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Whoa. Calm down dude.
Should I really hide / lie about my sexuality and husband?
- Thread starter Nahla
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Whoa. Calm down dude.
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DONE. Yes.
Do you think you could have made that argument without the religious part or did that strengthen it, in your mind? Is it similar to someone saying, "Well, since I'm gay, I...."?
Not heckling. I wanted to get into your mind a little. As someone who is both religious and gay, I get to watch what I say in two different directions.
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Do you think you could have made that argument without the religious part or did that strengthen it, in your mind? Is it similar to someone saying, "Well, since I'm gay, I...."?
Not heckling. I wanted to get into your mind a little. As someone who is both religious and gay, I get to watch what I say in two different directions.
Honestly, it was 4 years ago so i don't remember exactly what I said.
If the conversation was about abortion, I would state the fact that I am Christian because I think abortion is a moral, not political thing,
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Why mention being gay? Do straight people mention their heterosexuality?
Don't let your sexuality define you in this situation.
Don't let your sexuality define you in this situation.
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I didn't read all the posts that was going on, but I just wanna make something clear. When I say mentioning my sexuality, I don't mean like "hey I'm gay!"
My approach to this is if asked about hardship I will mention what I went through it with my husband....not exactly like "I'm gay and I have a husband" it would be more of mentioning my husband and our journey. So the interviewer would know the fact that I was gay when they connect the two. So technically I'm not saying hey I'm gay, but being a man and mentioning "husband" they're gonna be like oh, he's gay.
My approach to this is if asked about hardship I will mention what I went through it with my husband....not exactly like "I'm gay and I have a husband" it would be more of mentioning my husband and our journey. So the interviewer would know the fact that I was gay when they connect the two. So technically I'm not saying hey I'm gay, but being a man and mentioning "husband" they're gonna be like oh, he's gay.
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I'll assume the interviewer will be able to put two and two together either way, but your tale may be a bit more palatable to the interviewer if you use the term significant other instead of husband. Many ppl in medicine, gay or straight, seem to use this term.
It's a good 'meeting halfway' tactic. You get to be totally honest and up front with who you are, but can't be at all accused of 'advertising' your sexuality. jmo
You definitely shouldn't hide it and as long as you don't bring it up in an awkward "hey i'm gay let me in!" sort of way, which you clearly wouldn't. I wrote about it in my diversity essays and i had a pretty substantial ECs in LGBT activism. It came up in about 50-75% of my interviews and I definitely think diversity and having a unique perspective from different experiences from being LGBT is largely seen as an asset. Do not listen to heterosexual students on SDN or your premed advisor telling you to hide it. I think it's ridiculous people try to say to hide it because you "shouldn't let your sexuality define you". Heterosexual individuals talk about spouses, gf.bf, and kids all the time if it conversationally comes up in interviews. Furthermore, many LGBT people, myself included, have had their perspectives on things altered due to discrimination they've faced/seen as an LGBT person. There is no reason not to display your maturity and open-mindedness that you're learned through your life experiences if it comes up in a natural and normal way in an interview. Furthermore, it's a good self selecting process to make sure a school you attend is LGBT friendly. Do you and your husband really want to attend a school that is so unfriendly to LGBT individuals that they would reject you for being LGBT? Probably not. If you're out on your application, you avoid any chance of that happening.
Basically, you want to leave a lasting impression on your interview. And that impression should be why you would be a great doctor or why you are a great fit at this school.
I wouldn't recommend standing out in other areas (almost like wearing an orange suit), as it often distracts interviews from the main point.
When mentioning the support system, I would replace "my husband" with "my family", unless you plan on talking a lot about using your homosexuality to benefit the LGBT community medically, and how it'd make you contribute to this school.
I wouldn't recommend standing out in other areas (almost like wearing an orange suit), as it often distracts interviews from the main point.
When mentioning the support system, I would replace "my husband" with "my family", unless you plan on talking a lot about using your homosexuality to benefit the LGBT community medically, and how it'd make you contribute to this school.
