in having a long distance relationship.

2 years is a long time to just throw away because you are going to be busy in med school. If your girlfriend is supportive and you enjoy each other's company- it's actually great to have someone to vent to and share stories. You might really like having that person to lean on- or- you might realize you've grown apart and she's not able to support you professionally.

 

[doc05]

When you become a doctor, you should dump whoever you're with and find someone better. That's the dream of becoming a doctor.

 

[cytoborg]

I want to be totally committed to doing well in med school without having to worry about long distance relationship. My girlfriend and I been together for almost 2 years and she is so needy. I love her but I seen that there is going to be potential trouble when I get into medical school. What should I do?

I vote for break up, or somehow relocate her closer to you. In order to make the distance work, you need lots of free time for all those nightly phone conversations and weekend visits. Med school is pretty time intensive, not to mention it can be difficult for an outsider to understand what you're going through, esp. if they are hundreds or thousands of miles away. So those are the only two options I personally would consider, but that's just me. I myself broke off my long distance relationship (had been together 3 years) shortly after starting med school - it was just too hard. We were really in love but it was hurting both of us. I soon got into a relationship with someone in my class, which was great because we could really be there for each other and support each other. I never really got over the first person though, and as soon as geography was back in our favor, we got back together. 😍 The time apart (free to see other people) was good for both of us, and it all worked out. On the other hand, several classmates broke up with their SOs shortly after starting, hooked up with other classmates, and ended up staying together and getting married. So when you look at it that way, it's really win-win. Good luck whatever you decide.

 

[Braveheart]

Thank you guys soo much for the information. The information was very informative and i know you all had similar situations with your SO.

 

[aliendroid]

When you become a doctor, you should dump whoever you're with and find someone better. That's the dream of becoming a doctor.

People like you give doctors a bad name.

 

[surviving]

Braveheart: If you don’t mind me asking, what will your girlfriend be doing while you attend medical school? It appears as if we might have very similar circumstances and I just want to offer you a little advice.
First of all, I am a third year PharmD student and my boyfriend/soon to be fiancé is in his third year of medical school. Now I hope that I am not too late and I hope that you have not called it quits with your long time girlfriend. I am not familiar with your background, but my boyfriend and I were also together for about 2 years during undergrad before moving on to medical school and pharmacy school. We had (and still do) a great relationship. We were best friends, study partners, and a support system, because as you know the stresses of getting accepted into a professional school are really high. But of course, as with every relationship, we did have our downfalls, which I will not bore you with. Our plans were to attend medical school and pharmacy school in the same city, but life had a different plan than us. We knew that the stresses of school, along with the stresses maintaining a long distance relationship would be more than we could ever imagine. When it got down to the wire we were scared of what was to come and we questioned if we could handle it. To make a long story short, we are more in love than ever now, even with the 6 hour drive in between us. We heard the horror stories of it all and have been through alot of them. But honestly, my boyfriend tells many incoming freshman that are nervous about what effect their relationship will have on medical school and if it is worth it that he could not have done it without me. And I feel the same as him. You have no idea how important and essential that relationship is to you. Our relationship has never been stronger and we both have grown so much. It has been done by so many others before you, and you will be able to do it to. I have become good friends with alot of people in my boyfriends class and I cannot even explain how miserable some of them are because all they have is medicine. And you might think that they must be doing exceptionally well in school, granted, some of them are, but my boyfriend is at the top of his class and will practically have his pick at surgical residencies. So don’t throw away someone who you have been with for such a long time and who has been there for you just like that. Talk to her. There is nothing worse than wondering what could have been. Good Luck and I hope I have of helpful.

 

[Student Girl]

You should not quit a relationship just for nothing.

Check here for guidance about Love and Relationship:

Find section "Love n Romance"

http://www.apni-mehfil.com

 

[TucsonDDS]

Go off to school and string your current girlfriend along. Date around a bit and see if there is anybody you would rather be with that is a little less "needy". If you find someone great, if not at least you can still get some when you get home. jk


Not kidding:
"Needy" girls are too much of a pain in the ass and suck up too much of your energy. If you really feel that way about her I would consider breaking up with her. I was married to a needy girl for a while and it took a lot of energy to keep her happy. Then I came home one day and everything was moved out of the house. I was bummed for the rest of the night but the next day the relief set in and I got on with my life. I am now married to a wonderful woman and I have 2 perfect kids. I am sooooooooooooooooooooo much happier now and from what it sounds like you probably would be also.

 

[stoic]

I want to be totally committed to doing well in med school without having to worry about long distance relationship. My girlfriend and I been together for almost 2 years and she is so needy. I love her but I seen that there is going to be potential trouble when I get into medical school. What should I do?

the advice you've gotten so far has been for the most part overly simplistic.

the first thing you need to figure out WITH your gf, is this "needy" stuff. just b/c you say she is needy, doesn't make her. it could be that you're an insensitive ass. it's hard to say over a message board. BUT it could also be that she is "needy." the important thing to realize here is that needy people are hurting people. there is a reason she feels she needs your constant attention and affect, and i've money on that going back to low self esteem/insecurities. so when she is being needy, she really is hurting if you won't give her the attention/affection she wants. now, this doesn't make her behavior ok (if this is infact what is happening). but if you really love her, then you owe her at least a conversation about this topic before breaking it off. afterall, if the issues that are causing her to be "needy" could be addressed (assuming they are related to her insecurities and that you're not just a douche), then not only would your relationship be much, much better of, but she would also be a happier, healthier person. and honestly it's hard to give a better gift than that to the person you love.

so i'd say it's time for some serious talks and some deep introspection on both of your parts.

good luck.

 

[JAMMAN]

Does she love you as much or more than you love her?

 

[Cuteasaurus]

My two cents... I don't want to get into a discussion about the feasibility of LDRs, but I thought I would point out that my class had many people with SOs a signficant distance away. Sure, some of them broke up, but most of them (myself included) stayed together. First figure out if you want to be with her at all (without taking into account where you guys will be during the next year). If you do, then continue to date her. Don't try and over-complicate this...only you know if you love her.