The following post is long, and is broken into sections by horizontal lines.
Having looked at this a little more I'll say a couple things
<snip for size>
But the issues I described above of time management, of not recognizing failures in strategy, the characteristics in someone that lead to continuous pity parties, and not making the same mistakes amongst many other things dont just go away, particularly when you start medical school. They just get highlighted and exposed more and more. So I would say even if you can get into a DO school this year, perhaps it might just be best to sit back and spend a couple years working, taking some time off, re-evaluating what youve done, and coming up with a concrete plan. It's the type of thing that will pay dividends enormously for the rest of your life. Good luck.
I appreciate this post, which might come as a surprise for some.
Why do I appreciate it? Well, it has neither my father's "You'll never amount to anything" dingus-ish-ness, nor my mother's "Why don't you go talk to the dean at HMS and explain your situation? I'm sure he'll listen" bubbly-ness. Thanks for keeping it real.
_____
And I apologize if I have made myself out to be an ass. I
DO have a problem with the children of 1%ers who get hand-me-down SUVs which are practically new and sweet-sixteen implants and nose jobs. For them, a major life-changing event is getting a B+ in Biostatistics. I've been on the other side of the economic spectrum where "life changing" includes that day my father took me aside and said "I lost some money at the casino last weekend. I need you to take on extra shifts so your mom doesn't find out." When asked how much, he says, "my entire paycheck." And, a couple days later, going to open a new bank account he doesn't know about so he can no longer use
my income to pay off
his maxed out credit cards. (And before you ask...Yes, this actually happened.)
When I was in the hospital a few years ago, I had the option of applying for disability. Yes, I could have become one of those lazy leeches on society who sits around watching soaps and marking off the days until my next government check. I turned it down because I have a dream of doing something else. I dream of someday achieving something GOOD with my life. But I feel like my life is a multi-decade trainwreck that I cannot escape. The latest piece of this disaster (and what led to this thread) was Auntie B looking at me covered in rat crap and shredded insulation and other basement effluvia and saying, essentially, "by the way, I can't pay you what I promised...Actually I can't pay you anything at all for the past 10 months of work...but here's a cold can of pepsi for your time."
I spent a couple thousand on apps this year. (Primaries + Secondaries + Flights + blah blah blah.) That amount of money could keep me in rent, food, and utilities for half a year. I was graced with interviews--in one of these, the interviewer straight up berated me for working at a horse rescue years ago (the horror!) and questioned my research with a DVM (as if I would have turned down that research opportunity because "I should only do research with MDs" or something? This was my first pub, do you really expect me to be choosy who I work with?), then concluded the interview 10 minutes in by straight up telling me I would never be a doctor. This was followed by months of silence (so I suppose I'm not technically rejected...yet...right?).
It makes me wonder why I even bothered.
_____
Yes, I am depressed.
I am depressed because I am legit putting everything I have into this game, yet am LOSING to kids who are a decade younger than me and have been coached in what activities to do from their first day of highschool and have gone on 7 medical mission trips (all curtosy of dad's wallet) and who think running mascara is an event worthy of mention in their PS. (Don't worry, I advised her to remove that line.) Meanwhile, I was doomed to start at CC and went to my cheapest possible in-state college largely because I sprained my knee pitching knuckleballs and didn't even know what the SAT was until the week before we had it. My mother wanted me to go to college and get a good job. My father wanted me to get student loans so I could pay off his bills.
I am depressed because I HAD plans to pay for apps the past two years, each of which were canceled by various family members who are great at making promises and trash at following through with them.
_____
I am taking a break from this site. I apologize to everyone who will miss me, but I need to. I can't say if I will be back in a month or a year.
I don't want to turn this entire site into people pleading for help and posting links to their donation sites. However, I also realize that my greatest hope my be held by the same pleading others might be encouraged to do.
Therefore, I will remove the following line within a couple days. Do not send an email to the account below as I read it maybe once a year. If you really want to contact me, sending me a message on this site will notify me via the email I actually use.
If you are driven to donate to my cause, my paypal is: [removed]
_____
That's all I have to say for now.
Thanks for everything.
God bless.
~Spinach_Dip