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Actually there were groups on here at one point and there was an LGBT group, there were posts by people about interview experiences at various schools and some other very helpful information. Then the groups disappeared.
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You're kidding yourself if you don't think it can affect a decision. It probably won't. But, I promise you there is at least 1 bigot in the interviewing world. They won't reject you for being gay, lol be serious.
You interview, then the interviewers are supposed to give their feedback to the rest of the adcom. Maybe you get a homophob or just that religious person that still isn't ok with homosexuality. (not saying you can't be religious and tolerant..just saying, you know the types). They can absolutely give you a half hearted review and get you waitlisted or rejected or whatever.
It won't keep you out of medical school, but it might keep you out of A school.
It would be hardpressed to even come up. If they ask if you're married, you can say yes and not mention that it's to a man. I mean you may want to put it front and center. And that's totally fine too.
You interview, then the interviewers are supposed to give their feedback to the rest of the adcom. Maybe you get a homophob or just that religious person that still isn't ok with homosexuality. (not saying you can't be religious and tolerant..just saying, you know the types). They can absolutely give you a half hearted review and get you waitlisted or rejected or whatever.
It won't keep you out of medical school, but it might keep you out of A school.
It would be hardpressed to even come up. If they ask if you're married, you can say yes and not mention that it's to a man. I mean you may want to put it front and center. And that's totally fine too.
I personally think this is terrible advice. A big part of the interview is showing who you are as a person - being vague and purposefully nebulous about your support system and your family if you talk about it is wasting an opportunity to be personable. It will definitely come across that you are being vague.
The funniest thing to me is all the advice not to do it comes from people who aren't even LGBT and haven't been through this situation. Sure, it's possible that you could run into a homophobic individual and that could damage you at a school, but being vague and/or misleading i think is much more likely to hurt you at several schools.
It's also weird to me that people seem to think you should never talk about anything not explicitly related to being a doctor in the interview. About 75% of my interviewers spent a significant portion of time talking about my acting experience EC, because its unique and interesting. While i did end up tying a couple things I learned from acting back to medicine, the conversation definitely did not start as "how will acting make you a better doctor?". It started as "So I read about your acting - that's cool I want to hear about it!". Interviewers want to work with interesting, personable people who have varied life experiences which allow them to bring a unique perspective. Part of this is being someone who has interests and a life outside of medicine.Overall, you want to show your interviewers who you are as a person in addition to why you;ll be a good doctor. Being LGBT makes you unique and can give you a different perspective that can be beneficial. This will be a benefit in the vast majority of interviewing situations - I felt it was in all of mine.
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It also might get you IN to a school.
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I can't support this advice at all. Gay doctors are absolutely necessary; they provide important perspective to other physicians, many of whom often forget that they have to treat gay patients.
Fashion sense doesn't affect how you provide care, but sexual orientation might.
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Heterosexuals aren't an oppressed and marginalized group; homosexuals are.
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+1
Gay physicians are also likely to eek out social history facets and other info that affect the pt's treatment and work-up, easily missed by those not privy to the lifestyle, not to mention offering unique empathy. While attending a GWU lecture regarding sexuality and STIs, many gay guest speakers admitted to the fact they only saw openly gay physicians and would otherwise go without treatment for fear of judgment/discrimination/etc, many of which the older guest speakers had already faced again and again. Never underestimate the strength of diversity in medicine.
I see that most people have a difference in opinion for this advice, and it makes perfect logical sense.
OF COURSE being gay shouldn't matter. OF COURSE it shouldn't keep anyone one. OF COURSE being gay makes you unique, and OF COURSE we should have more gay doctors.
But it's also important to realize that we don't live in an ideal world, where interviews, decisions, or even elections are decided on impressions and not pure logic. (There have been studies done on this, and actually they talked about this on Brain Games on National Geographic last night, which is an AWESOME show, but I digress). Many interviews are a generation older, so mentioning your sexual orientation may not leave an optimal impression for them. (Again, we don't live in an ideal world).
Postalkwk mentioned acting as an EC, and how that seems unrelated to being a doctor. This is true, but almost every person would agree that medical school is challenging, and it's crucial to have ECs in order to have a balanced lifestyle. This is why you fill medical schools care so much about your ECs. It's not like they just want to hear interesting stories from applicants all day. From this angle, can you see how being gay or straight is a little different from ECs in interviews?
A common question asked on interviews is "How can you contribute to the diversity of our school?" And OF COURSE being gay makes you unique, but just saying "Well, I'm gay and married" is not a good answer, just like how "I'm Asian" or "I'm black" are awful answers.
If you want to make it relevant, talk about your struggles, and how that made you more compassionate and understanding. Or talk about your volunteering experiences with the LBGT community. Don't just briefly mention that you're in a gay marriage, just because.
Final note: Some schools/areas are more liberal than others. Keep this in mind when you go into your interviews.
OF COURSE being gay shouldn't matter. OF COURSE it shouldn't keep anyone one. OF COURSE being gay makes you unique, and OF COURSE we should have more gay doctors.
But it's also important to realize that we don't live in an ideal world, where interviews, decisions, or even elections are decided on impressions and not pure logic. (There have been studies done on this, and actually they talked about this on Brain Games on National Geographic last night, which is an AWESOME show, but I digress). Many interviews are a generation older, so mentioning your sexual orientation may not leave an optimal impression for them. (Again, we don't live in an ideal world).
Postalkwk mentioned acting as an EC, and how that seems unrelated to being a doctor. This is true, but almost every person would agree that medical school is challenging, and it's crucial to have ECs in order to have a balanced lifestyle. This is why you fill medical schools care so much about your ECs. It's not like they just want to hear interesting stories from applicants all day. From this angle, can you see how being gay or straight is a little different from ECs in interviews?
A common question asked on interviews is "How can you contribute to the diversity of our school?" And OF COURSE being gay makes you unique, but just saying "Well, I'm gay and married" is not a good answer, just like how "I'm Asian" or "I'm black" are awful answers.
If you want to make it relevant, talk about your struggles, and how that made you more compassionate and understanding. Or talk about your volunteering experiences with the LBGT community. Don't just briefly mention that you're in a gay marriage, just because.
Final note: Some schools/areas are more liberal than others. Keep this in mind when you go into your interviews.
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If a school would reject you based on your sexual orientation, it's probably not a school you would want to go to anyway. If that's part of accepted culture there, I can't imagine you'd be happy there for years on end.
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Heterosexuals don't mention their sexuality because it is assumed you are hetero. It is the norm. Don't say such dumb things -_-
OP, this isn't to say the two are the same, but I did the same with my Christianity. It is an important part of my life, so I wouldn't per se hide it, but I didn't mention if not necessary because I didn't want it to be a reason for people not to like me. I put in my primary app that I was part of a Christian club for 4 years, and when one of my interviews asked me where I went to high school I told her it was a private Christian school and that's it. No need to discuss my views/life. 🙂
On the other hand, I can't quite hide my blackness from racist folks so take what you can get hah X)
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Do a neat little experiment, mention it if asked in some medical schools and don't mention it at others. I don't think it will play a role, although i don't know if older docs might be offended but gay doctors are not something shocking, its already been on TV.
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I am all for standing up for oneself and being proud. While medicine is fairly progressive, you will encounter many old school personalities.
In the end, I think the best advice is to play it by ear, interview by interview. Maybe you'll end up being interviewed by an LGBT student and can totally open up. Maybe you'll be interviewed by an 80 y/o stuffy cardiologist and you'll have to 'play it safer'. That's part of interviewing. Having a set 'canned' response is not how the game is played...just like you don't have a canned response to every patient situation.
However, remember that medicine is still medicine. From undergrad to attending is a long road. Along the way, people tell you to jump, and you ask 'how high?'. It's just the way the game is played. Don't risk your career goals just to prove a point about yourself. I'm not saying that's what you plan to do or that's what you are about. Just always keep it in the back of your mind.
In a perfect world you could be loud and proud. Medicine is far from a perfect world. Just remember to be situational...sometimes it'll be right, sometimes it won't.
In the end, I think the best advice is to play it by ear, interview by interview. Maybe you'll end up being interviewed by an LGBT student and can totally open up. Maybe you'll be interviewed by an 80 y/o stuffy cardiologist and you'll have to 'play it safer'. That's part of interviewing. Having a set 'canned' response is not how the game is played...just like you don't have a canned response to every patient situation.
However, remember that medicine is still medicine. From undergrad to attending is a long road. Along the way, people tell you to jump, and you ask 'how high?'. It's just the way the game is played. Don't risk your career goals just to prove a point about yourself. I'm not saying that's what you plan to do or that's what you are about. Just always keep it in the back of your mind.
In a perfect world you could be loud and proud. Medicine is far from a perfect world. Just remember to be situational...sometimes it'll be right, sometimes it won't.
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True, but naive. Some conservative ADCOM could realistically reject you on this basis. They will never even hint as that being the reason though. However, I would think that those ADCOM will be in the minority.
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After reading a few posts about potential "bigot" adcoms that will reject you based solely on your sexual orientation, I want to chime in with something else.
I interviewed at and got accepted to a school in the South that is below the Mason-Dixon line, and in the Bible Belt, no less. The state is consistently red, and is considered one of the most conservative states.
Of course, this is n=1.
I interviewed at and got accepted to a school in the South that is below the Mason-Dixon line, and in the Bible Belt, no less. The state is consistently red, and is considered one of the most conservative states.
Of course, this is n=1.
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Solution: don't apply to schools that have conservative ADCOMs.
Seriously, I targeted my apps to schools that openly prioritized diversity. There are several.
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If it's integral to who you are and your journey to a medical career than I don't see any point in hiding it. It may be the better part of prudence to avoid bringing it up, but if it's tightly interwoven into the story of who you are you may be robbing yourself of an important part of what would make you a compelling candidate. Trying to dodge around it during an interview will more likely send off alarm bells (interviewers can often have finely tuned BS detectors) that you're being disingenuous or insincere in some fashion even if they don't suspect your orientation.
I say be yourself proudly. Practice responses to judgmental sentiments that come across as thoughtful, compassionate, humble but with conviction. Throw in some humor too. If you come across overt discrimination, you'd have more than enough grounds to request a different interviewer and a new interview. (My friend did that when they experienced some age discrimination, got a new interview and was accepted.)
The short of it. Ignore the pre-med advisor in this matter. You probably don't want to end up at a school that would tolerate maltreatment based on sexual orientation. And the reality is while their may be a homophobic interviewer or two, admissions faculty and staff are generally very inclusive.
Best of luck to you!
I say be yourself proudly. Practice responses to judgmental sentiments that come across as thoughtful, compassionate, humble but with conviction. Throw in some humor too. If you come across overt discrimination, you'd have more than enough grounds to request a different interviewer and a new interview. (My friend did that when they experienced some age discrimination, got a new interview and was accepted.)
The short of it. Ignore the pre-med advisor in this matter. You probably don't want to end up at a school that would tolerate maltreatment based on sexual orientation. And the reality is while their may be a homophobic interviewer or two, admissions faculty and staff are generally very inclusive.
Best of luck to you!
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Usually I'm not the type of person who loves to talk about their personal life because it's an area of my life that really hurts, but it's also an area that shaped who I am. I wanna mention my husband, especially in regard to support system when asked, because besides my friends, he's the only other security blanket that I have. I was homeless at one point of my life and I met him in the same organization for homeless youth. We've been together for 10 years. We've started from rock bottom and worked our way to where we are right now. We started the program Bright Youth where we raised money / funds to support LGBT youth who are attending college.
This is who I am. My sexuality doesn't defined me. And if certain schools doesn't wanna accept me because of the fact that I'm gay, than maybe this is life's way of letting me know that I'll be better off somewhere else. Both Medicine and Philanthropy is very important to me, it's especially important when it comes to the LGBT community.
This is who I am. My sexuality doesn't defined me. And if certain schools doesn't wanna accept me because of the fact that I'm gay, than maybe this is life's way of letting me know that I'll be better off somewhere else. Both Medicine and Philanthropy is very important to me, it's especially important when it comes to the LGBT community.
Neither have most adcoms.
I don't think that mentioning your "significant other" or "family" in lieu of the word "husband" is misleading or vague. In fact many professionals prefer these words.
D
deleted307836
I interpret it as very vague if you want to offer any degree of elaboration on these individuals. Continually saying "my partner" instead of using a pronoun is very obvious. If you just want to mention them one time and quickly move on though, I can see gender-neutral being perfectly fine. It doesn't sound like that's really the case here.
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Okay, I just read the first couple of comments saying how it is illegal for them to deny you and stuff like that.
I'm sorry to say this, but outside of college, people aren't really as liberal as you'd think(you probably know that anyways). Some adcoms are probably old and still hold strong to their religious views. I don't think your pre health adviser trying to hurt your application. I think she might have been trying to warn you that people are still conservative and disapprove of homosexuality.
Is it illegal that they can deny you for being gay? Yes!
Is there anyway to prove that that's the reason you were denied? No 🙁
I'm sorry to say this, but outside of college, people aren't really as liberal as you'd think(you probably know that anyways). Some adcoms are probably old and still hold strong to their religious views. I don't think your pre health adviser trying to hurt your application. I think she might have been trying to warn you that people are still conservative and disapprove of homosexuality.
Is it illegal that they can deny you for being gay? Yes!
Is there anyway to prove that that's the reason you were denied? No 🙁
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there are lots of schools out there that are actually actively looking for LGBT students
Actually it is the case here...OP received criticism from his advisor for briefly mentioning his "husband" in response to an individual question.
If you want to offer any degree of elaboration, then yes it is vague. But why would you want to offer any degree of elaboration? Being a doctor has nothing to do with your sexuality or the gender of your SO. I think going on for any longer than 10 seconds about your romantic relationships, sexuality and your marital life regardless of your sexual preference would be inappropriate in a medical school interview.
Of course, if you're trying to play the diversity card, then bringing up homosexuality and elaborating in more detail to your struggles, the adversity you've overcome, what you would provide to medicine as a homosexual, etc. would likely help in this respect. But even here, mentioning that you have a husband would either hurt you (biased adcom) or not matter (being a doctor doesn't have anything to do with whether or not you are married and who you are married to)
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deleted307836
Based on these posts by the OP, it seems he has much more to talk about about it than a brief mention, even though that's what happened with his advisor:
Well, medical school interviews go off on many topics that don't directly have much to do with being a doctor - and very commonly for more than 10 seconds. I don't really see how that's relevant to this. It's not so much discussing romance as it is support.
But again, going through medical school does have to do with the support system you have, and many medical schools will try to assess the quality of this in an interview. As you said, mentioning it could hurt, but it could very well help.
There are questions that medical school interviewers aren't supposed to ask you...and I believe "what is your sexual orientation" and "are you married" are some of these questions. Why offer the information freely? There's a reason why these questions are on this list.
And I don't see how a husband is a more valid support system than a significant other or a family. Mentioning any of those terms while speaking of your support system is legitimate, but only two bring up your relationship/marital status, and only one brings up your sexual orientation.
Can you name any?
Do you really mean L, G, B, and T? There are schools LOOKING FOR transgender students too????
Sounds wonderful, but I'm surprised.
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Jefferson, Yale, Meharry, Rosalind Franklin.
That being said, transphobia is even more prevalent than homophobia, but having interviewed at 3 of these schools (and seen articles in media about Yale), it's clear to me that at least these schools are enthusiastic about making a diverse class, including sexual orientation and gender identity in the definition of diversity.
